A/N: This is a continuation piece for my Sesshomaru/Sango saga (The Curse of Brides and The Sacred Heartbeat). It is the last you'll hear of these characters in this manner. It is a bit more fast-paced than the other two, but I think it still came out okay. And when you're finished, if anything still feels unfulfilled, let me know so that I can address your concerns. Thanks so much for following this!
Suffering For More
THE FINAL LAMENTATIONS OF A LOVE UNREQUITED
"No, Inuyasha, you hold it like this," Sango instructed, helping him steady Tetsusaiga. At Sango's insistence, Sesshomaru had provided Inuyasha with a grindstone in order to sharpen his blade. Sesshomaru was only convinced after Sango had pointed out that he could sharpen Tokijin with it as well.
"I'm trying, Sango, but I don't get it," Inuyasha whined.
"If you hold it flat, you'll ruin the blade," Sango scolded. "Tilt it upward like this." Sango gripped the top of the massive blade and then placed her hand on top of Inuyasha's on the side of the blade. She then slowly guided the blade back and forth on the grindstone. This technique proved more successful than Inuyasha's had.
"Thank you, Sango," Inuyasha mumbled, silently hoping Sango wouldn't remove her hand from his. It was rare that he was even this close to Sango, as she constantly doted on Sesshomaru when he was home.
"You're welcome." Sango continued assisting him until the blade had been sharpened properly. Inuyasha then returned Tetsusaiga to its sheath and sat down beside the fire with Rin. Sango went down the corridor to fetch something.
Inuyasha realized that he had been living in Sesshomaru's castle for just over six years. It hadn't gotten any easier. He thought back to the interview he had had with the then four-year-old Shukun and the things he had said about being in love. Much of it had seemed poetic to him then, embellished to satisfy Shukun's limitless curiosity. He was sure he had never actually lost his breath in Sango's presence, nor had his body ever flamed inside. The only truth in the physical feelings he had described was the swollen and pounding heart, but even then he hadn't realized how truly affected he was.
Now that Inuyasha thought about it, he did lose his breath when Sango was close by. Perhaps it was only because Sesshomaru always had at least one menacingly beautiful and golden eye watching him closely. Sango was still unaware of the contract under which Inuyasha was living in the castle. It was better she didn't know.
"You can stay here at the castle. You can stare at Sango, talk to her, yearn for her, fantasize about her as much as you wish. But the moment you lay a finger on her you accept death, for I will absolutely kill you."
Inuyasha had taken Sesshomaru's intimidation seriously. It had seared into his skull and had embedded itself in his memory so that he might never forget. If Inuyasha touched Sango once, it could no longer be considered a mistake, but a lapse of strength and willpower.
There were moments when Inuyasha and Sango would sit beside each other at the fire, Sesshomaru watching from across the flames, and Inuyasha would be so overwhelmed with the desire to grasp Sango's hand that only Sesshomaru's presence inhibited him. Inuyasha's fingers would burn and his wrists would lock, and his body would tremble as though an earthquake had formed inside of him, causing his defenseless heart to rattle. A small, taunting smirk would form on Sesshomaru's cold lips, and Inuyasha would hang his head in shame.
Shukun arrived at the castle after a few hours of hunting with a boar slung over his shoulder. He slammed the fresh meat down on the ground at the ledge and entered, greeting his mother first with another vibrant, yellow blossom. Sango accepted it and gently rubbed the soft petals between her thumb and index finger before holding the flower up to her nose.
"It smells beautiful," Sango said with dancing eyes. "Thank you, my dear."
"You're welcome, Mother," Shukun said, bowing slightly.
Shukun was taller than Sango now and almost as tall as his father. His growth was somewhat miraculous, but with age his aristocratic personality had flourished. Sesshomaru had used his talons while raising Shukun. Sango had made Shukun stoic, but Sesshomaru had made him an assassin. Everything Shukun did wrong he paid for in pain. Sesshomaru never hesitated to tear Shukun's face with his claws, and Shukun learned quickly to behave like the aristocracy he was. In turn, he grew to treat everyone in the castle with less respect, excluding his mother and father. At odd times, Inuyasha was treated kindly as well.
Shukun turned to Inuyasha and called, "Come skin this pig, Lord Inuyasha." There was an irony in the way Shukun addressed his uncle. He always referred to Inuyasha as a lord, but rarely spoke to him except for when he had some lowly task for him to perform.
