A/N: This was another one of my 'What if' days. I started this and never actually got aroudnt o finishing it, hoping that rereading and re-editing the whole thing will give me some inspiration.
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
Empty Places
Chapter 1.
She was dying for a cigarette.
It was 7 in the morning and all she wanted to do was wrap her lips around the paper, feel the smoke drift down her throat and escape her lips.
"Hey," said a voice from behind her.
Abby turned around, smiling lethargically, "Hey,"
"Looks like it's going to be nice day," Susan commented, staring up at the morning sun.
Abby laughed fleetingly, rolled her eyes, "Great day, beautiful day, the best day ever," she said sarcastically.
Susan smiled sympathetically, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Abby sighed, "Not really,"
Susan nodded, "Okay, just coming out warn you, we've got a double MVA coming, car vs. pedestrian, ETA 3 minutes."
"Best day ever," she said in a sing song voice, Susan laughed and went back inside, punching Carter in the arm as she walked by.
"Ow, what was that for?" he said, running to catch up to her angry stride.
"Thanks for your oh-so subtle announcement this morning, really made an impression," she said acerbically.
"What?" he said, stopping in his tracks, hands raised questioningly.
"You're an ass," she said, pushing through the doors of trauma 2.
"What'd I do?" he asked to no one in particular, Susan exited Trauma 2, rounding on Carter again.
"Gee, I wonder..." she started, her tone mocking, "could be that you left Abby roughly 7 months ago, wrote her a letter, and by the way, you're not in high school any more, you don't write a note to say you're dumping someone, juvenile," she muttered, then you come back 8 weeks after you dump her, with a pregnant girlfriend, please, can we say 'mourning period', you can't obviously," she muttered again.
"Susan, is there a point to this?" he asked, somewhat bemused.
"The point is you show up this morning, announcing your elopement, which wasn't hasty at all, to afore mentioned girlfriend, and expect Abby to be okay with this?"
"This about Abby?" he asked, unsure.
"Yeah, this is about Abby, you could have told her, you know, shown a little respect," she chided.
"I wasn't really thinking about her," he said, half grudgingly, half apologetically.
"Yeah, well you are as dumb as you look," she grumbled, scrubbing her name off the board.
"Should I go talk to her?"
"Sure, I haven't seen you get chewed out in awhile, I'm looking for a little comedy,"
"Ah,"
"Yeah, and Carter," she called out as she walked back out to the ambulance bay, he looked up ay her, "Congratulations," she smiled.
He raised his eyebrows and smiled back, "Thanks."
The wail of sirens began to get louder, Carter prepared himself near the door, waiting for the arrival, Susan and Abby burst through the doors, with EMT's and a couple of gurneys.
"What have we got?" Carter asked as he took control of one the gurneys, helping to push it to trauma 2, listening as they gave him the bullet.
"27 year old male, head trauma, suspected broken leg, Pulse is 90, B.P is 110/90, weak resps, barely a 6. Two IV's and 7 litres of blood, he crashed on the way here, but we got a pulse back. History of heart failure"
"This the driver or the pedestrian?" Carter asked.
"Driver,"
Susan barked out orders, "Carter, Abby, you two take him, Pratt, Neela, you're with me,"
The pushed him into the trauma room, Carter took control of the situation, "Okay, on my count, 1, 2, 3" they lifted him onto the bed, Chuny and Sam, flanking their side.
"Okay, no grey matter, just a laceration, order a CBC, EKG, sonogram and x-ray for his leg, Abby...intubate him," he ordered.
"Pulse ox is 65," Sam reported.
"Got it!" Abby announced.
"He's down!" Lydia shouted, above the scream of the machine.
"Crash cart!" Abby yelled, grabbing the paddles, "Charge to 200! Clear!"
"IV push 20 mgs of TPA," Carter ordered.
"Nothing,"
"Charge to 250! Clear!"
"We've got rhythm!" Lydia announced, "Pulse is 70, but he's stabilising,"
Carter breathed a sigh of relief, "Okay, let's see if we can't stem this bleeding,"
"Any internal bleeding?" Carter asked, looking to Abby as she studied the sonogram.
"Nope, minor cuts and bruises. He got lucky, though surgery will have to take a look at his leg...he might lose it"
Carter nodded, satisfied and proud, "Nice work, Dr Lockhart,"
"Surgery's here!" came Corday's familiar bark, they lifted him onto the gurney, and she grabbed hold of him.
Carter looked to Abby to present, she took a deep breath then rattled off the information needed.
"BP is 100/65, resps are 12. Minor lacerations and contusions, compound fracture of the left femur. He's got congenital heart disease, 20mgs of TPA, shocked and stabilised," she finished breathlessly.
Corday nodded, and exited the room.
"Well done," he said.
She gave him a false smile and left the room, tossing her gloves and apron in the trash.
"Best day ever," she muttered.
