They stood by the balcony door in her room and watched as the flakes grew thinner, as winter's dying breath coated the sidewalks with powder. Some of that powder still lingered in his hair - melting, of course - and dusted the sleeves of his coat. He was still trying to catch his breath, and she wondered if he had run the whole way to her house. No - that was silly. He never ran. He hardly even walked at what could be considered a normal pace.
She heard a rustle of clothes, and took her eyes off the snow long enough to see that he was shedding his coat. His cell phone was still in his hand, but after a moment of consideration, he tossed it down beside the coat. Although their conversation had only taken place a few minutes earlier, it still felt like ages to her. She looked back to the snow again and swallowed, dreading this moment. What could she say? What else was there to say to him?
"Oi."
"H - " She choked on her tongue and suddenly felt foolish. "... hai?"
"You hung up too quickly." She felt a sudden break in her anxiousness, an abrupt rush of relief - maybe he didn't hear it all after all, maybe she wouldn't have to explain herself - until he continued his sentence. "... but I did hear you."
"I... didn't mean..."
"You didn't mean it?"
"N - no, I mean... that is..."
He was watching her now - not her, but her reflection in the glass. She shivered under his gaze and diverted her eyes, feeling the heat rise up in her cheeks. She hated it when he looked at her sometimes - looked through her, almost. "I didn't want to say that," she said finally, "not yet."
"Ah."
"I'm sure Narumi-san is used to hearing such a thing," she continued, watching the snow, wishing her hands would stop trembling. "So... it won't be a problem if he rejects me..."
His eyes were still on her reflection, but he was quiet, as if he was turning the words over in his head. "Ah," he said again, quietly, the single syllable offering no satisfaction to her - but before she could ask him to clarify, he moved to her side, reaching up to brush some of the melting snow from his hair. "This isn't the first time someone has said that," he admitted, glancing at the wetness on his hands.
She tried to smile. "Narumi-san is very popular with his classmates."
"But," he continued, acting as if he hadn't heard her, "you've never said such a thing to me before. And I've never run the whole way to your house for any reason."
She turned her head to blink at him, confused. "Run...?"
He frowned, the expression comical if only because there was still snow in his hair and water dripping from the tip of his nose. "Of course I ran, stupid girl. It's too cold to walk right now."
"You didn't need to come..."
"I did." His expression relaxed and he turned his own head to look at her. "Otherwise you would have never said anything else about it, and pretended as if it never happened." There was a pause, and he glanced away, towards the snow. "That isn't what I want."
"What isn't...?"
"I don't want to act as if you never said anything." There was a sudden coldness against Hiyono's skin, and she looked down to see one of Ayumu's hands wrapped around her own. Warmth flooded her face, but she still shivered, feeling the chill of his skin against her own. "Say it again," he told her, the statement too gentle to be a demand. "Now that I'm here."
"Narumi-san - "
"Say it again." His free hand touched her cheek and she shivered again, uncontrollably, as she lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "Please."
"I..." She was unsure of what to do - he was holding her hand, touching her, and her mind raced as she tried to recall any time that this had happened before. There was none, though - this was the first time - and she felt as if this situation might be a trap. What if he laughed at her? What if he told her she was stupid, as he usually did when she did something wrong? What if...
"Please," he said again, and the rarity of such a thing coming out of his mouth convinced her. He wanted to hear it, almost needed to hear it, and...
What if, she wondered suddenly, he felt something for her?
"I love Narumi-san," she said quickly, and shut her eyes tight, not wanting to face him. This had all happened so suddenly, too suddenly... it wasn't right; this wasn't going the way she had planned it. In fact, she had planned to keep it a secret, to carry it to the grave if she had to. She couldn't possibly expect him to accept her feelings, because...
The little voice in the back of her head spoke up as it always did, whispering to her. Why not? Why wouldn't he accept them? He was kind to her and her alone, going out of his way to keep her out of harm's way, and regardless of the roughness of his voice and looks towards her, he was always doing things for her sake, much in the same way she did things for his. There was always that chance - a chance that he would, someday, feel the same for her as she felt for him. And that's why she'd said those words in the first place; her hope got the better of her and she let the words spill out, regretting it only moments later, when stunned silence greeted her from the other line of the phone. But...
"You."
"... what?"
"Don't call me "Narumi-san" anymore."
"But - "
"There's no need to call me by that name." His hand dropped from her cheek, falling to his side. "Not when you're saying something like that."
"But I've always called Narumi-san "Narumi-san," and - "
"Oi." Frustration crept into his tone, and despite the gravity of their situation, she was unable to keep herself from smiling. "Don't be difficult. I didn't run the whole way here to argue with you."
