Hermione was uncharacteristically nervous. She had never been to a strip club before, but her friends insisted she go for her bachelorette party. In one week she would become Mrs. Nigel Hornblower. She and Ron broke up last year because he said that her feet stink, but he still stuck in the back of her mind to this day.
Her friends pushed her through the door and immediately she was hit with the smell of alcohol and peen. She had never seen a real live penis before and was quite excited to see what all the fuss was about. From the pictures she saw in textbooks, they didn't look all that great…just like a tube worm hanging out of a bird's nest or something. For some reason Ron popped in her mind at that moment, and she found herself wondering what his penis smelled like. Carrots? Cinnamon? She sadly realised that she'd never find out.
After taking a few steps inside, she turned and saw that her friends had gone up to the stage already to watch the half naked men. Hermione decided that she needed a few drinks before she would be able to get the courage to go look at her first penis.
"Scotch on the rocks please!" she yelled at the bartender guy who was staring at Hermione's rack. Her breasts were huge globes of flesh protruding from the top of her low cut dress. The bartender went to work and in a flash she had her drink. She swallowed it down in just a few gulps and ordered another. She drank that one quickly too and her head started to feel swimmy.
"Got something on your mind?" the stereotypical bartender named Woody asked her.
"Yeah I do. I'm getting married in a week but I still can't get my ex off my mind. What ever shall I do? Could I still be in love with him?"
"Well the only way you will ever know is if you find him and fuck him," Woody said. Hermione looked scandalized.
"I haven't even slept with my fiancé yet, how could I possibly have intercourse with my ex boyfriend who, by the way, I haven't heard from in years. I have no idea where he is or how to contact him. Your advice is ludicrous."
"Suit yourself. Go ahead and marry that bloke and never know, I don't give a fuck. Get out of my site you prude. Go get laid."
With that, Hermione spun around and walked quickly away from the bar, almost falling on her face. What did that stupid bartender know? She wouldn't mind sleeping with Ron, but she had no idea where he was or how to find him. When they broke up, his whole family and Harry turned on her and never spoke to her again…all because she had stinky feet. She bought some fast actin' Tinactin to kill the athlete's foot she had, so maybe this time their relationship could work. For now she would take her mind off of Ron be ogling naked men.
She made her way to the stage just as "Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilerra came on. One of the dancers stood out from the rest because he was extremely tall. The way the lights shone on the men, you could only see their silhouettes so she couldn't see what they really looked like. She finally made it to the front of the stage. She reached in her purse and pulled out dollar bills to give to the British wizard strippers.