Disclaimer: I don't make any money from this entertainment.
This story is based on a seven drabble series that I've written for the livejournal community grangesnape100. Snapeophile advised me to write a long story out of them, and here it is.
This chapter had been beta'ed by somigliana, with all my gratitude..
Prologue. Introspection.
Once more, Severus reflected on the wretched circumstances which had led him to this depressed state. The outline of his life was rather simple: a bitter adolescence, where he featured as the Ugly Duckling for all of his contemporaries, except for a small group of his fellow Slytherins. He'd gained recognition of his worth by the Dark Lord, by being inducted within the Death Eaters ranks. Disenchantment followed quickly when he realised he was being used, and that that wasn't real power. The Dark Lord was feared, but not liked. Dumbledore was both. Reading Machiavelli's book, The Prince, had opened his eyes about this reality. That's why Dumbledore was so sure of him; he knew Severus Snape would be where the power was.
His life under Dumbledore's wing wasn't unpleasant. The great wizard was an agreeable man, demanding in his own way, but when he hired him, he let him teach as he saw fit. Severus never managed to be loved, except perhaps by his mother, but he was feared. He wasn't suited for being the main leader, but he could exert power in the background. As long as his influence was acknowledged …
When the Dark Lord came back to a "human" life, his allegiance for Dumbledore hadn't wavered immediately. The duel between his two masters in the Ministry had, however, introduced doubts in his mind. The Dark Lord had then made Dumbledore feel his power. It meant that he, Severus, could be on the wrong side. Potter was still alive, but he didn't count on that arrogant teenage boy to defeat such a great wizard.
A short while afterwards, Dumbledore encountered one of the Dark Lord's nasty hexes, which had blackened his hand. Severus had saved his life in extremis. He couldn't help but think that the old man may not be that powerful after all. The Unbreakable Vow he made with Narcissa sealed his decision: if he had to kill Dumbledore, he would do it without hesitation or remorse. His life was at stake, and the Order would be on the losing side without the Headmaster.
However, he couldn't hide that his life was forfeit in the Dark Lord's eyes from Dumbledore . That had gained him the much wanted Defence Against the Dark Arts teaching position- it had been a bribe from the old coot. Well, he'd taken the bribe, but killed him nonetheless.
Now, more than ever, he was the Dark Lord's favourite, and he found that he didn't like it one bit. How he wished he could bring Dumbledore back from the dead. This act had cost him much, not in his conscience or in his self-esteem, but in his life as a whole. He was reviled by the wizarding community; a price was on his head, and he wasn't free to wander wherever he wanted anymore. The Death Eaters were too jealous of him to be trusted. He knew that he'd had to murder the old man, lest his Unbreakable Vow killed him, but now, after months of being cautious to extremes, he craved companionship. He wanted someone in his life to whom he could speak freely without fear of being backstabbed. Never, ever before had Severus felt so utterly alone.
Thanks for reading this. Constructive criticism is welcome.