This takes place in some version of OT3-verse, and unless you're Nelly or lovethatignites, then yeah, a lot won't make sense to you. Actually, only lovethatignites and I will 100% understand EVERYTHING.

You can ask, but if your whole review is questions then...well...you don't deserve a good janitor's closet.

"C'mon, Mia, my butt's still numb from my experiment with Jake and I really need to be able to feel again," Andi prodded from her position on Daniel's couch. She leaned forward and said in a low tone, as if it were a secret they actually wanted to hear, "We're going for a third and fourth round tonight."

Daniel made a face from the beanbag he was sitting on and looked to his girlfriend, who was pacing. "Babe, we can always just kick her out."

Andi shook her head and didn't even turn around to face her friend before answering, "No, that won't be enough to give the feeling tones to my booty again."

He squinted and mouthed, "What?"

Mia slapped her hands together and licked her lips. "Well, alright, I guess I can provide some warmth."

"Ulch, Mia, really?" Daniel asked, disgust evident in his tone as well as his voice. Andi was being super weird and sharing too much today; even more so than usual.

Mia shrugged her shoulders. "Eh, why not? She's gonna tell us about her sexcapades whether she has a numb ass or not."

Andi nodded enthusiastically and agreed. "You're right, Mia. Now, how are we gonna do this? Should I stand or just squat?"

Mia focused on her best friend and seriously weighed their limited options. "Considering your legs are kinda numb too, maybe squat? And don't relax your butt muscles, okay, or Daniel will have a fit."

Daniel crossed his arms. "Makes me sound like a baby."

"Quiet, D-Ho, I'm getting my ass de-numbed!"

He shut his eyes and sighed.

Andi got to her feet and yanked her pants down and off, dropping them onto the floor and bending at the knees like they discussed. Mia stood behind her and gathered a fireball in her hand. "Okay, obviously I can't throw this like I normally do, so just—just be careful and don't wiggle your butt."

Andi nodded and clapped once. "Alrighty! Here we go!"

Daniel turned away from them, shielding himself from the sight despite his eyes still being closed. "I'm not looking! Don't worry," he grumbled.

Andi froze and shot out a hand to halt Mia, shaking the Kanay's arm before she put the fire out. "Wait, wait. Daniel's as much a part of this as we are."

"How?!"

"Let's do this over by him."

Mia relented and helped Andi up the two steps to where Daniel was seated. He shifted uncomfortably on the beanbag and tensed his back. There was no point in moving—they'd just follow him.

"Okay, let's get started then," Mia said, summoning fire once again. Andi squatted and soon the feeling in her rear end was coming back to her.

Daniel's facial features scrunched up when Andi grunted. "Can I open my eyes yet? Are you done or is Andi just being weird?"

"Man D!" Andi growled, arms pushed out like in the actual squat exercise. She was definitely getting a toned ass out of this.

Mia continued hovering the fireball, but soon Daniel's nostrils flared up. "What's that smell?"

Mia sighed. "Daniel, seriously, Andi's ass is out."

"No, no, not that." He opened one eye; strategically the one faced away from the girls and looked around. "It smells like…something's burning."

Andi made a manly noise. "Duh, D-Ho, my ass is being warmed right now."

"No, that's not what I—" he sighed and went for it, opening his eyes. Andi was, in fact, only half-clothed, but that was a rather regular occurrence. He looked at Mia, who seemed to be controlling the fireball just fine. And then, he looked behind them.

His eyes widened as he screamed, "FIRE!"

Andi rolled her eyes. "Yeah, D-Ho, we've been over…" Her voice trailed off as she pivoted slightly and saw was he saw. "Holy shit, that's a fire!"

"What?" Mia questioned, extinguishing the one in her hands. She turned and let out an audible gasp.

The couch was completely in flames. The fire had spread to the coffee table and was continuing on down the legs and onto the floorboards.

"How did—what did—you had it under control!" Daniel yelled, looking at his girlfriend.

Mia threw her arms out. "I did! I don't know how—"

"Do you think maybe when I grabbed your hand and made us move over here some fire fell to my pants on the floor?" Andi asked casually, standing at her full height now.

Mia and Daniel both just looked at her.

She shrugged. "I dunno, just an idea."

Daniel turned his attention back to the fire. "Mi—Mia can you, put it out or something?"

Mia rolled up her sleeves and got closer to the fire. She attempted to push out some ice, mouth forming an O as she blew air. Nothing happened. "Daniel, there's not enough moisture in the air!"

