This was supposed to be an Outlaw Queen wedding but it just turned into a somewhat angsty, Snow Queen thing. I might plan a part two of the actual wedding if anyone wants a part two (looking at you, my two likes) The original idea for this formed when I thought of Roland in a suit and at the urges ofClare andMeghan they said to write it so even though it didn't turn out the way I originally planned, I'm still proud of this little ball of kinda-angst I've created. So yeah, have fun :)
She feels sick.
That's the only thing she can feel.
There's no excitement, no glow radiating off her, no happiness. Nope. Just this nausea, a twirling stomach every time she thinks of this day, looks at that dress. It just sends her stomach into somersaults, wishing that there were still a few days left, a few more days to process everything.
And she'd been so happy. So, so happy when that question had came. In the quietness of their living room, tucked away from the world, in the safe comfort of each other, half asleep when the questioned had been asked. Indirectly, of course. What started off sounding like nothing more than a curious question- a, What would you do if I asked you to marry me? her overworked and tired brain mumbling, Probably say yes, not a lot of thought really put into the answer. Only when the true intention of the seemingly curious question had turned not so curious after all did it really sink in.
So you would then?
Would what?
Marry me?
She'd opened her eyes then, blinking a few times as it sunk in. What he was really asking her. It was only made more real by the ring that was facing her on his knee. The box open and inside holding a silver ring with three blue sapphire stones either side. And all she did was stare.
She'd been here twice before, both on the same day. Stared at Daniel's ring with freedom and Leopold's with fear. One she kept, the other she lost. And now a third sits in front of her.
She brought her eyes up to meet Robin's, saw the blue pools filled with hope, a desperation that she'd say yes, just like she told him she would. In a haze, she'd nodded her head, not really feeling all there but Robin's worried look turned into a wide smile as he slipped the ring onto her finger.
It had been the happiest she'd ever felt. A real happy ending in sight.
Now that happiness had been replaced with this. This nasty, horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She has no reason to be feeling like this. She wants this. Has wanted it since that day, maybe even before if she thought hard about it, but now...she wishes it was anything but this day.
She moves from the bed, refuses to even take a glance at the dress, and stands by the window, her eyes immediately casting over to where the Town Hall sits. She can imagine the inside of it; rows of chairs for the population of Storybrooke to sit, an aisle down the middle just for her and Henry to walk down, all the filly, fancy cloth that Snow loves so much, hanging from the windows. If she wasn't so anxious she'd laugh, wondering what possessed her enough to give Snow White the go ahead to plan her wedding for her. Of course, she hadn't given her stepdaughter much approval to plan it, Snow stating immediately that she was taking charge and Regina, wanting a quiet life, just said she could and that had been the end of that.
She jumps at the sound of her bedroom door bashing open, a squeal of Regina! Look at me! as Roland makes his entrance known and runs towards her. It's another wave of nausea and anxiety when she does look at her little knight; in his own tailored, black and white suit, with a baby blue tie and his wild, curly hair combed as best as it could be. He looks adorable, and Regina focuses on that, leaning down to his level to tell him so.
"Why aren't you dressed?"
She's about to answer, say something along the lines of I was just about to, (Lies. She was putting it off for as long as she could) before Snow's shouts are interrupting her.
"Roland, " she scolds, entering the room with a two year old Robyn perched on her hips. Regina swallows at the sight of them. Everyone's dressed but her, it seems. Robyn in a white, puffy dress with a blue sash (matching Roland's tie) with Snow also in some hideous, filly, blue dress that looks like it belonged to her Grandmother.
"You were told to wait downstairs." She hoists Robyn a little higher on her hip as Roland pouts.
"I was showing Regina my clothes." the little boy argues back and Regina can't help the little smile that breaks through.
"Regina will see it later," Snow tells him. "Now go wait downstairs. Please."
With one last glance towards Regina, Roland trudges his way out of the bedroom. Placing Robyn on the floor (the child instantly playing with whatever she can find) Snow closes the door and Regina waits, fidgeting with the belt on her robe as she waits for her own scolding that she knows is bound to come.
And it does.
"You have an hour and you're not even dressed."
Most people would be in a panic at the sound of those words and Regina is, just not in the good way.
She glances to Robyn on the floor, the toddler playing with some stray ball she found under the drawers, then to the dress. The traitorous white material placed neatly on the edge of her bed. A simple thing, the dress Regina had liked the most out of all the ones she tried on. She wants to look away from it, throw it in the bin (no she doesn't, that thing cost a fortune, maybe lock it away in her closet and never seen it again, yes) She looks back to Snow then and Snow knows, knows why she hasn't got dressed yet.
"It's not like the last time, Regina."
And that's it. That's what's stopping her from enjoying this day. The last time.
The last time she was here, she was just shy of eighteen. A grieving child who had her life ripped away from her. Her freedom and happiness replaces by loneliness and darkness. A monarchy of lies. A crown that never quite fitted. A bed that was never quite warm.
"I can't do it."
It's like a breath of fresh air the moment she admits it. The moment she talks. All that weight that had been pinning her down since the moment she woke up had been lifted off her.
"Cold feet?"
Regina laughs then. Daddy had said that, everyone had said that, when she pleaded with them all to not let her marry the king. All told her she was just getting cold feet. But it wasn't cold feet then, and it isn't cold feet now.
"This time is different, Regina." Snow tells her, coming a step closer. "This time, there's someone down there who loves you. And who you love. He's not looking for you to play Mommy to his child or..." She doesn't need to finish that sentence, they both know what that or is. "Point is, he isn't there to use you. That's why it's different that last time." She pauses, lets it all sink in and Snow's right, it is difference than last time because he's different. "But you also have a choice this time." Snow continues and Regina frowns. "You can say no. We can postpone this to another day, a day when you're truly ready, and nobody will say anything."
Regina lets out a little smile then, is almost tempted to say yes, let's postpone it, but..."Robin's been waiting for this day for months."
Snow chuckles at that. "I know. He hasn't shut up about it. But Regina, if you tell him that you're not ready yet, he will wait. He's waited this long, he will wait some more."
Regina nods. He will, Snow's right. Robin will wait. And wait. And wait. Hell, he'll wait until they're both lying on their death beds and it's too late to do anything. But he'll wait, and the waiting sounds nice but Robin wasn't the only one looking forward to this day. A week ago, Regina was indulging in fantasies about how today would go, it was only until this morning did she start feeling like this. She doesn't want to wait. Deep down, regardless of any many memories this brings back, she doesn't want to wait.
"Will you help me get ready?" Regina asks, and a smile breaks out onto Snow's face, that light returning. "As you already stated, we have an hour, probably less so now."
She sits down on the chair in front of her vanity, Snow coming to stand behind her after grabbing a brush that Robyn had started playing with, and Regina lets out a shaky breath as Snow brushes through her hair. This isn't like the last time because, when those doors open, it'll be her soulmate waiting for her, not some ghost of a frail old man.