NOTE TO READERS, for those who may not know this, brackets at FanFiction site signify the pairing. [Raydor, Hobbs] lets you know that this is pairing the two characters in a romantic/sexual relationship. If you don't like the idea of femslash that incorporates this particular type of relationship, or if you don't like DDA Hobbs character, you are free to find another story that has the pairing, shipping and characters that you prefer. Thank you.
Andrea's first instinct was to go home, to lock herself away in her condo and try to pretend that this day never happened. She wanted to forget about the fiasco from the murder room. All of the deception and lies, supported by Sharon, were not only a disappointment but also a shock. Of all the people who knew what was at stake, Andrea thought that Sharon understood. Worse, the one thing that attracted Andrea to the auburn beauty was her integrity and ethics. Bending the rules, skimming the fine line, and using outright deception was not who Sharon was. Sharon never believed that the ends justified the means. Utilitarianism was more in line with Brenda Leigh Johnson's philosophy than Sharon's, and that concerned Andrea.
It's not that Andrea didn't like Brenda Leigh. In fact, since working in the same office together, they had become better friends. But Andrea never fooled herself. She knew that Brenda Leigh was good at her job because she didn't play by the rules. Brenda entered the LAPD with a solid reputation of being a Closer. In Atlanta she had the highest conviction rates owing to her obtained confessions and scrupulous chain of evidence. But after watching Brenda Leigh in action, Andrea realized that subterfuge, deception, and bending the rules to fit her own agenda helped Brenda close her cases. In the end, this is exactly why Sharon was assigned from FID to monitor Brenda and her team closely.
Before she realized it, Andrea was pulling her car into the visitor parking area at Sharon's condo. She sat there for a moment trying to collect her thoughts. She wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing; in fact, it took all of her will power not to restart her car and just go home. But this nagging sensation kept her from it. So, without giving herself a chance to back down, she opened her car door and got out. As the sound of her heels clicked against the sidewalk, she lifted her hand and heard the familiar chirp of the car alarm activate as she pressed the button.
With purpose she walked into the front lobby, nodded at the doorman on duty.
"Ms. Hobbs," he smiled and nodded toward her.
"Good evening, John," she spared him a glance as she entered the elevator.
After dating for half year, Sharon and Andrea had become permanent fixtures at each other's condos. It seemed that everyone in their buildings knew they were dating, and that was fine with Andrea. Being in the closet was something she could never be accused of. Thankfully, Sharon was comfortable enough with herself that any "coming out" issues seemed non-existent.
With a slight frown, Andrea pressed the floor button and waited as the elevator door closed. As she rode it up, she mentally went over what she would say. True, she loved Sharon and wanted their relationship to work. But the Sharon she saw today in the murder room was not the woman she fell in love with. Andrea feared that the job was causing her lover to lose sight of herself.
When the elevator stopped at Sharon's floor and the doors opened, Andrea had to admit that a lot of her ambivalence stemmed from past relationships. She always thought she knew her lovers. But as time progressed, they revealed their true nature to her, and she would end it before it could progress any further. She hoped this wasn't the case with Sharon, that the woman she initially fell in love with was still there, perhaps buried under the stress of the job.
With a tired sigh, Andrea walked over the carpeted floor in the hallway to Sharon's door. She found the key to Sharon's condo on her keyring. Ever since their first date, Andrea understood how hard it was for Sharon to open up, so Andrea was beyond happy when the brunette presented her with a key. Nothing could have made her more ecstatic, except perhaps moving in together. But she'd never rush that issue. She knew better than to push a newly divorced partner back into a long-term relationship. Instead, she bided her time and waited to see how their relationship progressed. After today's incident, Andrea was glad that she took her time. Nothing would have been worse than to combine households only to have it fail, especially when a child was involved. After all, Rusty would be Sharon's child by the end of the week.
"Better that we didn't move in," Andrea silently thought. At least if it didn't work, all she'd have to do was give Sharon her key back. Although this thought flitted through her mind, her heart instantly sank at the possibility of having to do so. Of all the women she dated, Sharon was not someone she wanted to walk away from. She knew, despite her caution, that she had fallen head over heels in love with the enigmatic captain.
When she found the key she inserted and twisted it, hearing the inner mechanism catch and unlock. As soon as she entered the condo, the aromatic scents of spices wafted toward her. After placing her purse on the table next to Sharon's and setting her keys next to both, she followed the scent to the kitchen.
"Andrea!" Sharon glanced up at her with a smile when Andrea walked into the kitchen. "Did we have a date?" a look of confusion crossed Sharon's features.
"No, I'm sorry I didn't call ahead," Andrea unconsciously rubbed her forehead on the spot where a headache was starting to form.
