This is my first story posted here...it is a one-shot that was written for a contest.
I want to thank JasperLuver48 for all the encouragement.
The Mistake
The sun was trying to push its way through the thick layer of clouds that filled the Maine sky, a feat that was often impossible. The soft, cool breeze swirled around me carrying the strong scents of the surrounding forest, igniting the hunger as it set my throat ablaze with the need to feed.
Rising from my perch on the boulder, I watched my family slowly approach me. My brother, Edward, or so that's the story we told the locals, cocked his brow at me, no doubt reading my thoughts.
"A hunt then, Jasper?" he asked, a slow smile spreading across his face.
With a slight nod of my head, I looked past him to see Alice bounding happily towards me, her face lit up with excitement. Her lithe frame quickly passed Edward, the wind ruffling her short hair. I could feel the love and peace emanating from her as she approached and leapt into my waiting arms.
Burying my face in her neck, I squeezed her to me relishing in the love I felt for her. She was my everything.
"Ready to hunt?" she asked happily, her beautiful golden eyes sparkling as she pulled back to stare into my own matching eyes.
Alice was always so enthusiastic about getting me out to hunt and sticking to the family's 'Vegetarian' diet. When she had found me years ago, my diet was strictly human. But with the power of Alice and her intense belief in me, I acquired the habits of her feeding preferences. Then we met the Cullens. Alice had seen them and their way of life, and wanted to be part of this family. Of course I went with her. I would follow her anywhere, even if it went against the very nature of who I was.
The Cullen's embraced us with open arms, asking no questions and making no judgments. They had all been following their special diet for awhile, so I was the newest. The one who constantly struggled the most; not with what I was, but with how I lived. My thoughts about it were always available to Edward. He always knew when the challenge of refraining became particularly unmanageable and was quick to suggest a 'boys' hunting trip.
Alice was showering my face with her gentle kisses and my ability to pick up on people's emotions allowed me to feel the lust radiating from her as it began to take over my own body. My lips found hers quickly and passionately as I wound my hands in her soft hair. Just as I was deepening the kiss, her tiny body eagerly responding to my every touch, I heard an exasperated sigh from behind us.
Emmett.
Reluctantly letting go, I glanced over Alice's shoulder at my other sibling who was standing with his arms crossed over his enormous chest, a look of irritation playing across his face.
"Do you think we could get done here? I mean not that the show isn't cool and all, but come on!" he goaded, a smile replacing the earlier grimace. "I'm hungry. Let's chase down some chow!" Emmett rubbed his hands across his stomach and with an exuberant laugh, bounded off towards the forest, disappearing behind the trees with Edward right behind him.
Alice clasped my hand in her own and pulled me gently along behind her. "Don't worry, we will finish later," she promised with a wink, a playful smile brightening her beautiful features causing a small growl of anticipation to erupt from my chest. "But for now, let's go!" She let go of my hand and danced her way into the trees, my heavy footfalls right behind her graceful steps.
Once in the barrier of the trees, I let my instincts take over and lifted my nose to the strong smells around me. The damp moss covered earth was the strongest, permeating my senses. There was a mixture of wood and soil and from somewhere in the distance the burning scent of smoke from someone's fire.
I picked up the almost silent sounds of my family ahead of me actively in search of their own prey. I listened for the sounds of animals, their paws crumpling the leaves, the huffing of their breath as they ran from the danger they felt coming.
Running deeper into the hunting ground, I picked up the all too familiar tangy smell of my next meal and slowed my pace as to not alert him of my arrival. I fought the grimace at the odor and concentrated on the sounds of the animal, closing in on it. I heard a yell coming from Emmett that momentarily stole my concentration. He must have bagged his bear. Emmett loved bears.
Resetting my sights on my meal, I saw my own dark brown bear in front of me raise his head towards the sound, yet he was still unaware of my own presence. Pausing for one brief moment, I sprang forward landing easily on his back and slicing through his layers effortlessly with my razor sharp teeth. The warm blood coated the burning in my throat, and soon the fighting claws of the bear became still as I drained the last of his lifeblood away. Dropping him to the ground, I turned toward my side to see Alice watching me with a glint in her eye, her swelling pride and genuine love washing over me like a wave crashing against a rock.
Straightening out of my crouch, I swaggered slowly to her grabbing her around the waist and crushed my lips to hers. She had said later. Now was as good a time as any. As my hands roamed her small frame my mouth devoured her gentle lips. My fingers trailed down her side, lowering to the swell of her hips as I pulled her even closer. Our bodies began fusing together with passion.