Abby stood on the over crowded train, staring mindlessly out at the people, going home to an empty house. Empty places she thought, seemed to be all that was left in her life.
She had thought about buying a cat, but then remembered that she had killed a lot of goldfish in her time, and maybe no living thing deserved her wrath.
She pushed open the door to her apartment, collapsing on the couch.
It had been one of those days.
She changed into something more comfortable, taking a single serve frozen meal from her freezer.
Sighing and staring off mindlessly into space. She thought about the day's events.
Carter walked into Admit, glowing with nervous pride and energy, vibrating with barely controlled excitement, Abby felt a sense of relief, seeing him happy, seeing him smile for the first time after losing his son.
"You gonna tell us what's happening, Carter, or are we going to have to guess?" Haleh asked.
He smiled broadly, wringing his hands, "Ahhhh,"
"Oh come on, spill it Carter," Lydia smiled.
"Well, Kem and I, got married, today, this morning, we eloped," he announced.
Haleh, Lydia, Chuny, Malik, Jerry and Randi, rushed forward to congratulate him.
Susan and Abby stood at the back, shocked. Susan looked at Abby.
"Ah, did he just say what I thought he said?" Susan asked Abby.
"Yeah, I believe he did," Abby replied, shell shocked.
"Huh," Susan commented.
"Yeah."
"Guess we better go say something."
"Yeah."
Abby and Susan moved through the excited crowd.
Susan hugged Carter, "Well...good for you," she said quickly, flashing him a smile.
"Thanks,"
He looked down to see Abby, standing nervously before him, he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her.
"Congratulations," she whispered into his ear, planting a kiss on his cheek.
"Thanks" he replied, warmly hugging her.
She broke away, smiling timidly at him, before making her excuses to go.
She knew that she and Carter were over, she knew it because she was sitting here, alone, eating a frozen meal for one, it's just that she hadn't had time to deal with it and now...marriage was so final.
She took a sip of soda and tried to think about other things, made up excuses as to why she was feeling this way.
It was just because she was lonely.
It was because she hadn't had time to deal with their break up.
It was because she had no life now that he was out of hers.
It was because she still loved him.
She still loved him, she knew it, and now it felt as if she was lost, no chance and no hope of ever getting back together.
She cursed herself for all the mistakes she'd made with him, she had pushed him away, never let him in, never gave back what he needed.
She sat alone her apartment, which now seemed to bubble with memories of him.
"Hello Mrs Carter," Carter said, wrapping his arms around Kem.
She smiled into his chest, "I missed you today," she whispered.
"I know, it's a bad way to spend our honeymoon, how can I make it up to you?" he teased.
"You can make me dinner, I'm starving,"
"Haven't you eaten?" he asked.
"I've been busy all day, had to call to make some arrangements, you know, about the clinic,"
He looked down at her, concern filled his face, "You should be eating, you know, you're still weak,"
She narrowed her eyes, "I'm not a baby, John,"
"Fine," he replied, irritation creeping into his voice, "just try to eat, okay,"
"I will," she replied, a smile sneaking onto her face, "Now, about making it up to me..." she said seductively.
He laughed and picked her up in his arms, carrying her upstairs.
"John!" she giggled.
"I love you," he whispered, placing her lightly on the bed.
She reached a hand up to his face, stroking his cheek, "I love you too."
It had been hard for them, difficult to lose a child, their first child, Kem had been distant and cold in the weeks afterwards, and it seemed nothing he said could reach her, he had desperately tried to get across to her, finally and frantically proposing to her, he remembered her saying yes, his surprise, his relief, his joy and his concern...the little voice in the back of his head that told him that it wasn't right, that it was too soon, too fast, too rushed, maybe they were both clinging onto something that didn't exist anymore, but all his doubts were pushed the back of his mind...he had just wanted to be happy.
Lying in bed, he was staring at the ceiling, listening to Kem's steady breathing, he couldn't get to sleep himself, he'd come to loathe sleep, even fear it...when ever his life took a turn for the tragic he could always count on the nightmares...so he didn't sleep, or at least he didn't sleep often.
And at 11:56 strange thoughts always seemed to creep into his mind, skulking about.
He thought about Abby, thought about how a year ago he would have given anything to marry her, how 3 years ago he would have been chasing her, thinking about her non stop, they'd gone from student/teacher, to best friends, to lovers, to...nothing. It was like they hardly knew each other nowadays.
He missed the conversations he used to have with her, he missed the moments when she would say what she was feeling, what she was thinking, laying in bed, late at night, early in the morning; he loved her husky voice, the coy look on her face when she would tease him.
It almost brought a smile to his face to think of all the good times they'd had together...it was almost easy to forget the bad. He made up his mind to try to talk to Abby, maybe they could...be friends, he thought lamely, he rolled onto his side, Kem snuggled in his arms, and just hoped it would all work out tomorrow.