"Well, it's a nice surprise. You can join us for Sloppy Joes," Sharon smiled as she returned her attention back to the browning meat that was mixed with onions, green peppers and garlic.
"Is Rusty home?" Andrea asked.
"Oh no, not yet. They've been giving him long hours at Mike's show," Sharon quickly moved toward Andrea and leaned in for a quick kiss. As if sensing something amiss, she pulled away, looking at Andrea with concern. "What's going on?" Sharon's brow arched in concern.
"I was wondering about today in the murder room," Andrea still wasn't certain how to broach her fears.
"What about it? We got the confession we needed, a baby has two loving parents and some extra uncles and auntie in the process. It was a great day!" Sharon smiled as she returned her attention to the meal.
"It's the way it was achieved, Sharon," Andrea moved into the kitchen.
"Oh my God, are you still upset about the circumstantial evidence?" Sharon glanced at her, the wooden spoon held lightly in her grip over the pan.
"Yes, Sharon. You got a confession and deal by lying to a suspect. You fed him information that couldn't possibly be true, and that doesn't bother you?" Andrea looked at her with concern.
"Let me see," she began ticking off points on her fingers. "I got a confession, he's going away for a long time, and he relinquished his parental rights. We put a murderer away for a very long time without the expense of a jury trail, and Taylor is happy. That means I'm very happy," she smiled.
Andrea found it hard to digest Sharon's nonchalance and shook her head in confusion. "My God, Sharon! Since when did you start following the Brenda Leigh Manual for closing cases?"
"What? I am nothing like Brenda Leigh," Sharon turned on her. "I can't believe you can even say that."
"It's true, Sharon. You were involved with the whole Chief Johnson fiasco. Even though there were officers under you that could have conducted the investigation, Pope ordered you to shadow Brenda Leigh. You are the one that was given the directive to investigate her conduct. That's how important it was. After everything you've gone through, can't you see how you're bending rules just to get a plea agreement the same way Brenda did to get a conviction?" Andrea shook her head as a sigh escaped her control.
"It's not the same," Sharon said with finality. She angrily flipped off the switch on the stove and set the pan on a different burner.
She gazed at Andrea with a frown, "I knew you were upset today. But after you gave him the plea agreement, I thought you were alright with how we got him to confess."
"I did what I had to do, Sharon, but I'm not comfortable with how we got the job done. I need to know if this is how you're going to be running future plea bargains? Are you going to lie to suspects and bend the truth to fit your needs?" Andrea moved toward Sharon, her hands lightly resting on Sharon's shoulder.
"We got the conviction, a baby got a home and avoided going into the foster system. And it's not illegal to lie to suspects," Sharon's voice grew low. Their eyes held contact, the intensity of the exchange caused a momentary silence.
"No, it's not, but have you ever done so to such an extent? Sharon, this isn't you. You've always been the ethical one, the person who keeps others in check in order to remain on a solid legal platform. This is who I met and fell in love with, not someone who takes pages from the Brenda Leigh playbook. Don't you understand that?" Andrea pleaded.
Sharon sighed as she looked away. Her eyes closed before turning away, removing herself from Andrea's touch. The movement stung Andrea's psyche, and she turned in the opposite direction, arms crossed in front of her chest as she looked away.
"We put away a murderer; a child got a home. I cannot feel bad about that and I resent being compared to Brenda," Sharon finally said.
"Why? Because you saw firsthand how she closed cases? Because you had to continually remind her that her conduct was bordering on unethical? Or because it was a direct result of her actions that the LAPD found themselves in the middle of a multi-million dollar law suit?" Andrea turned toward her lover.
"Andrea, that is not fair!" Sharon shot back.
"It may not seem fair to you, but it's the truth, Sharon. You've always prided yourself on your ethics and moral virtues and that's what I've loved and respected the most about you. What I saw today? What happened in the murder room? That wasn't you," Andrea reiterated.
"We did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong! Everything was above…." Sharon stated firmly.
"Oh, don't you dare try to tell me it was above reproach! You know that if this got out, how you lied to a suspect, fabricated evidence, and threatened him, you know very well that he could bring charges against you and the LAPD," Andrea pointed a finger at her.
Before Andrea realized a change, Sharon shook her head negatively and her bearing transformed. She appeared to grow taller, her body taking on the air of fierceness reserved for perps or challenging officers. In a matter of seconds whatever conversation they were having quickly turned into a shouting match with each of them vying for superiority. How it had escalated so quickly, Andrea didn't know. Nor did she know how to end what was suddenly pulling them both into this quagmire of anger.