"Okay, Shu," Inuyasha mumbled. Inuyasha was about to stand when Rin stopped him.
"Here, My Lord," she said, holding up a roasted mushroom. He accepted the mushroom and popped it into his mouth. Inuyasha rose an eyebrow. Rin always found foolish reasons to speak to him. Inuyasha imagined it was because Rin was lonely. She was eighteen now and still without a mate. She was beautiful, certainly, and loyal; essentially the perfect wife. Still, Sesshomaru was too disconnected from her world to recognize his responsibility to find a suitable husband for her. Inuyasha vowed to bring it to Sesshomaru's attention soon, he just wasn't sure when.
Inuyasha sat down to the task Shukun had given him. Sango handed Inuyasha an adequate dagger to skin the boar with.
"Would you like some company, Inuyasha?" she asked. Inuyasha's face flushed red and tingled with embarrassment. He sniffed the air; Sesshomaru was nearby.
"I'm sure the pig will do fine," Inuyasha joked lightly. "But if you wish, Lady Sango..." Inuyasha watched apprehensively and Sango sat down beside him.
"I've been thinking about Kagome lately," Sango muttered. Inuyasha started. He hadn't thought about Kagome in years. She was virtually inexistent to him.
"Oh," Inuyasha said in a quiet voice. "What brought her to mind?"
"Dreams," Sango replied. Inuyasha frowned.
"You dream about her?"
"I dream about our past battles," Sango explained. "And I dream about That Time." That's how it was referred to now. That Time had begun with Sango's unexpected and destructive marriage to Sesshomaru, and had ended in soaring flames and broken hearts. There wasn't a more adequate title to erase the pain from the memories associated with the time.
"Our battles were great," Inuyasha agreed, feeling proud of himself.
"How do you think she is?" Sango pressed.
"Who?"
"Kagome!" Inuyasha had been so swept up in his dreams of battle that he had forgotten the topic that had inspired them.
"I suppose she and Miroku are all right. Shippo too. They've probably got a little family going."
"You think they had children?"
"No, just the three of them," Inuyasha replied calmly. "Do you miss them?"
"Of course. Don't you?" Inuyasha didn't miss them at all. Not any of them. He supposed it would have been pleasant to see Shippo again, but he had his own responsibilities now. He had devoted himself to Sango.
"I don't think about them," Inuyasha replied truthfully.
"Really? Not at all?"
"When I first came here to live at the castle, I thought of them often. But that was six years ago."
"But Inuyasha-"
"I can't help that they don't come to mind," Inuyasha continued. "I think it's better if I let that time go." Inuyasha drew in a whiff of air. Sesshomaru appeared out of the clouds and landed before him and Sango, eyeing them suspiciously.
"My Lord," Sango said, bowing. Sango then stood and approached her husband. She took his hand in hers.
"How are you today, Sango?" Sesshomaru asked.
"I'm well," Sango replied. "How are you?" Sesshomaru hadn't taken his eyes off of Inuyasha, even though Inuyasha had not once discontinued his task. Now, however, Sesshomaru at last looked into his wife's eyes.
"I am content now," he said.
"Lord Sesshomaru, welcome home!" Rin exclaimed, though her voice contained a certain sadness.
"You are well?" Sesshomaru asked her. Rin nodded.
"As always, My Lord," Rin replied. Inuyasha could tell she was lying, but still he said nothing. He had finished skinning and gutting the boar, and after scooping all of its unusable parts into a sack, he stood.
"How has Shukun behaved today?" Sesshomaru asked Sango.
"Exactly as you have instructed him," Sango replied. "In fact it was he who commanded Inuyasha to skin the boar."
"Rin, do you need me to chop this meat up?" Inuyasha asked her.
"No, not right away," Rin replied humbly.
"Then I'm leaving," Inuyasha announced, heaving the sack of unusable portions over his shoulder.
"Leaving so soon, Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru said in a taunting voice.
"I'll be back to finish the pig," Inuyasha said, ignoring Sesshomaru. He leapt off of the ledge down toward the forest below.
"Might you be kinder to Inuyasha?" Sango pleaded.
"Why?" Sesshomaru asked.
"He is family, isn't he?"
"I should think I've been awfully kind to him," Sesshomaru said, removing his hand from Sango's. "He has a place to sleep and food to eat."
