Disclaimer: Ever hear of a fanfiction writer getting rich? Me, neither.
A/N: This fic isn't so much a one-shot as it is a collection of thoughts and musings from Yugi at different times during the YGO anime (and one I made up that happens after). I hope you enjoy.
This is dedicated to x-hannah-banana-x, for being my hundredth reviewer on this account.
Your Tomorrow
One Step Behind
My life has always been like one of those little-kid tests, where they ask you which image doesn't belong: the apple, the banana, the pear, or the tractor.
I am, for all of my efforts, the tractor.
Or I had been. I don't know how it happened and I don't know why, but I know that the Millennium Puzzle had something to do with the drastic changes that have been happening to and around me. It seems fairly strange, I know, to credit an ancient Egyptian artifact for bringing me friends and the ability to win more duels; but then again, I never was one for questioning anything. I guess you could say that I like to believe in things. I like to believe that there's something else, something beyond human comprehension that's out there wandering the universe and controlling what goes on in the world. Perhaps many somethings.
I think that it was these kinds of thoughts that kept me sane all of those years. I told myself that I was alone for a reason, and for a reason that I didn't necessarily have to understand. Not yet, anyway. I just kept working on my puzzles to entertain myself, and adding and collecting Duel Monsters cards in my spare time.
Everyone else seemed so far ahead. People in school, people in the grocery store, people who visited the game shop: they all seemed so confident, walking through life as though they could see a light that I couldn't. I would put on a mask, pretend, and act like I could see it, too. But even that couldn't help me catch up.
I can't say exactly what happened the night that I completed the Millennium Puzzle. I know that it was something big, something Important. But I still don't know. And right now, honestly, I don't exactly care. I'm not worried. All I know is that it was good, something I could trust – something that might just help me get to that one step that distanced me from everyone else.
Utopias
When I was little, I used to wonder a lot about what a perfect world would be like. There would be no poverty, of course, and no starvation. No crying, no sadness, no fights, no anger, no war.
But in a world like that, there would be no happiness, either, would there? If people lived peacefully all of the time, it would become a default setting, a boring utopia; which would not be much of a utopia at all. The Earth is not perfect, and that's what makes it so beautiful and touching when something truly good and pure happens.
I do not know what a perfect world would be like. But I know that, if one existed, I would not be on my knees, crying over a Duel Monsters game.
To be fair on all ends, it is not the game that upsets me. This had never been the problem, and unless a duel will ever jeopardize the life or soul or well-being of a friend or a loved one, it never will be.
Is Kaiba a friend or a loved one? I considere him to be a friend, yes. I know that the feeling is not mutual, and that he only sees me as an annoying rival on a good day; but he is a friend, to me. He always was. But I am not so sure about Kaiba anymore.
I am not so sure about the spirit, either.
He calls me a partner, an 'aibou.' And I trust him, I do. I trust that he will make wise decisions, and that we can do extraordinary things if we work with each other. But we did not work with each other, this time. And that is why, however much it pains me to say, I have decided that there will be no next time.
The spirit of the Millennium Puzzle is so powerful. It gave me friends, and strength, and bravery. But it has also given me arrogance, and the ability to go through with decisions that might hurt another, decisions that I have told myself that I could never – would never – choose. This spirit's power is so overwhelming.
And for a moment, a sliver of a second, as I'm on my knees crying on Pegasus's stone castle, I wonder if this power that the spirit came with, the power that I can possess, was worth completing the Puzzle.
The tears won't stop.
Opposites
He says that he was an ancient Egyptian pharaoh. He says that he does not know anything more about his past. He says that he is sorry for it.
I tell him that it is all right, fine, really, do not worry about it. I say that I trust him, now: he has saved my soul, and Grandpa's, and the Kaibas'. He has more than proved his trustworthiness to me.
He says that I may call him "Yami." I decide to agree to his wish. I do not know what this is about, why he asks me to call him this name, but it somehow seems to fit. It means "darkness," I believe, and in turn, he has proceeded in calling me "hikari." Light.
I've never exactly thought of myself as a "light" person. I'm not entirely sure how you can be one. These names, these titles, do not make much sense, when I think about them in measure: I know that he is not a dark person. I tell him this.
He claims that he is from the dark; that he has lived in the dark for so long that he has become a part of it, become one with the shadows that had swallowed his spirit inside the Puzzle.
I tell him that I do not think this is true, because I know that he is in no way as evil as the Shadow Realm. He is not evil at all.
He confesses to me that he thinks of himself as a parasite, a being feeding off of another's life force. My life force. He says that he is sorry for this, sorry for inhabiting my body, and sorry that I had been unaware that this would happen when I had solved the Puzzle.
I tell him that I do not mind any of it. I tell him this honestly.
He tells me that he is unworthy of calling me a partner, of indicating that we are equals, because he does not deserve to have been saved.
I tell him that I do not believe that.
And he smiles.
Pharaohs and Gods
The Egyptian God cards are staring up at me, their paint glistening in the lamplight next to my bed. These cards do not know the lengths at which mou hitori no boku and I had to reach to claim them. They do not know that they were the cause of so many souls being lost to the Shadow Realm. They do not know that they are the secret to Yami's past.
Or perhaps they do. They do look as if they know, but they are not telling. I find this irrelevant; Yami and I have decided to go to the museum tomorrow to find out, anyway. We are going to bring the cards to the tablet that Ishizu once showed Kaiba, Yami, and Téa. We are going to uncover the Nameless Pharaoh's memories.
