Hiya everyone. *waves *
Hard to believe but I really am writing my first little note to a fic. :-)
But I really just want to say thanks to everyone who is reading all my stupid little stories and to all these brilliant guys who take the time to write a comment. It means the world. Really. Thank you so much. Mizzy 3
P.S I am really sorry. The last part of this trilogy just got a tiny little bit too long. But I just couldn't help it. My Randy and Evan muse just kept me hostage. Take it as the ultimate thank you. Lol.
If only
He couldn't move. He was sure that he was dreaming. This couldn't be true. This had to be a dream. Like he had been dreaming so often during the last year. He wished for nothing else then to see the other man and now... here he was standing. Right in front him. A shy smile on his lips and looking as gorgeous as ever. Now this can't be true he told himself. It just can't. He could feel his breath starting to become faster and his heart was beating so hard he feared it would just jump out of his chest. He couldn't believe that after one year the young man still had this effect on him. He couldn't believe that he still loved him. He couldn't believe that he was here. So close, smiling and it just made his heart skip another beat.
"Hi Randy." Evan looked up to Randy unsure how to speak to him. He had dreamed for so long to see the other man again but now here and in reality it was so different. It was so much better. The other had hardly changed. He was still the beautiful and strong man he left almost a year ago.
"Evan." Randy answered polite but there was nothing else in his voice. Evan started feeling more nervous as he already was.
"How are you doing? You are looking.. you are looking good." He smiled but the cold eyes of the other just made him tremble.
"I am good. Thank you. I see life haven't treated you too bad either." Randy was still not able to look the smaller man into his eyes. He knew he would be lost again. He just knew it.
"Yeah. Life has been good. Vince let me come back and..." Evan stopped and took a deep breath. They needed to talk. There were so many words left unsaid between the two of them. The tension was heavy and just a little spark was needed to let everything explode.
"I think... I think we need to talk." He stepped unsure from one foot to the other. His nerves so got the better of him. He wanted to touch the other to desperately, wanted to kiss him, wanted to make everything better. But he knew that it wouldn't be that easy.
"Yeah, yeah. Brilliant idea, buddy. I think we definitely should catch up at one point. I really want to know what you did in Japan." Or who you did, Randy added silently in his thoughts. "But see. I really have to go now. I have this... I have this promo and I really need to hurry up. It was nice seeing you, Evan. I am sure we will see each other around at one point or the other." Randy smiled shortly before turning around. "Bye Evan." He walked away to one of the locker rooms and left a confused Evan behind.
…...
"What happened?" Randy fell against the door as soon as he had entered John's locker room.
"Nothing. It's just... I just need a second..." He slipped down the door and buried his head into his hands. He was still shaking. He couldn't believe that he still had this effect on him.
"You ran into Evan?" John asked sympatheticly.
"Yes and it just hit me like a tons of bricks right onto my head." Randy sighed.
"Well you knew that he would come back soon. Vince told us all. It was hardly a surprise." John sat down next to his best friend who was still trembling.
"But I never expected him to look so good." He sighed again but John couldn't help but chuckle a little bit.
"Well I guess that was the reason why you hooked up with him in the first place." He earned a firm slap against his chest for that.
"Look, Randy. I am sure it is not too late. He came back. That has to mean something. Maybe there is still hope."
"No there isn't. Believe me, John. And do you know why? Because I won't let it happen again. He almost destroyed me when he left. I can't just risk to get hurt again. And he will hurt me again. I am sure. So no way I am going to make the same mistake twice. This story is over. Done. I don't want anything to do with him anymore." Randy stood up and went over to his bag and started searching for his gear. John just looked at his younger friend and smiled. He knew that this was a long way from over.
…...
The next couple of weeks were torture. Evan tried everything to talk to Randy but the other man just completely avoided him. There was no chance to talk and everytime Evan tried to corner Randy he just got a nice but very distant answer out of him.
Evan slowly realised that he had been wrong. Things had changed and nothing really was the same as it was a year ago. Everything had changed.
