. . .-my thoroughly demented and messed up theory on why everyone in Pokemon World says the same thing over and over. Thank You to Vulpixie86 and Hypermon (my felllow "crazed maniacs") for helping.
Pokemon Gold and Silver have FINALLY been released, and now there is one question on every champion trainers mind. "Why the hell doesn't Ash speak?!" I mean, you walk up to him after a long hard journey through Johto and Kanto, you're expecting something to the effect of, "I am the Almighty Ash, Omae kesshi henshi!! (prepare to die a violent death in japanese, thank you vulpixie) But NO! All you get is "..." And then, after you've crushed Ash with your superior power, the stupid jerk should be groveling at your feet at the very least, but instead it's just "..." before the little bastard uses an escape rope!! It's like, dude, what's up with that? Well, I happen to have that knowledge. Read on to find out...
One day over in Cerulean City in Kanto, Ash and his wife Misty headed out for a days work. Misty was going to Cerulean City Gym, where she was the gym leader, and Ash was going to Saffron City to wait for Johto trainers to get off the magnet train so he could beat their sorry asses. While there, he met a trainer from Johto called Hero. He challenged him right in the middle of the train station be saying, "I'll beat the shit out of you, you dumbass Johto jerk!!! Omae kesshi henshi!!!!" Hero, being an egotistical macho pig like Ash, was extremely embarrsed and offened at being challenged in such a manner, so he accepted Ash's challenge just to prove his greatness.
"Fine, I'll crush you, you Pikachu loving pussy!!!" That said, Hero sent out...an Unown. (don't ask me, I'm only the narrator, and the leprechaun on my shoulder told me this is how it happened. anyway, back to our story) Ash began to laugh hysterically, falling to the floor and rolling around like an idiotic monkey. "You stupid fuck!!! What a LOSER pokemon!!! It doesn't DO anything!!! Pikachu, thunderbolt!!" Ash gasped through gales of stupid laughter. However, as Pikachu's thunderbolt was breaking windows and knocking over chairs, Unown remained unaffected. Ash stared dumfounded at the undamaged Unkown, his jaw dropping moronically to the floor. Unown then used Hidden Power on it's master's command. The minute the attack hit Pikachu, it fell to the floor, out cold. The attack spread throughout the train station, and everyone it hit got a vapid and clueless expression on their face, including our not quite hero, Ash. Once the attack had spread thorughout the entire train station, it exploded into a burin fireball and Ash and hid dumb Pikachu were sent sprialing through the air and through the roof of the pokemon center, while hidden power continued to spread over Kanto.
When Ash woke up, he found himself face to face with the pokecenter nurse Joy. He looked around. No one seemed to think it was strange that he had just crashed through the roof. Then he realized he didn't think it was strange either, Nurse Joy had a cheesy unchanging smile permanantly plastered onto her expressionless face. Ash walked robotically to the counter and looked at nurse Joy. "Hello, welcome to our pokemon center. We heal your pokemon back to perfect health. Would you like us to heal your pokemon?" Ash nodded like a zombie and handed her Pikachu. Joy revived it a gave it back, saying ina peppy voice, "There, your pokemon are fighting fit. Have a nice day!" Ash left the pokemon center and headed home.
Misty had already reutrned from work. She had beat a couple of trainers, and hit on some of the especially cute ones, but she spent most of her day underwater caring for her Psyduck, which had run headfirst into a brick wall again. Now she was waitng for her "Ashy Baby" to get home, cuz pokemon training made the little whore horny as hell and she needed a fuck. She heard the door shut, signaling Ash's arrival. "Ashy Baby, what do you want for dinner?" she asked sweetly. "..." was all she got in response. "Ash?"she queryed worriedly. "..." Ash walked upstairs, leaving Misty alone in the living room. "Oh no! Somethings wrong with my Ashy!!! I must help him! I'll get Brock to help." Misty then stole Ash's Pidgeot and flew to Pewter City.
When she arrived there, she ran straight to Pewter Gym. Brock was standing on his platform, waitng for challengers. Misty threw her arms around Brock sobbing. "BROCK!!! You have to help!! Somethings wrong with Ash!!" After waitng about 5 minutes for a response, Misty got off of him. "Brock?" Brock blinked stupidly at Misty, then said in a robotic voice, "The world is huge. There are still many great trainers like you. Wait and see. One day, I'll be great too." Then he blibked again. "Brock?" Misty whimpered, poking him in the eye. "The world is huge, there are still many great trainers like you. Wait and see. One day I'll be great too." Misty's eyes reduced to slits and she got tose weird anime wrinkles on her forhead. "Grrrrrr...BROCK, GOD DAMMIT HELP!!!!!" "The world is huge. There are still many-" "AAAAHHHHHHH!! FUCK OFF!!!!" With that, the enraged Misty smacked Brock upside the head and kicked him in the nuts. He showed no sign of pain and said,"The world is huge. There are still many great trainers like you. Wait and see. One day I'm going to be great too." Infuriated, Misty screamed, "AARRRGGHH!!! FINE!! I'LL HELP ASH MYSELF!!!!!" Then she stormed out of the gym and flew back home, only to discover Ash and all of his stuff gone.
Ash had gone to Silver Cave on Mount Silver, as deep into the cave as his tiny brain and awful sense of direction could possibly take him. He lives his life there, a hermit, waitng for challenges. He usually loses, making his mental condition worse. Every night he sits in a shadowy corner, hugging his Pikachu, going, " ... ... ... ... ..." Misty still lives inCerulaen City,and she is still the gym leader. Since she is a slut, she got over Ash approximately 2.4426 seconds after he disapeared. In fact, she was seen making out with some dude from Olivine City in Johto by Bill's old house just last week. That is, until some other trainer from Johto came and interrupted...
