Scrubs belongs to Bill Lawrence.
A/N: lolololol
Once upon a time Jordan had asked him just how the hell he could come up with all those girl names without even giving it a second thought, and if he'd taken to cracking open baby names books simply to discover new girls name to torture D.J. with. He didn't answer her, it was just too awkward a question.
She asked him again and again and again until she had eventually given up. She must have chalked it up as another one of those things that she must never ever know about.
He didn't tell her that he had indeed been tempted to use a baby names book, because it wasn't very fun to use the same name more then once. The book was on his bookshelf (he didn't buy it, Jordan did), willing and able, but there's no fun in calling JD a girl's name if he already has a cheat sheet in his pocket.
It's supposed to be spontaneous, never mind the fact that he has to think of a proper name for the occasion- like Shakira because Shakira equals hips or Pumpkin is for when JD's got some pudge on him. His favorite name thus far is Agnes. It's a plain name, so he uses it whenever he thinks that JD's got a rather plain face. He'll mention that to him someday-the guy's going to have a fit what with him thinking he's a God's gift to women and/or men and all.
Hm, maybe he'll call him Priscilla next time, it'll just shine a spotlight on how much time he spends on his hair, and how ridiculous that fact is. It doesn't need for it to be that bouncy, for God's sake!
That helmet was a little bit over the top for his tastes, but who can argue with those results?
Dammit, he's already used that name, besides. Back to the drawing board.
Prudence. Hah. Bad one. JD's a little more of a Jennifer Taylor, except without the marriage part.
Jordan doesn't seem appreciate that he puts time and effort (not really) into calling JD girly names. It's an art form. It's demeaning. People get it why he calls him 'Carol' or 'Babs'. He's simply that annoying. Kindda makes him want to smush his little face in and/or give him a smack on the lips.
More importantly, he's flirting with him. Subtly, he might add. A jib here, a meaningful I-want-to-screw-your-brains out glance and lingering touchs (as corny as that might sound) there.
He's thinking 'Angelina Jolie' when he thinks about the man's ridiculous lips. Fab-ulous lips. He's thinking 'Cindy' when he's thinking how he's kinda cute (not even). 'Anita' when he thinks how eager JD might be in the sack. He'll even say 'Britney' to hint that the man's being a just a tiny bit skanky.
Skanky as in showing off his stomach in tight shirt or wearing jeans that show off that 'bootylicious' ass he has to his latest conquest.
Oh, hello, another name! Jennifer, as in Jennifer Lopez, as in the Jennifer Lopez the Awesome Ass Owner. Memo to self- use that the next time Newbie wears those stupid jeans.
Too many names to use on one stupid guy, that stupid guy being the one who probably doesn't get it. He's probably thinking 'Dr. Cox is so mean, boo hoo, somebody tell him to stop, that somebody preferably being Carla.' He isn't thinking 'Oh, hey, maybe Dr. Cox is putting the moves on me and I should respond with about as much grace as a hippo.'
Sissy. Stupid.
Maybe a stiff drink will make this name thing go away. A strong, mind-loosing drink, the kind that burns the throat.
That would be nice-it would make him forget all the horrible things that are associated with the dimwitted man-child. A strong drink would allow him to sleep without dreaming about doing the nasty with 'Nelly'.
Ah, maybe tomorrow, after he's done flirting with the baby-doc who seems to be coming on to him, but doesn't realize that his 'mentor' is doing the exact same thing in turn.
What a idiot. Ingrid. Sounds like ingrate. Sounds just like him.
Oh, hey, there's Newbie, flirting with yet another woman-this time, it's that tiny little blond that looks like a prettier Elliot. At least he's not wearing those jeans, but why let a good name go to waste?
"Hey, there, Shakira."
He stops talking to the woman immediately. She stands there for a bit, wondering if she should go or keep talking. He glares at her, she leaves. Newbie doesn't seem to miss her.
Wow, he must really want me.
He pouts. "Why did you call me Shakira?"
Not about to tell him that he has some hips going on. "Have you seen Shakira's older hairdo? It's a complete rat's nest."
"Hey, I think it makes her look exotic."
"On her, yes, on you, never."
"Is that the only reason why?"
"Are you going to tell me that you're actually a girl or are you fishing for compliments?"
He's defensive at once. "No, it's just-don't you think I've got hips like her and the same crazy-mad dance skills?" He does a little dance to prove his point. Everyone in their immediate vicinity ignored them; it was just another crazy JD moment.
Almost, but not really. What you claim to be crazy-mad dance moves actually seem to be hidden by your flab right now. "Please don't do that again, please, and no, you do not have hips like her, much less the dancing skills."
"Aw, man..."
"Would you really want to be compared to a broad like her, Newbie?"
JD shrugged. "She's sexy."
He gestured to the spot where the blonde used to be. "She was all over you. Obviously she thought you were."
The poor man finally noticed that the woman was long gone. He mourned the fact briefly. Only because she had pretty eyes. "She doesn't count."
"Who counts?"
He paused. "Not her. She was pretty, that's all. I already know who counts."
It was such an obvious confession now.
"Well, you better hope that this person knows that you want it bad."
Newbie winks. "I'll make sure of it. Maybe tomorrow or the day after...?"
"Just make sure you wear those jeans of yours."