One thing, that had changed quiet to the positive, was his standing in the company. He was no longer just a midcarder. He was on his way to the top. He was surprised that Vince not only just took him back but promised him a great push and some more opportunities.
It appeared that Evan had more fans then he thought he had and most of them had made it pretty clear that they wanted Air Bourne back. And so he was now competing for the World Heavyweight Champion, which he still could hardly believe. His opponent was no one else then Rey Mysterio who had asked Hunter and Vince if Evan could be his last opponent before he had to go on a longer break for some surgery.
It all still seemed too good to be true. It really felt like everything he ever wanted just fell into place. It looked like going to Japan had been one of his best decisions ever. He had the push he always dreamed of. He had everything.
Well, not everything and that made it so hard for him to really enjoy the push. He was on the same brand as the one person who was constantly on his mind. He was in the position he always wanted to be in, to prove the other that he was worth his love. But now it appeared that Randy didn't want his love anymore. That he was truly over him. Evan just refused to believe it. This couldn't be true.
…...
"I am going to wrestle WHO tonight?" Evan couldn't believe it. The booker starred at him in disbelieve. He knew that the Viper was not the nicest guy in the company but a reaction like this seemed to be a bit strong.
"Well we had to make a change of plan due to an emergency in Rey's family. I am sorry but Randy is the only main event worthy candidate available for the PPV." The booker just shrugged and left Evan alone who was pacing franticly through his locker room.
"I don't believe this. This can't be true. No, no, no, no." He was still running through the room when Justin Gabriel stepped in.
"What's wrong, Evan?" He looked at the smaller man with wide eyes. He never had seen Evan loosing his cool so much.
"I am fighting Randy tonight." Evan was not able to stop.
"Woah, Randy? Of all people? That is hilarious." Evan starred at the South African as if he just declared he wanted to start a relationship with the Big Show and adopt twenty orphans.
"Justin, that is so not funny." Evan glared at him.
"Well when you see it from my side it actually is." Justin laughed. Since Evan had been back the two had bonded after they had been in a few tag matched together.
He knew everything about Randy and Evan since he had been on a night out with the smaller man. He had tried to make a pass on him but Evan, drunk as he had been, had just started sobbing and declared that he couldn't betray the love of his life. In the light of the next day it was rather comical and so the two decided that maybe travelling together was not the worst thing to do. Gay wrestlers were still quiet rare and not really accepted and to have a partner in crime on the road was not too bad.
"I mean the first time in over a year you have to chance to get your hands on the man you love very dearly since... how many years now?.. will be when you two are in the ring in front of a million of people is just completely hilarious. I mean speak about karma. You really must have pissed someone off in your former life." Justin couldn't stop laughing.
"Thank you very much for your compassion. I can see you really know what is going on in my head right now." Evan just turned away and started getting dressed.
"Yup. In your mind you are just thinking of ways not to get a boner as soon as you see Mister Wonderful in the ring half naked..."Justin had to duck as a trainer just flew towards him.
"Oh grow up, Justin. As if... I am a professional." Evan shut his eyes tight and hoped that he would be able to restrain himself while he was in the ring.
"Yeah, yeah, what ever..." Justin laughed and left a fuming Evan alone.
…...
"You fucking asshole. What was that?" A furious Evan just stomped into Randy's locker room, smashing the door close behind him.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." Randy tried his best to keep his in-ring character in place. He didn't want Evan to see that he was still trembling.
"You fucking freak know exactly what I am talking about. You could have killed me out there." Evan couldn't think clear anymore. He was so angry. He stood close to the other man and stared up into his eyes.
"It's not my fault that you don't know how to handle the American style of wrestling. Maybe you should have just stayed in Japan." Both men just stopped for a second. Japan. Here it was. The one topic Randy tried to avoid so desperately and that Evan wanted to talk about more then anything else.