Rusty heard the shouts as soon as he exited the elevator. He recognized the voices as Sharon's and Andrea's and was surprised to hear them fighting mostly because he'd never heard them fight. As he opened the door, a sudden sense of dread grew in the pit of his stomach making cold wash over him. When he closed the door behind him he wondered what he should do, if he should go into the kitchen to see what was wrong. But the more he heard them arguing, the more he just wanted to get away from it all.
Without calling attention to himself, he walked briskly to his room closing the door tightly behind him. He dropped his backpack to the carpet and leaned back against the door. With closed eyes, he fought against the sensation of deja vous as images of his mother's boyfriends floated past his vision.
It was always like this. One minute his mom and her boyfriend were all loving with each other, the next they were fighting. Usually the fights were over drugs, how much they used or how they were going to get their next fix. The subject really didn't matter because it always ended the same, with her boyfriend beating her. Rusty always stepped between them to protect his mother which lead to him being the new center of attention for her boyfriends.
As Rusty leaned against the door, he waited and listened. The argument didn't make any sense, and for the most part, it was just a constant droning of shouts. He stood leaning against the door, waiting for the familiar sounds of hitting that always followed. He knew when they did, he would do the same thing that he did for his mom. He would defend Sharon, take the brunt of the beating because that was the role he was accustomed to.
"Sharon, don't you understand the precedent you're setting? Weren't you the one complaining about all the bad procedural habits you had to un-train the team from doing?" Andrea's voice was loud, trying her best to explain her fears.
"I did…." Sharon's anger was barely contained.
"Nothing wrong? Don't you understand that your team is going to follow your lead? Do you realize that even Amy pulled a stunt right out of the Brenda Leigh playbook, and she's never even met Brenda!" Andrea frantically waved her arms in frustration. "My God, Sharon. When did you become someone who believes that the ends justify the means? That it doesn't matter what you do so long as you get the result you want? When did that happen, because I fell in love with a woman of ethics and virtue. That's what I love about you, your excellence of character."
"'Integrity is what you do when no one is looking.' That poster is probably in every police academy in the country, and I know it's plastered all over the LAPD headquarters. I admired your integrity, Sharon, long before I ever fell in love with you. You not only understand the letter of the law, but uphold the spirit of the law as well. You understand how important it is for the LAPD to cultivate ethical procedures. Procedures that you don't get to ignore just because they're inconvenient. Did this change? Did you change?" Andrea's voice grew low. Her gaze remained on Sharon.
Sharon looked down when the intensity of her lover's gaze grew too much to bear. She turned away, her back to Andrea as she rested the palms of her hands on the kitchen counter. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, the truth of her lover's plea hitting home.
"Sharon, say something!" Andrea's anger and frustration spilled out.
"No, it hasn't changed. I haven't changed," although Sharon's voice was barely a whisper, Andrea heard the pain.
"But it did change, you changed today, didn't you?" but Andrea didn't wait for a response. "Why, Sharon? Why was it ok to circumvent all of the procedures that you've set into place?"
With only a sigh, Sharon spoke with a husky voice, "For the baby."
Andrea remained frozen, the admission making clear what she suspected. Yes, the only thing that could get her captain to veer away from her own scruples would be for a baby, even one that wasn't her own. Andrea ran her fingers through her own hair, closing her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill. This was their first fight, the first time they yelled at each other, and she wasn't certain where to go from here.
When she opened her eyes and gazed at Sharon's back, she noticed a ripple pass over her shoulders as her body trembled. Her body was tense even as her shoulders shook uncontrollably. When Andrea heard the small sob, she moved to her lover and turned her around, pulling her into her arms.
"I'm sorry," Sharon's tears fell unabated. "I don't, I mean, I can't, this isn't who I am. It's not who I want to be," she pulled Andrea into a tight hug as she wept uncontrollably.
"I know it's not you, honey. I know that. You've always had so much compassion, and I do understand when you have to bend the rules a bit. But I've never seen you do it this much before," she tried to explain. "If you had taken it just a little bit further, it could have threatened the validity of the confession, the plea, even the signing away of his parental rights."
Sharon pulled away, her green eyes widening at the realization of what could have happened. "I'm sorry, Andrea. I'm so sorry, please…." she whispered while tears fell freely down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, too. I know circumstances can overwhelm even the strongest person, make her act in a way she wouldn't normally act. I had to make you see what you did today, so I could find out if it was just a case of being overwhelmed. Sharon, I love you so much, and today scared me. I was so afraid that this job was changing you, taking the best part of you away from me," she said even as Sharon was wiping Andrea's tears away.
"No, never. Nothing will ever take me away from you. I'm sorry I put you in that position. I'll try my best; I'll make sure…." Sharon's words were silenced by Andrea's finger against her lip.