"Yes, I'm aware of this," Sango said, somewhat exasperated. Sesshomaru sat down near the mouth of the cave and gestured for Sango to sit with him. Sango took her seat in his lap and sighed. "Inuyasha isn't happy here. You shouldn't torment him on purpose."
"He's very happy," Sesshomaru protested calmly. "He lives with you, the love of his life."
"I'm the love of your life and live with you," Sango pointed out. "Why should you be happier than he is?"
"Because you're mine," Sesshomaru whispered, nuzzling Sango's neck lovingly. Sango released a tiny moan, earning herself a kiss. "And Inuyasha can never have you."
Inuyasha had to clear his head. Sango had gotten a pinch too close, and now he had lost his mind. Sesshomaru was like an evil angel in disguise; he always arrived just when Inuyasha was certain to do something he should not. Sango's ignorance of Inuyasha's contract with Sesshomaru made things difficult. She wanted to pat him on the shoulder or embrace him. Little did she know, that pat on the shoulder could mean Inuyasha's death. Inuyasha no longer had the stamina to fight his brother. It was virtually futile anyway as long as Sesshomaru possessed Tenseiga. More importantly, he couldn't hurt Sango or Shukun.
Inuyasha found an appropriate spot to dump the boar organs and continued walking onward, hoping the fresh air might calm his nerves. The weather was relatively pleasant out, but Inuyasha was still feeling a chill. Perhaps that was what made him jump upon hearing a familiar voice call out to him.
Kagome released a light sigh of relief as Myoga landed safely on Shippo's shoulder. The flea had undergone great exertion to travel back as quickly as he had, and now that he had a spare moment to catch his breath, he certainly did so. Miroku took his seat beside Kagome and took her hand. It had been three months since they had last dispatched Myoga. However, they had sent him out nearly five times previous with fruitless results.
It had been six years since they had last seen Inuyasha. Their greatest fear was that he was dead. Despite all the trouble he and Sango had caused, they had still been friends once, and neither Kagome nor Miroku could help but be concerned for their friends. They had known for some time that Sango would one day cease all visitation with them. However, Inuyasha's disappearance had been unexpected.
Kagome had wondered whether or not Sango had chosen Inuyasha and they had fled together. In that scenario it would make sense that they were nowhere to be found; Sesshomaru would have done everything in his power to kill them both. Miroku wondered whether or not Sango and chosen Sesshomaru, and that Inuyasha had fled from the agony. He could sympathize with Inuyasha in this regard. He had loved Sango once.
Miroku and Kagome had gotten married and looked after Shippo as a family. The life they were living was a facade. Perhaps they would never recover from the dissolution. Shippo missed Inuyasha and Sango more than anybody else did.
"What did you find this time, Myoga?" Kagome begged, hoping he had been more successful this time.
"I've found them all!" Myoga announced proudly. This captured everyone's attention, and they all leaned in for more news.
"Where are they then?" Miroku pressed.
"Are they together?" Kagome asked. Myoga waved his hands to silence them.
"Sesshomaru has built a castle into an enormous mountain that overlooks the western lands," Myoga explained. "He, Jaken, Rin, Sango, Inuyasha, and Shukun all live there together!"
"What?" the three asked in incredulity.
"I spoke with Inuyasha," Myoga continued. "Sango has obviously chosen to maintain her marriage to Sesshomaru. Inuyasha couldn't bear to be away from her, so he begged his brother to allow him to live at the castle as well." Kagome swallowed hard. Had Inuyasha thought about her once?
"How does he look to you?" Kagome asked nervously.
"Miserable," Myoga replied. "But also happier than I've ever seen him." Kagome started at this.
"I don't understand," she muttered.
"Inuyasha really does love Sango," Shippo said softly. "Perhaps more than is healthy for him."
"I find it hard to believe that Sesshomaru would allow Inuyasha so close to Sango after everything that had happened," Miroku commented calmly. He was simply glad that Inuyasha was alive and well. However, he could clearly see the tension that had built up in his wife's face.
"Why should you be?" Shippo asked. "Sesshomaru loves to torture Inuyasha."
"Exactly," Myoga agreed. "Considering Inuyasha volunteered to torture himself, it's only natural that Sesshomaru would agreed to it."