"Wait!" She pulled away suddenly, her voice irritated. "Not yet." She closed her eyes which meant one thing: A vision. Alice was able to see the future and while I knew it often plagued her having to see so much at times like this, I must admit it was a blessing. I didn't want to be caught in a compromising position by my brothers. "They will be here in… one minute. And oh! Emmett! You should see him Jasper," she finished with a little giggle.
As Alice straightened her shirt, I waited expectantly for Emmett to arrive, already smiling at what was coming. Though I hadn't seen it like Alice had, I knew it would be shocking to say the least.
Edward appeared first shaking his head and laughing. Right behind him bounded Emmett wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, his shredded clothes in his hand.
"Man! That one was a fighter! Yes!" He boomed out a laugh and tossed his clothes to Alice. "Don't think I can use these again." With one final wink, he flexed his almost naked body and crashed loudly through the trees, laughing heartily.
I shared a look with Edward and we both burst into fits of laughter. Alice was standing there, one hand on her hip, the other holding the torn and bloodied clothes with a disgusted expression on her face.
"Don't worry Alice, no one will see him," I told her gently.
"I don't care if anyone sees him… look at his clothes! Why does he have to wear his best Diesel jeans that I just bought him?" With a huff, Alice discarded the clothes, gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek, and turned toward Edward.
"I know, I know, Alice. I will remind him," he answered her silent plea.
With a quick hug for Edward, she started out of the forest, a determined expression on her face. "Bye Jasper, I have shopping to do!" she sang through clenched teeth, though I could feel her excitement creeping in at the prospect of a trip to the mall.
Chuckling a little, the feeling of excitement from Alice was replaced with the worry from Edward.
"You okay, Jasper?" he asked, concern emanating from everywhere.
"Yeah, I am Edward. Sometimes… sometimes it just gets tough. I have to remind myself why I am doing this." For Alice. For Carlisle. For my family.
"They're proud of you. We all are," Edward responded to my thoughts. "We know it isn't easy in the beginning, but you are doing well."
"Thanks," I told him with a gruff fist to his shoulder. I knew they were all worried about me, hoping I would be able to handle our daily associations with humans. And I had been able to control my urges, but lately it seems -
"Jazz, we are here for you," Edward broke off my thoughts.
Sometimes I hated that he could hear my every thought, probably as much as he hated that I could feel his every emotion. I didn't want him or the rest of the family to concern themselves with my struggles. I had managed all this time. We were all close, which was unusual for our kind, but that's what made our way of surviving work. We were there for each other, a constant support system. And I was grateful for them all, especially Alice.
Edward ignored my inner reflections and we continued home in silence. As we neared our house, the familiar shouts from Rosalie filled the air.
"You moron! Why do you do that?" Rosalie's voice had reached another octave.
"Babe… what? I was just messing around!" Emmett defended himself quickly.
Edward and I looked at each other, sharing a knowing smile.
How mad is she?
"Oh she's mad," he answered my silent question. "She is trying to not punch him, so instead she is going to "alter" his jeep," Edward related in a whisper, a chuckle in his voice.
We saw Rosalie leave the house and make her way noisily to the garage, followed by the loud clanking sound of her tools.
"Babe! No! Don't do this!" Emmett cried running after her still in his underwear. "I'll put some clothes on, I swear! Just don't touch m-" his words were cut off with a loud metallic thud and a snicker from inside.
Tuning out the rest of their argument, I headed inside to watch some TV, knowing it was going to be awhile until Alice was back. Even vampire speed couldn't make Alice's shopping trips any faster. Resting my head back on the couch, I let my mind wander a little.
Flickers of the past began flooding my mind… soldiers… war… Maria… feeding. My eyes snapped open as my memory flared with her evil face, the pain returning to my throat. Edward was watching me from the corner, concern permeating the room. I concentrated on calming my mind, my own ability to influence those around me coming into play. I pushed the calming sensation out of my body, like a fog, edging it towards Edward.
His tense demeanor relaxed a little as my calming influence reached him. His look of concern was replaced slowly with a knowing smile.
I'm fine. Just fine.
He cocked his head with a questioning glance and I nodded in reassurance.
I just wanted to go for a walk. Alice won't be home for hours.
"Are you sure, Jasper?"
"Yeah… just a little time alone. I'll be back before too long," I spoke aloud, emphasizing my need to be left to myself.
I could tell Edward was wavering having just seen my thoughts, but I gave him a reassuring smile and headed swiftly through the back door. I could feel Edward's worry chasing me as I went.
Carlisle and Esme were seated in the back talking quietly, holding hands, with their heads close together, the passionate love they shared surrounding them like a gentle breeze.