"We can only try to be better; that's all we can do. It's okay to be overwhelmed at times as long as we recognize that it happened. That way it doesn't stand a chance of becoming a habitual way of reacting," Andrea smiled at her lover before leaning in for a kiss.
As soon as the shouting stopped, Rusty felt his stomach doing somersaults. A part of him wanted to throw up, yet another part wanted to just run away from the situation, leave the condo and go for a drive. But the minute he opened his door and heard a familiar sound, his adrenaline kicked in.
Without thought he made his way from his room to the kitchen where he found Sharon in tears, and Andrea standing close to her. Rusty frowned as he moved closer to the two women. When Sharon looked up, he saw the familiar looks of surprise, then embarrassment, looks that his mom often gave him after he found her beaten up by her loser boyfriend.
"What did you do to her?" Rusty glared at Andrea, not at all certain if he'd even be able to defend Sharon against another woman.
"What?" Andrea looked at him confused.
"Did you hit her? Did you, Andrea?" he took a step towards her.
"Oh God, no! Rusty, I'd never," she stepped away from Sharon and turned toward him.
"Rusty, she didn't hit me; she didn't hurt me," Sharon tried to pull herself together, wiping her eyes of tears.
"Then...why are you crying? She didn't beat you?" Rusty asked confused.
"Rusty, honey, Andrea didn't raise a hand to me. She just," Sharon paused as if trying to find the right words. "She just held a mirror to my face, and I wasn't happy with what I was seeing. That's all," she moved to him and pulled him into a hug.
"So you're ok? You're not hurt?" he asked hesitantly as he held her close.
"I'm not hurt; I'll be ok. Rusty, Andrea would never treat me that way," she whispered. At some point she turned slightly from him and pulled Andrea into the hug, "Rusty, she would never raise a hand against me."
"No Rusty, I could never do that. I love Sharon," Andrea promised before pulling away slightly. Sharon looked surprised by Andrea's words, her brows creased in thought.
As if seeing her doubt, Andrea ran her fingers through Sharon's soft locks, "I love you, Sharon. That will never change, no matter what."
"And I..." before Sharon could finish, Rusty pulled himself from their embrace.
"Yeah, yeah, ok, I get it. I think," he frowned at the two who were now smiling at him.
"And you know what else Rusty?" Andrea smiled at him.
Suspicious, Rusty tilted his head slightly, his gaze sweeping between Andrea to Sharon. "What?"
Andrea looked at Sharon, their eyes locked as if passing a silent message. With only a slight nod, they both turned to him, "And we both love you," Sharon stated.
"Yes, very, very much!" Andrea added before pulling him back into their group hug.
"Arrggg, ok! Ok, I get it, you love each other, you love me," he groaned as he pulled away from them. "Just promise me one thing?" he asked.
When they both looked at him intently, he sighed, "No more fighting, ok? Because I really don't think I can live through something like that again." He shook his head as his stomach began to calm down.
The women only laughed before pulling him back into their impromptu hug. "We can only promise to love each other, and you. Sometimes disagreements will happen. And it's better to deal with them as they arise, so that we can move on from them," Sharon explained. "And we can promise that in the future when something bothers us, we'll say something right away so that it doesn't fester and turn into this type of shouting match," Sharon looked at Andrea for confirmation.
"Absolutely," Andrea agreed with a smile. After a moment, they each turned to Rusty.
"Ok, alright,. Just so long as you don't go to bed mad at each other," he looked at them cautiously.
Sharon gazed at Andrea, a smile crossing her lips. "I think that's a good idea. What do you think, honey? We will never go to bed angry, deal?"
"How about adding that we'll always fall asleep in each other arms?" Andrea turned fully to Sharon, her hands lightly stroking Sharon's back.
"Mmmmm, I think I can agree to that," Sharon purred.
"Arrgggg, really? There's a child right here! Why don't you two get a room!" Rusty's grumbling pulled their attention away. They looked at him for a moment, then began to giggle uncontrollably.
"At least you can be reassured that your moms love each other very much!" Sharon confidently stated.
Andrea looked sharply at her, a questioning brow arched.
"Yes, 'moms,'" Sharon repeated as if outlining Andrea's status to Rusty. "Our son will always know that we love each other and him so very much!"
"Yes," was all Andrea could say as tears of happiness began to trickle from her eyes. "Our son," she repeated as she buried herself in Sharon's embrace. As the tears fell unabated, Andrea reached out blindly and grabbed Rusty's arm before pulling him back into their group hug.
Although she had gone there prepared to end her relationship with Sharon if it came to that, she was so very happy that this didn't transpire. Instead of breaking up with her lover, Andrea suddenly realized that she was truly a part of their family unit. That felt good.