Come Out Wherever You Are
Chapter One
A/N: So I had this random thought about what should happen on glee, and I had like one little scene in my mind, and no direction after that, but my fingers just kept moving, and this is what came out of it. Hope you enjoy!
Santana Lopez sat alone in the back row of the choir room as she watched all of her fellow glee club members talk amongst themselves. Ever since Brittany had begun to date Artie, she had been all by herself. She was the most popular girl in school yet without Brittany, she had nobody; was that irony or what? It bothered her being by herself yes, but she wasn't about to start to socialize with her fellow gleeks. She wasn't that desperate.
She looks down on the bottom floor and sees Brittany sitting in Artie's lap, making a scowl quickly grow on her face. She hated them together, and she hated him, but most of all she hated herself. She had nobody but herself to blame for the two of them being together. She had pushed Brittany away, and sent her into his arms. If she would have just agreed to do that stupid duet with Brittany then Brittany would be here sitting in her lap not that loser on wheels.
She had just panicked when Brittany mentioned the song that she wanted to sing. If she were to sing that song with Brittany then she might as well just scream "I'm gay," as loud as she could through the hallways. Yes she had lied when she told Brittany she didn't love her. Of course she loved her it was completely obvious that she did, but she had a rep to keep up, and admitting that she was gay, wasn't going to keep her at the top. She would be tossed down to the bottom in a few seconds flat, getting a slushy facial everyday.
Although now she had a hard time deciding which would be worse a world to live in. Getting a slushy thrown at her everyday, but having Brittany by her side, or being on top, but being lonely, and without her other half.
"Okay guys I have some very exciting news!" Mr. Shue says, walking into the door, bringing Santana out of her thoughts. She tears her eyes away from Brittany and Artie, and looks over at her teacher, who has his overly excited grin on his face. "I want you guys to all welcome back Kurt!" He yells, clapping his hands together as Kurt walks into the choir room, waving to his former glee club members.
"Kurt your coming back? Like for good?" Rachel asks, earning a head nod from the pale boy.
"What? Had enough of every gay boys wet dream?" Santana asks, folding her arms over her chest, looking at him smugly. Mercedes turns back glaring at her as Kurt just brushes her off, and takes his seat, hugging a few of the gleeks.
Santana sees Mercedes glare at her, but just gives her the bitch look and rolls her eyes, making Mercedes shake her head and turn away. Santana can't help but let another scowl grace her features. It seemed like her face had been stuck this way for the last few weeks. She hadn't realized how much she missed the blonde, until she was gone.
SXM
Mr. Shue finally releases the glee club members, and they all start filing out of the room. Santana had yet to move yet, she sat in her chair as she watched Artie roll out with Brittany on his lap, and her giggling. It made her want to vomit right then and there. Letting out a huff she stands up and throws her bag over her shoulder before heading for the door. Next thing she knows she gets shoved up against the wall, "What the hell is your problem?" Mercedes asks, eyeing the Latina.
Santana pushes herself off the wall, and straightens up before lunging herself at the darker girl, successfully pushing her backwards. "What the hell wheezy?" Santana hisses, through clenched teeth.
"You are not going to keep talking to my man Kurt like that." Mercedes growls, placing her hands on her hips, staring at Santana sternly. "I don't know what the hell your problem is? If your just homophobic or what? But he is who he is, and I am proud of him, and I am not going to let you put him down!" She yells glaring daggers at Santana, who just stood there, taking it all in. Mercedes stops her rant and looks at Santana waiting on her to say something but she just stood there arms, folded over her chest as she stared at the ground.
Sensing the Latina wasn't going to respond, Mercedes turns on her heel and starts to walk out of the room, proud of herself. "I'm gay." She hears Santana whisper before she reached the door, making her turn around, just as quickly as she had left, and look at Santana confused. "I'm gay." She repeats as tears begin streaming down her face.
Mercedes stands there in shock for a moment watching as Santana stood there, sobs wracking her small frame. She wasn't sure if she had just heard correctly, but surely she had. She replayed the events in her head, and yes Santana had definitely just said she was gay. Santana collapses onto the floor, snapping Mercedes out of her trance, making her walk over to the Latina, and crouch down next to her. "I'm a freak." Santana whispers through sobs.
