Dear Wayne

I woke up a while ago. First I didn't know where I was. The silence was so dense that I feared it would smother me. But then, I found the light and turned it on, glad that I could see that I was still alive.

I never thought this place would be so silent, but it is. It is quiet and still, and there is not a sound to be heard, not even a snore or a sigh from the other cells.

You can feel the lost hope in these walls, the opportunities that were wasted, or maybe never arose. There are women in here like me, who once had high hopes for their future. I bet most of them didn't think they would ever end up in jail.

I can't remember when I last wrote a letter. It seems so old-fashioned. It would be so much easier to talk to you on the phone but it's the middle of the night, and I don't think you would be impressed with me if I woke you up. Besides, they lock us in over night so no access to a phone anyway.

There isn't much to do here. I'm not interested in doing any of the so-called activities. I keep my head down and my mouth shut like I should have in Auckland. I don't talk to anyone unless I have to. Most of my time I spend on my bed, studying the walls and the ceiling, thinking about the past and the future.

I think about Pascalle, and how lucky we all are that she survived. The fact that she could have died still makes me sick every time I think about it.

Then there's Van and Jethro, who are never far away from my thoughts, especially Van. I'm secretly hoping that having no news from them is good news, but I'm not sure that this rule applies to any Wests.

I think of Loretta, sure that she can handle the current situation best of all of the lot. I picture Jane, trying to hear her voice, and I'm wondering what new words she would have learnt today.

I miss them all so much, even though when I'm home, I am probably annoyed with them and bossing them around most of the time. (Not Jane, of course, how could I?)

I even miss Ted's filthy jokes, and him calling me sluttypants.

And then, my thoughts wander to you, who I think of the most.

Cheryl