I wrote this story rather quickly, hoping to get it out before tonight's episode where (hopefully) Felicity will be rejoining Team Arrow. It was originally intended to be a short story, but apparently I don't really do short. I edited as best I could in the time frame, but I'll apologize ahead of time for any grammatical mistakes.
This story is mostly about Felicity and Diggle. One of the few silver linings to having Oliver basically out of the picture for an episode or two is getting to see some of the secondary characters interacting with each other more directly. Felicity and Diggle are in a lot of scenes together, but they are usually talking to Oliver rather than each other. I really loved the scene in "Left Behind" where Digg attempted to comfort Felicity after they received the blood test results. He placed his hand on her shoulder, as Oliver so often does, and did his best to comfort a grieving friend. I wanted to get a little more of that, and get Felicity back on the team, and this fic is the result.
As always, the characters aren't mine and no infringement is intended. Feedback is greatly appreciated, and a special thank you goes to those who take the extra time to review. No matter what, thanks for reading my work. I hope you enjoy!
It had started with a simple request. For days after walking out of the Foundry, Felicity had been ignoring all the calls and texts she got from Roy and John. Even Laurel had tried to contact her, but Felicity wasn't interested in talking. Oliver was gone, and no amount of talking about it was going to bring him back. Just as quickly as they had begun, her nocturnal adventures were over. She couldn't be that person anymore. She couldn't sit in the basement of some club and listen to the people she loved fight for their lives. It was only a matter of time before their luck ran out, and she was tired of saying goodbye. She didn't have it in her any longer.
But then came the request. Roy had walked into her office at Palmer Technologies one afternoon with a broken commlink in his hand. His presence at work, her work as opposed to their work, was jarring. Roy explained that he and John had been running a patrol the night before, trying to track down Brick or any of the other criminals who had recently been released from Iron Heights. When Felicity tried to interrupt, not wanting to hear about the danger they were exposing themselves to, Roy cut her off.
"Listen, Blondie. I'm not trying to get you to come back. You're done. I get that. Your choice, but I'm not giving up," he said firmly.
Felicity's eyes flashed as she opened her mouth to argue. She wasn't giving up, she was facing reality. But it wasn't worth arguing about, so instead she closed her eyes and sighed.
Sensing her hesitation, Roy continued. "All I need you to do is take a look at my comm." He held out the item in question. "Digg and I lost contact during some reconnaissance, and I can't take the chance it'll happen again in the middle of an op. We tried to take a look at it, but electronics aren't really our strong suit. And it's not like I can walk into Tech Village and ask them to figure out what's going on with my vigilante gear."
Still Felicity hesitated. She didn't want to help, but she knew if she didn't she'd be up all night worried her boys were out there, trying to fight criminals with no way to communicate.
"Please," Roy said quietly.
Once again Felicity sighed. "Give it here," she commanded, holding out her hand. Roy placed the offending comm in her hand.
The problem took less than ten minutes to solve, most of which was spent trying to find the right tools to take the link apart without having to explain to anyone in her office why she needed them. In a burst of inspiration she'd asked around for an eyeglass repair kit, claiming to have a loose screw she needed tightened.
"I must have a screw loose if I'm agreeing to help with this," Felicity had mumbled under her breath. Roy had pointedly ignored her words.
When she finally got the link apart, she quickly found the problem on the enclosed chip.
"That's odd," Felicity mumbled.
"What's that?" Roy asked.
"Well the problem is this connection here," Felicity replied, pointing out the part of the chip in question. "But a break here doesn't really make sense. It's almost as though it were intentionally severed." Luckily, Felicity was still examining the chip and missed the guilty look that flashed across Roy's face. "Nobody else has had access to the links, right?"
"Yeah, of course," Roy answered a little too quickly. "Uh, I dropped it when I was suiting up yesterday. Could that have caused the problem?"
"I wouldn't think so," Felicity answered skeptically, "but I guess stranger things have happened."
"So can you fix it?"
"Not with the tools I have here," Felicity responded.
"Well…what about in the Foundry?"
Felicity glared in response. "I'm not going back there," she said decisively. "You'll just have to buy a new chip and replace it yourself."
"Remember that whole, tipping off the people at Tech Village to my vigilante gig we talked about?" Roy said drily. "Still not interested."
Felicity rolled her eyes and handed the comm back to the younger man. "Don't show them the comm, just show them the chip. Tell them you're souping up some wireless speakers and they won't even blink. You can easily snap the new chip into place, and you'll be good to go."
Felicity turned back to her computer, effectively dismissing Roy and his problem. "So that's it?" he asked.