Mercedes sighs and wraps her arms hesitantly around the smaller girl. Once she was aware that the Latina wasn't going to pull away or hit her, she wrapped them a little tighter around her as Santana continued her crying. "You aren't a freak." Mercedes says firmly, hoping that she could get through to her. Her and Santana's past hadn't been the best, hell it was terrible, Santana was a complete bitch to her. But now that the Latina had opened up to her, and given her insight as to why Santana maybe acted the way she did, made her feel sympathy for her former enemy. "There is nothing wrong with being gay." She adds, making Santana shake her head violently.
"Everything is wrong with being gay!" She shouts lifting her head up from Mercedes shoulder. "Do you not see how badly Kurt gets treated?" She says, sniffling.
"Yeah I did, but that was just one guy. The only reason he acted like that was because he is ignorant. People who don't know about something automatically think it's bad, and have to put it down. They fear the unknown, but just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad." She says, trying her best to sooth the distressed girl in her arms. She was still beside herself in this whole situation. Never did she imagine that one Santana Lopez was gay, and that two Santana Lopez would be in her arms crying her eyes out. It was unreal, but she was doing her best to try and comfort the girl.
Before Santana could respond the bell rings, making her jerk up, standing up from the floor. She quickly moves over to the mirror, fixing herself up as Mercedes just watches her confused. "If you tell anyone about this I swear I will make your life a living hell." She says, turning towards Mercedes. Her scowl was back in tact, and nobody would ever guess that she had just been crying only seconds ago.
Mercedes stands up from off the ground as Santana glares at her, watching her every move. "I won't tell anyone Santana." Mercedes says with a small smile. "But I really think you should talk to Kurt. You guys have a lot more in common than you think, and I think he could really help you out." She says, making Santana scoff.
"Like hell, I'm talking to lady face." She says coldly before walking out of the choir room, leaving Mercedes standing there alone, still trying to absorb what just went down.
SXB
Santana walked into the locker room after having her conversation with Mercedes. She was running slightly late so she was thankful that nobody was in the locker room, they were already on the field. She opens up here locker and crams her bag in, punching it as hard as she could, when it wouldn't go in right. Finally she successfully stuffs it in, and slams her locker door closed before turning to lean up against it, breathing heavy. She couldn't believe she had told Mercedes she was gay. She had no idea what had come over her at that moment. She was Santana fucking Lopez she was never supposed to vulnerable, and was definitely not supposed to cry. The only person who had seen her truly cry was Brittany, and that was when one of her family members had died.
"Hey." Santana hears a perky voice say. A very familiar perky voice to be exact. She turns her head and sees Brittany staring at her, with a smile. "What are you doing? Coach is looking for you." She adds, tilting her head to the side.
"Yeah I'm coming, I just got held up with Puck." She lies, making the blonde's face fall.
"Oh." Brittany says simply, averting her eyes down to the floor. Santana couldn't decide if she was happy that Brittany was upset after hearing about her and Puck, and she wanted to jump up and down, or if she was upset and the fact that she had made the blonde unhappy. She wasn't supposed to make Brittany unhappy. But on the other hand Brittany wasn't supposed to make her unhappy either.
"Let's go." Santana says, brushing past her blonde friend. Brittany just nods her head and follows Santana out onto the field.
SXB
Later that afternoon Santana stood outside of Kurt Hummel's house. She had been standing there for at least half an hour contemplating on knocking on the door. She wasn't even sure what to say to him if she did go inside. Her and Kurt weren't the best of friends, actually they were far from it so this was just really awkward. She wasn't even sure how she got here in the first place. She had been thinking about what Mercedes said, and how she should talk to him and then it was like her legs were moving on their own, and now here she was. Her mind had finally caught up with her body which is why she still hadn't knocked on the door.
"This is stupid." She mutters under her breath, before turning on her heel to walk away.
Before she could make it far she hears the door open, making her turn to look in that direction, where she sees Kurt looking at her confused. "Santana? What are you doing here?" He asks, opening the door fully. Santana just looks around nervously, and opens her mouth, only to shut it back. She didn't know what to say. "Do you want to come in?" He asks, a little unsure. She usually was a bitch to him so he was somewhat fearful of what she may do to him inside the privacy of his home, but something about her demeanor seemed different today. She was very unsure of herself which was odd for Santana Lopez.