With little left to do, Daniel called the fire department and simultaneously hauled everyone (which happened to be his family, friends, his family's friends, and Mel's boyfriend Jonathan that day) out of his house. The fire was spreading too quickly, and honestly, their water bill probably hadn't been paid, so they didn't even try to put it out again. They stood motionless in a line in their front yard, as the garage burned down to the ground. The firemen were slow to get to the scene, and even slower to the real issue when they noticed Andi with no pants on.

~ . ~

Honestly, Kenneth Tucker understood why they had decided to have sex in the janitor closet at school.

The news of the Miller family's garage burning down three days prior (starting the weekend off exceptionally well) had been passed around as quickly as the fire itself. This was the first day back to school with the structure being gone, and while Tucker hadn't meant to or wanted to be put in this position, he began to piece together the situation.

Daniel and Mia most likely had sex in the garage for the majority of the time. With that gone—as Daniel was literally only respectful to his mother, Christine—they had to rule out the rest of the house as well. Tucker hadn't been one hundred percent sure before, but Daniel just had to lack a real bedroom and actually lived in that garage. He had cried on the news when the fire was being filmed. Because of this, he and his girlfriend couldn't even relocate to some other room of his that didn't exist.

The couch was out, because Christine would be uncomfortable and that poor woman needed and deserved every ounce of comfort she could get.

The kitchen would've been way too unsanitary—just as Jakandi, or Jax, for that matter.

And even though Rob's friends had offered up his room—"We'll still be in there, but it's okay. We don't mind." Snort. Giggle.—Rob was repulsed by the idea, and Daniel hated his younger brother's friends, so it wasn't ever really considered.

Tucker also happened to have the information on Mia's home as well. Her aunt Theresahad recently been laid off from her job at the cemetery due to "unnecessary conduct"—what that meant, he would never desire to find out—which kept her at home for the majority of the time. Tucker assumed, as she was a chill guardian, she probably had let her niece know they could carry on with their activities anyway, but the suggestion had to have been shot down because of common courtesy.

All of that combined with the fact that Daniel and Mia were actually very sexual creatures and Daniel somehow had a girlfriend, left them with no other obvious choice but to engage in intercourse in Iridium High's janitor's closet.

Right next to Tucker's designated classroom.

Every day.

It seemed odd to realize this was the first time Tucker had heard them, because it was Tuesday and they definitely didn't seem like the patient type. But it was the first day that week that he was in his room, alone, during lunch. Most of the high school's teachers had gotten in legal trouble for skipping school so often, so Tuesdays and Thursdays were mandatory for them now. But Tucker wasn't even thinking about that.

Daniel and Mia must've skipped lunch for some other, slightly creepy course. He shuddered and went back to eating his chips.

~ . ~

What in the sam hell was this?!

Tucker had seriously thought it over and had decided the most shockingly accepted thing to happen in his life was that one of his students was currently using his shower at two a.m. on the regular because his was still clogged with cow manure from Andi's retaliation. Even though Greene's weird-ass visits were quite odd, this was way more out there.

Jax Novoa looked good.

For the entirety of the school year he had dealt with Andi not-dating his father, his girlfriend refusing to wear a uniform to school, and a squashed muffin for hair. But now, not only was he arriving on his dirtbike again, he was wearing his leather jacket, a T-shirt with the Australian flag on it, his hair was spiked, and his girlfriend looked attractive as well.

Tucker stood in the parking lot, completely baffled as he watched Jax and Emma climb off his dirtbike. Emma still wasn't wearing a uniform, but today it wasn't the usual sweats and baggy top; she actually tried with her appearance, and her hair wasn't even up in a bun or down in some gross-ass waves—it was straightened! Overall, the couple entering the high school hand in hand once again looked like #sophomoreyearsex.

Suddenly, there was a loud crunching sound from just behind Tucker, way louder than his many bags of chips could make. He turned to see his car—the one with the installed passenger-side's brake pedal, the one that definitely was not covered by the school during driver's education—being hit by a student's vehicle.

Charlie leaned his head out of the window and asked loudly, to no one in particular, "What the fuck? Do Emma and Jax actually look good?"

Tucker was beginning to fume. "Greene! You just hit my car!"

Charlie faced forward and leaned against the steering wheel to survey the extreme damage before turning back to his pseudo-teacher. "Yeah, but do Emma and Jax actually look good?"

/

The word going around the school, with thanks to Miss Information and that guy's trusty camera, was that Jax had finally had enough.

Andi had apparently tried to have a conversation with him to coax him out of his funk and back into the world of attractiveness he had once lived in. While her tactic, undoubtedly had to have been severely flawed and disturbed, Jax was so fed up he got out from underneath the Alonsos' coffee table, fixed his hair, took a shower, and then had sex with Emma—who proceeded to take another shower, together, loudly.

