Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, I don't even own the DVDs. I have to borrow my friends, so obviously I don't own Glee. Nor do I own the song in this fic, which is "I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme)" by Johnny Rzeznick. It's from the obscure Disney Movie, TREASURE PLANET! If you haven't had the privilege of seeing this movie, I highly recommend it. Not only is it entertaining it's got good messages. Just like all Disney movies I suppose, but still it's AH-MAZING!
If it can hold the attention of people ranging from 3 year olds to 67 year olds, including 4 teenage boys who think they are all that and more, than it can entertain anyone. So yeah go look up this movie, and if you can't at least look the song up on Youtube or something, Kay?
TIME SET: This would be before Kurt transfers to Dalton, before he get's Karofsky suspended, before Karofsky comes back from being suspended. Yeah, probably soon after the time Blaine and Kurt confront Karofsky on the stairs.
Anyways, sorry it's a little angsty, but the song fit Kurt so perfectly I had to do a fic with it, so yeah...
I hope you enjoy it!
Kurt walked out of the Auditorium with Mercedes. The bell had just rung for lunch and Kurt was on top of the world. He was trying so hard not to show it, but even their drummer, Tanner, had noticed it. He didn't usually say anything during glee club's practice sessions. Actually this was the first time anyone had heard him speak.
He'd been sitting behind his drum set waiting for his cue, when Kurt came floating in the door. He sat on a chair with a far away look on his face. When Mr. Shue walked in he tried to hide it, but he hadn't done a very good job.
Mr. Shue was excited today and looked it because today he was announcing the set list for sectionals. They were going to practice in the auditorium for the next few class periods. As he opened his mouth to quiet his student's he heard their drummer speak for the first time.
"What's got you so happy, Kurt?"
Everyone's mouths dropped as they gaped at Tanner, who stared at Kurt.
"What?" Kurt said to the drummer, flustered. "Oh, nothing. I'm just extremely excited to be starting class. I can't wait for the set list for sectionals." He said, trying to sound convincing and failing miserably.
He didn't really care to share anything about what had him so happy at the moment.
Mr. Shue gave him a confused and funny look, then glanced at Tanner who looked down at his drums and stayed quiet for the moment. Mr. Shue shrugged and looked around excitedly at the group. He started talking fast and soon Kurt sat there, not absorbing a word of it.
Blaine was coming to pick him up so they could have lunch together. Who knows, they may not even make it back in time for afternoon classes. Kurt smiled to himself as that thought crossed his mind. I'd rather hang out with Blaine anyways.
All through the glee rehearsal, Mercede's had been watching Kurt. He looked so happy. She wondered what was up and she couldn't wait any longer to find out. So as they excited the auditorium and threaded their way through the people in the hall she said, "Kurt! Earth to Kurt! What is up with you boy?"
Kurt blinked, coming out of a daze, and looked at his best friend. "Oh sorry, Mercede's, I'm just...distracted."
"I can tell. What's got such a hold on your attention?" She asked as they walked through the hall, the clamor of lockers opening and closing around them.
"Oh, you know. Sectionals and all that." Kurt said, shrugging. He smiled happily.
"Uh-huh." Mercede's said unconvinced.
Kurt looked at his friend and his smile got even wider. "I'll tell you later, ok?"
"OK, but...what are you looking for?" She asked as Kurt glanced down and started patting his pockets.
"Crap, I left my phone in the auditorium." He muttered. "I'll see you later Mercedes." He turned and started quickly back down the hall, threading through the throngs of students.
Mercedes watched him go, with a feeling of apprehension growing in the pit of her stomach.
Kurt had almost made it to the auditorium. He'd decided to take the back way, through the drama room to a hallway that connected to the back stage area, when someone came up behind him and shoved him into the wall.
Kurt's face was a twisted look of pain as he hit the wall and crumpled to the floor.
He looked up and saw Karofsky towering over him.
"I know I've asked this before but, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?" He yelled at Karofsky as he stood up and held his now bruised shoulder.
"You're my problem." Karofsky said, moving closer to Kurt who in turn moved back as close to the wall as he could manage.
The lighting in that small section of the school was dim and in the shadows, Karofsky's face looked even more menacing than normal.
"You are wrong. Everything about you is wrong. You shouldn't be this way. Being a fag is wrong and you need to change." He paused and his body began trembling. "This is all bad and wrong and that's what I've been trying to tell you from the first time I shoved you into the lockers." He took a breath was silent for a moment.