Santana doesn't respond, but nods her head slowly, looking down at the ground. She makes her way back to the door, and walks past him, successfully walking inside the house. He shuts the door behind them and watches her and she kicks around an invisible rock on their hardwood floor. "I don't really know why I'm here." She states with a small shrug, still not looking up at him.
"Well you must be here for a reason. If it's to beat me up I must warn you I have pepper spray." He says, making her smirk.
"I just was wondering if we could…talk." She finally says, looking up at him, meeting his confused face.
"Talk?" He asks, making her nod in confirmation. "Um okay sure." He says, nodding his head slowly. "We can go to mine and Finn's room." He says, making Santana freeze.
"Finn? Is he here?" She asks, nervously, looking around he house.
"No he's at football practice, probably at least another half an hour." Kurt says, making her let out a sigh of relief. He leads her down into his room, where they both sit down on the couch, awkwardly looking around the room. Neither knew where to begin. Especially Kurt since he had no idea what was going on. "So what do you want to talk about?" He asks, tapping his fingers on his legs, anxiously.
"Are you happier now that you're out of the closet?" She asks, folding her arms over her chest tightly. She had her eyes fixed on the candles that were on the coffee table in front of her, refusing to look at him as she spoke.
Kurt looks at her confused for a moment, trying to internally figure out why she had just asked him that. After a brief pause he clears his throat and looks over at her. "Yes I am." He says simply with a nod.
"But you get bullied all the time." She states, putting emphasize on the word all.
"I do." He confirms, nodding his head. "But I'm not living a lie anymore. I can be who I want to be, and don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not just to make others happy. It's exhausting." He adds, making her nod her head slowly, letting his words sink in. "And plus if I wouldn't have come out I would never have met Blaine, or gotten a chance to go out with him." He adds with a smirk, making her look over at him.
"You and that kid are dating?" She asks, her eyebrows shooting up.
"Yes I finally got brave and asked him out. He said he had been waiting for me to ask him." He replies with a laugh. Santana just smiles at him, and turns her attention back to the coffee table. She wanted to be happy, and she wanted to be able to date Brittany, and be happy with her like Kurt was with Blaine. Brittany was the main reason as to why she had been considering coming out to people lately in the first place. Kurt studies Santana's features and could tell he was thinking hard about something. He was still confused as to why she was asking him these things. "Why are you asking anyways?" He asks, looking at her curiously.
Santana shifts uncomfortably in her seat as she feels Kurt's eyes on her. She wasn't sure what she could say to get herself out of this other than the truth. But she wasn't sure if she wanted him to know the truth. She had already spilt her secret to one person today. "I…" She starts, only to close her mouth once again.
"What's going on?" She hears Finn's voice say, making her snap her head in the direction of the voice. She sees him walking down the stairs looking at the two of them confused. Santana let out a sigh of relief now that she wasn't going to have to answer Kurt's question, but now she had an all new problem; explaining to Finn as to why she was there.
Kurt glances at Santana and sees the internal battle she was having with herself and decides to save her. "We were talking about the glee assignment. She wanted a few pointers." He says with a smile, shrugging his shoulders. Finn nods his head, and narrows his eyes at Santana who just nods in response. "Do you want to work on this more later?" Kurt asks, looking at Santana.
She studied his face, and knew the hidden meaning behind his words. He was asking if she wanted to talk about this again later. "Um I think I got all I need. Thank you though." She responds, standing up from the couch. She smiles at Finn before brushing past him, quickly making her exit, as he just watches her leave, confused.
"What's her deal?" He asks, pointing to the door that Santana had just exited.
"Women." Kurt sighs with a shrug.
SXB
Santana rushes back out to her car, cursing under her breath. She had almost just come out to Kurt! That would make two people in one day. "What the hell is wrong with you Lopez." She mumbles under her breath as she gets back into her car. She slams the palms of her hands onto the steering wheel before lying her head over the wheel, trying to collect her frazzled mind. Why the hell did all of this have to be so hard? Why couldn't she just be with Brittany without anyone saying anything to her about it being wrong? Why was love in any form considered wrong? Wasn't all love supposed to be beautiful?
