This is a Christmas Fic. In the middle of July. It was supposed to be a gift fic, for someone I barely remember, but I got sidetracked. It is also a Songfic. you were warned. The inspiration for this was a song called Christmas Sucks, by Tom Waits and Peter Murphy. Google it. Youtube it. I don't care how, but listen to it, it's hilarious. The second song is more popular, but if you like rock, you should check out the cover of Dream a Little Dream of Me sung by Blind Guardian.
Ezio sighed and tried to remember the closest tavern in this district. He was already tipsy from the wine he had at Paola's and vaguely remembered going out to search for his mentor, Altaïr, who, in his hazy memories, recalled the old man cursing at the mere mention of the holiday.
Venice was beautiful tonight, Ezio admitted in his inebriated state. The dim lights from the houses shone just brightly enough to illuminate the streets. No one was sleeping tonight, Christmas eve.
He passed a tavern and paused, listening to the deep voice coming from inside. He recognized it and smiled to himself. It was rare to hear his mentor speak, much less sing. He grinned as re realized it was a duet and hurried inside just as Altaïr was finishing the first verse.
"Oh, give me a noose I can hang from the tree
I need no excuse to end my misery
this holiday season is all the more reason to die."
The man was slouched on a wall by the bar, a cup in his hand. He looked up as Ezio entered and sat on the edge of the empty table next to his mentor. Accepting a cup from a woman, he took a drink, then continued:
"Oh, pull up a stool and an ear to a fool
who once found some solace in the season of Yule
this holiday season is all the more reason to cry."
"I put on my mittens, one green and one red" Altaïr raised one of his gloves, half dried blood shining in the candle light. No one bothered, crimes were common in this district.
"and I walk alone where they bury the dead
the snow falls as I breathe its gothic
death of christmas eve."
Ezio shook his cup at the woman with a pointed look
"The bottle is empty,
the sleigh has a flat,"
After the woman refilled his cup, he grimaced, looking at the questionable liquid slushing around in the cup.
"the stripper in my bed is ugly and fat,
her tassles are tangled and what's worse - my jingle won't jangle."
Altaïr laughed raggedly, and they sang together:
"This time of the year makes me sick to my guts"
Ezio continued as Altaïr took a long drink.
"all this good cheer is a pain in the nuts"
The elder Assassin took over
"when it's your career to be down in the dumps
tidings of comfort" Ezio joined in, belting along "and jooooy really SUCK."
He calmed a little and sighed
"I feel like St. Nicolas is pulling my leg"
Altaïr agreed
"this thing we call christmas is a sorry black plague
Ezio prepared for the ending.
"this holiday season is..."
Altair took over in the middle of the sentence
"...all the more reason" he furrowed his brow, trying to remember the lyrics
Ezio helped him
"all the more reason to diiiie"
A look of remembrance passed over Altaïr's face and he joined in on the finale
"all the more reason to diiiie
all the more reason to diiiie
all the more reason to…"
They both drained their cups, liquid dribbling down their chins.
"diiiie!" Ezio rasped out as Altair missed his queue and wailed "ahhh…"
The bar clapped and laughed and the band that had been accompanying them started a new song.
"That was nice, lads…" the owner of the bar, a fat, greasy guy, complimented them. "But allow me to best you with one of my employees." He waved to someone at the back of the bar.
Altaïr halted his cup halfway to his mouth and turned his whole head towards the person that emerged from the door behind the bar. Ezio sat up a little straighter.
"Mikkie, sing us something, dear."
"Who was singing?" she asked as she vaulted over the counter. That alone was surprising for a woman, but her clothes were…
Altair sat next to Ezio and put his cup in front of himself. Ezio hid his smirk in his own cup.
Black leather pants hugged her larger than average thighs and…derriére… a white men's shirt was tucked into it, a black corset defining her slim waist. The large sleeves slipped over both shoulders and two mounds of flesh were being pushed up by the corset to pop over the unlaced collar of the shirt.
Ezio waved merrily at her as Altaïr nodded in acknowledgement. She hopped up on the wooden counter, making her breasts jiggle to most men's delights and thought of a tune. The small band waited for her to decide. She hummed a short tune, and the band leader understood, starting the song.
"Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me
Say night-ie night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me
Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me
Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this
Sweet dreams till sunbeams findyou
Sweet dreams that leave all worries fall behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me
Say night-ie night
And Leave all worries behind you
Oh whatever they'll be
Say night-ie night
Stars shining bright above you
Say night-ie night
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
But in your dreams whatever they'll be
Dream a little dream of me"
The bar erupted in clapping, yells, cat-calls, some men even slapping their tables and whistling. She slid off the counter and bowed, giggling and winking at some men.
"Another!" Ezio called, and heard many men agreeing to him.
"Shouldn't you be looking after your friend?" she pointed at Altaïr who was currently pressing his cheek against the wall. Ezio laughed at the scene. He paid the woman who served them and hoisted his mentor's body on his shoulder, leaving the bar.
Should I keep this a oneshot or not?
Reviews are love!