DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Mentalist.
This a short one-shot written in first person from Lisbon's POV right after Jane's blue cup is broken in 6x07, The Great Red Dragon. I wrote this after watching Green Light. Lisbon's gesture was so amazing to me that I wanted to explore what motivated her to pick up the pieces of the cup.
Please review! :)
Broken
"I'm sorry. For everything."
As the elevator closed I turned around. I felt confused. Overwhelmed. Angry. Sad. Powerless. I felt everything and nothing at once. I looked back at the elevator hoping its doors would open to reveal Jane again. After a few seconds I looked away and headed back to Abbott.
He wasn't there, anymore. No one was there, anymore. The bullpen was empty. The desks, the computers, the boards, the papers, the files, the couch… They'd taken it all away. They had dismantled the place in the matter of what? A couple of hours? The place I had worked in for more than a decade now it was unrecognizable to me. This was home, and now I'd never be able to go back to it.
I stared into the space for what felt like years. I turned my gaze down fighting whatever feeling was threatening to overpower me and I froze. The shattered pieces of the blue cup were still on the floor. I never understood why nobody picked them up and threw them away. In that moment a part of me wished someone would have done it.
I walked towards it, being careful not to step in any of the remaining pieces. I knelt and took the biggest one between my hands. Just like the cup, everything was broken. All the things we had been working on for years, they had become nothing. All our effort had been crushed like it didn't matter. You had your opportunity and you blew it, I heard Abbott inside my head. Did we? Did I?
I had been leading the team for all this time… Was it my fault? What had I missed? What had I done wrong?
A silent and lonely tear fell on the blue broken piece of ceramic I was holding. Jane… Now I can't do anything to help. Everything was out of my hands and I'd never felt so small. Jane, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too. I closed my eyes and the look in his face stroke me and I stopped breathing.
You are not quitting. I don't believe it. I still couldn't believe that. He wouldn't do that. Not when we are so close. I sighed heavily. When we were so close...
I was equally broken… Alone and broken. Another tear fell into my hand. What could I do but try to pick up the pieces?
As if I was picking up parts of my own self, I gathered all the little pieces of what was left of the blue cup while trying to figure how they fit together. I smiled. This cup had been a part of the team as much as Jane was.
I stood up, looked for a box and came back. Still choking back tears I put all the pieces inside it one by one, carefully so they wouldn't break even more.
I'm letting go, Jane said once more in my memories.
"Well, I'm not. Not just yet".