Her cell phone starts ringing from the passenger seat, making her almost jump out of her skin. "Shit." She mumbles reaching across the console for her iphone. She looks at the screen and sees Brittany's picture, and name lighting up the screen as the song continued to play. She looked at it hesitantly before sliding her finger across the screen, answering it. "Hey Britt." She greets with a small sigh.
"Hey, what are you doing? Do you want to hang out?" She asks, making Santana shut her eyes tight. It wasn't that she didn't want to hang out with Brittany, of course she did. She'd spend every waking minute with the blonde if she could. But right now she was just frustrated and wanted to go crawl in her bed, and hide from the world. And she couldn't help but feel like it was Brittany's fault for her feeling this way. Okay so that was selfish, it was really her own fault, but she was going through all of this because of Brittany.
"What about Artie? Aren't you hanging out with him?" She asks, earning a sigh from the other line.
"No. it's shark week or something like that." She says, and Santana can almost hear the shrug that she knew the blonde had just given.
"Umm…okay yeah, I'm actually driving now, so I'll pick you up." Santana says, as she mentally kicks herself. She knew being around the blonde would just further confuse her, but there was no way she could turn Brittany down. Never could never will.
"Great!" Brittany squeals, making Santana not be able to hold back a grin. "I'll see you in a few." She adds happily, before hanging up the phone.
Santana hangs up and throws her phone back into the passenger seat before starting up her car, driving away towards Brittany's house.
BXS
"So, where do you want to go?" Santana asks, turning towards Brittany who had situated herself in the passenger seat.
"I don't know. I thought we could just go to your house and watch a movie or something. Just hang out like we usually do." The blonde replies with a shrug as she toys with the radio knobs, trying to find a station, playing something worth listening to. Santana just nods in response before putting her car into drive, heading for her house. A second later the song Firework blasts through she speakers, as Brittany squeals in delight, turning it up as loud as it could go.
"You're insane!" Santana yells, trying to make her voice be heard over the music. She looks over at her best friend who was singing loudly, and dancing from her spot in the passenger seat, making Santana smirk. Brittany doesn't reply to Santana's comment just sings louder, making Santana start laughing, shaking her head in disbelief. It was still so funny to her how Brittany could be so immature, and childish at some points yet be so seductive, and sexy at other times.
They finally reach her house, and Santana puts the car in park before taking off her seat belt. Pulling the keys out of the ignition she gets out of her car, locking it behind her after making sure Brittany was already out. They walk inside and are happy to find the house empty, which was a usual thing in the Lopez manor. "Are you hungry?" Santana asks, looking over at her blonde friend. Brittany nods her head enthusiastically, with a smile. "Okay, I'm going to cook us some dinner." Santana responds, making her way into the kitchen, closely followed by Brittany.
Brittany sits at the kitchen table and watches as Santana maneuvers her way around the kitchen getting out pots and pans, and ingredients out of the fridge, placing them all onto the counter. Santana loved cooking, it was one of her many passions along with singing and dancing. Cooking however, nobody knew she could do, except of course Brittany.
Brittany gets up from her chair and walks up behind Santana who was stirring around something in a pan on the stove. "Whatcha' makin'?" She asks, wrapping her arms around the brunette, letting her chin rest on the smaller girls shoulder.
"Mmm…some salsa and chicken enchiladas." She replies, leaning into the blonde's embrace. She felt the blonde hum in her ear, in response, making shivers go down her spine.
"Sounds amazing." Brittany responds in a low voice, making Santana just nod in response. Brittany pulls away after a couple of minutes, making Santana inhale deeply at the loss of contact, and the coldness that surrounded her body, at the absence of the blonde. She turns her head to see Brittany digging in the fridge for something. She smiles when Brittany stands back up and turns to her with a bottle of wine in her hand, and a smile present on her own face. "Want some?" She asks, gesturing towards the bottle. Santana nods in response and the blonde gets two glasses out of the cabinet, pouring them each some.
"Thank you." Santana says, taking the glass from the blonde. Brittany smiles and clinks her cup with Santana's before they each take a sip. Santana sets hers down on the cabinet and turns back to her task at hand as Brittany just leans against the counter watching as she sips her wine.