"Ah, evening Jasper," Carlisle said, rising to greet me. "How did the hunt go? I heard Rosalie and Emmett in the garage. I assume he got his bear?" Esme's musical laugh followed his words as his eyes fell upon something behind me.
Chuckling softly, I glanced back over my shoulder to see Edward standing on the porch, his expression solemn. "Well, Alice left to replace Emmett's clothes, so I am going to take a little walk." With a slight nod to Carlisle and a warm smile for Esme, I headed back into the forest.
I was sure Edward was filling them in on what he had seen in my mind, setting their minds ablaze with concern too. I picked up my pace to put distance between us to escape the feelings that would seek me out.
I was really frustrated with myself at my weakness in the family. After this many years I had hoped to have overcome this inner struggle regarding my diet. I had been living among humans for some time now, and I just didn't think I could do it without Alice and the rest of my family. They did it all the time! They were always around humans and didn't seem as bothered by it as I was. I hated the tense feelings that my family always carried when I was around. Their constant worry plagued me with immense guilt.
I knew I had come a long way from when I was first changed into what I am now. I was a monster long ago. Taking the life of humans so easily, never thinking twice as I drained their lives, relishing in the sweet taste of the blood I had so craved. Not only had I taken the lives of the living, but I had murdered my own kind too. I did what Maria wanted me to do
Maria…my maker.
It was she who changed me. She was the one who taught me how to survive. Of course I would do her work, lead her army, take over the cities she wanted. But as time wore on, I became angry, resentful.
Then I met Peter. He helped me see that this wasn't the life I had to lead. It could be better… different. And that whole step led me to Alice.
My ultimate savior.
She knew what I had done, yet she waited for me, wanted me, loved me. I could never let her down. I didn't want to let her down. This was my life now and the fact that I was the consistent weak link amongst our family frustrated me to no end.
I walked on for awhile, trying to calm my thoughts, build the confidence in myself, not realizing how far I had gone until I passed through a barrier of trees and found myself on the other side of the forest. I had been so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice the sights and sounds around me.
There were a few lone cabins scattered about, smoke billowing lazily out of the chimneys, the fires inside warming the inhabitants. There were household noises coming from inside as they went about their daily lives, with no worry like I felt. A sudden pang of jealousy sliced through me.
Brief flickers of my human life flashed like a slideshow in my head. The simpler days. The never ending sunrises I saw as a teenager, my biggest challenge was getting my schoolwork done… not fighting the urge to kill a human.
That's when I saw her. A young woman was coming around the side of the house with her arms full of wood, her skirts billowing in the breeze, her breath on the frigid air rising in plumes. I could hear the beating of her heart, and smell the warm, tantalizing blood that pulsed through her veins – wet and enticing. The blazing inferno in my throat was crippling as I stumbled backwards a few steps, hiding behind the nearby tree.
It would take a second to get to her, to slice the tender flesh of her neck and drink the life from her body. I gripped the tree and felt a chunk give way in my hand. Every muscle was tense in my body as I fought the incredible urge to run to her and quench my insatiable thirst.
Alice's face flashed before me. The pain I felt from her seeing what I was about to do was almost incapacitating. An urge from within, beyond my control, made my legs move of their own accord as I began to step from behind the tree, eager to taste her, not caring what the outcome was.
"Abe. Abe, get the door for mama, please. My hands are full," her soft voice called to someone in the house, causing me to freeze.
My eyes shot to the front door as a young boy about ten years old flung it open.
"Hurry, mama. It's cold," he stuttered out a reply. I saw him reach up to relieve some of his mothers load before she hurried inside, closing the door behind her.
My knees crumpled underneath me. If I could be sick, I would have been. I couldn't believe what I had almost done. I was so close to ending her life and I would've taken the boy too if it came down to it. I needed to get away. As far away as possible.
I rose to my trembling legs and leaned against the tree, gasping for air that I didn't need. The smell of her blood still burned my throat. Alice had seen this. Of course she had already alerted the family. I needed to get back to them. Now. I could almost feel her pain searing my body. I pushed off my post and lunged into the forest, breathing in the cold air hoping to soothe the inferno that blazed a trail in my throat. The forest blurred past me and when the burning eased a little I slowed to a stop.
I couldn't go on. I decided to wait for them here; Alice would see where I was. They could find me. Lowering myself onto a fallen tree, I dropped my head between my knees, cursing my weakness under my breath.
"Mister? Hey, Mister… you okay?"
I was so lost in my own self-punishment, I hadn't heard anyone approach. The burning was back full force as my head snapped up to the source. Before me stood a hunter carrying his catch over his shoulder. The mixture of his sweet smell mixed with the smell of his kill was overpowering.
