Woes of a MASH Addict…
"You know what you need, Enjolras?" I said to the fair haired revolutionary who was sitting in my attack, watching MASH re-runs on the 12 inch television screen.
"Sh! This is the best part of the episode…"
"You need to-"
"Be quiet!"
"Oh, get off your butt and get a job, Enjolras!"
Suddenly, I heard the mute button screech. It had never been used, so it was very rusty, causing said screech. The handsome barricade boy lifted his head and began to stare at me, as if I had stated something incredible.
"A what?" he asked, trying to give the words sense.
"A job. You went to school; you know your stuff, now all you need is a place to go every day. Then you can make some money and move out of my attack!"
"But…but everyone else doesn't have to get a job! Why doesn't Javert have to go and get a job?"
The tall Inspector had just walked out of the small washroom, which was concealed using a portrait, making him the subject of Enjolras' sudden antagonism. That portrait covered an elaborate living area, which was home to several Amis, gamins, nineteenth century humans, criminals and Grantaire, who doesn't really fit into any of those categories.
"We all know what happens when Javert gets too involved in his work, Enjolras," I replied, placing one hand on my now angles hips to show my own tough skin.
"Oh, right-o! Bring that excuse into it! Every time I ask you something, you just come up with a Javert excuse! 'Can I make a volcano in the basement?' 'No, because Javert might blow us all up!' 'Can I buy a blue vest?' 'No, because Javert might want to model it for all of us!' 'Can I have a glass of milk?' 'No, because Javert is lactose intolerant!' Geez, why do you hate me!"
"That's it!" I said, after being mocked by the barricade boy. "If you don't get a job, I'll take away each and EVERY ONE of your war tapes!"
By this point, Javert was looking completelybaffled at all of the references of him made in our conversation. He decided that it would be his turn to speak.
"I don't understand why you don't wish to get a job, boy," he said to Enjolras in his rough voice. "I thought you would have wanted to become a contributing member of society. Mr. Big Strong Rescuer of Worlds Man! If I were a fan fiction writer, I would say this was a very "OOC" thing for you to do."
"Javert!" I looked to the Officer, surprised. "How do you know about fan fiction?"
"How else would I be able to live in your year 2005 attic?"
"Oh, right."
"Look," Enjolras had stood up, trying to emphasize his point. "I just want plan another revolt, is that so bad? I need these war tapes to help lead me in the right direction!"
"Enjolras," I said to him, in a voice that said 'this was the final straw', "This is the FINAL straw! If you don't find a job by tomorrow, I will not only take away your war tapes, but I'll also take away every one of your cast recordings-"
"Not my-!"
"That's right. Even your OLC of CATS!"
"No! I'll find a job, I promise! Just don't take Cats away from me! Please!"
But before he had finished begging, Javert and I had already left to go to the billiards room.