She knew he wasn't just asking about the comm, but she'd already made her intentions clear. "Yeah," she replied, never taking her eyes from her screen. "That's it."
Roy shook his head and turned toward the door. "See you around, Blondie."
She managed to wait until Roy had exited and she had turned away from her office windows before the tears started to flow. Focus, she thought to herself. Control what you can, forget what you can't. She took a deep breath and dried her eyes. Turning back to her computer she threw herself into her work. Anything to help her forget.
The next request had come from John. Once again, he and Roy had gotten close to catching Brick only to find another abandoned warehouse and a barrel of burning evidence. Luckily, this time they hadn't found any bodies, but they had managed to salvage a couple of burner phones that weren't too damaged. Dig was hoping Felicity would be able to decrypt them and get some useful information they could utilize in tracking the gang down. Since Felicity was still avoiding their calls and texts, John had tracked her down at her apartment late one night.
Felicity had been staring at her tablet, not really taking anything in. She'd found it hard to focus since…well, since. The knock on the door had startled her enough that she'd dropped the tablet. For a split-second her heart had beat wildly with hope at the thought of who would be pounding on her door so late at night. But then reality came crashing in, and it was all she could do to pull herself off the couch and look through the peep-hole.
She saw John standing there, in the same jeans, t-shirt, and leather jacket she'd seen in him so many times before. She could tell by his relaxed posture that whatever had him there wasn't an emergency, and she was tempted to pretend she wasn't home. She closed her eyes and leaned against the door, torn about how she wanted to proceed.
John solved the problem for her. "I know you're in there Felicity," he stated just loud enough for her to hear his words through the door. "I'm going to keep standing here until you let me in, so you might as well save us both some trouble and ask me in."
Felicity sighed and slowly unlocked and pulled open her door. She leaned against the door as she glared at him. "I could just call the cops you know," she replied petulantly.
"You could," he replied without missing a beat, "but we both know you won't."
He knew her too well. "Fine," she replied ungraciously. She turned her back on him and shuffled back to the couch. John paused for a moment before following her in and shutting the door. He glanced around her apartment, quickly taking in the unwashed dishes in the sink, the dirty clothes strewn about, and the general untidiness. It was clear Felicity wasn't taking care of her place, or herself.
He settled on the couch beside her. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.
"No," Felicity responded firmly. "I don't." She sat silently for a moment before continuing, "I'm just not ready."
"Whenever you are," he responded, placing his hand over hers, "I'll be ready to listen."
"I know you will."
That sat quietly for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. John finally broke the silence. "I actually had another reason for coming to see you tonight."
Felicity looked at him sharply. "What's going on? Is everything ok with Lyla and Sara?" she asked anxiously.
"Yeah, they're fine," he reassured her quickly. A small smile formed on his face at the thought of his soon-to-be wife and daughter. Felicity chastised herself for the pang of jealousy that smile engendered.
"So what's up?" she asked, deciding she needed to move this conversation along and get John out the door before she said something she'd regret.
Digg reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out two phones. "We found these in a warehouse we believe Brick was using as a base of operations. He tried to burn the evidence again, but we got these two out before too much damage could be done."
Felicity gingerly lifted one of the phones from Digg's hand. It was obviously damaged, but probably not beyond repair. "Ok," she began slowly, "what does this have to do with me?"
Digg looked in her eyes for a moment, trying to gauge her reaction. "I need your help, Felicity. I need the information off these phones."
"No, no, no," Felicity began, dropping the phone back in John's lap and standing up from the couch in an attempt to distance herself from her friend. "I told you, John. I'm out. I'm not helping you and Roy put your lives on the line. I can't do it anymore. There are people on the police force trained to deal with this. You should pass these on to Captain Lance and let it go."
"I can't do that, Felicity," he responded in frustration. "The police force already has their hands full with all the criminals recently released due to the hijacked evidence. Brick is playing them like a violin, keeping them busy with petty crimes while he plans God knows what. We need this information so we can track him down now! People's lives are in danger Felicity, and I need your help to keep them safe."
Felicity squeezed her eyes shut and began shaking her head in an attempt to block out the words. Despite her best efforts, a tear leaked out and trailed down her cheek. "You can't keep them safe, John," she whispered. "You of all people should know that."
"Felicity," he replied on a sigh. It hurt him to see her in so much pain, but he knew she wasn't ready to deal with the loss yet. He wasn't asking her to move on, or even return to the team. He just needed her to push it aside for an hour or two and help him get the job done. He had to get her to understand that, he just wasn't sure how.
"Look," Felicity interrupted his thoughts, "if I do this for you, that's it. Do you understand?" She strode over to John and grabbed both phones from his hands. She took them to her kitchen table after grabbing her tablet. She left the room for a moment, returning with a cord and a flash drive. She sat at the table and began taking apart the phones.
