A/N: Your mom!
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This is an odd fanfic brought to you by pUppetEEr-NiNja and Katringa, aka, random ninjas. Please review…! WARNING: Yaoi + Het + Crack + Stuff + Your mom.
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Tsunade stared at the amazingly pretty ninja-ish women in front of her.
"I think I misunderstood you, a 'ninja contest'?" The Godaime said, and at the creepy woman's nod, her eyebrows shot up and she slowly scooted back, which was hard because she was sitting in a chair.
"Is there… something wrong?" The still nameless horribly frightening women asked; she was really creeping the Hokage out!
"Ummm… n-no, not at all, I just thought you were kidding." Tsunade said with a nervous laugh, looking anywhere but the creepy woman's swirly crimson eyes.
"Well then, do you accept? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to see just how good your ninjas really are, and to get publicity for Konoha! Think of the advantages!" The woman's voice was enthusiastic, but still honey-coated.
Tsunade was very curious now so she asked, "Are you even a ninja, miss...?"
"Lona, you may call me Miss Lona. I am infact an elite ninja, and not only am I that, I am also one of the world's greatest beauticians! I'm an excellent multi-tasker!" Said Miss Lona, her wavy black hair bouncing on her shoulders.
Tsunade's mouth hung open in horror and she tried to speak, choking on her words. "You – you're not actually serious, are you?" Her eyes widened further as she noticed Lona's blood red lips parting in a way too perfect smile. Her straight, bleach white teeth reflected the light and Tsunade winced as though she was blinded for a moment, which she was.
"Tsunade-sama, this show only hosts the best! If it's one thing we can do, it's tell the worst from the best, and Konoha is -definitely- one of the best. Not only is America's Next Top Ninja a television show," she started happily, "It's also an impossibly hard test, made to work your shinobi to their best abilities! Please accept our offer, and a large amount of ninja from your village may participate, if you so wish it."
"I…" Tsunade started "get to pick the ninja that participate?" at Miss Lona's nod, she continued, "They can be anyone capable? And I don't need to participate?" Tsunade prayed to god she wouldn't have to participate, she never ever wanted to spend more time than she already had with this scary lady.
"Not if you don't want to, Hokage-sama!" she finally answered, "I mean… if you believe your village is half as good as the present Kazekage of the sand, Gaara, then please be my guest!" The woman smirked, one of her pencil-drawn eyebrows rising slightly in a questioning look.
Tsunade looked away quickly, silently cursing who ever first decided to shave of their eyebrows and then draw them back on, they were b I so /I /b distracting! Finally gaining the courage, Tsunade looked up and glared at Miss Lona. "Well, Miss Lona, that's disappointing, because I don't believe my ninjas are half as good as Gaara of the sand… I believe - no - I KNOW the ones I choose to participate are just as good or better!" During her enthusiastic reply, she had flung out her hand. As she finished her speech, Miss Lona passed her a pen and she quickly signed the papers agreeing to participate in America's Next Top Ninja. At the end of her name she added an exclamation mark.
Tsunade looked up, smirking triumphantly, her fear of Miss Lona completely gone.
Tsunade's moment of stupidness wore of she sat staring at the paper she'd just signed.
Miss Lona slid the papers out of her hand easily. The Godaime looked up, and at the sight of the ninja-beautician's impossibly large smirk she confirmed her suspicions: yes, she had just been played, the Hokage of one of the most powerful hidden villages had just been conned into a contest where her ninjas would be advertised on television and forced through some stupid obstacle course where it's very possible their lives would be endangered.
And still, the only thought running through her head was, 'Damn those pencil eyebrows, swirly red eyes, dark bouncy hair, bright white teeth, and those lips that are one shade of red too dark to not look like Miss Lona had bitten into an innocent bunny and painted her lips in its blood.'
Tsunade's face didn't show her thought as she spoke quietly, "But I –do- get to pick who participates in this contest… right?"
P.O.V S K I P
Sakura sprinted as fast as she could towards the training ground where she knew she would find Naruto.
Her feet hit the ground soundlessly as she trained to wipe the smile off her face, it didn't work - she was just too excited!
Tsunade had told her about the A.N.T.N (America's Next Top Ninja) problem earlier and she instantly asked the Godaime who was participating. When she had been told it was Tsunade's choice, her smile had suddenly grown and just kept on getting bigger as Tsunade said she wanted Sakura to help pick out appropriate people.
So here she was. It was funny if you really thought about it, the first person she thought of was Naruto, and so she was going to get him first. Of course she probably would have gone to get Naruto first even if she I didn't /I think he was the strongest age-appropriate ninja around. After Sasuke had left, Naruto and Sakura had become extremely close friends, and now they were barely ever seen walking around the village with out the other right beside them
As she ran, she wondered silently if Naruto would be mad that she interrupted his training.She hoped he wouldn't be too mad - after all, he trained every day, and when asked about it, he simply answered back "I have to train so I can get better." It was a stupid answer for a stupid question.
When she finally reached the training grounds, she came to a halt and watched as Naruto shot through the air, the rasengan barely visible in his hand.
When he was a foot away from the training log, he was obviously mad. Sakura screamed "Naruto!" at the top of her lungs and his head snapped over to her. This caused his rasengan to miss by a few centimeters, but the leftover chakra still burned away the edges of the log. Sadly with Naruto's hand slipping, there was nothing there to stop Naruto's face in its path to the tree and they collided.
Naruto, pulling himself up from the ground where he had ended up after smashing his face into the tree, glared at Sakura with his hand over his nose.
"Bitch." He mumbled under his breath. "Whada'ya want Sakura-chan? Can't you see I'm busy training?"
Sakura's eyes narrowed threateningly "What was that, Na-chan? You didn't just perhaps mumble something absolutely inappropriate and not true under your breath at me, did you? Cause ya know if you did, I'd be very, very angry!"
Naruto's eyes widened slightly at the evil glint in Sakura's eyes as he started apologizing.
"NO, of course not! Why would you even think that! You're the greatest, nicest, most considerate person I've ever met!" He wiggled his now perfectly scratch-free nose around for a minute before sneezing cutely.
"But crap, Sakura, that was my nose you just broke! Anyways, why are you here? It's important, right?" No one ever bugged him while he was training, not sense Lee had tapped his shoulder and Naruto, out of shock, had turned around and accidentally punched him in the face, smashing the poor boy's face.
"Well, I was talking to Tsunade-sama and… ya know that show that we watch every night at exactly 9:30 pm?" She visibly became evil at his nod.
"Of course I know, you dolt! I love A.N.T.N, if only I could be on that wonderful television show! I would kick all ninja ass ever!" He said enthusiastically, his eyes clouded over at the very thought of it.
"Well guess what - Tsunade just signed the contract! Naruto, oh my god, we're gonna be on America's Next Top Ninja!" Sakura's voice slowly rose until she was squealing happily.
"What? No, no you're kidding, you're so fucking kidding me! Right?" He all but squealed back.
"Nope, not kidding you dobe! Were actually gonna be on the show!" Sakura answered.
"You're kidding!"
"Nope!"
"You're so kidding!"
"Nope!"
"Oh my fucking god you're serious?" Naruto screamed, finally convinced.
Her answer was to spontaneously glomp Naruto so that they both fell back into a tangle of limbs. Squeals were coming from Naruto that were way too high and girl-ish to be coming from a guy. Sadly they were.
After all, Sakura and Naruto were the biggest fan girls (cough fan people) for America's Next Top Ninja ever!
It's like if Kakashi ran up too you and said, "Hi, I'm changing you to anime and you're entering Naruto!"