dangit i try to make a fanfic longer and it's still short. :( ahhhh one of my biggest fears when writing is dragging things out, and i don't wanna take that risk, which is why I end up writing short things. but anyway thank you for all the sweet comments on my last fanfiction! it was all very encouraging, especially since i didn't think i did a good job :')
part of the inspiration for the title is a song by airling that goes by the same name. a lot of the lyrics give me widowtracer feels
also, big thanks to mylordshesacactus on tumblr for being an awesome beta!
Lena knows that she has to cherish these moments. Amelie smiling. Amelie leaning in and placing a soft kiss on her lips. Amelie wrapping her arms around her, pressing their bodies flush against one another. Amelie letting out a happy laugh when their lips finally part. She knows that she has to cherish these moments, and she tries to, she really does, but it's hard to when she knows that it'll all most likely end soon.
Sweet promises and idealistic fantasies that she knows will not be kept or come true are whispered into her ear, and she forces herself to keep smiling, especially when Amelie murmurs an "I love you" before going to sleep.
Lena doesn't sleep.
The dim light from one of the windows and the soft blue glow of her chronal accelerator are the only things illuminating the room. Sitting up, she stares at Amelie; the moonlight makes her long dark locks look silver, softens her facial features and makes her seem almost ethereal. She looks so... at ease . Lena gives her cheek a feather light caress and a chaste kiss, making sure to be careful not to wake her up. She stays up for as long as she can, trying to cherish these moments for the both of them.
She doesn't know when she falls asleep, but she isn't surprised when she's woken up by Widowmaker's hands around her throat. Her eyes are no longer filled with tenderness, but are now completely expressionless as she tightens her grip, making her gasp for air.
Talon can sense when they're losing their grip and when she starts to break away. Sometimes, it takes months to get her to feel again, to explain to her that they had already done this before, that she had already almost brought Amelie back multiple times. It takes so, so long but Talon can rip all of that away in a matter of hours .
She's come close to death many, many times already at the hands of Widowmaker. To her, Tracer is only a target, an obstacle preventing her from getting the satisfaction of a job well done and pleasing her superiors.
The first few times it happened, she begged, she pleaded and tried to make her remember. Now, she doesn't even try, because she knows none of it works.
Tracer doesn't want to leave her like this, but she knows Widowmaker will kill her if she stays. She blinks out of her grasp, taking a deep breath as her throat is released. Widowmaker narrows her eyes and lunges at her, but Tracer makes her escape quickly, blinking out of the open window and away from the assassin's safe house. As soon as she's sure that she's not being followed, she slows down and takes a few moments to steady the rapid beating of her heart.
I don't know if I can take much more of this.
People are worried about her, and she is constantly being told to give it up. That it's too late for Widowmaker, that she's been through conditioning so many times that she will never change. They tell Lena that she's on a path of inevitable self-destruction; and sometimes she begins to believe that it's all hopeless, that she should just stop before she ends up the one needing to be saved.
But then, she remembers those moments. Amelie's smile, Amelie's kisses, Amelie's love. It's worth it, she thinks. It's worth putting herself through all of this because there's still a small part of her that hopes that they can both make it out of this vicious cycle someday and that Amelie can finally be free.
So she'll keep trying, even if it all ends up leading to her own downfall.