A/N: I was stuck in the car with my brother the other day... this happened. I own nothing.
As the ball bounced off of his head for the fourth time, Alex narrowed his eyes and turned around to look at the three children in the back seat. They were all pointing at one another, eyes wide with fear or humor, as they tried their best not to start laughing. With a warning look, he turned back around in the seat and glanced over at the woman driving.
"Why, exactly, are we bringing them on the vacation? Do you not know the meaning of the word?"
"We've been over this about ten thousand times, Alex. They're our children and as much as Izzie would like to believe she can handle them.. She can't."
"That's because they are Satan's spawn," he muttered.
"Half Satan, half dark and twisty. What a mix." Meredith shook her head before signaling to move into the right lane. "We've doomed those kids."
"Seven years later and I still can't believe you had triplets. You could have warned me that it ran in your dad's family."
"Like I knew," she laughed. "And don't try to blame all of this on me, I talked to your sister and she told me about your aunt."
"Traitor." He grunted as the ball hit him again, causing him to turn around and pick it up before one of the kids could. "Mine now."
"Aw, dad, c'mon!" The young boy on the left whined as he crossed his arms, the girl next to him and the boy on the right copying him.
"No. Put the movie on or play a game."
"We've seen every movie in the van!"
"What about the one Aunt Lexie gave you?"
"Matthew forgot it!" The boy on the right yelled, pointing across his sister to his brother.
"Did not! Michael did. I told him to grab it," Matthew rolled his eyes as he pointed his finger back at the other boy, their sister swatting their fingers out of her face.
"Get your dirty hands out of my face," she squealed as the two boys started waving their fingers.
"Matthew, Michael, stop before you poke Mackenzie in the eye." Alex shook his head as he glanced at his wife, silently pleading for help but knowing that he was in this on his own; she had to focus on the traffic.
"Big baby," Michael muttered to his sister as he turned to look out the window.
"Am not," the girl shrieked as she bopped him in the head, smirking as his forehead hit the glass. "That's what you get!"
"You brat!" Michael turned and pinched her on the leg, earning a loud yelp from her.
"Evil Spawn!" Mackenzie yelled, an exact imitation of her Aunt Cristina as she punched her brother's shoulder.
"Michael Alexander and Mackenzie Isobel, knock it off before I knock you out." Alex glanced over his shoulder, in time to watch the young boy in question elbow his sister in the side.
Tears welled up in the girl's eyes as she clutched his side, glancing from her dad to her brother in a debate whether or not to retaliate when Matthew's hand flashed in front of her and thumped Michael in the chest.
"You don't hit girls, Mike."
"It's not a girl," Michael whined as his dad turned around in the seat, causing him to drop the hand that was about to punch his brother.
"That's it. Back seat, now." Alex pointed to the back seat, nodding towards Michael to get him to move.
"No, dad, c'mon. I'll stop. Don't make me sit back there by myself, I'll be so bored." The boy crossed his arms, his lips pulled down in a pout.
"I heard that thirty minutes ago when you accidentally hit her in the cheek. I don't want to hear it. Move."
"Bu-"
"Michael Alexander, do what your father told you now or so help me you'll stay in the condo the whole time we're here." Meredith glanced in the rear view mirror, deciding to step in and get some order in the van before her husband threatened to muzzle them.. again.
Alex watched as the boy unbuckled and climbed over the back of the seat, sulking the whole time as he sunk into the seat and buckled his belt again. Turning around in his seat, his eyes slid over to his wife as he shook his head.
"Don't start with me," she warned as she took the next exit. "It's not my fault that you're the pushover."
"I don't know what happened," he sighed. "One minute I was Evil Spawn and the next you were pregnant and brain washed me."
"Oh, no no no." She shook her head, pointing her finger at him as she carefully slid back into traffic. "We don't get to blame this on me. You got me pregnant, mister."
"Ew, mom," Matthew turned his nose up as he pulled the headphones on, the other two doing the same.
"You seduced me," Alex smirked.
"Oh yes," Meredith scoffed as she rolled her eyes. "I'm the one who found you in the middle of a double shift and dragged you to an on-call room just so I could strip you and get you pregnant."
"Exactly," he agreed smugly as he fiddled with the air conditioner.
"I should have took Sloan up on his offer," she muttered with another shake of her head.
"Oh no. Addison and I both agree that the founders of the Dirty Mistress club do not get to hang out for extended amounts of time."
"He promised Paris," Meredith sighed wistfully, chuckling as her husband grunted at her.
"I'd be worried if he wasn't happily married with two Addison minis and we didn't have three monsters in the back of this van."
"I'd be worried too, Paris is awfully tempting."
"I'm going to ship you to Paris in a cardboard box," he muttered as he turned his attention out the window, only kind of listening as his wife went on to tease him about their co-workers and the affair that never would be.