Ohayo! Kalilamae here! Today I've officially lost my mind. I have shifted my interest from basically all pairings but itachixhinata. I am addicted to it, which is why I am forcing myself to write one, or in this case, two. One funny one not. This is the funny one. And you know how my humor stories turn out: just plain bizzare. I must get this horrible story out of my head so it will stop bugging me. Eh, jgc, you'll still edit for me, right? I know that romances aren't your thing, but... you're my only editor. BTW, dear readers: if you don't know who Deidara is, I suggest you leave. You are a dubbie and I detest thee. Plus you probably say 'black ops'... geez, I hate that. Hehe, ja ne, owari, and all that!
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Itachi and all his Akatsuki pals who I feel like including, meaning no moron like plant-man will be there, skipped merrily through the bright, happy forest next to Konoha. No wait... let me try this again... I've been doing to much happy stuff lately.
Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara, members of the secret criminal organization, the Akatsuki, stealthily slipped through the underbrush of the forest skirting Konohagakure. Deidara was to enter the city to gather a few supplies (extra weapons, bandages, food etc) then come straight back out. He was to speak to no one but the shopkeeper nor start any fights. But of course, Deidara was not capable of such a complicated mission because no doubt he would screw it up, so Itachi decided to do it.
Itachi used henge no jutsu to transform into Sasuke and walked into town.
"'Ey, Sasuke, what were you doin' out there?" asked the guard.
"... training." said Itachi with a patented Sasugay Glare, though it was nothing compared to Itachi's own patented Shmexy Glare of Itachi Hatred, of which even Gaara would be jealous. I know I am!
"Alrighteh then Sasuga- I mean Sasuke." replied the ANBU guard.
Itachi strolled to the Ninja Grocer and started filling his handy cart. They're HANDY! said the advertisement.
Good thing I came to this handy grocer. thought Itachi, dropping some cereal in the cart in an extremely bored fashion.
Then Sasuke walked in.
Itachi stared at Sasuke. Sasuke stared at... himself?
"What the? Naruto, I told you not to turn into me, you idiot!" Sasuke screamed.
Then Naruto walked in.
"... huh?" said Naruto stupidly.
"But-! If he-! That-! What?" said Sasuke.
"Um... crap." said Itachi. He walked to the checkout aisle.
"HEY! GET BACK HERE!" screamed Sasuke insanely. And gayly.
"What? Huh? What the hell is going on!" cried Naruto in utter confusion.
"I don't know!" yelled Sasuke.
"AAAAAAAAH!" Naruto screamed.
"AAAAAAAAH!" Sasuke screamed.
"Your stupid, little brother." Itachi stated correctly, walking out the door with shopping bags in hand.
"It's Itachi!" yelled Sasuke, glaring in the Sasugay way.
Everyone in the store stared at Sasuke blankly.
"The guy who killed the Uchiha clan?" tried one person.
"Yes! GET HIM!" panicked Naruto, running around like a crazy person.
Everyone ran after Itachi, who ran into the woods. Luckily, Itachi lost the blundering idiots because they tripped over their shoelaces even though they all wore sandals.
"Who knew Sasuke was so dumb." Itachi said to himself. Itachi sat down an checked the groceries. He didn't break anything during his flight.
It's Konoha time! KO-NO-HA! When we work to together it's much better- um. Just read.
"Ok, who tripped me?" said Naruto angrily.
"Shut up, dobe, you tripped on your shoelaces." Sasuke replied.
"Dude, my shoes don't have laces!"
"So? That doesn't mean you can't trip on them!"
"There's nothing to trip on!"
"Yes there is. Your laces."
"What laces!"
"Those laces!" Sasuke pointed at Naruto's shoes. There were no laces.
"Oh. I see. Thanks Sasuke!" Naruto walked away.
That was one of the dumbest things I ever wrote.
The other people from the grocery store slowly dispersed leaving Sasuke standing there alone when SAKURA ran up! AAAAAH!
"Hi Sasuke-kun!" she said sweetly.
"Um. Hi." he said hoping she would leave.
"Want to go see a movie?" she asked even sweeterly.
"No. Actually..." he thought about it a moment. Killy Death 7 was on. "Yes. Yes I will."
"Really? Are you serious!"
"Yeah. Let's go see Killy Death 7."
"I LOVE THAT MOVIE! HA! INO WILL BE SO JEALOUS!" screamed Inner Sakura.
"O-ok!" she said excitedly and latched to his arm like some kind of horrible leech demon hoping to suck away all of his hopes and dreams and give him new ones like 'Marry Sakura' 'Be nice to Sakura' and 'Eat pudding. With Sakura'.
In Hinata's Room
Hinata was angry. In fact, she was overflowing with a terrible rage causing her to write in jagged scrawls in her blue fluffly diary until she was happy. Then she wrote in neat round cursive.