Kurt stood there, willing himself not to cry, not in front of Karofsky, he'd handled worse on any given day at this school. It wasn't so much the physical pain he was in, as the words that were coming from Karofsky's mouth, that made him want to cry. He readied himself mentally and then spoke quietly but firmly. "I'm not going to change who I am for anyone. Not for you, not for this school, not for anyone. I am who I am and I won't hide." He stopped talking and flinched as Karofsky moved just a little closer and looked as though he was going to hurt him again.
Then abruptly he turned and hurried back out the door and through the drama room.
Kurt let out a gasp of relief as he watched Karofsky exit the little alcove, and then he hurried into the auditorium.
He looked around the empty room and turned to the chair he had been sitting in on the stage. His phone was underneath it. It must have slid out of his pocket. He sighed and reached down to grab it just as it vibrated.
He looked at the message, it was from Blaine.
Hey I'm Here. You ready?
Kurt hurried and replied.
I...can't right now. Give me a few minutes. I won't take long.
Then he sat down in the chair. I just need a few moments to compose myself.
Blaine frowned as he sat in his car and stared at his phone then glanced at the front doors of McKinley High.
Something wasn't right. Kurt's message...it sent a bad vibe rushing through Blaine.
He debated with himself for a moment more before turning off his car. He got out and locked his doors. Then he bounded up the stairs and into the school.
He congratulated himself on remembering an extra jacket so his uniform didn't look so conspicuous. Then he looked around at a sea of students.
What am I doing? I've never been here, what makes me think I'm going to be able to find Kurt?
He was about to turn around and go back out to the car when he spotted Mercede's slipping down the hall.
He hurried to catch up with her and reached out to grab her arm and her attention.
As Mercede's felt someone grab her arm, she turned.
"Oh, hey Blaine."
"Hey Mercede's, have you seen Kurt? I'm trying to find him." He tried to talk without appearing anxious and hoped he did well enough. In truth he was a little bit stressed out by Kurt's message. It just sounded like there was something wrong.
Mercede's raised her eyebrows at him. "Yeah, he was going back to the auditorium to get his phone because he forgot it. Wait, what are you doing here?" Her voice trailed off as she saw through Blaine's calm facade. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing I hope. We were going to go to lunch together but he texted me and something seemed off about the message." Blaine showed her the text and Mercede's brow furrowed in worry.
Mercede's handed his phone back and went to say something when a tall, intimidating blonde woman in a red track suit walked out of a room and came thundering down the hall.
"Uh-oh." Mercede's muttered. "She doesn't look happy, I wondered what Mr. Shue did to piss her off now."
Sue Sylvester walked down the hall like a soldier in the army. Knees straight, head high, back straight. She spotted Mercede's, smirked, and strode towards her.
Mercede's turned to Blaine and said as fast as she could before the woman reached them, "go down the hall, take a right and the first door on your left is the drama room, there's a little hallway that connects it to the auditorium, back stage. See if Kurt's there. And text me when you find him, let me know if he's ok, alright?" She didn't take her eyes off Sue as she said this and as soon as she saw Blaine nod and hurry away she gave the angry woman her full attention. It was going to be a long lunch period.
Blaine felt a twinge of guilt as he abandoned Mercede's to the mercy of that, scary looking woman, but he needed to find Kurt, and if Kurt was any indication, these kids could handle a lot more than an angry adult.
So he hurried down the hall, around the corner, and into the drama room, where he stopped abruptly. Karofsky was storming out of the little passageway Mercede's had told him about. He gave Blaine a looked of disgust and almost a little fright, before scurrying out the door. Blaine hesitated only a moment, wondering whether to go after Karofsky or find Kurt, before hurrying through the small hallway and waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the backstage area. He heard music playing and moved forward a little to see Kurt standing on the stage, appearing to be listening to the music.
Kurt stood up and moved to the middle of the stage, standing in the spotlight.
Then he noticed the the band was trying to practice a song from a Disney movie and, to his surprise, it was one he knew.
He smiled as he recalled watching the movie with his dad when he was about 11.
He'd had quite the crush on the main character, who was a boy, a rare thing for a disney movie. It didn't even have a girl in it, other than the boy's mother, who Kurt had loved from the beginning. He smiled as he heard the band play the introduction and waited patiently for the words to come back to him. It was his favorite song from that movie.
"I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard,
Or a moment that's held in your arms."
Blaine smiled as he heard Kurt start to sing. This would be a treat. He decided to hang back in the wings, quietly so as not to disturb Kurt.
"And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway.
You don't know me,
And I'll never be what you want
Me to be."
I am who I am, thought Kurt to himself. And no one, including Karofsky, is going to change that.
"And what
Do you think you'd understand?
