~Disclaimer: I own my life, my story and the truth behind this.
~Summary: Clare does something that she's good at hiding...
~Author's Note: Judge all you want, this is based after my own experience. I'm not afraid to hear your ridicule. I'm all ears.
~WARNING: Discussion on Anorexic-Bulimia.. If Only
A Clare one shot
My name is Clare Diana Edwards. I've suffered from bulimia for 5 years, and anorexia for 3. I'm only 19. I lie to my friends, I'm not better. They just wouldn't understand. I've never met someone who has dealt with the same problems as me. You can tell me that you want to help, and I'll let you try, but really, you just make it a little worse. I've been to rehab, therapy. I've gone to just about anything that could help me, and they don't help. If you're reading this, you probably have an addiction... Mine is purging and binging...If I eat, it give it half an hour. I feel the need to post this, because I keep getting messages about how "tiny and beautiful" I am. I need you to know why I refuse that comment. There's nothing to be jealous of. That is, unless you like self harm. I wish I could tell you I want to get better. I wish I could tell you this is just a phase. But, to be truthful to you, I like me the way I am. Getting better means facing the truth. This being a phase means that my problems will come back to haunt me. I don't want that. I'll just stay here, suffering, alone.
It started in the 9th grade. I don't remember why I started, but I was good at hiding it. Nobody ever knew the difference. It was as if nobody cared. After I finished eating my lunch, I'd go to the washroom, and do what I needed. I'd brush my teeth then go to my locker to retrieve the books for my next class. KC never noticed, Alli didn't know. Jenna asked me why I did the same routine everyday, and I just told her I liked to keep myself organized. Being the stupid blonde she was, she bought it. She'll never know now that she is part of the reason it got worse.
When KC left me for her, I started to stop eating at school, claiming I wasn't hungry. If I did eat, I just did what I did before. There was no way out. It slowed down in the 10th grade a tad, when Eli came into my life. We spent so much time talking, I forgot to throw up. I would in the morning before school, and at night, before bed. Then, when Eli left... Oh, it just got worse then with KC because Eli left for good. There was no getting him back. Death does that. I distance myself from everyone, including Adam. I chose to suffer alone, in my room, with a book and his sweater. If he could have seen me, he'd be so mad. He caught me once, when I stayed at his house. I promised I would try to stop. As you can see, trying did nothing.
Now it's been two years since he was killed in that car accident. I won't let my mom wash the sweater he gave me before he left here that night. This is the first thing I've written since he died. I failed English because he couldn't edit my work. Two years later, and my life consists of working at the Dot, and leaning over the toilet with my fingers in my mouth. Nothing anybody does or says now will change what I do. It's who I am. And maybe one day, I'll be happy where my life is, and I'll find a way to stop. But until then. I'll be Clare Diana Edwards, the girl who suffers from anorexic-bulimia. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put any of this on you.. You don't need to care. Goodnight.
~So there you have it. I let you into my live, using Clare. Like I said before, I'm all ears if you wanna talk, you can put me down for living the life I live, or you can just walk away. I don't care which you choose. Have a nice day or night.