Trickle
Ultra Maniac
By Whimsical Gentleman
Author's Note – Hey-hey. I'm back again with writing fanfiction. Ahhh. I miss the feeling already. Well, anyway, I'm not new here, although I did change my penname :P So here goes my first fanfic after a year… I guess… Hopefully, you could finally see the drastic improvements in my style and content in writing, and I suppose a level up in my grammar. High School was never this hard, so forgive me if I update long and late. Oh yeah, and I'm Filipino. Nax naman. Sana magustuhan niyo ang aking pagsulat, mga kababayan! Add me up in Friendster and YM: Thanks a million
This will be Ayu x Kaji. The most famous classic in Ultra Maniac (and my first romantic story-coupling last year) So I hope this would be a good read for you guys.
Besides that, I'll be leaving for Japan as exchange student this Sunday, so I might not be able to post chapter II until the next two weeks. Forgive thyself. Anyhow, I promised myself I'd give the start a good clincher immediately. Well, hope you like it, until then.
P.S. Forgive me for my Emo-ness, which I believe would strike (after you end the chapter) you to think of me as an emo dude who cuts his wrist from time to time with a knife. Hahaha! This is one genre of writing I was propagating the whole time. Hahaha. It's a paradox I like about myself; I'm a happy-go-lucky person in real life.
Chapter I: Reflection of a Fool
Wealthy with surrounding fat willows and their shadowy leaves, I could not help gape around the space. Envision this, I told myself – A slender seventeen-year old girl in a long black dress and a matching lacy bonnet, a fidgety brunette by means contradictory to her keen eyes, which they told her, were the utmost brave. The walking facial comedy, they would call me. As to my squirmy personality would not tally to my so-called valiant expression and face – I suddenly smirked, but that thin grin short-lived, for I remembered what my mom used to say, "But that's the best part of what you are… You're unique, and be proud of it…" In that unbelievably warm voice of hers. It resonated inside my head, as if the tiniest dwarves were having a rave party in my head with my mother's compliment as their dance track. I whimpered and shook my head, several tresses of my hair strayed on my face… before I realized it, my eyes were wet, a couple of tears restrained not to fall. Mother was gone… Not more than a day… and I miss her so much…
I was by the lake. That lake just near the bridge connecting a road only a few know of the town to Eyobashi High School. The place was superb. The fact that the thick willows were embracing the lake proper, it was concealed, and I do believe I was the only person who knew of this little hideout of mine... It wouldn't be a hideout if somebody other than me knew this place after all. I remembered it was just last year, when I was trying to find someone since I borrowed her homework for copying since I forgot to do it… then I stumbled and fell and rolled down the slope. It was grace a trunk of the willow blocked my way or I could have risked my uniform wet by then if I fell off the lake.
Shrugging, the sun glared again, and I moved nearer to the lake, as there was a tree for shade there. My reflection on the water made me stare at it though… and come to think of it, it was so long since I thoroughly observed myself… My brown hair long and stray strands on my face, I had sweat on my forehead and I didn't want to wipe it up… "But that's the best part of what you are… You're unique, and be proud of it…" My eyes shook…
Mother's voice loomed and conquered my mind again… Seemingly, that warm voice at that certain moment was a disguised scream, something spiteful and cursed. It was then when my eyes gave up and tears crawled down my face…
My eyes brave, huh? I asked myself… they weren't. They were weak, just like how I am. I wasn't a facial comedy. They were mistaken… They weren't defiant; they were queasy and fragile just like myself. I would gladly show these tears to them… how they were so wrong about my eyes.
It was as if memories were being forcibly put inside my head. I moped quietly and I shivered as I did. True, I lived alone and I was independent the whole time… There were no parents to watch me, or to supervise, or to scold me when I did wrong. I could have thanked the heavens that mother wasn't with me the whole time. I was, what they would call, free. All my mom did to help me was to send me money… and even that I took for granted… And yes, soon I did create the mentality I was free...
But I realized just today as her coffin was buried under the parch soil, maybe I was wrong… I was caged… Caged because of my guilt for taking granted of my mother's love for me… It was as if my heart slapped itself, and loathed itself for being a fool. It was true… We just realize how important someone is when he or she is forever gone. When reality assures you they won't be coming back. Ever again. A bitter laugh had gone out of my laugh…
I was a fool and nothing more. And I thought I could really live without mother… without that special presence of hers… I was really a fool for thinking so… If I could bang my head on the tree I was leaning on, or if I could drown myself in the lake… Right now I would happily do so… But it had stricken me I'd act more foolish if I did either…
"But that's the best part of what you are… You're unique, and be proud of it…"
Maybe the best part of me is being a fool… If mother was here, alive and breathing, with that trademark smile of hers, saying that same compliment, I would have asked if what she meant was that the best part of me was being a fool… My weeping just got stronger and I hid my face behind my palms…
"Ayu…Hey…" Someone said, behind me, and even before I had put away my palms to let my eyes see, that person hugged me… "Everyone's looking for you, Ayu…" It was Kaji… His brown hair neatly fixed, and wore a black tuxedo, he looked ideal for someone to lean on at a time like this when I felt like a stupid fool and hated every second of it… "You really didn't have to go so far from the venue of the funeral just to cry, you know."
