"There you are!" Stacie said brightly.
"Here I am," Beca responded with considerably less enthusiasm. She slapped her tray down onto the table and dropped her bag heavily onto a chair.
"Bad day?" Stacie asked.
Beca slumped in her seat and spread her napkin in her lap. "They're out of fucking mac and cheese," she said, waving a hand over her meal. "Again. Goddamn dining hall never makes enough mac and cheese."
Stacie picked up Beca's plate and set it down beside her own. "Not to fret, little one," she said. "I got your back." She then began to spoon mac and cheese from her plate to Beca's.
"You don't have to give yours up just because I was late," Beca protested weakly.
"Please, you know I can only eat like two bites of this shit," Stacie scoffed. "Some of us monitor our carb consumption."
"I've never had a better friend," Beca said.
"You've never had any other friends," Stacie replied.
"Touché."
"What took you so long, anyway? I thought World Religions ended at one."
"It's supposed to," Beca replied around the wad of mac and cheese she'd tucked into her cheek. "It went over. Fucking Aubrey Posen struck again with a lively debate that led the prof to lose track of time."
"Oooh, more drama with the blonde bombshell?" Stacie asked, leaning forward eagerly. The keen look in her eyes went unnoticed by Beca, whose own eyes were on her plate. "Were you two hate flirting again?"
Bec just made an annoyed grunt past the half masticated chicken tender in her mouth before shooting Stacie a glare and the finger.
"What? She's hot and you know it."
Beca swallowed and took a sip of her Coke before responding. "Fun fact: there are more important things than looks. If all that was required for a relationship was two good looking people, you and I would be dating," she said, gesturing between Stacie and herself with her fork.
"Yeah, but I don't date," Stacie said with a chuckle. "And I wasn't talking about dating. I was thinking something more along the lines of a good old fashioned, super aggressive hate fuck."
Beca clapped a hand over her mouth to avoid spitting out her peas. When she recovered, she said, "You and I have differing approaches to dealing with people we dislike."
"Show her a good time and maybe she won't be so mean to you."
"She's not mean to me," Beca protested. "I don't think she's actually mean. She's just an infuriating bitch."
"Who seems to have a rage boner for you."
"What the fuck is a rage boner?" Beca asked, laughing.
"Like she can't stand you but she still wants you. And she can't stand that she wants you. So she's like, really pissed off about the whole thing but staring at you right now anyway."
"What?" Beca squeaked, wide-eyed. She swivelled her head around, quickly sweeping her gaze over the cafeteria. She spotted Aubrey and a redhead at a nearby table and, sure enough, the blonde was looking at her. She dropped her eyes immediately, and Beca returned her attention to Stacie. "Doesn't mean what you think it means, Stace. She's just offended by my existence."
"Hmm, maybe," Stacie admitted. "But she's looking this way again already, and it looks like Chloe's making fun of her. And anyway, how bad can she really be if her best friend is Chloe Beale, actual ray of sunshine in human form?"
"My theory is that Chloe is the only person nice enough to put up with Aubrey's awful personality."
"What were you two arguing about this time?" Stacie asked, pushing her empty tray aside and leaning her elbows on the table.
"Who said I was the one arguing with her?"
"You do realize that if you hadn't engaged her in a debate, class would not have run over," Stacie observed.
"I just fucking said-"
"I don't care what you said, I know you can't help yourself."
"Fine," Beca said with a sigh. "We were discussing Maimonides' Eight Levels of Giving."
"And?" Stacie prompted.
Beca cracked a grin and shook her head briefly. "OK, so I actually agreed with what she was saying, but someone else made a - an unenlightened comment and she got all condescending about it, which irritated me. So I just kind of, you know, riled her up a little."
Stacie squinted across the table and said, "So basically the whole thing was your fault because you're a dick and you get your rocks off by pissing off Aubrey Posen."
"Maybe a little," Beca admitted with a bashful grin and a shrug. "It's just so funny."
"So I hear your friend and my friend had another sparring match today," Chloe whispered, sliding into her seat next to Stacie. "And my friend suspects your friend didn't even believe her own arguments, but she was just arguing to be a jerk."