"You're really sexy when you cook y'know." Brittany says, eyeing the Latina carefully from behind her wine glass.
Santana looks over at the blonde and quirks an eyebrow. "Yeah?" She asks, glancing back down at her food. Brittany nods and lets out a humming noise in response making Santana smirk. She picks up a pan with her creation on it, and walks over to the oven, sliding it, before closing the door and looking at Brittany. "Now we just need to wait about 20 minutes." She says, picking up her glass, taking another sip.
SXB
Later that night the girls had finished dinner, and cleaned up, and were now comfortably lying in Santana's bed watching Despicable Me. That had been Brittany's choice of course. Santana owned almost every Disney movie made to man for only one reason; Brittany. She loved those movies, and every week Santana would surprise her by buying a new one.
Santana wasn't really into the movie; it wasn't bad, just not her genre. But she didn't mind. As long as Brittany was happy; she was happy. She just laid on the bed, holding Brittany in her arms with her eyes closed as she absentmindedly stroked the blonde's gorgeous locks with her fingers. She hears the blonde let out a giggle, and she opens her eyes and sees Brittany's eyes still fixating on the TV, meaning something had happened on the movie, that Brittany had found funny. Santana just smiles and closes her eyes once again, savoring the moment. Ever since her and Artie had started dating Brittany hadn't been coming over as often, so when it did happen, she took full advantage of it.
Brittany's cell phone starts going off, making Santana open her eyes once again. She looks over onto the nightstand where she sees the blonde's phone lighting up. She reaches over and grabs it, handing it to the blonde. She couldn't help but notice Artie's name flashing, making her scowl return to her features as Brittany sat up, and answered. "Hey Artie." She answers, turning away from Santana, letting her feet dangle over the edge of the bed. Santana reaches over for the remote and pauses the movie so that Brittany didn't miss anything, as she tried her best to turn her ears off so she didn't have to listen to the two of them talk. That of course wasn't physically possible so she was stuck listening. "I'm at Santana's watching a movie." She hears the blonde say as she begins biting her nails.
She couldn't hear Artie's voice, but the blonde looked somewhat annoyed, and somewhat nervous. Santana wasn't sure why, but all she knew was that Artie had better not have fucked up. Once they started dating she had pulled Artie aside and told him very clearly that if he hurt her in anyway he was dead, and that she wasn't above hurting a kid in a wheelchair. "Artie, you told me you were going to be watching shark week so I asked her to hang out." She says, the annoyance in her voice rising. "Why are you being like that?" She asks with a sigh. Santana could feel the anger rising within her by the minute as she watched the blonde's annoyance go up. "Bye." She finally says, hanging up the phone quickly. She runs her fingers through her blonde hair with a sigh, tossing her phone onto the bed beside her.
"What happened?" Santana asks carefully, eying her best friend closely.
"He said he thought we were hanging out or something. He wanted me to watch shark week with him." She says, turning to look at Santana. "I don't like Sharks." She adds, shaking her head slightly; a scared look on her face.
Santana smiles at her adorable friend, and motions for her to lay down next to her. "I know you don't." She says, holding the blonde close to her. "He'll be okay. It was probably a commercial break when he called, and as soon as it comes back on, he'll forget all about it." She states, making the blonde nod.
"Can we finish the movie now?" Brittany asks in a soft childlike tone, making Santana smile. She reaches for the remote and hits play without another word, as Brittany snuggles into her even more.
SXB
Kurt walked down the halls of McKinley High looking for his best friend. He finally found her going through her locker, and smiled as he approached her. "Hey." Mercedes greets, turning towards her friend.
"Hey." He replies with a thoughtful look on his face. She looks at him curiously for a moment, but turns back towards her locker, grabbing a few books out, placing them in her backpack. "So I had an interesting night last night." Kurt says, making the darker girl just nod, not looking at him. She figured he hung out with Blaine or something, and although she was extremely happy for him, she didn't want to hear the details. "Santana came over." He says, making her snap her head up, looking at him; now fully engrossed in the conversation.
"What happened?" She asks, closing her locker. He straightens up and they begin walking down the hallways side by side.
"She was asking me if I'm happier after I came out, and stuff." He starts, making her nod her head slowly. She knew she had told Santana to talk to him, but she never actually thought the Latina would do so. "Yeah I asked her why she wanted to know, but then Finn came home and she rushed out." He says with a shrug. "It was weird." He adds as they walk through the doorway of the choir room.
