Yeah…I don't really know why I wrote this. I think because, despite being one of the few characters whose name we actually know, we don't know a lot about his life. He has 11 PhDs, that's…like it. I also thought it would be funny if a sweet little man like Engie had an absolute bombshell for a wife :3 Just me? OK.
Also, some of the stuff about other characters is a mixture of things that I've found actual evidence of (names, family history, quirky little details you just couldn't make up etc.), things VALVe keep hinting at (Pyro being a girl, Heavy/Medic), and my own little crack indulgences (REDSpy/BLUPyro). DON'T CONFUSE THIS WITH SCOUT/ENGIE! IT'S REALLY, REALLY NOT.
DISCLAIMER:If I owned Team Fortress 2…wow, you have NO IDEA how happy I'd be.
Chapter One.
From his very first day on the job, Scout had decided to make an effort to get to know every one of his team mates. He figured, if he was going to be spending his indefinite living with and relying on the same eight men, day in day out, he might as well get first impressions out of the way.
Since then, he'd had some sort of "digging up" on pretty much everyone at least once. He knew:
The Spy was hopelessly in love with the RED Pyro. After first discovering she was a woman, he only saw her as an extremely challenging conquest, a side project to try and pass the endless hours in Teufort. It soon…escalated, shall we say.
He knew the Heavy's family had spent three months in a Siberian Gulag because of his father's counter-revolutionary ideas. Also, that his first name was Ivan.
He knew the Soldier's real name was Jane Doe, all about his feud with the RED Demoman and that his roommate was an ancient dark magician.
He had helped the Medic accept his sexuality, for which he had previously been prosecuted by the Nazis. However, when I say "helped", it's really more "Yelled at the medic to get over his goddamn self because he wasn't the only goddamn fag who ever goddamn lived". Rather loudly. Still, by Scout's standards, he'd done a good thing.
He knew the Demoman's parents had abandoned him as a baby, and it took accidentally killing his adopted parents and losing his left eye to be reunited with them.
He knew the Sniper's dad did not approve one bit of his son's career choice, despite the fact he made a very tidy sum indeed for doing it. Which only confused scout more as to why he still lived in a van. Still, he figured the Aussie outback man had a couple of screws loose, since he yelled his motto, "Professionals have Standards", while throwing his own urine at people.
He figured Pyro was female, since they were all clones of one original person. And he only got those two pieces of information from Spy.
Yes, young Scout was indeed proud to say that he more about everyone than they did about eachother. Still, he couldn't help but feel a small niggle in the back of his mind, telling him he'd missed something. It bothered him more than what sex must feel like.