"Ah here we go then. If you wouldn't have sent that fucking text message I would have never come back. So maybe next time be a bit more careful with your phone." Evan just turned around and wanted to leave. But Randy's voice kept him.
"You got the text?" Randy was surprised how quick the words had left his mouth.
"Yes, I got it. Why do you think I am here?" Evan could feel that his anger just slowly faded away. He turned around to look at the other man but he was shocked as he saw the fury in Randy's eyes.
"You got that stupid text and you really had nothing to answer to that? Really, Evan? Not just a word, an answer? Were you too busy to screw someone else and then thought: Oh there is still this stupid dumbo in the WWE. I can make more money there and I have a nice shag there as well. Hm, let's just combine it? I just can't believe you." Randy couldn't understand why he was so angry. But hearing that Evan didn't even reply was just too much. All the anger, all the frustration, pent up over the last year, just came out at once.
"Randy, are you not listening to me? There was never someone else. I am back because of you. I promised you I would come back when we can see eye to eye. And here I am. Nothing has changed. I am still the same. I still love you. I still want you." Evan was getting more and more desperate. Everything was just slipping away. His head started to feel dizzy and he just tried to make sense of all this mess in front of him.
"You are wrong, Evan. You are so wrong." Randy felt like his head was about to explode. Evan still loved him. He could just fall into the other man's arms right here, right now. But then he could remember all the pain he had been going through. He could feel all the tears of the last year. No. Evan would hurt him again. Evan was no good for him. He wouldn't allow him to get hurt again.
"Everything had changed. I have changed. There is nothing left for you anymore. I... " he took a deep breath "I don't love you. Never have."
Evan could feel the tears in his eyes.
"You are lying." He whispered.
"No. It's the truth." Randy's voice was calm and cold. It cut right into Evan's heart.
"But why did you send me the text then? Why?" Evan was pleading with him. This couldn't be over.
"I... I just wanted to show you that there are no hard feelings?" It sounded more like a question and even in Randy's ears it didn't make any sense.
"You are a fucking liar. Just stop it. I don't believe you." He sobbed his heart out but he just didn't care.
"Evan please." It took Randy's breath away to see the other man like this.
"I.. There is.." Desperately he tried to find another way out of this. "I.. I am seeing someone else." Finally. He took a deep breath and tried to find his composure again.
"What?" Evan looked at him in complete shock.
"You are seeing someone else? Who?" Randy's heart skipped a beat. He said the first name on his tongue.
"John."
…...
"You said what?" Randy tried to duck as he saw the explosion of the other man. He still had no idea how the whole thing just popped into his mind but it was out there now. There was nothing he could do about it.
"You said we are dating?" John was still yelling. "I can't believe you. I am married for god's sake. How could you say you are dating me?"
"You were the first person that came to my mind. And think about it. I could hardly say someone else's name. I mean you know about me being bi. You know about Evan. So if Evan makes some remarks there won't be any harm. If he would just give someone else the evil eye there might be some explanation needed that I just can't give." Randy looked at him sheepishly.
"Why didn't you just take Gabriel? At least he is gay." John sat down with a heavy sigh. How would he explain this to Liz?
"Because it looks like Gabriel is Evan's newest boy toy in the collection. So he would hardly believe that I am dating him, right?" Randy could feel his jaw tightening like always when he thought about Evan and Justin sharing a room.
"Are you not a bit harsh on Evan? You know, he is not like that. He is not the kind of guy who is sleeping around. He is alright." John looked at his friend and tried to reason with him but as always he didn't get the response he hoped for.
"So you would say that what he has done to me is completely cool and okay? Well interesting point of view. Would love to see you when Liz would pull such a stunt on you." Randy stared at the older man.
"That is different and you know that, Randy. You just don't want to see that even though Evan has made some mistakes he just made them because he loves you. Your pride is just way to hurt to admit that." Randy's eyes widened and his breathing started to get quicker. He really had to restrain himself not to just hit John right in the face.
John noticed the change in his friend and realised he had gone to far.