THE END
Pokemon Gold and Silver have FINALLY been released, and now there is one question on every champion trainers mind. "Why the hell doesn't Ash speak?!" I mean, you walk up to him after a long hard journey through Johto and Kanto, you're expecting something to the effect of, "I am the Almighty Ash, Omae kesshi henshi!! (prepare to die a violent death in japanese, thank you vulpixie) But NO! All you get is "..." And then, after you've crushed Ash with your superior power, the stupid jerk should be groveling at your feet at the very least, but instead it's just "..." before the little bastard uses an escape rope!! It's like, dude, what's up with that? Well, I happen to have that knowledge. Read on to find out...
One day over in Cerulean City in Kanto, Ash and his wife Misty headed out for a days work. Misty was going to Cerulean City Gym, where she was the gym leader, and Ash was going to Saffron City to wait for Johto trainers to get off the magnet train so he could beat their sorry asses. While there, he met a trainer from Johto called Hero. He challenged him right in the middle of the train station be saying, "I'll beat the shit out of you, you dumbass Johto jerk!!! Omae kesshi henshi!!!!" Hero, being an egotistical macho pig like Ash, was extremely embarrsed and offened at being challenged in such a manner, so he accepted Ash's challenge just to prove his greatness.
"Fine, I'll crush you, you Pikachu loving pussy!!!" That said, Hero sent out...an Unown. (don't ask me, I'm only the narrator, and the leprechaun on my shoulder told me this is how it happened. anyway, back to our story) Ash began to laugh hysterically, falling to the floor and rolling around like an idiotic monkey. "You stupid fuck!!! What a LOSER pokemon!!! It doesn't DO anything!!! Pikachu, thunderbolt!!" Ash gasped through gales of stupid laughter. However, as Pikachu's thunderbolt was breaking windows and knocking over chairs, Unown remained unaffected. Ash stared dumfounded at the undamaged Unkown, his jaw dropping moronically to the floor. Unown then used Hidden Power on it's master's command. The minute the attack hit Pikachu, it fell to the floor, out cold. The attack spread throughout the train station, and everyone it hit got a vapid and clueless expression on their face, including our not quite hero, Ash. Once the attack had spread thorughout the entire train station, it exploded into a burin fireball and Ash and hid dumb Pikachu were sent sprialing through the air and through the roof of the pokemon center, while hidden power continued to spread over Kanto.
When Ash woke up, he found himself face to face with the pokecenter nurse Joy. He looked around. No one seemed to think it was strange that he had just crashed through the roof. Then he realized he didn't think it was strange either, Nurse Joy had a cheesy unchanging smile permanantly plastered onto her expressionless face. Ash walked robotically to the counter and looked at nurse Joy. "Hello, welcome to our pokemon center. We heal your pokemon back to perfect health. Would you like us to heal your pokemon?" Ash nodded like a zombie and handed her Pikachu. Joy revived it a gave it back, saying ina peppy voice, "There, your pokemon are fighting fit. Have a nice day!" Ash left the pokemon center and headed home.
Misty had already reutrned from work. She had beat a couple of trainers, and hit on some of the especially cute ones, but she spent most of her day underwater caring for her Psyduck, which had run headfirst into a brick wall again. Now she was waitng for her "Ashy Baby" to get home, cuz pokemon training made the little whore horny as hell and she needed a fuck. She heard the door shut, signaling Ash's arrival. "Ashy Baby, what do you want for dinner?" she asked sweetly. "..." was all she got in response. "Ash?"she queryed worriedly. "..." Ash walked upstairs, leaving Misty alone in the living room. "Oh no! Somethings wrong with my Ashy!!! I must help him! I'll get Brock to help." Misty then stole Ash's Pidgeot and flew to Pewter City.
When she arrived there, she ran straight to Pewter Gym. Brock was standing on his platform, waitng for challengers. Misty threw her arms around Brock sobbing. "BROCK!!! You have to help!! Somethings wrong with Ash!!" After waitng about 5 minutes for a response, Misty got off of him. "Brock?" Brock blinked stupidly at Misty, then said in a robotic voice, "The world is huge. There are still many great trainers like you. Wait and see. One day, I'll be great too." Then he blibked again. "Brock?" Misty whimpered, poking him in the eye. "The world is huge, there are still many great trainers like you. Wait and see. One day I'll be great too." Misty's eyes reduced to slits and she got tose weird anime wrinkles on her forhead. "Grrrrrr...BROCK, GOD DAMMIT HELP!!!!!" "The world is huge. There are still many-" "AAAAHHHHHHH!! FUCK OFF!!!!" With that, the enraged Misty smacked Brock upside the head and kicked him in the nuts. He showed no sign of pain and said,"The world is huge. There are still many great trainers like you. Wait and see. One day I'm going to be great too." Infuriated, Misty screamed, "AARRRGGHH!!! FINE!! I'LL HELP ASH MYSELF!!!!!" Then she stormed out of the gym and flew back home, only to discover Ash and all of his stuff gone.
Ash had gone to Silver Cave on Mount Silver, as deep into the cave as his tiny brain and awful sense of direction could possibly take him. He lives his life there, a hermit, waitng for challenges. He usually loses, making his mental condition worse. Every night he sits in a shadowy corner, hugging his Pikachu, going, " ... ... ... ... ..." Misty still lives inCerulaen City,and she is still the gym leader. Since she is a slut, she got over Ash approximately 2.4426 seconds after he disapeared. In fact, she was seen making out with some dude from Olivine City in Johto by Bill's old house just last week. That is, until some other trainer from Johto came and interrupted...
THE END