I do not know what is going to happen. I do not know if we will be forced to battle another ancient spirit. I do not know if he will leave me forever, once he finds out who he is.
I confess fear of this happening. Mou hitori no boku has become a part of me, such a large part that I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night, scrambling for our mental link, trying to assure myself that he is there. He does not scoff at me and tell me to go back to sleep. He does not give a chuckle and retreat back into the Puzzle. He comes out, a transparent form in the real world that I believe only I can see; and we talk until the sun rises, about fears, and worries, and whatever else we deem important at the time. And he seems as relieved to find that I am still with him as I am to find him still there.
I rub a finger over the edge of Ra.
He is awake. My thoughts have stirred his subconscious mind and brought him to me. I immediately feel guilty.
I tell him I am sorry for waking his rest, and that I will go to sleep soon. Right now. I'll see you in the morning.
Yami looks at me oddly, and asks me what is wrong.
I tell him that nothing is.
He smiles and takes a seat, advising me not to lie to him, for he knows when I do just as well as I myself know when he lies to me.
I bite my lip, and suddenly, the words are out. I am telling him how much I depend on him, how much he has come to mean to me, and that I fear the day that he has to leave, because I know that it will come eventually. I thank him for everything, for being a part of me and teaching me so much when I have given him so little; for taking the risk of being my friend in the first place.
I spill everything. Except for one secret: one secret that I am still not entirely comfortable with admitting to myself. Not yet.
He knows that I am hiding something, but he ignores this and flashes me a brilliant smile, telling me that it is perfectly fine to depend on someone. It is natural to feel as if you cannot live without someone, he says; and he is very, very honored to hear that it is him. He reminds me of how I saved him from the Puzzle, from the darkness within it, and how I was his first friend in over three thousand years. He tells me how much that means to him.
We talk until the dawn breaks.
Normal Circumstances
Promises are only words until they are carried out. I have heard this phrase, or variations thereof, many times throughout my life, but only now do I have the time to contemplate their meaning.
Mou hitori no boku had promised me, long ago, that he would never do anything without my consent. We are partners, after all, and I can not trust him if he makes his decisions alone.
I do not know how long I have been sitting here. It has been a while – a long while, I am sure: in a normal circumstance, my back would be incredibly cramped from leaning in this bubble for so long, and I would have died of boredom by now.
But like so much else in my life, this was far from a normal circumstance. I was going to be fed to a giant snake soon, if mou hitori no boku did not win against Dartz.
Under normal circumstances, I would not have any doubts that he would beat him blindfolded and one-armed.
But I had seen the look in his eyes when Dartz summoned me to the field on his side along with Joey, and Mai, and Pegasus. I could tell that he had not yet forgiven himself. I could tell that he was convinced that he needed me with him to win this one.
These were far from normal circumstances.
Godforsaken
He tells me that he is sorry, so sorry, for anything and everything. He apologizes for all of the things he has done to me and to others, and also for all of the things he has even ever considered doing without my knowledge. He tells me that he does not blame me if I wish to throw the Puzzle into the sea. He practically encourages it.
I start to cry, and he, alarmed, becomes even more so when I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face into his chest. He holds me close, tells me that he is sorry, so sorry, for making me cry.
I sob harder, telling him that I am sorry for being so weak, for depending on him as much as I do, and sorry for causing him so much pain.
He tells me that it is not my fault, none of it is; none of it ever could be.
I tell him that I do not wish to see him so sad again, over something that he has already been forgiven for.
After a long time, he cautiously asks me if he may spend the night with me in my soul room.
And I consent.
Champions and Kings
I cannot believe that we have made it this far. I cannot believe that mou hitori no boku was sent back to his time, to ancient Egypt, to fight the tomb robber Bakura in a battle that decided the fate of the world. I cannot believe that Joey, Tristan and Téa bravely went with me when I decided to follow him. I cannot believe that we beat the ultimate Shadow Game. I cannot believe that we survived it all. I cannot believe that the two of us were immediately forced into a duel as soon as we got back.
And I cannot believe that I won.
He tells me not to cry, that a champion does not belong on his knees. I am no champion; and he knows that I believe this. There is so much to say, so much that I told myself I would tell him when the time came that we would part; but it is gone and forgotten now, like a vague dream that I had once had a long, long time ago.
We say our goodbyes. I am still in shock throughout it all. I was not meant to win this, I tell myself savagely. I was not meant to beat him. He was supposed to stay; he was supposed to get another chance at life. He was supposed to remain the King of Games. This was not what was supposed to happen.
But he is walking through the doors to the Afterlife, now, and I still cannot find the strength to tell him the secret I have kept from him all along.
So I send him off with a smile, promising myself that I will try to be happy, for him –
And he is gone.
Light of the Ancient
When Death comes, I welcome it.
I have lived a good life. It was not particularly long, and it was not extremely short, but I was happy with how I had used my time in this world. I have no regrets; none that are worthy of my time.
A light seems to flash, not only in my eyes, but through me, within me, and suddenly I am no longer in myself. I am drifting, out of my body and out of this world, leaving for the next. I close my eyes and get ready for the journey.
When I open them, he is there, calling out to me, and I come into his outstretched arms and, finally, tell him everything.
As soon as I am done, I say that I am sorry for telling him this, for making him uncomfortable. I am sorry for dropping this weight upon his shoulders, for putting this permanent lever between our relationship –
And he tells me that he is sorry that I have ever thought that he does not feel the same.
A/N: I would have had this up sooner, but my computer is currently acting about as effective as a pile of fewmets. Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought. (: