Tied back, it hung.
Alfred wondered what separated it from now, and what kept it so wholly in love.
He knew of the fact that the photograph was more than a symbol, but what else could he convince his heart of?
The American found that the aches in his heart never healed.
He doubted that anyone could have ever guessed the guilt tied to his heart or the pain of the remorse buried within.
All he wanted was silly moments with his husband back and gentle arms around him as their dogs played on.
He missed the thrill of having conquered a war from home to all that mattered to him.
Alfred missed watching Ludwig come back home where the days could be spent in quiet peacefulness, just the two of them together.
He could see the books that lay on the floor, scattered throughout the house from all of the studying Ludwig had done and from the German's leisure reading as well from just before he rushed off for more extended days fighting another war.
Alfred could pretend in those moments that Ludwig would come back and that he was only gone for a moment; he could pretend that their last memory together was not an argument.
He could not imagine his life without Ludwig who refused to try out for a sport for a while due to his tendency to appear really nerdy and how cute all of that was back in high school.
The American could recall the accent that Ludwig had tried to hide then back before his accent grew to be faint until he was passionate about something.
Alfred could recall how awkward courting him had been, and all of Gilbert's teasing remarks about them.
He knew of the innocence of the banter from back then.
Alfred could recall their wedding, his and Ludwig's anyway.
He remembered how the whole town had shown up to support the two of them, and yet he could recall nights early into their marriage when they went to bed stressed out and angry with each other.
Alfred could recall the hours of assured forgiveness after those big arguments, and how the wars had not taken their lives over.
He could remember how many hours Ludwig spent studying compared to how little Alfred cared to do so yet he could recall the time so clearly when Ludwig told him, he wanted to fight for their country.
Alfred could remember the fear that took the two over and sent their hearts a fray with worry though Alfred could also remember how Ludwig had slowly cared for him as he told him that he had to.
He remembered insisting that the feeling would go away from Ludwig out of fear, and still to this day was surprised that the other man hadn't walked out on him then.
Alfred remembered the urgency in Ludwig's tone from his passion to do what he found to be right for him and from the struggles they were going through.
The American grew to accept Ludwig's decision as the night turned to day ever so slowly.
He could recall that first kiss goodbye and the fear that left their goodbyes brief.
Alfred could remember how "wild" the welcome back became with their desperate relief, and the vows that shortly followed over how they'd get through this together.
He could remember the long months in which Ludwig got to stay home until he was needed there again.
Alfred knew how those months grew to feel short with the passage of time and the life that the military sometimes seemed for them due to Ludwig's decision.
The American never realized though after every day and night of worry and every petty argument combined with every sweet moment that there would be an end to this and by default, a bit of an end to them.
Alfred still thought now after years of how he could have prevented what happened from trying to convince Ludwig not to go even though he knew Ludwig could be just as stubborn as he could be.
He could easily see him begging for forgiveness and throwing his pride away just to save Ludwig, and he could imagine choosing to follow his love back to war with the chance that they'd live together or die together.
Alfred missed him.
He missed that old fearful hope and hated how sorrowful the days had become, but he could never trade his feelings for the world as Ludwig was all that he loved and wanted.
The American would grow to manage life with his broken heart though never would he move on with the fickle meaning towards the words.
Alfred loved him more than anything.