"I am sorry, Randy. I know that he hurt you and that you are just scared that it might happen again when you let him close again. But you need to realise that he loves you because I am more than sure of that. You can't be scared your whole life. I know that you are not as tough as people might believe you are and I know that it was difficult to allow yourself to feel all this for Evan in the first place. But really it is not that complicated. You love him and he loves you. That should be the only thing that matters." Randy slowly crawled under his blanket and he didn't say anything anymore. He knew that John was right. But it was way to early to think about anything like that. He needed time. He needed time to see Evan around and to find a way of trusting the other one again. And then maybe there was still a chance.
"Oh and by the way: You are the one who will explain to my wife why I am dating now a hot headed guy from St. Louis." John laughed when he left the Viper to dwell a little bit more about his situation.
…...
Over the next few weeks things calmed down a bit. Randy realised that he just couldn't cut Evan out of his life. They had the same friends, they were hanging around with, they were working in the same company. They were bound to run into each other in a regular basis and they would always have to work together.
And Evan was right. This one evening he could have killed him. He was so angry and all his emotions got the better out of him. He was not careful and he just passed the point of caring. But this was his job and he needed to be professional. So he needed to get to a certain level with Evan so that they would be able to be in the same room, be in the same ring, without killing each other.
He could see Evan's surprise when he first approached him. It was not more then small talk but Evan seemed to be more grateful about that then Randy would have assumed beforehand. When he left the smaller man he smiled. It was good to just speak to him again. Just to exchange a few nothings. It brought back a level of normality that he craved after all these months.
This first conversation was followed by more and slowly the two men fell into a routine of having a chat before every Smackdown taping. The topics slowly had changed from small talk to everything and nothing that concerned their lives. The only thing they avoided was their shared past. It was almost like it never happened. But both were happy for the opportunity given to learn a few more things about the other.
Both enjoyed each other's company. More then they would ever dare to admit. But there were two pairs of eyes following their relationship with a smile. John and Justin both knew that this story was not over yet.
…...
He tried to find him in the crowded bar but had trouble to locate him. After he got the phone call from Christian he had been in a taxi instantly and minutes later he arrived in the pub. He was just grateful that he had been on Smackdown this week so that he was around to make the safe.
"Hi John. Good to see you. Your little bundle of sorrow is sitting on the bar." Christian smiled at the other man and pointed with his finger at a miserable figure hunching over the bar.
"Do you have any idea what happened?" John asked the blond man.
"Not really. He was pissed off during the whole evening. I don't know. He was okay before we left for the bar. He just wanted to go and speak to someone and when he came back he was in this mood. He is just kicking back one shot after the other. I tried to reason with him myself but you know how he can be." Christian just shrugged.
"Thank you, buddy. I take over from here." John made his way over to the drunken viper but as Christian said he was far too drunk to be reasonable. But since John was no one to really argue with he just grabbed the other man under his arms and more carried him to the exit.
Once in the cab he could feel Randy's head against his shoulder.
"What happened, Randy?" He spoke quietly to his best friend. It had been a while since he had lost it so badly and John was beyond worry.
"It's him." Randy's voice was barely a whisper but he sounded more sober than he had done a few minutes ago.
"What happened with Evan?" John pulled him closer to him.
"It's over. It is really over."
"Oh Randy. Don't say that." John tried to calm his best friend down.
"Why doesn't he love me, John? Why am I so horrible that he just can't love me back?" Randy just whispered. John expected a few tears with the words but the total lack of any emotion in Randy's words hit him harder then anything else.
"Randy, what happened?" John desperately tried to get an answer out of him.
"He is with Gabriel now." Randy was still dead calm.
"How do you know? That can't be true. You must have misunderstood something." John tried to reason with him.
"I have seen them..."
…...
John rubbed his back absently. He had taken a few very hard bumps today and he was sure that Evan landed his Air Bourne on purpose a little bit too low. God, what was wrong with the kid? They always liked each other and John was always the one to defend the younger one but after tonight he was not sure what to believe anymore.
