Another Chance For Sadistic Romance Part 1

VanVen

Unknown POV

Life was tough. Growing up no one ever said it was gonna get worse with age, if they had I have a feeling I'd be a bit more prepared. Mind you no one said it was gonna get easier either.
Seriously, I could write out on a Sticky Note what I have achieved in my short life since being born into this world.

Don't think that's the only reason I'm here looking down this steep drop to certain death. Seriously I'm not that pathetic to throw it all away for the mere fact that I hate life itself.
No the reason I'm doing this is because of a certain person. Here we go I know what your thinking.

'Get a grip, if this is over some chick who dumped your sorry ass then your more pathetic than we first thought'

Well if that's what your thinking, then that statement would be wrong for TWO REASONS. Yes two, you heard right.

First off this 'chick' is actually of the opposite..well..urm..sex? Okay..it's a dude, are you happy now!

*Coughs* Well yeah you might wanna stop reading now if my being gay offends you because I'm telling you now, I eat homophobic fuckers like you for breakfast.
You've been warned. Yeah I will kick your ass. Getting anger management helps me get away with it since I'm 'getting help' and 'trying my best to stay under control'
I do it out of my own conscience, there's not some fucking gremlin inside of me pulling switches, it's ALL me.

Anyway if your still even listening, the second thing that would be wrong with that statement, if you even remember what it was, he didn't dump my SORRY ass.
I dumped him. One thing I regret more than anything. He changed me more than I ever thought I could in as little time as 6 months. And I hated It.
I hated him for changing me. I hated him for turning me into someone I didn't know anymore. I hate him for not telling me how to change back.

I'm not jumping off a building over the guy. I'm not some lovesick girl who can't possibly live without the love of their life.' He changed me so much that I can't function let alone live without him. He got me hooked on drugs. So that I couldn't fight him. I would hardly ever remember an argument when my thoughts were clear the next day, so he was instantly forgiven. I couldn't argue my point across as I was usually too fucked up to come up with a DECENT argument. I was always to drugged up to run away. Too drugged up to give up on him. He never promised me anything more than what we had so I suppose I only have myself to blame for thinking he would change. I wanted him more than anything. Not the façade he puts on 24/7, I thought I was special,
I thought I would be the one to save him. Turned out it wasn't him that needed to be saved. It was me. It would never be too late for him to change. It was already to late for me. It must have been all part of his plan.

Yeah I know what your thinking again, 'Your just some paranoid, angry, drugged up fucker who has no friends, family, support or anything'

Yeah well kiss my ass. I do have friends, family, support, they all think I'm getting better. I guess that course in drama actually paid off in the end...

About the drugs... Yeah I'm still on them after leaving him. I do weed a few times...a day...there's...cocaine...a few other things I can't really remember the names of. I just take what the dealer gives me. Uppers, Downers,
Screamers, Laughers. Drugs for all types of feelings. Feelings that people would use on a daily basis. Everyone except me. Drugs are the only thing that give the illusion I'm human.
Without them it would be like talking to a blow up doll. Yeah... not much of a conversation.

So yeah you guys are gonna say, 'Oh the drugs are making you paranoid, sort yourself out and you'll feel tons better'

Already tried it. Tried months ago. Was clean for about two months. Waking up in hospital multiple times in those two months had me rushing back to my best friend.
My drug dealer. I can't even remember his name. You'd think I'd know my best friends name, but I never bothered to ask for it again. No point in it.

It's funny. He always said, 'Names are overrated'

I never quite understood what he meant until I left him for good. Yeah we were on and off...quite alot...but we had great make up sex...at least... it was for me...I think.
So anyway the name thing. When I left I realised I had no identity. The identity that I had all my life had been warped so that he was involved in every inch of it. So that if I wanted to LIVE I had to go running back to him, a puppy to it's master. I didn't even have a name anymore. My name was his to own and parade around as he wished. To wear like a badge, to carry like a trophy, to display like a certificate of ownership.

That's when I came up with a new identity, I wouldn't belong to him anymore, I was finally my own person. Or so I thought. Two months after leaving him, about two weeks after coming up with my new name, after pushing the plunger down and pulling the familiar instrument out of my skin I lay on the bathroom floor waiting for the drug to affect my system. As I felt my heartbeat race faster and faster and I felt the cold sweat ingulf my body, his words repeated in my head. 'Names...Over...Are...Rated'

Yeah I was fucked up, when I'm fucked I can't say a sentence let alone think it.

So anyway, Lying on the bathroom waiting for death's door, his words repeating in my head, I realised he was right. I thought by changing my name I could change me, start with a clean slate, a fresh start, a new life. Yet here I was, a depressed drug addict, with no identity, no fresh start. I hadn't even bothered to meet new people, to get a new job any of that.
Most I had done was get a flat. Down the road from where he lived. I hadn't moved on at all. I couldn't pull away. The person who told me a new name and a new identity could change me was a Jackass. Nothing had changed. Too much had happened. A name couldn't change it. I was an idiot to think otherwise.

So yeah, I think you've got the gist of it now. Moving down the road from him. Not a smart decision. Situated only a block away from my drug dealers place. Again, not a great idea.
I think you've gathered by now, I don't really have a bunch of great ideas.

I'm still stood here incase you're wondering. I'm still stood feet apart, hands gripping the rail behind me, the tips of my worn away converse dangling off the edge. I'm surprised no ones noticed yet. Mind you I don't think anyone would be to panicked. They would only be worried if a) I land on them or b) I leave a mess behind. Truthfully I'd be the same.
There's a high suicide rate here so it's not out of the norm to see a junkie try to fly high for the last time.

Not that I'm one of them. This isn't some drug fuelled cry for help. This is me ending my life, my identity, my existence, this is ME ending it all, NOT HIM.

"My name is _-_-_-_-_ controlling my life for the first...and last time..."

Let me know what you think and If i should continue ^^

Ooo and take a guess at who this POV is, I think you'll all get it though ;) ..it could be Vanitas it could be Ventus it could be Roxas it could be Sora it cou-

Pence: We could be here all day if you went through everyone

Me: Oh Pence your always the voice of reason :)

Hayner: Yeah but she wasn't gonna mention you as part of the main cast Pence HA!

Pence: Your not considered the main cast either Hayner

Hayner: ...

Me: I consider you BOTH to be main cast! ^^

Me: Anyways Please review, favourite alert all that Jazz ^^ Thanks guys! And thanks to xxdarkxxalicexx for keeping me motivated to keep going on my fics! Thankyou! ^^