"So she didn't say anything to you?" She asks, taking a seat in the front row, beside Kurt.
"Like what?" He asks, looking over at his best friend curiously. This whole thing had been really strange, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. But before Mercedes could respond Santana came through the door, making them both quickly shut their mouths. Santana glances between the both of them suspiciously before rolling her eyes, and making her way up to the back row. "Hey Santana." Kurt says, turning towards the Latina at the back of the room.
"Hey, lady face." She replies with a scowl. Kurt furrows his eyebrows and turns back to Mercedes who was glaring daggers back at the Latina, but she just simply brushed the darker girl off. Santana knew the two of them were best friends, and that they had probably spend all morning gossiping about what she had said to both of them yesterday, but whatever screw them. She shouldn't have talked to either of them, but it wasn't like anyone would believe them if they told anyways. She was Santana fucking Lopez, she had hooked up with enough guys in this school to convince everyone she wasn't gay. Unfortunately not enough to convince herself that she wasn't.
Mercedes still had her eyes on the Latina who was staring straight ahead, glaring a whole through the white board. She then saw the Latina's eyes change into something she had never seen before. Something that if had been anyone else she'd say it was sadness. She follows the Latina's gaze and sees Brittany walk in the room, pushing Artie.
Brittany sits down in the front row next to Artie, and turns back towards Santana waving at her, with a big smile on her face. Santana couldn't help from letting the scowl be replaced with a smile as she waved back to her best friend. Santana feels eyes on her and turns to see Mercedes staring at her; studying her. She shoots a glare her way, and Mercedes quickly turns in her chair.
The rest of the glee kids slowly make their way into the choir room, followed by Mr. Shue. He shuts the door, and turns to them; his overly excited smile plastered across his face, as he starts there lesson for the day.
BXS
"You're in love with Brittany." Santana hear someone say, making her turn her head away from her locker. She sees Mercedes standing directly next to her, staring at her with knowing eyes. Santana rolls her eyes letting a scoff escape her mouth, and closes her locker before brushing past the darker girl, not even acknowledging the statement. "I see the way you look at her." Mercedes says, following closely behind the Latina. "You look at her with complete adoration. And I don't know how I didn't realize it before. She's the only person in this school who you care about." She says, as the Latina just picks up her pace, trying to get away from Mercedes. "I also see the way you look at her when she's with Artie. You look at her with complete sadness, and heartbreak." She says, making Santana stop abruptly.
"You don't know what the fuck you are talking about." Santana says, coming face to face with Mercedes. "I am not in love with her." She growls through clenched teeth. She turns on her heels and storms away from the darker girl, this time Mercedes didn't follow.
"You don't have to deny anything to me Santana. I won't judge you." Mercedes says to Santana as she walks down the hall away from her. "I just want to talk to you, maybe help you." She says, making Santana stops in the middle of the hallway. She sees the Latina's shoulders rise and fall, as she took in a deep breath, and exhaled slowly, before turning towards her, making her way back in front of the darker girl.
"Help me? You think you can help me?" Santana says, laughing at her own statement. "You cant help me! You have no idea what I am going through." She says, looking at the girl incredulously.
"No I don't, but I do know what it's like to be different, and I do have a best friend who is gay." She offers, shrugging her shoulders.
"Did you tell Hummel?" Santana growls, getting dangerously close to Mercedes face.
"No, but he isn't stupid. He told me you went to his house." She replies, making Santana step back and let out a frustrated sigh. "Which means you do want help, your just to stubborn to ask for it." She adds, placing her hand on her hip.
Santana glares at the darker girl, folding her arms over her chest. "I don't need your help." She spits, turning to walk away from Mercedes. This time the darker girl says nothing. She knew Santana was struggling with this, and she did want help. The fact that she had broke down in front of her, and that she had shown up at Kurt's house proved just that. She just had to wait for Santana to come to her in her own time. She couldn't push the girl to do anything she didn't want to do.
Please Review if you liked it and would like me to write more! :-) Again I have absolutely no direction with this, if there is anything you'd like to see happen let me know! i'd love to hear ideas!