"Hey Bourne." John stood tall in Evan's locker room door. "I think we need to talk." Evan turned around and for the first second looked surprised. But it was not long after that John could see the anger again clouding his eyes.
"What do you want, John? I am busy." His voice was cold and he made it pretty clear that John was not welcome here. But John knew that they needed to settle this. He closed the door behind him and stepped right in front of the young high flyer.
"Sit down, Evan." He looked at him with a serious face.
"What? Who are you? My mother?" Evan looked at him with a frown.
"You! Sit down! Now!" John didn't look like he was in the mood to argue so Evan did as he was asked.
"And now we are going to talk." John too sat down on the bench and looked Evan directly in the eyes.
"I don't know what we have to talk about." Evan said and tried to get up but John's arm was quicker.
"Oh you know exactly what we need to talk about. What was that tonight?"
"Me kicking your stupid bum?" Evan smirked a little bit but soon realised that he really shouldn't be so pleased with himself. It was just this nagging feeling ever since he knew that John had what he wanted so badly. But he should still be professional. He once had almost chocked Randy for not being professional in the ring and now he made the same mistake. This really had to stop.
"I am sorry, John. I don't know what I was thinking." he sighed in defeat.
"But I think I might know what you were thinking." John smiled. "You are jealous!" Evan stared at him with wide eyes.
"What? Why should I be jealous? I mean have you seen my career lately? I am booked to be the next World Heavyweight Champion in a month time. Why should I be jealous?" Evan flushed badly but tried to keep his cool somehow.
"You are jealous because I have Randy. Or let me correct myself? So you think." John enjoyed the look of shock on Evan's face.
"Oh come on, Evan. You really think that I don't know about the two of you. Randy is my best friend, for fuck's sake. Of course I know."
"Friends? Yeah right." Evan rolled his eyes at the word friend.
"Yeah, friend. There was never anything else between us. I mean you met Liz. I am married. I would never..." He looked Evan directly in the eyes.
"And even if, Randy would never want me." John hoped that he made the right choice.
"Why are you telling me all this, John? I just don't understand." Evan looked completely lost.
"Randy still wants you. And I am sick and tired to see him suffer. I still believe that you are a good guy and that you never want to hurt him intentionally. I have to say I am at the end of my tether so now I am just trying to grab the last straw that I can see here to make everything better." John sighed heavy before whipping a hand over his face. It was true, he was at the end of his tether and he hoped that his instinct were right and that he was doing the right thing here.
"But.. No... You must be wrong, John. Randy told me, that you two are together. Man, he is hardly talking to me since two weeks. I mean I really thought that we would at least be able to have a friendship but now he is ignoring me again. I mean, he can't still want me. You really must got the wrong end of the stick here as much as I wish you were right." Evan looked at John desperately. This all didn't make sense.
"First of all: Randy just said that we are dating because he couldn't think of any other name quickly enough. There has been no one else since you left. Not one person. Randy was miserable without you. I mean you know him. He would never admit it. But he really was in a state. I found out about you two one morning after I found him passed out on his bed with his phone in his hand. His screensaver was a picture of you two. I mean that has to mean something, right?" Evan looked at John in surprise. Should there really be some hope left?
"And he is not talking to you anymore because he thinks that you..." John took a deep breath. "Because he thinks that you slept with Gabriel." Evan almost had to laugh.
"He thinks what?" he shook his head.
"He thinks that you slept with Gabriel. I don't believe that you have as I have seen the two of you drooling over two other members of the WWE universe quit obviously but I still have to ask."
"Of course I haven't slept with Justin. Oh god. Just thinking about it. It would be like sleeping with my own brother. And Justin is completely into Slater anyway. But why does Randy believe that?"
"He saw you two weeks ago after Smackdown. He said he has seen you giving him a blow job."
