I own nothing

And no I do NOT think J.K Rowling is a bitch (even if she did kill off some of my favorite characters..) Harry does (in the story.).

Last chance at freedom

On a random road

"...then she kills off Sirius, the closest thing I've ever had to a dad, for no reason. On top of that, making me look like a efin' hormonal kid! I mean its obvious that I like Ron! Look how long I take 'comparing' in the bathroom!"Harry ranted

"I don't think that's in the books.." Ed pointed out

"That bitch!"

"I know! And mine pairing me with Winry!? She practically murders me every time I come for a tune-up! I'm scarred for my life! Besides..." Ed paused blushing "Roy likes blonds.."

By now they'd slowed to a stop.

Harry sighed "I wish I could at least get drunk before I have to spend the rest of my life with *shudder* Ginny."

Ed slung his arm around his shoulders with a grin. "Then why don't we?"

Harry grinned back.

5 tries and several curses later, they had a pair of fake I.D.s.

"But what about my scar?" Harry asked trying (key word) to flatten his hair.

"Hmmm..." Ed said pulling his coat on inside-out. (its a universal, black on the inside)

In The hog's head

The bar chatter stopped as 2 (short Ed: Hey!) lone figures came through the door. One wearing a black clock and trying (again, keyword) to pull the hood over his face. The other one with a metal helmet that looked like it belonged to a suit of armor.

"Brilliant Ed" Harry whispered "They don't notice a thing!"

The customers awkwardly started to make small talk ("Sooo, how 'bout this beetle, huh? Don't see many that red now adays..") trying to ignore the weirdos.

The bartender gave Harry a weird look but it turns out they shouldn't of bothered with the I.D.s.

"What'll it be?" The bearded man growled never paused from wiping a dirty mug with a dirtier rag.

"Whiskey." they both said.

As it turns out, drunk people don't like to 'play pony' no matter how much they smell like hay.

So 2 hours later found Ed and Harry picking themselves off the street/outta the garbage can as the door slammed behind them. (with a good 'ol fashion "AND STAY OUT!" from the bar keep of course.)

"Of all the, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M HAR-mufff!" Ed smacked his hand over the boy-who-has-issues's mouth after finally getting free of the garbage can.

"Shhh!" he said swaying, finger to his lips.

"I-I know a placcce we can go.." he said spinning around falling flat on his face.

"...ow."

the Devil's nest

"And that blond guy better not show his face around me...I ate the bloody rag, wheres my 5 gallons? Him and that damn watch.." Harry grumbled "Time tostep it up" a slightly less drunk Ed muttered.

"Vodka please" he said holding up two fingers. Again, no questions (even with the apple peel in Ed's braid) asked as Roa grunted sliding the drinks over eyeing them strangely.

A guy with a shark-tooth grin strode over.

The rest of the night was a blur of singing, chants of "Chug, chug, chug!" and pointy teeth.

Roy Mustang's office

Ed sat up smacking his head ("OW!") and ducked out from under...the Colonel's desk?! With a start he looked around and there Harry was, wearing a familiar fuzzy vest and alternating between rubbing his head and his ass. Ed's eyes widened at the ouroboros (homunculus tattoo) tramp-stamp. But decided not to comment.

"What the bloody hell happened last night?" Harry groaned out sitting up.

"Hehehe...we had a party!" a new voice exclaimed. They both turned.

Colonial Mustang was laying on top of the (suspiciously charred) desk...in Envy cosplay.

He'd even dyed his hair.

Ed gaped

"Colonial?!"

"Huh...well as fun as this was" Roy said sliding off the desk.

"I think I should get Cassy here home." he said helping the hungover teen across the room.

"Oh, and Fullmetal?" he asked head out the door

"Nice skirt." he shut it with a wink.

AN: Wow..this might be the longest one-shot I'v done yet. And I'v never wrote yaoi before. (I like it sometimes..depends on pairings and stuff.)