Stacie continued positioning her notebook, pens, and Calculus book on the table in front of her. "Sorry," Stacie replied. "Beca loves getting Aubrey all torqued up. Is she upset?"
"Sort of?" Chloe said. "I mean she complains about her all the time, but like - I don't know - I don't think it hurts her feelings, exactly."
"Beca complains about Aubrey all the time, too. For two people who can't stand each other, they certainly spend a hell of a lot of time talking about each other."
"I know, right?" Chloe said excitedly, earning a few looks from nearby students.
"Library voice in the library, Chlo," Stacie whispered.
"Right," Chloe said, much more quietly. "Anyway today I told Bree they reminded me of children on the playground, pulling pigtails and stuff."
"How did she react to that?" Stacie asked.
"She turned kind of purple and told me I was being ridiculous," Chloe said, unpacking her highlighters and books.
"They really need to bang already."
Chloe hummed agreeably, but said, "I don't really see it happening, to be honest."
"We're on the same page with this, though, right?" Stacie asked
"What page is that?" Chloe countered.
"That they're actually perfect for each other."
"Well, I mean," Chloe began, "I don't know. Like, on paper, yeah, they have a lot in common. And there's definitely some kind of - um - chemistry going on there." She cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips, thinking it over. "But you can't even put them in the same room for, like, two minutes without an argument breaking out."
"I think that if we locked them in a room together, they'd fight for a while but they'd be fucking inside of an hour," Stacie said with a wicked grin.
"We're not doing that," Chloe said, pointing a highlighter at her friend's face. "'Cause it's just as likely one of them would be dead inside of an hour."
"Fair point," Stacie conceded. "I'll have to think of something else."
"I'm pretty sure neither of them would appreciate your meddling, Stace."
"Oh, please, the sex will be fucking amazing," Stacie scoffed. "They'll thank me."
Chloe laughed out loud and covered mouth with both hands when she realized people were glaring at her again. "We're not doing this," she said once she'd caught her breath.
"Oh yes, we are," Stacie replied.
Stacie knocked on Beca's door a few times and was unsurprised when she got no answer. She'd gotten no answer to any of the texts she'd sent over the course of the morning, either, so she was reasonably certain Beca was holed up in her room with her headphones and her laptop, mixing music. Stacie sighed and knocked once more before trying the knob, which turned easily in her hand.
Upon entering the room, she grinned to see Beca hunched over her desk in front of her laptop, headphones snug around her head, back to the door. Stacie tiptoed toward her, knowing it was totally unnecessary but enjoying it anyway. When she reached her tiny friend, she grabbed her headphones with both hands, yanked them off, and yelled "Boo!"
"Motherfucking shit Christ!" Beca shouted. She jerked her body in what was probably an attempt to leap away from danger, but the chair and desk got in the way, so she wound up just kind of flailing a bit.
Stacie stepped away and fell onto Beca's bed, laughing and clutching her stomach.
"You're the fucking worst," Beca said, turning her chair to face her friend. "I hate you with all of my heart. All of it."
Stacie was still laughing softly and wiping tears from her eyes.
"Did you come here to test my stress response or was there something you wanted?" Beca asked.
"Well," Stacie said, panting slightly. "I am concerned about your health. But really, you weren't answering my texts, so I came over to ask you to come to the party with me tonight."
"What party?" Beca asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.
"A fucking party, Beca, you know, where people get together and listen to music and dance and drink and have fun and maybe even hook up."
"I know what a party is," Beca said slowly. "What concerns me is that you're being so vague," she continued, "Usually you'd say something like, 'Come to the football team's party at the fieldhouse and wingman for me' or 'Let's go to Daisy's because they're doing half price drinks for the ladies tonight and I'm feeling gay today.' Usually you are more specific. Your lack of detail is alarming."
"Paranoid, much? Jesus, I'm just asking you to come to a party with me."
"What party?" Beca repeated.
"The acapella party at the empty pool," Stacie said. "All the groups will be there, but it's not exclusive. Chloe invited me and she said I can bring you along."