"What? Oh god, he is so stupid. I just helped Justin because his zipper got caught in his shorts. I mean the door was open. Does Randy really think I am such a slut that I would give another guy a blow job with an open door?" Evan couldn't quit progress the information he was given. How could Randy just believe something like that? But then again he had happily believed that Randy and John had been seeing each other even though he knew that John was happily married with a very lovely woman. Maybe they were both as bad as each other when it came to jumping to conclusions.
"But that's the reason why he is not talking to you anymore. I mean, please. Evan, it is crystal clear that Randy still wants you. And I truly believe that you still love him too. I just think that one of you need to make the first step. Unfortunately I know my best friend way to good so I know he will never make that step. So I gave you know all the cards and I really hope that you can untangle this whole mess. I am sick an tired of seeing him suffer." And with these words John left the locker room and left a very thoughtful Evan.
…...
Evan couldn't sleep that night. His body just wouldn't let him rest. He tossed and turned from one side of the bed to the other but with no luck. John's words were ringing in his ears.
Randy still wanted him. How desperately did he want this to be true but somehow it still didn't solve all the problems between them. John had said that love should be enough but Evan knew that love is sometimes just not that. Otherwise he would have never left in the first place.
"Evan, for goodness sake, just stop it." Justin's voice suddenly fell through the darkness.
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you." Evan answered sheepishly.
"What's wrong, birdy?" He smiled about Justin's use of his special nickname. "Is it still what Cena said to you earlier?"
Evan nodded before he realised that Justin was not really able to see him in the dark. "Yes. Somehow it appears I can't think about anything else right now." He sighed.
Justin made his way over to Evan's bed and sat next to the young high flyer.
"I think John is right. Love should be enough." He pulled Evan into a tight hug but the other man just freed himself instantly again.
"But that's the problem. Isn't it? Love is not enough. Love was not enough in the first place. Hell, I love this man with all my heart and it was never enough." Evan started getting desperate again. But Justin held in firm into place next to him.
"No, you listen to me now, Evan. Love is enough. Of course love is not a cure for everything. Not for your hurt pride, not for Randy's insecurities in relationship matters, not for both of you being so stubborn bastards that it almost hurts. It is no cure for any of these things. But love should enable you to one thing. And that should be the main thing when it comes to relationships and any kind of emotional commitment. It should make you fight for the other. You have given up way to soon, my little friend. You gave up without even giving Randy much of a chance. So the thing is now, if you really love him, then you should fight for him. Then all these obstacles shouldn't really count at all." Justin sighed and let the younger man go.
"You know, if you really love him, as I know you do, then do something about it. If you can't fix all this then maybe you just don't deserve the love that has been given to you."
Justin slowly crawled back into his bed and left Evan thinking about his words. He was right. If he really things to get allright again then he would need to fight for it. Then on this was for sure: Anything that's worth having is sure enough worth fighting for.
And Randy was worth it...
…...
The door fell loudly into it's lock after Randy came into his hotel room. He was tired. He just wanted to get a hot shower and then go straight to sleep. The last few days had left a strain on him and as much as he denied it to himself or even John, the whole situation with Evan didn't make things better.
He was already thinking about going to Vince or Hunter and trying to be drafted back to Raw. There he would be again with John and Evan would be hopefully far, far away from him. But he knew that it really wasn't fair on the company. John was the top babyface on Raw and he was the fan favourite at Smackdown. Even though Evan was close to push him from that position he was just not there yet. Him going would leave a void at Smackdown and he was just not willing to let his personal affairs get in the way of his professional life.
He slowly went into the shower and let the hot water caress his aching muscles. If things could be so easy with his aching soul, he thought to himself. Just let a bit of hot water wash away the pain he felt inside him. He sighed. He knew that things wouldn't be easy but he was more than determined to get his own emotions back under control and to concentrate again on his career.
Evan had stole him over a year of his life and he was not willing to let this go on for ever. He needed to move on but he still found just the thought about it impossible.
He stepped out of the shower and slowly dried his body with a soft towel. He could feel the tiredness washing over him and he had to stifle a yawn.
