I'm holding you in my arms. I only wish it wasn't like this.
You're hurting. And I will always be there to help you through. But
I wish I got the chance to hold you when you weren't in so much pain.
Only once was there happiness in our embrace. I smile thinking about
it. You rushed at me. Smiling. That was the most joyful,
unprofessional smiles I ever got out of you. It's good to put my arms
around you again I said. And I meant it wholeheartedly. I would like
to hold you like that again.
But here I am, thinking of happy times while you're standing here
hurting. I rest my chin on your head. As always, I marvel at how
perfectly we fit together. Feeling bad, I softly whisper I'm sorry. I
don't know why. Neither do you. You look up at me with tearstained
cheeks. My heart breaks. Why you ask. I answer hesitantly.
I don't want to hurt you anymore. It's my fault. You sigh.
Your eyes are almost dissapointed. In me? You object. No. Its one
word, but I believe you. I start to pull away. I know you don't like
to appear weak. But you stop me. Don't leave you say. Leave? Never? Not you. I'm never going to leave I say. I stroke your hair as a parent would a child. But you're not a child. I would never fall in love with a child.
You seem content in my arms. I had thought your tears had stopped.
They hadn't. Your shoulders shake and I tighten my grip. You raise up
on you tip toes and plant a light kiss on my forehead. Thank you, you
whisper.
You start away and I follow. My thoughts still whirl. Are you really
okay I wonder silently. And the guilt returns. I'm the one who did
this to you. Maybe I'm the one who can stop it. But I know I can't,
not this time. But I will face it with you. It's cliche. But I know
we can handle anything. We have so far. But now i wonder. Does love
really conquer all? Does love conquer death?
Soon you deterioate. You try to deny it. You can't. Not even you can
face death fearless. And I never leave you. You are slipping away.
I begin to treasure the small things. Your voice. The sparkle in your
eyes when you see me. The fiery color of your hair. The way you act
like you have to protect me. Your strength. Your voice falters, the
sparkle dims, but you remain strong.
But as you lie there sleeping, I notice how fragile you really are. I
will never tell you that. But I look at you and you seem to have
shrunk. Yes you have always been short. And yes you have lost weight.
Your physical strength has weakened. But something else is gone. The
passion that was always there is gone. You no longer seem to care.
And that scares me. Have you given up?
I take you to the beach and hold you. You look up at me with renewed
spirit. You have not given up. You've accepted it. And that is even
scarier.
I look into the blue of your eyes and am reminded of the ocean lying
on front of it. Steady on the outside but a turbulence of emotions
underneath. Sometimes errupting. But we have finally reached still
waters. You try to speak but find it difficult. I wait. I know you
will find a way to say what you need to say. You do. Your eyes say it
all. I love you. Its not what some call ESP. It's a simple
understanding of souls. I nod. I know I say. You smile weakly.
Your last smile. You die in my arms. Its not like I thought.
It's worse. You are not here. You are never coming back. I will
never hear your voice. I will never see the blue of your eyes sparkle.
I won't even hear you falter as you try to say something. You grow
cold and the pain won't stop. The tide comes up and the pain is as
frequent as the water. Your eyes are closed as if you are sleeping.
I try to pretend but it doesn't work. I know you are gone. And you're
never coming back. Not ever.
~~FIN~~
You're hurting. And I will always be there to help you through. But
I wish I got the chance to hold you when you weren't in so much pain.
Only once was there happiness in our embrace. I smile thinking about
it. You rushed at me. Smiling. That was the most joyful,
unprofessional smiles I ever got out of you. It's good to put my arms
around you again I said. And I meant it wholeheartedly. I would like
to hold you like that again.
But here I am, thinking of happy times while you're standing here
hurting. I rest my chin on your head. As always, I marvel at how
perfectly we fit together. Feeling bad, I softly whisper I'm sorry. I
don't know why. Neither do you. You look up at me with tearstained
cheeks. My heart breaks. Why you ask. I answer hesitantly.
I don't want to hurt you anymore. It's my fault. You sigh.
Your eyes are almost dissapointed. In me? You object. No. Its one
word, but I believe you. I start to pull away. I know you don't like
to appear weak. But you stop me. Don't leave you say. Leave? Never? Not you. I'm never going to leave I say. I stroke your hair as a parent would a child. But you're not a child. I would never fall in love with a child.
You seem content in my arms. I had thought your tears had stopped.
They hadn't. Your shoulders shake and I tighten my grip. You raise up
on you tip toes and plant a light kiss on my forehead. Thank you, you
whisper.
You start away and I follow. My thoughts still whirl. Are you really
okay I wonder silently. And the guilt returns. I'm the one who did
this to you. Maybe I'm the one who can stop it. But I know I can't,
not this time. But I will face it with you. It's cliche. But I know
we can handle anything. We have so far. But now i wonder. Does love
really conquer all? Does love conquer death?
Soon you deterioate. You try to deny it. You can't. Not even you can
face death fearless. And I never leave you. You are slipping away.
I begin to treasure the small things. Your voice. The sparkle in your
eyes when you see me. The fiery color of your hair. The way you act
like you have to protect me. Your strength. Your voice falters, the
sparkle dims, but you remain strong.
But as you lie there sleeping, I notice how fragile you really are. I
will never tell you that. But I look at you and you seem to have
shrunk. Yes you have always been short. And yes you have lost weight.
Your physical strength has weakened. But something else is gone. The
passion that was always there is gone. You no longer seem to care.
And that scares me. Have you given up?
I take you to the beach and hold you. You look up at me with renewed
spirit. You have not given up. You've accepted it. And that is even
scarier.
I look into the blue of your eyes and am reminded of the ocean lying
on front of it. Steady on the outside but a turbulence of emotions
underneath. Sometimes errupting. But we have finally reached still
waters. You try to speak but find it difficult. I wait. I know you
will find a way to say what you need to say. You do. Your eyes say it
all. I love you. Its not what some call ESP. It's a simple
understanding of souls. I nod. I know I say. You smile weakly.
Your last smile. You die in my arms. Its not like I thought.
It's worse. You are not here. You are never coming back. I will
never hear your voice. I will never see the blue of your eyes sparkle.
I won't even hear you falter as you try to say something. You grow
cold and the pain won't stop. The tide comes up and the pain is as
frequent as the water. Your eyes are closed as if you are sleeping.
I try to pretend but it doesn't work. I know you are gone. And you're
never coming back. Not ever.
~~FIN~~