Whatever Andi had said, while not going exactly how she planned, had ended with Jax (and Emma, subsequently) looking better than ever and Andi and Principal Alonso having Saturday morning cartoon showings together.

Tucker had been so preoccupied with the new information that up until right then, he hadn't heard any moans coming from the janitor closet. Now, they were amplified. They almost sounded more lustful than usual. Tucker crinkled his eyebrows and continued eating. He probably should have been grading some papers, but for which class? He taught nearly everything.

A faint click of a door opening in the area caught his attention, but he doubted that Miler and Mia were done so soon. Tucker usually had to endure most of his lunch break in his blissfully empty classroom hearing them right next door, going at it, focusing on their own brand of bliss. He tried to block them out, but soon, he couldn't.

He definitely heard the words, "AY-CHEE-MAMA!" actually uttered, but that wasn't what made him lift his head up and stop eating. The janitor closet exploded with screams after that, and not the sexually pleasing kind.

"What the fuck was that?!"

"HEY!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU—"

"WHY ARE YOU HERE—"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN—"

Tucker hopped to his feet and opened his door quickly, turning the corner and facing the partially-ajar janitor's closet. Now he was used to teenagers having sex right next door, but he wasn't used to this kind of a ruckus. Because of this, he threw caution to the wind and pushed the door open fully to face the scene, unaware of just what a mess he was walking into.

Miler's shirt was off and Emma's was wide open, but her undergarments were still intact, thank God. Mia and Jax stood behind the two, closer than the others and yelling in each other's faces. A strange thought entered Tucker's mind then: were Alonso and Miler cheating on them with each other? Jax and Mia must have been mad that the other didn't know and inform them, then. The thought was ridiculous, obviously—he'd taught the exes in driver's ed. at the same time, and the fights and petty arguments that resulted had no unresolved sexual tension in them whatsoever.

But then what the hell were they all doing in the janitor's closet?

Daniel and Emma seemed to mostly be agreeing with their significant other and weren't the main source of yelling, but what they all failed to realize was Tucker's presence. "HEY!" he hollered, effectively making them look at him collectively. "What the hell are you all doing in here?!"

The yelling started up again as everyone talked over each other. He managed to catch snippets of, "Imma come in this closet, today, right now," "Well maybe if my gaRAGE hadn't burnt down then—" "That was over three weeks ago, come ON—" "WHO YELLS 'AY-CHEE-MAMA' MID-SEX?" but none of it added up.

"ALRIGHT!" They looked to their teacher again. "Miler," he pointed at the tall misfit. "Tell me what happened."

Daniel sniffed loudly and fiddled with his undone pants buckle. "Okay, so, my garage burnt down and Theresa got laid off, so Mia and I needed a place to—"

Mia cut in, leaning forward and saying curtly, "Emma and Jax were having sex in our closet and they won't leave."

Tucker opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and swallowed whatever he would have fumbled around to say when Emma asked, "'Ay-chee-mama'?"

Daniel forcefully shoved his buckle out of his hands and towered over his ex-girlfriend. "It's a common phrase—"

"Ulch, no it is not," Jax butted it, face turned up in disgust. Tucker was so shell-shocked that not only was this man now good-looking again, he was attempting to have sex in a school closet and was talking like his old self. "And I haven't had sex in months, okay; we're taking this closet today."

Mia narrowed her eyes. "It's our designated sex palace; no you're not."

Emma ignored them all and faced Tucker. "Daniel never used to be able to get it up and now Jax finally can again and I AM GOING TO HAVE SEX IN THIS CLOSET IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO."

Daniel attempted to overlap her, "YOU'RE SO GROSS, EMMA; JUST LEAVE."

Jax pushed at the taller man's chest. "Dude, back OFF!"

Mia slapped the Australian straight across the face. "Hands off my boyfriend, asshole."

"I swear to God, if you send him back to abstinence, Mia, I swear," Emma snapped, grabbing onto Jax's forearm.

Daniel sneezed. "ALRIGHT, WHO BROUGHT BUTTERFLIES IN HERE?!"

There was, in fact, a lone butterfly flying around in the closet. Emma sighed and shut her eyes, slumping against Jax. "Sorry. I got excited."

Mia turned her nose up. "Well get excited somewhere else, this is our spot—"

"JUST GO HAVE SEX AT THE BOATDOCK, DANIEL!"

"I BURNT THAT DOWN A LONG TIME AGO BECAUSE IT WAS UGLY LIKE YOU, EMMA!"