"You want me to go with you to an organized nerd singing party? Are you fucking kidding me right now?"
"Come on, Beca," Stacie whined. "It's not a performance, it's just a party."
"There's no way those nerds don't break into song at some point," Beca said.
"Just fucking come drink free beer and dance with me," Stacie said.
"Until you set your sights on whoever you decide to hook up with and leave me on my own," Beca countered.
"Don't be such a baby, there will be other people you know there. You can hang out with Chloe."
"Chloe's accessories include a borderline annoying positivity, a lack of regard for personal space, and Aubrey fucking Posen. I'll pass, thanks."
"I thought you'd say that, and I'm way ahead of you, kiddo. I asked about Aubrey and apparently she only shows up at parties to make an appearance because she's the Bellas' captain. She'll go early and be there for maybe an hour before she bails. You won't have to talk to her."
"I don't wanna go," Beca said.
"Yeah, well, you're going."
"You can't make me."
"I can, actually," Stacie said, sitting up and staring Beca in the eye. She held three fingers up between their faces and wiggled them. "You owe me favors."
"Do I now?"
"I got you mac and cheese the other day when I realized you'd be too late to get any," Stacie said, tucking in a finger.
Beca scoffed. "Appreciated, but not a worthy trade."
"I drove you all the way to fucking Atlanta to buy new headphones when yours broke and there was nowhere closer to get them and you didn't think you could stand to wait the two days it would take to get them shipped here," Stacie went on, curling in another finger.
Beca grunted and crossed her arms, shaking her head slightly.
"And," Stacie said, leaning closer and waving her remaining finger back and forth. "When you got so shitwrecked that you not only puked up your guts but managed to get an awful lot of it on your bathroom floor, I cleaned it up for you."
Bec hung her head, shoulders slumped, and squeezed her eyes shut. Stacie had her, and she knew it.
Honestly, though, she'd expected to have to repay the vomit clean up in kind at some point. Going to a shitty party instead was actually a pretty good deal. "Fine," she relented. "I'll trade you for that last one."
"Hmm," Stacie said. "I don't think that's quite even." She tapped her chin with her index finger and looked at the ceiling, making a very good show of thinking hard. "You're gonna have to throw in dinner."
Beca sighed. Stacie knew precisely how weak Beca's stomach was, and in truth she was still letting Beca off lightly. "OK, we have a deal."
Stacie held her hand out and Beca took it, shaking it once.
"Now get the fuck out of here so I can finish this song," Beca said.
Stacie grinned widely and bounced up off the bed. "I'll come and get you at seven," she said as she walked out.
"Can't wait," Beca muttered to herself.
Stacie 12:47: What time are you hitting the party tonight?
Chloe 12:49: Early, Bree plans on leaving by 10
Stacie 12:50: Cool, we're getting food first but I think we should be there by 930
Chloe 12:53: We?
Stacie 12:54: I'm bringing Beca ;)
Chloe 1:01: Shouldn't you be planning on an arrival time AFTER Bree leaves?
Stacie 1:02: Hell to the no
Stacie 1:02: I am working my plan
Stacie 1:03: I will smoosh their faces together if I have to
Chloe 1:13: Please don't do this
Stacie 1:15: Relax, it's gonna be great. Just try to get a few drinks into Aubrey before we get there, OK?
Chloe 1:20: I want to go on record as saying I am against this plan.
Chloe 1:21: When this all blows up I want to be able to show this conversation to Bree.
Stacie 1:23: I'll take all the blame
Stacie 1:24: also all the credit
Chloe 1:27: It's all yours. ::Sigh:: See you tonight.
Stacie 1:29: :-* :-P
A/N: Yeah, so I thought I'd pop off a little Mitchsen oneshot since I've been failing at working on RtB. Next thing I knew, it kind of got out of hand and was no longer little, so.
I have about 3 chapters done and I don't think it'll be super long, so maybe I can finish in a timely manner and do weekly updates? I don't know, my life is a shitshow. We'll see.
Also, the title is a bit of a line from the song 'Fake Fight' by Team Dresch.