*Greetings, old friends, and possibly new ones! This mini-fic is meant to both prepare the way for Dominion (which is coming, sooner than later), and celebrate a special new relationship in my "universe". With that said, it is OC/second generation heavy. If you're not familiar with my series already, I can't guarantee how much you'll enjoy it. You are welcome to read either way. Since I'm doing things simple on this particular journey, I won't be giving any history lessons or catching anyone up. This is a short (for me) fic of ten chapters, which will get quickly to the point. Dominion is another beast entirely, but that is getting ahead of myself.
Crossroads starts out heavy because of some serious subject matter, but I promise it gets lighter. Thanks for coming back to visit. I own nothing TMNT related.
Charlotte wasn't shocked to find the door to the old lair unlocked, or to be greeted by the tail thumping of an Australian Shepherd/Blue Heeler mix. For that matter, her blue-masked younger cousin didn't appear surprised to see her either, although his smile was sheepish.
"Hey, Charlie."
The fifteen-year-old purple-masked turtle grinned back as if there was nothing unusual about the situation. "Thought I might find you here."
Tim shuffled across the den to meet her by the door. "Sorry I didn't say anything. Seemed like you were busy with other stuff."
"Takes thirty seconds to send a text, itoko." (cousin)
He rubbed the back of his head self consciously. "Yeah, I know. But there's still a lot going on."
"And you didn't want company."
"It's not that I didn't want you, but..." Tim faltered, bending down to retrieve a well-worn knotted rope which was favored by his dog, Harley. Instead of handing it to the animal, however, he continued grasping the toy in both hands as if it were a tension reliever.
"The noise is so loud sometimes," he finally continued. "I don't want to run from anybody. I just needed a break."
Charlotte understood full well he wasn't referring to the physical sounds which filled Yousai. "I get it, Tim. But you also told me you wouldn't keep retreating from everyone."
"Are you telling me I can't ever have any space?"
"I'm not telling you anything, except that I hate it when you vanish into thin air."
"Wasn't in any danger," he mumbled, kicking a foot over the rolled up end of the frayed living area rug. "We've been coming to play in the old den longer than we've spent evenings on the surface, Charlie."
"Yeah, we came together," she returned pointedly. "Now we're all being replaced by a dog."
Harley cocked his head in a way that suggested he took offense.
Charlotte had to laugh. "He's a good dog, Tim, but talking to a real person can be effective too."
"Talking doesn't help. I only needed to get out from underneath it for a while."
"And what happens when you go back? Will it be any better?"
He shook his head and dropped onto the rug by his pet. "No. It won't. But talking won't change it either."
Charlotte crouched at his level so he would be forced to look at her. "Everyone's concerned about Karina, Tim, but she doesn't have to hold out that much longer. I don't know anywhere near as much as the medical team, but I still believe she's going to make it, and the baby will too."
Her cousin didn't answer for several seconds. "It's not one thing, Charlie. It's...a series of ripples compounding from different sources, which all end up impacting the same point. What's happening to Karina affects Raph, Olivia, the docs, and it trickles down to everyone else. When you add in the fact that Shun will be heading out soon, Hisui and Kouhei are moving out of state, along with the school closing? Do you understand why I need a few seconds to breathe? Or that addressing it doesn't do me any good?"
"You said you'd try the other night, Tim," she returned stubbornly. "What's bothering you the most? Why did you walk off without saying anything?"
"Because I didn't want you to do this. I knew you would. I couldn't possibly have a couple hours to myself without anyone trying to stir me up. Why can't you let me have some peace?"
Irritation flared while she rose. "It's not peace, Tim. You're hiding. Maybe I get sick of having to look for you."
"Then stop. I never asked you to."
There was a part of Charlotte that wanted to stomp out the door, but she also understood that the stress most of their family experienced was intensely magnified in her cousin. "Tell me one thing, Tim. You said you wanted to communicate better, so prove it. Let something out."
His hand stretched to Harley's head so he could scratch the dog's ears.
"What's weighing on you the most?" she persisted. "Are you scared?"
Tim shook his head. "No, because Karina isn't. She's really not, Charlie."
"Well, that makes one of us."
"Charlotte, she'll be okay," he said stronger. "You're not doubting that, are you?"
Irritation surged at his ability to see through her shallow confidence. "I'm asking the questions here, Tim, and you still haven't answered one. Why'd you have to run tonight?"
One hand remained on the dog while Tim purposefully avoided her gaze. "Because my mom is grieving, and it's one of the worst feelings ever."
"Grieving?" It felt like an odd choice of word to Charlotte. "What do you mean? Is it because of their school?"
"Not the school specifically, but their students, Charlie. My mom is the one who insisted it was time to shut down, but she doesn't want to do it. She thinks she has to for some reason, but also doesn't want Karina to know how much it's killing her."