"I mean it, John," she continued, as her hands unerringly completed the task. "I told you I'm not a part of the team anymore, and you guys need to respect that. You'll need to find someone else to work technical support for you. No more burner phones, no more broken comms, nothing. Do you understand?" She paused in her work to meet his eyes.
"Understood," he replied reluctantly. She held his gaze a moment longer, making sure he understood how serious she was. When he made no further comment she turned back to the electronics spread before her. It was the work of only a few moments to remove the SIM cards and transfer the information to her tablet. It was encrypted, which was unusual for a burner phone, but the encryption was fairly simple and breaking it was the work of a few minutes. With that complete, she transferred the data to the flash drive. Standing up, she passed the flash drive to Digg.
"I'm pretty sure you could have done this on your own, John."
He took the flash drive and gave her a sad smile. "It's just not the same without you, Felicity."
"Nothing's the same," she stated flatly. "It never will be."
He gave her a small hug in thanks and quickly took his leave. Felicity glanced around her now empty apartment, once again wishing that somehow, things could be different.
Felicity had taken Roy's visit as a one-time thing, but after the subsequent request from John, she became convinced that the men were manufacturing problems in an attempt to draw her back to the team. Part of her felt pleased knowing that she was needed, that she could still have a purpose when so much of her life now seemed meaningless. But she still couldn't reconcile herself to the idea of helping the people she loved put their lives on the line.
She was determined to avoid any further attempts to draw her in, but that lasted only a few days until she got the text. For the most part, she ignored any texts she got from her old teammates, often deleting them without even reading them. But she'd been spending another lonely night on her couch when she'd gotten Digg's text, and she'd suddenly realized how much she missed seeing him on a daily basis. How much she missed his teasing and his dry humor. She opened the text in a moment of weakness, craving even that small connection to her friend.
Her eyes widened in horror as she read the words and her mouth dropped open in disbelief. She quickly threw on her coat and grabbed her keys, heading to the place she'd sworn to herself she'd never go again, the Foundry.
When she got there, she was assaulted by the loud music and flashing lights of Verdant. She pushed her way across the dancefloor and hastily entered the code into the security panel beside the hidden door. She practically ran down the steps, pulling up sharply when she saw Roy and Diggle standing around her old desk. At the sound of her footsteps both men whipped around, the surprised looks on their face quickly transforming to guilt.
"Felicity," Digg began, only to be cut off by the irate blonde.
"What did you do to the computers?" she asked in a steely voice.
There was a flash of fear in Roy's eyes. "You," Felicity said, focusing all her attention on the younger man. "What did you do?"
"It was only a little water," Roy stated plaintively. "I told Digg we didn't need to contact you. I'm sure we can figure it out…" he trailed off when faced with Felicity's glare.
"I think you've done enough," she said, pushing her way between the two men so she could examine the computer equipment herself. "Didn't I tell you never to get near my station with liquids?"
"Yes," Roy mumbled, his gaze fixed firmly on the floor.
"Then what the hell were you doing?" Felicity exploded. "I've told you a million times! Why don't you listen?" She practically flew at Roy, banging her fist ineffectually against his chest. Unsure of how to respond, he held up his arms to shield his face but made no attempt to stop her. She was crying now, but continued to beat her fists against the young man. "Why won't you listen?" she continued in a sob, as the energy seemed to drain from her body. "Why won't anybody listen?"
John gently turned her toward his chest and wrapped his arms around his now weeping friend. He met Roy's gaze over her head and silently motioned for the younger man to give them some space. A look of relief flashed across Roy's face before he quietly made his way up the stairs and out of the lair.
For several moments, John did no more than stroke Felicity's hair and back, murmuring quiet words of comfort. When she had regained control, he gently sat her down in her chair. He left her for a moment to grab some tissues. Handing them to her, he crouched before her. He took her hands and looked into her eyes. "Your computers are fine, Felicity. It was just a little water on the keyboard," he told her quietly.
Felicity listlessly nodded her head in understanding.
"But we both know that isn't what this is about." He paused a moment before continuing. "This is about Oliver."
Felicity couldn't help herself, she actually winced at the sound of his name. The thought of him caused her physical pain, and she didn't think she could deal with it.
"I know it's hard Felicity. I didn't love him the way you did, but I did love him. He was like a brother to me, and anytime I think about the way I sent him off to face that demon, alone, it chips away a little of my soul." He met her gaze, refusing to look away despite the tears pooling in her eyes. Despite the tears pooling in his own. "There is an ache in my chest that will never go away, and right now it seems crushing. It seems like there's no way to survive the sadness, or the guilt. But I will. I'll survive it because that's what Oliver would want me to do. It's what he'd want you to do. He had a mission here, Felicity. Something we've all risked our lives for. That doesn't end just because he's gone. And the best way to honor who he was and what he meant to us is to continue his work. And even though it doesn't seem like it now, it will get better with time."