I hugged him back, and he was warm, just like my mother. His smell was of wood spice, something weirdly masculine in aroma, "Kaji… I'm sorry…"
"See…you could always come to me if you're going to cry…" he whispered near my ear, and he smiled boyishly, "Next time don't hide yourself in a secluded place like this… Ayu…"
"Oh Kaji…"
"Everyone was really worried. Nina, Rio, Tsujiai scattered around town just to find you… With that kind of personality you've got there, they'd probably think you'd commit suicide, or something… But I would not agree with that," he told me again huskily with a tailing sound as if to make joke…
I suddenly remembered I had a little attempt to bang my head on the trunk of tree or drown myself down the lake a few minutes ago. I had to laugh nervously when I heard Kaji's opinion.
He smiled thinly and released me from our embrace, "Even Queen Maya, the King, and their entourage paid their respects a few minutes after you disappeared into thin air in the funeral," he added, "of course in normal clothing… Well, except Sebastian, who still had his weird purple butler get-up, still trying several, various attempts to murder his mistress's lizard under the attacks of wretched jealousy towards the reptile…"
Kaji waited for me to laugh, but I guess it was obviously expected for me just to shrug and look away, with a forced smile plastered on my face… I heard Kaji sigh, and in that heave of deep breath, I devised the idea he was frustrated with the situation, "C'mon Ayu… don't be like this…" he finally said, giving up his pretend-nothing-bad-happened dialogue towards me, displaying those sincere eyes trying to cheer me up, of course, with no success
"How can I NOT be? My mother's dead. Is it me or until by now you haven't understood or seen anything yet?" I thought I was steaming up, "I know… maybe I'm too weak… but that weak me is the real Ayu, isn't it…" I told him, "You don't even know how I feel now, or maybe even in the past… Your mom's always there, and fortunately still alive… How come mine's dead and I haven't even really spent enough time with her?" I seemingly asked the air… my voice trembling with accusations to no one in particular. "Why does it even have to be this bitter? This life is nothing but bullshi—"
"Don't even say that." Said he simply, and it made me look at his eyes. His round, soft eyes morphed into something sharp and predator-like, reminding me of a hawk. They horribly looked intimidating, as if to warn me not to get overboard… And all I could do was shut up and stare at him, and he stared back.
Incessant, the place got abnormally still, and the only heard things were the murmuring lake and the heartbeats I wasn't sure if they were audible or not. One thing I was sure of was that everything that comprised the scenery actually made an invisible melody… as if the unheard music was anticipated for both of us, Kaji and me… An omen… possibly. A sign that said things had changed since before. We just continued to stare, not allowing the other to win the contest we started off, while listening to the music that probably didn't even actually exist.
He opened his mouth... that obvious way guys do without consent that showed they were hesitant… For a second or two I had to wait before he did say something, "I'm sorry for giving you that kind of look." Kaji told me,
"No… It's okay. I was the one at fault and I should be the one apologizing to you…"
"Not to me, Ayu, apologize to yourself."
That single line made me think. I was supposed to say my life was bullshit. What am I supposed to tell myself? Ohh, I'm so sorry myself, I'm mocking myself… I just nodded… and then I was again at the verge of making my eyes wet again.
"I just miss my mom, Kaji…"
He heaved a heavy breath again, "Well, here you are, seventeen, and your mother's dead. And just that you'll just give up? You're still young; we're still young. If you think this is hard, just imagine how harder it will be later on."
"Isn't that also the reason sometimes I just want to kill myself?"
"For me that's just non-sense, Ayu. In killing yourself you wouldn't change anything in the world, but making tears roll down of your loved ones. Haven't you realized that yet? You should have. Well, your mom's dead, isn't she?"
It was ironic how he knew this stuff better. And all the more, what Kaji said were awfully true. No matter how I run to escape what he had stated and believed on, I end up facing the dead-end I had no win over his answers.
Kaji made no effort then to comfort me after that. He just propped up and I my eyes trailed his movement, "What am I supposed to do to help you, huh?" He finally told me, his voice exasperated. Even the most gentlemanly person I've ever known seemed to give up on my weakness and me…
Without choice nor any deliberate attempt to hold him, I just mumbled without not making sure he heard my words, "Just leave me alone, Kaji…" and I looked away again almost immediately, not wanting to look at him again that moment…
"If I must…" he sighed, again frustrated. "I'll be at Mimi's Locket; I still have part-time to do… Drop off if you feel better, Ayu," he said, trying to make me feel better, but to no avail of course… "Everyone's waiting for you there…"
"Except my mom, you mean,"
He didn't respond. I heard a rustle of leaves, and a brush of shoe soles with grass and mud, fainting by every moment passed, as I stood still… I didn't even look one last glance at him, and painfully I remained abstinent in looking behind. In time I could hear the motor of Kaji's scooter turning up… and also vanishing away…
And before I knew it, I was alone… again… Secluded again from any other. Hiding away like a coward, I thought people would think of me…
Mother was dead. And in that simple trickle of a fact, everything seemed to crash down to hell, or limbo, or to any place bad or worse than those places… Mother was dead. Mother was really dead.
Cold – no – frigid wind was against my direction, air followed its movement, and in its creepy manner, a distant echo was heard. I thought it was my mother. To my disappointment however, no call came out, and helplessly looked on to the lake.
It was my made-up mirror… and as I saw myself miserably, I saw a fool.
I dully looked upward, as if expecting heaven to fall out as if disintegrating and angels rolling down like scorching meteors crashing down to the Earth, "Ah…" My tears wouldn't go out again, for the sun glare dried them up before they even came down. This was a reflection of a fool.