"Um… yes. Yes, I'm fine. Just go," I told him, trying to hold my breath. My eyes focused on the blood at his collar from the small dear he was lugging - right next to the pulsating lifeline that mocked me.
"Are you sure? I just live over yonder there," he said gesturing towards where I had just come from. "My wife and son are there waiting for dinner. You can warm up by the fire," he finished pleasantly.
I jumped off the log, a growl erupting as I faced him. "I said go. Now."
A flash of fear crossed his face and he stumbled forward quickly. Still trying to hold my breath, I turned my head away from him. As he passed by me, the wind shifted, I let my breath out and the tangy smell of the blood scorched my throat. Without thinking, I turned in one swift movement and grabbed the dead animal off his shoulder, flinging it behind me. I could vaguely hear it crack into a nearby tree.
I grabbed his arm with one hand, bringing him to me as his breath whooshed from his lungs, rendering him unable to scream. My teeth found his lifeline and easily sliced into his neck, the warm fluid deliciously coating my parched throat.
Euphoria coursed through me as I drank, as I greedily sucked his life away.
"Jasper!" I heard a gasp.
I dropped my kill and looked up at my mate who was standing there with her hand at her mouth and the rest of my family standing behind her.
Edward had a pained look on his face. Esme was clutching tightly to Carlisle's hand, her body racked with silent sobs. Emmett stood next to Rosalie, her arms across her chest as irritation flashed across her face.
I felt overwhelming waves of disappointment, sadness, anger, and pity flood my body.
"I'm sorry."
It wasn't much, but it was all I could muster as I looked down at the body at my feet. He had had a family. Not only had I robbed him of his life… I had robbed his family as well. And now I had disappointed the one person who meant more to me than the world and all its inhabitants. I looked up into the eyes of my beloved and found I couldn't stand the hurt and disappointment I saw there. I quickly dropped my eyes once more.
Alice came to my side, pulling me into her arms. "Jasper. I love you." She buried her head against my chest, cooing to me, slowly leading me away.
Carlisle put his arm around me. "Jasper, we will help you," he said in a soothing voice. Edward, Emmett… take care of this. The girls and I will take Jasper home," Carlisle instructed quietly to my brothers as he gestured to the body laying on the forest floor.
"I'll stay with them," Rosalie said defiantly, moving towards the lifeless body that Edward was now standing over.
"What have I done?" I cried as I cast one last glance at the life I had just taken.
No one said anything as they led me swiftly away, back towards the house.
I hardly remember the trip home or Alice taking me to our room. I could hear voices from downstairs, but tried to tune them out.
"Emmett, Edward, and Rose are back," Alice informed me.
"What did they do?" Alice looked at me hesitantly. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. "It's fine. I am okay."
"They just cleaned up. You know them. They just made it look like a simple hunting accident. Accidents happen all the time," she shrugged. "It's fine, don't worry," she assured me in her gentle voice. "Let's go downstairs, Carlisle has something to tell us," she said with a smile, bounding off the bed, pulling me behind her.
As we made our way downstairs, I shifted my gaze to the ornate mirror that hung on the wall, decorating the space on the landing. I let out a startled gasp as a pair of red eyes stared back at me. I didn't recognize the man in the mirror… or I didn't want to. No matter how long I stood there, the image didn't change and I knew it was true…it was me. It was another testament to my ultimate failure. Disgusted with myself, I looked away to see Alice staring at me, a look of utter compassion all over her face, her unconditional love radiating like rays of sunshine from her very depths.
She reached her smooth hand to my face gently, staring in my eyes, saying nothing. I didn't need her to. We had such a powerful connection we didn't need words.
She loved me.
She supported me.
She would always be here for me.
She slid her hand slowly down my arm and took my hand again, leading me the rest of the way down the stairs to find the family gathered together. The room was swirling with mixed emotions, strengthening my confusion as six sets of golden eyes were all fixed on me.
"What are we doing now?" I asked curiously. "Do you want me to go?"
"Of course not, son," Carlisle reassured me. "We are all leaving. Going to Alaska. There is a coven there similar to ours, and they have agreed to let us come and stay with them for awhile."
"Great," Rosalie huffed. "Another move," she said as she disappeared upstairs.
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry."
Alice darted to my side. "Don't be sorry, Jasper. We all love you. We want you to get better. The Denali clan will help you. Help all of us."
She wrapped her tiny arms around my waist and snuggled into my chest. I leaned down to touch the top of her head with my lips.
If I had Alice by my side, I had everything.