I'm boy, no, I'm a man.
You can't take me
And throw me away.
And how
Can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me,
'Cause I'm not here.
[Chorus]
And I want a moment to be real.
Want to touch things I don't feel.
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same.
They don't know me,
'Cause I'm not here."
Blaine started as he felt something wet hit his hand. He looked down at it and then reached up to find he was crying. At once his mind rejected the idea. You don't cry. It doesn't do any good. You learned that lesson already. But Blaine couldn't help it. He couldn't stop crying. The words of the song were sincere, raw emotions he'd felt before. Especially before his time at Dalton.
Now here Kurt was feeling the same way. Thinking the same things he had been...
"And you see the things they never see.
All you wanted - I could be.
Now you know me,
And I'm not afraid."
Kurt thought of Blaine as he sang those words. He thought of his Dad, Mr. Shue, and the Glee club. He thought about all of the people he cared about...but mostly he thought about Blaine. Blaine understood him in a way no one else did, because he'd been through the same things as Kurt was going through.
Kurt's voice caught in his throat, but he swallowed down the lump that had formed and kept going.
"And I want to tell you who I am.
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me,
As long as I know who I am."
Blaine choked back his tears as he heard the tremor in Kurt's voice. He didn't know how much longer he could stand waiting in the wings, but he didn't want to interrupt Kurt either.
[Chorus]
"And I want a moment to be real.
Want to touch things I don't feel.
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same.
They can't see me,
But I'm still here."
Kurt was choking back sobs now, as tears streamed mercilessly down his face. This was the opposite of what he had intended. He had thought this song would help him compose himself so he could face Blaine with a smile on his face. The words of the song and music were getting to him though, and he knew without a doubt he couldn't face Blaine looking like this. He was a mess. His hair was flying wildly as he danced as sang, moving about the stage.
"They can't tell me who to be.
'Cause I'm not what they see.
Yeah, the world is still sleepin' while I keep on dreaming for me.
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe!"
Kurt tried to end strong but found that he couldn't go on. He stumbled to the edge of the stage and collapsed, letting his legs hang over the edge of the stage as his shoulders slumped and shook with sobs.
Upon seeing this, Blaine could no longer take it. He hurried out onto the stage and gestured for the band to stop playing. He rushed over to Kurt and kneeled down next to the crying boy, hastily brushing the last tears from his eyes.
Kurt jumped a little at seeing another body lower itself next to his. He recoiled a bit as he saw hands reaching out towards him and then he looked up with a start.
Blaine was sitting there, next to him. There was kindness in his tender brown eyes which, Kurt noticed, were puffy and red. Mixed in with the kindness was concern and Blaine opened his arms for Kurt to fall into.
Kurt sighed as he was enveloped in the safety of Blaine's arms and hoped Blaine didn't love the jacket he was wearing because his tears were getting it wet.
Blaine sat there, rocking Kurt slightly, with his heart aching. He ran his hand through the younger boy's hair and rubbed soothing circles on his back as Kurt clung to him.
They stayed that way for a long time. Or so it seemed to Blaine, although the bell for the end of lunch hadn't rung yet, so it couldn't have been all that long.
Slowly Kurt's sobbing subsided and he sniffled a little quietly, pulling away from Blaine and hurrying to fix his hair and attempt to reduce the puffiness around his eyes.
Blaine sat next to him patiently, letting Kurt regain his composure.
Standing up, Blaine reached his hand down to help pull Kurt to his feet. Then he stared into Kurt's lovely gray-green eyes.
Kurt, conscious of the fact that Blaine hadn't let go of his hand, turned away demurely. He started a little as the band began to play quietly again, starting at the place they'd left off.
Kurt turned to face the rows of empty chairs out of habit and began to sing the chorus again.
To his surprise Blaine joined in, still holding Kurt's hand, and their voices blended together beautifully. Growing stronger with each word.
[Chorus]
"And I want a moment to be real.
Want to touch things I don't feel.
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can you say I'll never change?
They're the ones that stay the same.
I'm the one now,
'Cause I'm still here.
I'm the one,
'Cause I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm still here."
As the song faded away and the band started to gather up their papers and put away their instruments, Blaine turned to Kurt and smiled.
"You wanna go get something to eat and play hooky the rest of the day?" He asked calmly, reassuringly.
Kurt smiled back and nodded, as he let Blaine lead him off the stage and out of the school to his car.
Thankies for reading this story and PLEASE review! I'd love to hear what you have to say about this story. It seems really angst and sad, but I hope it touched some of you. So yeah, REVIEW please and Thankies once again.
OSK