"DO I HAVE TO SIT ON YOU FOUR?!" Tucker screamed, hoping to grab their attention. It worked.

"Ew!"

"Nope."

"I'm out of here."

"Goodbye."

"NOPE!"

All four of the sex-ruffled and semi-clothed students hastily exited the janitor's closet at once, actually hurting Tucker's feelings in the process. Because he taught so many classes, he ran around from classroom to classroom and had actually lost twelve pounds from that—along with the stress of the school, of course. He didn't even have to take his morning walks anymore, which was a blessing, not even in disguise, as passing by Daniel and Emma's houses while they were fighting and pranking each other from across the street regularly was not a welcomed sight. So, yeah, he was offended by their intense reaction and immediate evacuation.

~ . ~

The next day, Tucker was not surprised to hear them arguing from the closet again.

Jax was still looking attractive, and apparently he would not be retreating back to the coffee table again so soon, even with an issue like yesterday. He was used to much, much worse with Andi and his father. Because of this, apparently he and Emma had decided that going back to the closet was a good choice of action.

Tucker rubbed his temples. It was Wednesday, which meant he had a class—on the other side of the school. Even so, he bet that if he was upstairs he'd still be able to hear their screaming match anyway. None of his students paid the loud noises any mind, and were either listening to Tucker or tuning him out as usual.

He stayed in his room rather than bursting into the closet again, and eventually, the shouts stopped and the regular moans followed instead. Tucker took that to mean they had come to an agreement—both of the couples were stubborn as shit, so they must have both been in the closet. He physically cringed at the thought.

~ . ~

Thursday, he was back in his own classroom and the moaning had begun.

He had come to think of Jemma as the early bird, but the loud, accented yell that followed the door opening made him realize otherwise. Dia must have had a premature urge that day; or perhaps Jax had just gotten away from Diego's advances. Man, Maddie was a saint to deal with all that shit.

Tucker shuffled around some discarded papers and cracked open another chip bag, crunching on several at a time. The fighting was loud, and angry, but soon it was replaced with deep moans yet again. Tucker didn't know if the females were just very masculine when it came to sex noises, or if they were simply quieter and Miler and Novoa overpowered them in that category.

He still found it odd that the two couples who seemingly hated each other for the most part could compromise and have sex in one place at the same time, but then again, Iridium High was fucked up, man. There didn't seem to be any issues other than his rapidly deteriorating sanity, but then…

"AY-CHEE-MAMA!"

"Are you kidding me?!"

"No, Emma, I am NOT kidding you! Now shut up, I'm trying to have sex here!"

"Uh-huh, well…we—we can have sex louder!"

"OH YEAH?"

Someone elicited a high-pitched moan. "Oh yeah."

Tucker face contorted dangerously, a chip trembling in his hand.

"Yeah, yeah, you hear that? That's SEX, Emma! Woo!"

"Daniel, keep going!"

"Jax! Harder!"

When the second "AY-CHEE-MAMA" came through, Tucker threw his chips to ground with abandon and stomped out of his room to the closet. He shoved open the door and quickly, the four students pulled their discarded clothes on and covered themselves, Jax opting to stand behind his girlfriend while he tucked himself back into his pants. Daniel stared for a moment, adjusting to the sudden, still very dim light (the school was so far in debt that even the hallway lights weren't working as well anymore; there was hardly any light near them) before he gasped and jammed his dick in his pocket. Mia reached over to put it back into his pants, shaking her head.

"Tucker, what the hell are you doing in here?!" Jax yelled, face flushed. Beads of sweat were running down his forehead. The small room was very stuffy and hot, clearly, when two couples had sex in there at the exact same time and had seemingly been trying to out-do one another.

Tucker squinted and parted his lips in amazement. "What am I—you four are screaming like you're getting murdered in here, and I don't feel like hearing ALL of you having sex in the closet next to my classroom."

Daniel scratched his nose and pointed a finger at his teacher. "Hey, we were here first—"

"And not just today," Mia jumped in, running her fingers through her flipped-back bangs. "This is our closet; we always have sex in here—"

"Yeah, so it's our time to have sex!" Emma screamed angrily, hair whipping around her as she turned to the other girl.

Tucker held up his hands and started off with, "I KNOW THIS IS WHERE YOU HAVE SEX, OKAY; JUST SHUT UP." Surprisingly, they complied. He sighed loudly and leaned against the doorframe, body threatening to collapse from all the weirdness. "Why can't you just—both use this closet, but at different times throughout the day?"

Judging by the looks the four classmates were giving each other, that hadn't once crossed their minds.