Suddenly he heard a very determined knock on his door. First he thought about just ignoring it but the knock wouldn't just stop. He groaned in frustration as he really was not in the mood for any company anymore. He walked over to the door.
"What do you wa...?" He opened the door ready to bite everyone's head off who just tried to disturb him, but the small frame of his former lover just caught him completely off guard.
"Evan..." He just starred at the younger man.
"Hi Randy. Can I... Can I maybe come in?" Evan flushed slightly and Randy could feel his heart beating a little bit faster.
"Yeah.. yeah, I guess..." He was still so shocked about the sudden appearance that he was not even able to yell at him and close the door right into his face again.
Evan made his way into the room and sheepishly just sat down on the bed. He looked down on his hands and Randy couldn't help but feel sorry for the other man. He looked so defeated.
"Hm, I think I should put on some clothes. I am back in a second." He grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom.
The sudden appearance of the other man just completely floored him. What did he want? Randy recalled the small frame of his ex-lover, sitting completely defeated on his bed. His heart ached a little bit. But why was he here? Why was he so sad?
Randy's mind started going into overdrive as soon as he realised that this was most likely related to any emotional business. To something relationship related. He could feel the anger rise inside him.
Justin.
While he was yanking his socks onto his feet, he just could see everything clearly in front of him: Evan having a row with his new lover. And now he needed someone to talk. Randy. Or even worse someone to console him over the loss of his newest toy. Randy couldn't believe it. How dare he?
He stormed out of the bathroom with every intention in the world to just speak his mind to Evan. Just let him know that he couldn't just march into his life when ever he was feeling like it. He just couldn't believe that his Evan would do something like that. He had changed so much. Or should he say that he didn't know Evan at all?
"What do you want Bourne?" Evan winced at the sudden change of mood in Randy's voice.
"I want to talk." He looked up at the trembling frame of his ex-lover and he had no clue what happened in this bathroom for Randy to change so much.
"Talk? About what? About Justin by any chance? Because I am not interested." Randy spat Justin's name out with so much venom that Evan hardly could believe it.
"Justin? Hell, why would I want to speak about Justin? Okay, he is part of the whole mess but I am not here to speak about him. I mean not in particular." He was rambling. He knew it. But it was just so hard to find the right words to get the hot blooded viper to listen to him.
"Oh, so it's not about Justin? What is then so important that you need to come and disturb my peace and quiet? Do you not need to be home? Being the good husband that you are? Taking care of your little boy toy?" Randy was unfair. He knew it himself. But he just couldn't help it.
"What? Randy, what the hell are you talking about?" he starred at the taller man with wide eyes.
"I am here because I want to talk about us. About you and me, you you fucking idiot. Why do you bring up Justin in every sentence?" And suddenly it dawned on Evan.
"Listen, Randy. There is nothing between Justin and me. There never has been and there never will be. He is like a brother to me and the last few months were pretty rough for me. He was just a good friend to me when I needed on. That's all." Evan sighed hoping that Randy still had enough faith in him to believe his words but somehow he doubted it.
"Oh just shut up. I've seen you two together. Do you think I am dumb? My eyes are working pretty good, you know." Randy laughed but it sounded too bitter in both their ears.
"Oh yeah. Your eyes might be pretty good but you should check your brain out sometimes soon. You always jump to the wrong conclusion and you always believe the worst of me. I just can't believe that you really think that I would give Justin a blow job with an open door for the whole WWE universe to see. Do you really think I am THAT dumb?" Now Evan could feel his temper rise as well. He just couldn't believe that Randy really thought so low of him.
"But..." But Evan stopped him.
"No but. There was never anything between me and Justin. It's just all in your imagination. And while we are still at your imagination: Why would you tell me that you are dating John? Was that the only way of getting rid of me?" Evan paced franticly though the room.
"Yes!" He stopped and looked directly at Randy.
"What?" He just felt like his heart had stopped beating.
