Nicholas: Remember this little snidbit? Well, I've decided to go with what a friend suggested I do with this. There's going to be two more parts. I can tell you, without ruining anything, three things: 1) Part Two is in Murphy's POV 2) Part Three is in Connor's POV 3) Part Three was inspired by a story my Grandma's shrink told me in a session we had cause she "wanted to get to know me." I'm not crazy, alright? Well, not more so than AmandaNut, so there!

Disclaimer: I want to call this "dick"claimer 'cause it really pisses me off to say over and over again that I don't own the Boondock Saints.

Rating: M...language...dark themes in future chapters...violence...character death...all in the other parts.

"Murphy…" The voice was soft and rough at the same time

"Murphy…" The voice was soft and rough at the same time. It was feminine and masculine all at once. It was warm and comforting while still very frightening and forceful. "Murphy, open your eyes." It was definitely not my brother. I didn't want to get up. I asked for a few more minutes of sleep. "Murphy get your no good ass up!" A swift smack to the head. That'll get me up every time.

"I'm up! Jesus!"

"No, I'm not Jesus, but you're very close." I looked up from the floor I was lying on and my eyes fell upon a beautiful face. Well, I wouldn't really call it beautiful, but the of all the languages I know I can't think of one word to describe it. There was no apparent gender about…it. The features seemed to be made of pure light. "Do you know who I am?"

The surface I was sitting on was soft, but stiff. My head started to hurt from all the fucking contradictions. My first opinion of the person before me was what made me settle on a gender. He leaned down to look me in the eyes and a little smile tugged on His face. "God?"

"There you go, sweetheart," He said with a maternal air. "You're recovering nicely, then."

"Recoverin' from what?"

God smiled in good humor and straightened up to what seemed like a massive height. "Your trip to heaven of course." Was I supposed get what He was talking about? "Okay, when you live a good life of faith and love of Me and all that great stuff, you go to heaven when your time comes. I decide who comes and who doesn't and you made the cut, pal. Though that last confession you gave was a bit unnecessary. I didn't need a priest to know that you'd nipped a condom when you were in a hurry."

I shrugged. "'Thou shalt not steal,' right?"

The maternal quality about Him did not leave and I came rather close to calling 'Him' 'Her.' He smiled widely and extended a hand towards me to help me up. "Yeah, I understand the need. I've actually gotten to the point where stealing doesn't bother Me anymore. The way Man goes about life these days leaves too many people too desperate not to steal."

"I'm dead, aren't I?" He pulled me to my feet.

The He/She thing smiled ironically. I felt like an asshole for thinking of God as a He/She thing. "Yes you are," He said, "I'm surprised, I thought I made you quicker than that. Or maybe that was your brother."

I think I may have grunted indignantly, but I instantly felt impolite. He…She just smiled at me thoughtfully. "Don't worry, I'm just kidding. God has a sense of humor too, you know." I suddenly wondered why I was here alone and She just nodded as if knowing what I was going to ask. "Connor is alive, and quite well at the moment. He visits your grave every day. Many times he curses Me, but many men do that."

"How long have I been dead?"

"About three months."

The thought of Connor all alone in a cemetery made my heart wrench. He shouldn't be alone. "Why?"

He wasn't smiling anymore, but nor was he frowning. "His time has not come yet." I was supposed to settle for that, then? "I put you in this world together to bring you apart at the end. Time passes differently in heaven. A few minutes here could be either a few minutes there or a few hundred years. It all depends. Your brother will not suffer long."

"D'ya know what he's doin' right now?"

"He's drinking…again. It's not even noon."

"Can't ya just…ya know…kill 'im now? I don'…" I hung my head, thinking it so very awkward that when in life I never would have wished harm upon my brother, but now I wanted him deed.

God just giggled girlishly. "Don't worry. He'll be with you again soon. Would you like to see what heaven really looks like? I find this gray surrounding very dismal."

I shrugged and nodded and the moment I did I was somewhere else. I can't quite say where I was, because I have never seen anywhere like it before. It was a bit like a forest, but more like the sea. To my left I saw a man lighting a tree—or what looked like a tree—on fire with a match. God followed my gaze.

"Matthias!" He shouted with a strict tone. "Bad! Knock it off!" The man put the match out and ran off with a maniacal laugh. I raised my eyebrow. "Yeah…That wasn't one of my better choices, but it's too late to send him to Hell."

"So this is heaven?"

"Yep."

"What do I do now?"

"Whatever you want. The entire place isn't like this."

"Do you have any cigarettes?"

He laughed in good humor and picked a pack of cigarettes up off the ground. They had definitely not been there before. She handed them to me. "You don't have to smoke anymore. Your lungs are clean and your addiction is nonexistent." As strange as it sounds, He was right. I didn't even feel an urge. The pack disappeared. "See? Look at your hand."

I did, and my tattoo was not there. "Fuckin' shite!" No ugly scar, nothing there. I felt my arm and the scar from my gunshot wound was gone as well. Out of impulse, I lifted my white shirt and noticed that there was not tattoo saying "Norman" either—which I can't say I'm too sad about losing, but anyway.

"You are cleansed."

"I have a question…God." It felt awkward calling Him God, but I did it anyway.

"Yes?"

"Do you hate fags…I mean homosexuals, fuck!"

She laughed at my profanity and just raised an eyebrow. "No, of course not. It's just a bit creepy, that's all."

"What about incest?"

"Again, creepy, but not damnable by my standards. You have to understand that I created that just as the straight sex people take advantage of these days. And as for incest, Adam and Eve were brother and sister."

"So that one time with Connor when we were really drunk…"

"Don't want to think about it."

"Yep…sorry." I looked around, wondering what to do. "Got any whiskey?"