~ . ~

Three weeks had passed rather calmly.

There was still some tension between the couples. Jax and Mia had never had much of a personal vendetta against the other specifically, but when their significant others hated each other with a burning passion it wasn't like they got along well when they did talk. While they had thus far steered clear of being in the same closet again, Daniel had made it clear to anyone—literally anyone he spoke to in the hallway that he'd jump at the chance to one-up Emma's sexfest. Even so, the time had not arrived.

But then Tucker made a fatal mistake.

He was teaching World Studies upstairs, and, because life had it in for literally everyone inside IHS, his class wasn't really going according to any sort of plan he hadn't made. Half the room was sleeping, and the other half was asking him life questions. By this point, he really tried to roll with the punches, and was responding to some of their weird-ass commentary.

It was only when Daniel had snorted for the third time that period—it wasn't even bothering Tucker so much as it sounded disgusting—that he decided to share some personal information with the lanky teenager.

"Hey, Miler, I gotta say," Tucker began, placing himself on the edge of his (well, whoever's it was) desk and focusing on the beanstalk sitting two rows away from him. "When I first found you and Black with Novoa and Alonso in the closet"— Jax was seriously the only one to sit up at this; everyone else couldn't care less—"I actually thought that you were cheating with Alonso."

A moment of silence passed, and then Daniel turned to his left sharply and vomited over the side of his desk. The guy next to him shied away.

Jax tapped his fingers on his desk from the very back of the room and called out, "Em wouldn't sleep with that thing."

Daniel continued hurling, but he managed to nod. "Y—yeah, she's," hurl, "gross."

Sebastian, who happened to have the (mis)fortune of sitting next to Jax that day, was startled when the female in front of him spun around and breathed heavily at the Australian. Jax frowned and ran his eyes over her, getting stuck on her hairy upper lip.

"I'll have sex with you in a closet, Jax," she exhaled, sounding like she could become lightheaded at any moment. Katie tensed in the chair next to her, still facing forward.

Jax grimaced and waved his hand around. "Uh, yeah, no, I'm not into ladies with mustaches."

The girl gasped loudly and turned back around, climbing out her chair. "THIS is why feminism exists," she seethed. Tucker casually rubbed his face in the front of the room. He shouldn't have to be dealing with all this, especially at once. "THIS is why men are misogynists and rapists, and should be locked up—"

Charlie heaved a very heavy sigh from across the aisle. "Or you're just ugly as fuck."

Daniel went to laugh but hurled again instead.

She sounded like she had swallowed a bug. Katie took that moment to get to her feet as well, her chair being pushed away and resting against the back of her knees. "No, she's absolutely right. Some people think they can just—make FUN of this movement, which involves becoming comfortable with your own body's hair—"

Jax kicked his foot out, making contact with the back of Katie's chair, resulting in her knees buckling as she fell to the ground. "Shut up," he drawled.

Charlie slow-clapped appreciatively.

The mustached female made another noise and looked to Katie. "I'm not gonna help you up, because you are a STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN—"

"N—no, I actually need help," Katie struggled, holding out her hand.

The girl shook her head so fast it looked as if it was about to come right off. "NU-UH, GIRL, YOU DO YOU."

She probably kept going, but Jax's thoughts were traveling elsewhere. "Wait…" he said, mostly to himself, but everyone was listening. "The closet's open right now." He grinned and got to his feet, heading for the doors.

Daniel vomited once more but lifted his head up, clambering to his feet as well. "Uh-uh!" he tried to yell, hurling again. "I'll get there first!" The competitive side of Mr. Miler was rearing its head.

Jax broke out into a sprint. "No way!"

Despite still throwing up, Daniel ran after the newly-hot Jax Novoa, screaming, "BABE! GET TO THE CLOSET!" in every direction. He didn't even know what class Mia was in right then, or if she was skipping with Andi.

When Jax made into the stairwell, after throwing down several trashcans and posters onto the floor to try to trip up Daniel, he really thought about this. He hadn't even considered tele-transporting because he knew where Emma would end up. But then…

He smirked, stopping at the bottom of the steps and taking his phone out to text Emma quickly. "Pool sex," he said happily, pleased with the idea. They just might have a new sex spot.

Daniel, meanwhile, didn't slip on anything or trip on the floor above, until he reached the stairs. He was halfway down them when Jax disappeared. The sight confused him momentarily and, as he was still throwing up, slipped on some of the substance and fell down the stairs.

Tucker, meanwhile, was staring down the second floor's hallway at the exodus of Daniel Miller. "Why the hell does this always happen in World Studies?"

THE END.

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