"How do you know?" Felicity burst out. "How can you say it will get better? It's killing me, John, and it still hurts as much as it did when Malcolm Merlyn laid that sword down in front of us. So don't tell me it will get better. You don't know anything about it."
He took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. "I know it gets better, Felicity. I know because this isn't the first time I've lost a brother."
Felicity looked stricken as she realized what she'd said. "Oh John, I'm so sorry. That was thoughtless, and unforgivable. I know you lost your brother, and now Oliver. I'm so sorry." The tears welled in Felicity's eyes once again, and Digg pulled her in for another hug.
"You don't have to apologize, Felicity," he whispered into her hair. "Hasn't anyone ever told you love means never having to say you're sorry?"
She let out a small laugh that sounded more like a sob, and pulled back to once again dry her eyes. She looked down on her hands, busily twisting and shredding the tissues she held. "I never told him, John," she murmured. He remained quiet, not wanting to interrupt the flow of words now that she was finally opening up. "Before he left to deal with Ra's, he told me he loved me. He looked me right in the eyes and said it. No equivocations, no denials. He stood right over there," she continued, lifting an arm to point across the room, "and he told me he loved me. And I said nothing." A small sob escaped her lips before she could contain it, but she couldn't seem to stop the words now that they'd started. "He died alone, without even the words I could have so easily given him. Without knowing how I really felt about him. Without knowing how much I love him."
"He knew," John stated firmly when she fell silent. "Trust me, Felicity. He knew how you felt. He didn't need the words. You demonstrated your love for him in so many different ways. He felt it, he was surrounded by it, and there's no reason for you to feel any guilt over not saying the words. He knew."
Felicity gave John a grateful look, and allowed him to draw her into another hug. They stayed that way for some time until Felicity finally pulled away.
"You know, when we first started this whole thing, I told Oliver he shouldn't go to you for help. I told him you'd only end up getting hurt, that it wasn't fair for us to put you in danger," Digg said.
"I never knew that," Felicity replied with a sad smile. "Obviously Oliver won that argument. How did he finally convince you?"
"He told me we'd protect you and make sure you were safe," John answered. "He told me we needed you and your technical expertise. He told me that we couldn't do what we needed to do without you." He met her gaze. "He was right."
Felicity finally allowed herself a moment to remember Oliver. Not just the pain of losing him, but the joy of meeting him. The rush of excitement she'd felt when they'd worked together to take down another bad guy. They way she'd supported him, never letting him give up on himself no matter the odds. She remembered their bittersweet date, and their one and only kiss. She remembered the drive he'd had to make a difference in his city. And suddenly she knew she couldn't walk away from it all. She wouldn't let the sacrifices he'd made, the sacrifices they'd all made, be in vain.
Wiping her eyes once more, she swiveled in her chair to look at her computers. Diggle was right, it was just a little water on the keyboard. It would be easy to clean up.
"John?"
"Yeah, Felicity?"
"Why did you text me about the computers?" she turned back to him so she could get a good look at his face. "This is clearly something you could have dealt with on your own. There isn't even that much water. In fact," she continued, "if I didn't know better I would think you'd intentionally spilled this water in an attempt to get me back in the Foundry."
John's face was carefully blank, and Felicity could tell he was choosing his words carefully. "I can honestly say I did not intentionally spill water on your computers."
"Un-huh. And what about Roy?" she asked suspiciously.
A small smirk appeared on Digg's face. "Well now you'd have to talk to him about that. Though I think you're going to have a hard time tracking him down. You put the fear of God into that boy."
Felicity shook her head and turned back to the desk. She began mopping up the mess as best she could with her handful of tissues. "Thank you, John," she said softly. "For everything."
He put his hand on her shoulder and leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. "Anytime. That's what you do when you love someone."
"I love you too," she said turning back toward him. "I'm not going to let anyone else walk out of here and into danger without making sure I've said the words."
He nodded in understanding. He watched her ineffectual cleaning efforts for a moment before disappearing. He was back after a minute with a roll of paper towels and a waste basket.
She took them gratefully. "You'd better find Roy," she told him. "We have work to do."
Digg smiled. "You got it." He made his way up the stairs in search of their missing team member.
Left alone in the Foundry, Felicity silently took in her surroundings. She knew things would never be the same, but for some reason it still felt like she was coming home.