Principio sì giolivo ben conduce
Like every morning the gods were sitting at their breakfast table. They were all there, except from Aphrodite, who, of course, had to put on her make-up, brush her hair, colour her nails and so on, so she usually arrived at lunchtime. Breakfast wasn't usually a happy and relaxing moment as it should have been and you'll soon see why.
-And who is this, my dearest husband?- Hera asked Zeus handing him a photograph. The photo showed a really beautiful and smiling young woman, with blonde hair and freckles. –She is… ah… my goddaughter, you know…- answered Zeus looking embarassed. Surely, Hera found that photograph in his cloak. -Do you really think I'm stupid? You can't have a goddaughter! You're cheating on me again!-she barked - Oh, no, my wife, what are you saying?- Zeus played with his brioche. –We just went out for a drink, I assure you! Believe me, my love!- Yes, like the last two-hundred times! And besides, did she really need to be in her push-up to have a drink with you?- You know, we were at the seaside…- You LIAR!- she yelled, grasping his ear and pulling. –OK, OK…- he knelt in front of her. –Forgive me, my love! You're the star of my life…- Yes, yes… I'll forgive you if you let me borrow your thunderbolt for a while- And what for?- he asked suspiciously. –Nothing important- she answered with a wave of her hand –A city has been disrespecting me. I'll kill them all- Fine, you can borrow it, but for just a day, not more!-
-The situation in Corynthus is precipitating- said Ares while chewing his corn-flakes –Thankfully, they'll soon come to the war- Thankfully? Oh, I was forgetting… you are a bloodthirsty violent and vindictive animal!- grunted Athena in response. –Oh, you flatter me, sister. Unlike you, I am bold enough to fight!- Yes…- she answered patiently, as if she was talking to a child –This is the reason why I kick your ass every single time we fight!-. With a smug smile, she returned to her slice of pie. –Only because you are Daddy's perfect daughter- Or because you are a poor excuse for a warrior and you probably don't have a brain-. –It's very easy to win when you wear the aegis since it can't be broken, Athena!- Oh? I need to remember you that more than once I won over you with my bare hands…- This doesn't mean that you always will!- he bellowed. –Don't listen to her, dearie- said Aphrodite, finally arriving. She was wearing a really transparent pink dress and golden sandals. –She's a witch!- Ares, go fight with her- teased Athena –maybe you have a little chance to win-. Grunting, Ares stood up and left the room.
-Are you sure you really want to go back to him, Kore?- asked Demeter with a worried look –Yes, Mother, and my name is Persephone now…- she sighed, taking a sip of her tea. –I'm not entirely convinced that he treats you well, my dear. You are always so sad when you return to Olympus…- Of course, mother! I miss him! He's my husband, you know…-Oh, please, not this conversation again!- burst out Dionysos, who was drinking a glass of whiskey at eight o'clock in the morning –Demeter, old woman o'mine, quit harassing your daughter! Relax and have some wine!- In your opinion wine is the right therapy for anything- Because it is!- he laughed –And DON'T call me "old woman o'mine" again! I am neither old nor yours!- Do you prefer "apple-face"?-. Demeter punched him on the head, but later Persephone turned to him smiling: -Thank you, Dionysos. Next year I'll bring you a bottle of our finest wine!- Oh, you're welcome, Deadface!- he laughed. This time it was Persephone's turn to punch him on his head.
-Maybe you exxagerhated with Marsyas, dear- Hestia was saying to Apollo –Was it really necessary to rip his skin?- He deserved that because he dared to compare himself to the gods. I think that Apollo has been even too kind by giving him a chance. Kinder than me, anyway – Artemis bursted out .- Even a hyena is kinder than you, sweets!- commented Hermes with a laugh, but he had tu pull himself apart when Artemis launched a biscuit on his head. –Oh, no, boys!- pleaded Hestia –I passed my whole afternoon preparing these biscuits yesterday…- Sorry, Aunt Hestia, but this man is crap- Artemis murmured angrily –Rip his skin too, Apollo-. Apollo put his cup of milk on the table and regarded Hermes sternly. –You will not mock my sister again, Hermes-. Hermes was not impressed at all; he straightened his back like Apollo used to do and bellowed "You will not mock my sister again, Hermes" imitating Apollo's voice. The result was that Artemis spilled her orange juice over Hermes' head and Apollo gave him a really hard kick on his knee.
Hestia sighed. No matter why they started a new war every year.