She looked up at him, the smile on her face dying slowly. "Then why did Na - why did you come here...?"
"Because you didn't..." he started, then fell silent. "I don't know," he admitted finally, "I felt that... I had to."
"Why..."
"I had to hear you say it again." He dropped her hand. "That's why."
"Oh..." She looked at their hands, now separated. "I see..."
"I'm sorry."
"It's..." She moved closer to the door, feeling a dull ache in her chest. She couldn't have expected anything less from him, not when she'd blurted everything out so suddenly. Even if she could still have hope for that "someday" she'd been thinking about, now wasn't the time. All he needed to do was apologize, and then everything could go back to normal. All he needed to do was say it: I'm sorry, but I can't accept your feelings. It was the typical polite rejection, the same one he'd given to other girls before, but now she was on the receiving end. And as much as she'd hoped that things would be different... it just wasn't possible, was it? "It's okay," she said, softly, and fought back the urge to cry. She would never cry in front of him, not over something like this. Not over something foolish. "I understand."
"No, I don't think you do."
"... what?"
"I..." He sighed, heavily, and she glanced up to see him rubbing his wet forehead with the back of one hand, his brows furrowed. "Nngh... I don't even understand. You stupid girl, you're doing crazy things to me..."
"Narumi-san...?"
"Before you started acting like this, I..." He narrowed his eyes, seeming annoyed with himself. "I don't even know why I'm doing this. I wouldn't have come here if I didn't feel something for you."
"You wouldn't have..." she murmured, then realized exactly what it was he'd said. Her heart leapt despite herself, and she turned away from the door quickly - a little too quickly, seeing as she nearly tripped over her own two feet and went crashing to her bedroom floor. She blushed and he actually laughed aloud, making her heart perform another backflip. "I - I really didn't mean to say it, yet, but - " She cut herself off, realizing she wasn't making sense. "I'm glad you came," she managed, and clutched her hands to her chest, where her heart was drumming rapidly away. "Even if you can't really accept my feelings..."
"Oi," he muttered, and then the cloudy expression on his face receded a little, as if he had just remembered something. "... Hiyono."
Something inside of her blossomed with warmth, and she blushed furiously, staring at the floor. "You've never..." she began, but it was pointless - they both knew that he'd never spoken her name before, not in this way. It was a fact they knew very well, almost as well as they knew about her refusal to call him by his first name (or any form less polite than "Narumi-san"). "Why...?"
"It makes you happy, doesn't it?"
She nodded once, hard. "Yes."
"That's reason enough." He made a noise that sounded something like a chuckle. Had she ever heard him chuckle? She was sure she hadn't. "That's reason enough for all of this," he said, and before she could move he had enclosed her in his arms, pulling her warm body tight against his cold one. She shivered again, violently, but there was no stopping now - her trembling arms wrapped themselves around his neck, and she leaned her head against his shoulder, making a noise that was torn between a sigh of relief and a cry of pain. "You're confusing," he muttered, but there was too much emotion in his voice now, too much there to betray whatever it was he was trying to hide. "I really don't understand."
"That's okay," she whispered, and she was crying before she could even try to hold back the tears. "Narumi-san..."
"What did I tell you? Don't - "
"Can I call you Ayumu-san?" She sniffed, feeling childish. "Would that make you happy?"
His arms tightened around her and she could actually feel his heartbeat in his chest, pounding away in time with hers. "It would," he said, and there was a touch of disbelief to his voice, as if he still wasn't sure of what was happening to him - to them. "It's better."
"Still not good enough?"
"You're too polite," he muttered, and the dry remark made her laugh despite herself. She drew away from him and wiped her eyes, trying desperately to stop the flow of tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"
"No," she answered. "Nothing. It's..." She felt another tear roll down her cheek, but she still smiled. "I'm happy, I think..."
He sighed, but there was the hint of a smile in his eyes, as if he couldn't quite bring himself to scold her at that moment. "Look," he said, and gently took hold of her shoulders, turning her around. "The snow stopped," he told her, and gestured towards the window. "You probably scared it away, crying like that."
She made a face at him, but she was still smiling. "No... winter just went back to sleep."
"Is that so?"
"It is." She leaned backwards, against his chest, and closed her eyes as his arms encircled her shoulders. She had a strange feeling, now, as if there was nothing to worry about any longer. He hadn't said it, but did she really need him to? No - just this was enough. Just him being here, beside her, holding her... that was enough. That was all she needed.