"She told you that?"
The blue-masked turtle gave her a look. "She didn't need to. For as much as Karina is suffering physically, my mom's trying to quietly endure this loss without anyone finding out how much it hurts."
"She shouldn't face it alone, Tim. Have you talked to your dad?"
"He knows, Charlie. She can't hide it from him either. And like I said, discussing it accomplishes nothing."
"Maybe it doesn't make you feel better, but it still might help me. You're sure Karina will be okay?"
"It's not like I can see the future. I'm not even an 'honorary' member of the medical team," he added a little teasingly for her benefit. "But in a way, it's easier to be around Karina than anyone else at the moment. She's still excited, whereas the others are mostly nervous."
"You think she'll make it because she's excited?"
"No. It's because she has a good team looking out for her, and Karina's not about to quit. She was scared at first, but for the last few months..."
"What, Tim? What changed?"
"Her fear morphed into determination."
"Doesn't mean it'll be enough," Charlotte mumbled, then slapped a hand over her mouth. "Shell, I'm sorry for being such an idiot, Tim. I came here to try to help you, and I'm standing around making it worse."
"No, you're anxious, like everyone else," he countered. "And I'm selfish, because I would rather steal time for myself than deal with what's right in front of me."
"Tim, no one expects you to fix it. There's no shame in escaping for a while. But there's also no support when you do it alone."
He sighed quietly. "Grieving for people who aren't dead is a weird feeling. But that's the only way to describe it, Charlie."
"Grief isn't only related to death, Tim. I didn't see it before, but it makes sense now. It can accompany any type of loss, particularly where such deep levels of commitment are involved. Calley and Karina trained a lot of those girls from the time they were toddlers. I wish your mom would have considered taking a break like Karina wanted, instead of shutting the doors."
"She has a reason. Or knows there is one," Tim corrected himself.
"I don't get what that means. If something's good, if it's helping other people, why would you quit? Why walk away? I'm not trying to put your mom down. I want to understand."
"You can't reason with feelings all the time, Charlie. Take it from someone who knows. Nothing is forever. Not families, jobs, homes...Change is a consistent force, and fact of life. Seasons move on, and sometimes we have to as well."
"There are changes we can't control, and those that we can. Why give up on something you love so much?"
"I can't tell you, Charlotte. But she believes it's the right thing to do."
"The right thing shouldn't hurt so much." The purple-masked turtle sulked.
Tim's sudden snort surprised her.
"Why is that funny?"
"Technically, it isn't. But you've kind of got it backwards, Charlie. Doing the right thing often hurts more than the wrong one, at least, in the short term."
"But you don't know why she chose to do it either."
"I don't have to. If my mom did something this drastic, there's a purpose behind it. I don't need to understand her reasoning. The problem is figuring out how to help."
"To me, that part's easier, Tim. You don't let up on her. You keep supporting. And when someone runs away, you chase them."
"I'm not the one grieving, Charlotte."
"Ripples," she reminded. "You're the one who brought them up. They have a way of impacting you harder than others."
"I can deal with it, as long as I get to come up for air occasionally."
Charlotte stroked a hand over Harley's back while contemplating the phrasing of what she wanted to ask. "Does it do any good when I intrude this way? I'm not trying to be a pain in the shell."
"You're not a pain," he assured her seriously, then broke into a half-grin. "Mostly. You can be pretty annoying sometimes."
"Look who's talking!"
"I've never denied that. But it's also part of the reason I hide to begin with. No one wants to deal with the sheer volume of emotions I harbor, and they shouldn't have to."
"Only you get to suffer?"
"I'm conditioned to it."
"You are not. No one could get used to that."
"Maybe not, but I still have to live with it. Your constant energy gets under your skin, but you force yourself to cope, right? I don't hear you complaining all the time."
"That's different. I was engineered," she said distastefully. "There's no choice except to adapt. It's not the same thing as burying everything you deal with on a daily basis because you're afraid of irritating someone." Charlotte felt helpless as the words left her mouth.
I know they don't do any good. No matter how much I try to help Tim, he always turns it around on me. Just once, I'd like to accomplish something useful where he's concerned.
The fourteen-year-old got to his feet suddenly. "It's going to be a fairly long walk back, unless you happened to bring a Slider with you. Do you want to get going?"
She gave him a mild glare, but begrudgingly followed him toward the door. "I couldn't move one of the water crafts without raising the wrong attention. If anyone else had followed me here, getting you to speak would've been even harder."
The smirk Tim sent her didn't make sense, but she appreciated his lighter expression. "It's always easier to do certain things where only the two of us are concerned. I'm glad you care, Charlie. I honestly am."
That's great, Tim. I simply wish I could do something besides annoy you into submission. Of all the things I wish I could change, his constant martyrdom is at the top.