My first Fanfiction! Yay me. This is just a one shot ... so Read and Review, So then I'll know to write some more!
I lift my head up off the table, push back on my chair and stand up. Grab my bag and walk out the door. I hear the teacher calling my name, but it's just a soft whisper. My head is filled with images, memories, thoughts that drag me into a deep, dark hole.
Next thing I know I'm in the park, 3 kilometers from the school. I wonder how I got there, I must have walked but the thing is, I don't remember walking. I collapse beside one of the many big oak trees. I drag my legs up to my chest and lye my head on my knees. Then, I begin to cry.
All the things I've tried to keep boxed up in my head, is flooding out. I grab my head with my hands, Let out a small cry of pain. The memories are bouncing inside my head, rebounding off my skull. I smash my head back into the trunk of the tree, over and over again. Trying to block of the pain in my mind. I scream with frustration, then, I black out.
I'm not sure how long I was lying there for, just staring at the rubbish and old milk bottles used as bongs on the ground. But when I sit up, the sun in on the other side of the sky. But that gives me no comfort, no hope or that tiny bit of happiness on that the day is that much closer to ending, it does nothing for me. Because I know that tomorrow is going to be like today and today was just like yesterday, but not the this extent. I'm going to feel like this no matter what time, no matter what day. I stand, grab my bag, and start walking.
I walking aimlessly around unfamiliar streets, everything I see seems to set off something different in my brain. Making the throbbing and the uncontrollable sadness that much worse. It feels like I'm disintegrating, falling apart by the second. My leg weaken and I fall into the side of the road. There, I sit.
A feeling of darkness smothers over me, carves into me. Like poison running through my veins, spreading thoughts of suicide in my mind. Suicide: the act of killing ones self, It's a crime, Wouldn't want to commit a crime.
Self-destruction is what this is, I know it's what this is. Me, stupid pathetic me, I'm not even strong enough to go through a whole day without breaking down, not even half a day! I sob uncontrollable tears. I rake my fingers through my hair, fingernails digging into my scalp, as easy as play dough. Why did I have to be so weak? So delicate? So frail? So god damned rotten down to the core? I had asked myself these questions before, but now I knew the answers.
My mother was killed, she was on a mission. It wasn't really a mission, she went because she needed to sort some stuff out for Gallagher Academy. But, the night before she left, just like every Saturday night, I went to have dinner with her. We started fighting, I'm not even sure what for now. I've raked through my brain, analysing every single word she said to me. Slaughtering all my happiness. She left angry at me, She left me angry at her. But, she didn't come back for me to say sorry, and I was very sorry. I loved her, I really did. But she didn't come back and I didn't get to say sorry, but I guess I can send her a letter from hell.
I look up, the sky is black. Time means nothing to me, time is just another thing for me to ignore. I stand, on shaky legs. I walk in the direction of the sound, the sound of cars whizzing past. I close my eyes, but keep on walking. I feel the loose gravel beneath my feet. The sound in getting louder and louder.
After she died, I left school. Spent my days hating myself. I could have stopped myself, it wasn't my fault! But, I was too weak. Now, as the sound of cars on the highway fill my mind, I open my eyes just in time to see the blue minivan heading straight towards me. "I hate you Cameron Morgan." I whisper, before my mind goes blank.