Kurt Hummel rolled the bottle of pills between his fingers thoughtfully.
Is it really worth it? Is it honestly that bad?
He had no answer. He popped the lid open and poured a handful of pills onto his palm. He gazed at them softly, almost longingly.
I could end it all right now.
He brought one pill up to his lips and softy kissed it, tasting the bitter but sweet taste of it on his lips. He shivered in anticipation.
No one will miss me.
It was true. His dad had Carole and Finn now, and they haven't spoken a real conversation in over a month. Finn had his girlfriend and friends, Mercedes had her new boyfriend, and the rest of the glee club was too wrapped up in their own petty dramas to notice Kurt.
He was alone. Even Blaine, his best friend, wasn't always there. He tried to be as much as he could, but he was caught up at Dalton lately because of finals, and Kurt hadn't spoken more than a few words to him for weeks.
They probably won't even notice.
And even if they did, they would all eventually get over it, move on, and forget about him. He would be nothing but a bad memory. Nothing but a ghost of an existence.
So what are you waiting for?
He didn't know. He wanted this more than anything, yet he couldn't bring himself to swallow the pills. He hesitated, unsure. He stalled and made excuses.
But for what?
The voice in his head had a good point. What was he waiting for? He had nothing left. He had nothing to lose. He was nothing.
And with that thought he brought the pills to his mouth, one by one, and swallowed them with a glass of water. Once he had taken enough, he laid back on his bed, waiting.
His phone beeped.
From: Blaine
Hey, Kurt! I was thinking we should do something tonight. We haven't seen each other for a while. I'll pick you up in ten minutes, ok? See you soon.
Kurt panicked. He couldn't let Blaine see him like this. He started to type out a message with an excuse, but he was already feeling dizzy and disoriented. He dropped his phone, not even realizing he had, and truly began to panic for the first time that night.
I can't let Blaine see me like this.
Why not? What did it matter? The sooner Blaine found him, dead, the better. That way it wouldn't have to be his father coming home and checking up on him, thinking he was just asleep, and finding out in the morning when he didn't wake up.
He did feel bad that Blaine was going to be the one to find him like this.
But he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. The panic eased, and he lay back down, closing his eyes, his head spinning.
He was just starting to slip under when a voice broke through the fog in his head.
"-urt? Hey, Kurt? Are you here?" Blaine. Blaine was inside already. Kurt took a deep breath, the last words he heard being, "Kurt! Oh, god. Kurt!"