Forget Me Not

by inharborlights

Human AU. Throughout Lukas's entire life, Mathias has always gone out of his way to be there for him in his time of need. Now that he's gone, Lukas decides that it's time to return the favor. WARNINGS: Major Character Death. Cover art credit to my wonderful friend AJ, Dank-Sweden.

1. Prologue

May 30th, 2016

"Do not stand at my grave

and weep

I am not there

I do not sleep

Do not stand at my grave

and cry

I am not dead

I am alive

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight and ripened grain

I am the gentle gentle autumn rain"

Sentimental bullshit.

Lukas clenched his fists tighter, trying to keep his breathing even. The minister had been speaking for nearly an hour now, his monologue broken only once when he had asked the congregation to rise and sing Amazing Grace.

It was the second worst day of Lukas's life, but he had expected nothing less after the hellish torment of the previous two weeks. In less than half a month he'd lost 8 pounds and countless hours of sleep to his all-consuming grief. He was beyond tired - he was in a perpetual state of exhaustion that did nothing to numb the ache that was radiating through his body or the impatience in his mind.

He bided his time by looking around. He stared at his hands, the domed ceiling, and the strangers sniffling quietly in the pews around him. He observed the tears rolling down Tino's blotty cheeks, the firm-set line of Berwald's clenched jaw, and the solemnly silent words of prayer rolling off of Emil's tongue. He watched the sun turn the stained glass windows into walls of glittering jewels, eyed the rosary hung around the minister's thick neck, and counted every single flower surrounding the one object he couldn't bear to look at.

The minister was smiling broadly now, his arms raised in the air as if he was preparing to bellyflop down onto the sea of flowers before him. He sounded excited and impassioned, though Lukas didn't care to listen. He felt Tino's soft hand reach for his own, but didn't make an effort to return the gesture.

"And now, I'd like to invite Mr. Lukas Bondevik, Mathias's friend, to come forward and reminisce with us."

Friend?

Lukas didn't move. The minister was smiling at him, beckoning for him to come to the podium, but he remained glued to his seat. Emil began to tug at his sleeve; Lukas shouldered him away and finally stood up. He made his way through the pew slowly, feeling the hundreds of eyes following his every movement.

When he reached the center aisle, he turned on his foot and promptly strolled back to the church lobby. As the glass doors fell closed behind him, he caught anxious murmurs of disapproval and the sound of Tino's light footsteps approaching the pulpit. Without looking back he continued walking briskly through the lobby, slipped through the entrance doors, and didn't stop until he reached his car.