"It was the only way of stopping you. You were not listening. You wouldn't leave me alone and I know that you a decent guy who wouldn't go after a taken man, so it was the easy way out." Randy could see how Evan's face fell and staggered back to the bed.
"I'm sorry. I really am." Randy sighed and sat next to the younger man on the bed.
"God, what a mess." Evan's voice was low. "How did we get ourselves into this whole shit?"
Randy laughed softly. Somehow all the tension between the two had disappeared. They were both tired. Too tired to fight against each other anymore.
"I believe that it all started with a certain someone dumping me." Evan looked up at Randy and looked him straight in the eyes.
"I never dumped you." Randy smiled again.
"I know. It was just so hard to understand everything. It was easier to just blame you completely and believe that you dumped me. But I know it was both our fault." Randy looked down on the floor.
"Was is worth it?" Evan looked up again.
"What?"
"Leaving. Did it solve anything?" Randy didn't dare to look at the other man.
"Somehow it did. I mean look at me now. I am fighting with you, Rey and John in the main event. I will be the next World Heavyweight Champion. I proved that I can archive anything as long as I just want it. So yeah, I would say it was worth it." Evan could see Randy's face fall. Carefully he took the other man's hand into his.
"But on the other side I lost the best thing ever happened to me. I lost you. And that makes everything just so... I don't know." He sighed.
"So do you regret it?" A tiny hint of hope glimpsed up in Randy's eyes.
"No. I don't regret it. Not for a second. Because as much as I would like to believe otherwise, we would have never stand a chance back then. I was way to insecure about my own standing and I didn't want you to believe just for one second that I was just with you for any backstage privileges. I wanted to do it on my own. I know that I am a stupid, stubborn bastard but we didn't see each other eye to eye back then. I would have always felt like you could do better. And I didn't want to feel that way." Randy slowly let his thumb run over Evan's hand.
"Please don't believe ever that I could do better. I never could do better then you. But I guess I was not particular helpful to make you feel more comfortable with yourself. I am sorry." Evan swallowed heavily. He could feel the tears pricking against his eye lids.
"But I have to say that you got the wrong end of the stick there, Evan. I was never ashamed of you. Never. I just didn't want anyone get between us. You were too precious to me. I just didn't want anyone else get involved. Telling you how horrible I am, make you realise that you really deserve so much better. I was a fool. Really. I know that now but it's too late now isn't it." Randy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The whole situation was so surreal. All he wanted was taking Evan into his arms and to never let him go. But somehow he knew that this would never happen again.
"I mean, we are a disaster together. We jump to conclusions whenever the other one just open his mouth. We are fighting almost every minute. Hell, we are even both too stubborn to speak about this whole mess in over a year's time." Randy let go of Evan's hand and looked him directly in the eyes.
"We are just a disaster." He sighed but he was quickly quietened but Evan's hand on his cheek.
"Yes, we are a disaster. But we are such a beautiful disaster." He laughed gently.
"You are completely right. But look at it from another point: We are even worse when we are on our own. We tried to kill each other, you tried to kill my room mate. I almost cost John his manhood. We made almost everyone around us miserable. If I just have one more late night training session on my own I am sure I will loose my mind. Randy. We are like a hurricane. I know. But I love you and I rather stay in the eye of the hurricane forever then being constantly thrown around by it." he gently caressed Randy's skin. He couldn't believe how right it still felt after all this time.
"I don't know, Evan. Everything has been such a mess." Randy closed his eyes and moved a bit closer to the younger man. He could almost feel Evan's warm breath on his skin when he finally spoke again.
"I know but that's why we need to untangle it now. It won't be easy and I know that love can't heal anything. But I want to give it a try. I just can't let you go without even trying to fight for you." He gave him a tender kiss on the lips. "Please?"
Just a second later Evan found himself in a air tightening hug and Randy pulled him down onto the bed. He gently kissed Evan and he could almost feel how his heart felt whole again.
He slowly opened his eyes and looked directly into the brown eyes that he loved so much.
"Okay, let's fight."