Ever since he was a young boy, Remus had known he was different. It wasn't his lycanthrope capabilities that set him apart, but rather something else. His years before Hogwarts were a confusing time, to say the least.
Looking back, he remembered his first crush at age five, full of butterfly nervousness and innocence. That boy had grown to be a good friend of Remus's through primary school, though straight as a ruler.
When he was informed that he would be attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he understood that he was special. Hopefully others would agree. But who would want to be friends with a werewolf who likes boys the way he should like girls?
That's why he was so happy when James, Sirius, and Peter pulled him into an inclusive circle, allowing him to blossom into his true self. They even became Animangi for him, which was something that deeply touched Remus. Those several years were among the best of his life.
Unfortunately, Sirius had it harder. Why did his stomach get all fluttery when Remus looked at him that way? Why did he not seem to mind the warm hugs the other boy gave? (Why did he enjoy them?)
Every time he shagged some random girl he it was to try to become the person he thought he should have been. It didn't work, though, because he lost himself even more on those nights. After the hormones receded and lust faded away, he was left with emptiness.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was going to meet some pretty young lady at school, get married, and have kids. Those feelings – the ones that kept him up at night, thinking in the safe darkness of what he wanted most to do – weren't him, were they? There was nothing wrong with homosexuality, of course not, but that's not who Sirius was. In all his wild fantasies of what adult life would be like, he had never envisioned himself settling down with another man.
Despite his experience with girls sexually, Sirius had never been in a relationship, ever. Not with a girl, or even a boy, and he didn't know why. James was obviously going to end up with Lily, Peter had that weird mousy girl he'd been dating for a while, Remus had – well, Remus hadn't had any girlfriends yet, come to think of it. Upon inquiry, the werewolf had merely stated he had not met anyone of interest, that maybe after school was over he'd find someone to spend the rest of his life with. But Sirius suspected they all knew Remus played for the other team – he'd never openly stated it, but it wasn't too difficult a matter to grasp considering the closeness of the four friends.
Sirius would have been fine denying it all his life – or so he told himself – if it hadn't been for Andrea McGuire.
She was a seventh year, going to graduate a month later. On one particularly emotional night, he had found the nearest attractive girl for a hookup – that had just happened to be the Hufflepuff teen.
Before clothes had even started to shed she could clearly sense his dissatisfaction, so she rolled over and they stared at the ceiling, both feeling alienated in different ways. After several long, stretched out minutes and some deep thinking, Andrea sat up and started to smooth her clothes and hair. Sirius did the same. Then she sat on the bed in the Room of Requirement next to him and sincerely told him, "I can tell you don't want this. You would be a lot happier if you followed your heart, you know. I bet he'll be happy."
It took Sirius a few minutes to register what she had said and get over his blatant shock. "But…no, I…I mean – how did you figure it out?" he sighed, defeated.
"Sweetie, my brother went through the same thing. He was so miserable before he came out...all that bottled up inside him, thinking that he would be judged and ridiculed if he told anyone. And you know, rumour has it that Dumbledore himself is gay, too. You're definitely in a safe environment here. When you're ready, tell that group of friends you have. After six years, if they don't accept you, throw them out. But please, just do what makes you happy."
"Thank you. Thank you so much…" Sirius wiped at the tears forming in his eyes as he tried to think of what else to say.
She just smiled and whispered, "Hang in there," before leaving the room.
The next evening, Sirius gathered his three close friends – brothers, practically – into their dorm room. All was quiet as the others stared at him.
"What did you want to tell us, mate? It's obviously bothering you. Has been for a while, I'd say. You can trust us," Remus assured.
"Well…." He was nearly seventeen, nearly an adult. He could do this. "I – er – I fought it for so long – too long – but I've finally come to terms with it. It may change everything; it may not. This is something I've known for years – a majority of that time spent refusing to think about it. But, I'm – I'm gay." Sirius's eyes bore holes into the floor, his cheeks tinged pink.
"We know," said James.
"What? You do?" He looked up swiftly. How had they recognized it as truth before he had?
"Come on, Sirius. It's so obvious. I mean, years of one night stands, but no girlfriends? You were always saddest after those nights, anyway. Plus, you never really held much interest in those Muggle magazines we found that one time, the ones with the hot girls in their underwear. You just wanted to plan the next prank on Snifflus." James laughed.
"So do you mean that you don't hate me?"
"Why would we hate you? We still love Remus, and his preference has been clear from a lot earlier on."
Remus rolled his eyes at this remark, apparently aware of the fact the others knew.
Soon the conversation turned lighter, Sirius feeling more joyful than he had in months. James stood up and Peter followed suit, the two sharing a look, as if they knew something Sirius and Remus didn't.
"Well, it's about that time. Lily should be in the library by now. Wait a second, Peter, weren't you supposed to meet your girlfriend there about, what, five minutes ago?" James checked the time. "Make that ten. We should hurry."
Peter furrowed his brow in confusion, but James whispered something in Wormtail's ear, and the two walked out the door, laughing about some inside joke.
"Strange."
Remus chuckled. "They have been acting weird lately." He frowned for a second, but then smiled up at Sirius. "It was really brave, what you did. I had begun to suspect, but I guess James beat me to it."
"I'm just glad I got it out. I was seriously considering backing out."
"I know the feeling. It's strange, feeling slightly offbeat from the rest of the world, even though you know there are millions of others out there experiencing the same thing. Hell, Dumbledore's gay."
"What was it like for you, Moony?" Sirius tried his best to push down the butterflies – dragons, rather – floating around his insides.
Remus smiled at the nickname. "Sort of gradual. I've been aware of it since I was maybe five or six and, although I was scared of judgement, I didn't really put up a fight. Once I came here and met you guys, my confidence skyrocketed. I guess when you're a wizard and a werewolf, being even more different doesn't bother you as much."
Sirius nodded. Here it was. "Do you, er, fancy any guys?"
A grin spread across the brown-haired boy's face. "One step ahead of you…" he whispered as he closed the gap between them.
Electricity shot through their lips, conveying all the unspoken thoughts. It was everything and more each had dreamed of for so long. It felt right. They were interrupted, however, by two sets of clapping hands coming from the open doorway.
The boys looked up with wide eyes. "Hey! Not fair!" Remus growled.
Sirius just smiled and shook his head, clearly understanding the two boys' plan. "Really funny, guys. You two have girlfriends – well, a hopeless case for James, really." To this, Prongs merely rolled his eyes. "So let Moony and I have some alone time. I deserve privacy with my new boyfriend, don't I?"
Remus beamed and kissed Padfoot squarely on the mouth once more, which got a definite reaction from their audience. Peter smiled, happy for his friends, but James made a noise similar to choking as he mimicked the action with his hands around his neck. Everyone laughed at this – including the boys who had started up their kissing again once the jokes died down.
Finally, both Sirius and Remus really, totally felt like they were accepted for who they truly were, like they belonged.