AHHH! How can anyone obsess over Sasuke like that! He is so mean to everyone! Why should everyone be nice to him! AAAAH! AAAAH! AAAAH! And Sakura is so rude to Naruto-kun! On another note, Naruto-kun commented on my new shirt yesterday, the one with the ramen bowl on it. Then she drew an adorable little chibi Naruto eating ramen with an adorable little chibi Hinata. In the background were the adorable little chibi Sakura and Sasuke tied together with chibi kunai stabbed into various parts of their bodies. They were bleeding an extreme amount and about to be pushed into the river by an adorable little chibi Shino and Kiba. Adorable chibi Kisame was in the river even though Hinata didn't know him, but Hinata had a moment of psychicness. On the other side of the river sat adorable chibis Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji having a barbeque picnic, but Ino was yelling 'I LUV YOU SHIKA-KUN!' at adorable chibi Shikamaru. Kind of scary but stll adorable chibis Lee and Gai sat in a tree eating chocolate chip cookies. Adorable chibi Kurenai and Asuma were smoking crack and extra super adorable chibi Kakashi was crying by the monument.
"That whore Sakura doesn't deserve to be on Naruto's team... and when will every other girl realize Sasuke only likes Sakura and that's because she likes the Killy Death series? I mean... seriously," she said to herself, fiddling with her hands, "I like the Killy Death series! Does that mean I should date Sasuke? NO! IT DOESN'T!"
Neji walked in. "Why are you screaming? It's annoying. You me spill main house milk in my delicious branch house eggs."
"S-s-s-s-s-s SORRY!" she cried and hid under her bed, taking her diary with her.
"You should be." then he stuck out his tongue and walked away.
Slowly she crept from her refuge under the bed and opened her diary again. THEN HANABI WALKED IN!
"Why were you screaming? It's horrible. You made me cut off my hand."
Hanabi held up her left arm to show the bleeding stump that was once her hand.
"S-s-s-s-s-s SORRY!" then Hinata dove back under her bed with her diary.
"Good." Then Hanabi walked out the door than screamed in agony when she stubbed her toe.
Hinata clambered out once again only to have her EVIL FATHER WALK IN! OH NO!
"Why were you screaming? It's obnoxious. You made me drink from the wrong cup and have now ingested Neji's strawberry shampoo. It tasted okay, but I'm starting to feel sick."
"S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s SORRY!" Then she went under the bed, book in hand, AGAIN.
Evil Hiashi turned around and walked out the door before throwing up.
"Woe is me! All I do is cause trouble!" cried Hinata. "I'm going to run away to the forest!"
She dashed past milky eggs, a bloody kunai with a hand next to it, and a cup of coffee strangely alongside a bottle of Neji's strawberry shampoo before making it out of the Hyuuga complex.
"Oh, woe! Woe!" she said again as she entered the forest.
Hinata tripped on her nonexistant shoelaces and ran into... guess who. NARUTO! No, not really. ITACHI! Nope. A tree (not Shino, just an ordianary tree). She passed out.
In the movie theater
Dunna dunna dunna dunna KILLY DEATH! Dunna dunna dunna dunna duuuun! KILLY DEATH! Dun un! Dun un! DUN.
Sasuke and Sakura stared as the huge words with little red tears in them appeared on the screen. They read KILLY DEATH 7: THE OFFICE BUILDING.
Some guy with a trenchcoat and bandages around many parts of him from the previous movies ran in with a crap-load of weapons and started to massacre a bunch of creeps in an office building.
"I love this movie!" sniggered Sakura morbidly.
Sasuke liked it, too, but it was distracted by other thoughts. Especially because he now wanted to eat pudding with Sakura more than he wanted kill his rawkin' hawt evil brother.
NOOO! I can't die! I haven't saved my document! GRK! Nuuu...
Hehehe. You have had... a killy death!
Everyone in the office building shuddered fearfully.
Guard your hard drives as best you can, but not even uber computer technology can withstand... a killy death!
Teh woodzorz
Itachi walked towards camp, groceries in hand, when he stumbled upon a weird white thing laying on the ground.
Picking up a conviniently placed stick, he poked it a couple of times when he finally realized it was a girl. So he sat on the ground and poked her in the head.
Now, I don't know from experience, but I think we can safely assume that waking up to a mass murderer poking you in the head with a conviniently placed stick would be a bit scary. So she screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Eh? What's wrong?" Itachi asked, putting down the stick.
"Y-y-you!"
"... oh. That."
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And there you have it! The first chapter in my amazing itahina spectacular!
jgc: There is something wrong with you.
Kalilamae: Tch. You aren't exactly the sanest of the bunch! Besides, you can't deny this is gonna be a good story.
jgc: Yes I can.
Kalilamae: You could, but you'd be lying. And liars go to that place where all there is is fire. No video games. No manga. They call it Hell.
jgc: At least I have chicken!
Kalilamae: Shut up, Leeroy.