"But-"
"And besides, Sesshomaru doesn't resent Inuyasha so much as before. I'm sure that if the circumstances had been different Sesshomaru would have allowed Inuyasha the same privilege."
"Really?" Miroku mused.
"Well certainly. If you really analyze Sesshomaru's character, I'm sure you'll find that though he is heartless, he isn't viciously evil." Kagome and Miroku exchanged a glance.
"What about Shu?" Shippo asked. "How is he?"
"He's quite well," Myoga replied. "He's ten-years-old now, and Inuyasha says that he already looks like a man, like his father."
"Anything else?" Kagome pressed. "Did he say anything about us?"
"What Kagome means is, does Inuyasha miss us?" Miroku corrected. Myoga avoided Miroku's gaze.
"Inuyasha did say that Sango has been thinking of all of you lately, and she misses you greatly," he replied quickly.
"Anything else?" Kagome asked again.
"Why doesn't Sango visit us then?" Shippo asked.
"I'm sure you could guess, Shippo," Kagome said calmly.
"Is Sesshomaru holding her against her will?" Miroku asked. Myoga shook his head emphatically.
"Of course not," he assured the monk. "Sesshomaru treasures Sango, nurtures her, and spoils her according to Inuyasha. I'm sure Sango is permitted to do anything she pleases as the Lady of the Western Lands."
"Poor Inuyasha," Shippo muttered, looking up into the blue sky. The sun was at it peak amongst the clouds, illuminating all of Japan in a warm and cozy light. "I wonder if he's really okay."
"Inuyasha told me that Rin would like a mate," Sesshomaru told his wife that night as they lay in bed. Sango frowned, sitting up.
"Is he-"
"No," Sesshomaru answered quickly. "He simply believes Rin is lonely." Sango lied back down, yawning.
"What are you going to do?"
"I intend to leave her in the village," Sesshomaru replied firmly. He had made up his mind. "I'll find someone suitable there and seal off that concern."
"He had better be amazing," Sango warned, glancing over at her husband sternly. Sesshomaru growled under his breath, displeased with Sango's tone. Still, he could never bring himself to reprimand her. He was truly her adorer, seemingly living only to please her. He nuzzled her neck and kissed her shoulders softly, now purring pleasantly.
"I love you, Sesshomaru," Sango mumbled, slowly drifting off to sleep.
"Is it still okay?" Shukun asked. He and Inuyasha were sitting out on the ledge late that night, staring off into the ominous distance below them. Everybody else had long gone to bed, but the uncle and nephew often stayed up later to talk. Despite exercising authority over Inuyasha during the day, Shukun truly loved his uncle and treasured his company. He was certain his father was aware of the time they spent together, but it appeared Sesshomaru allowed this one exception.
"What are you talking about?" Inuyasha asked, his golden eyes glancing off in Shukun's direction. The young boy looked more and more like Sesshomaru every day. He was slowly becoming the perfect heir, a prince to one day become the Inu no Taisho.
"Living here," Shukun replied. "Or are you still sad?" Inuyasha glanced down at his lap.
"I still love Sango," he told his nephew. "I don't like that we can't be together, but I love that she's happy. As long as Sesshomaru takes care of her, I can't really complain."
"Hmm," Shukun mumbled, biting his lip. "I think Father has developed a mild fondness for you." Inuyasha frowned at him, surprised.
"What makes you say that?"
"Think about it," Shukun said with a shrug. "He isn't cruel to you. He gives you free rein around here. His only wish is that you stay away from Sango, but even then he's lenient."
"I guess I hadn't quite considered those things," Inuyasha admitted. "And you treat me kindly against your father's wishes."
"Lord Sesshomaru most certainly is aware of these conversations we have," Shukun said, unaffected. "If he truly forbade them he would have said so by now. He is simply modeling me after the perfect, aristocratic lord."
"That perfect lord being him?"
"Perhaps. It could be another..." Inuyasha thought of the father he never knew. Sesshomaru must have acquired his harsh personality somewhere. However based on what Inuyasha knew of his father, Inutaisho had been feared by many and yet kind to those he loved. Sesshomaru was a colder version of this lord, but Shukun was the perfect representative. Shukun was cold like his father but still soft and gentle to those things precious to him. Inuyasha smiled.
"Now tell me the truth," Shukun said suddenly, his firm voice interrupting Inuyasha's thoughts. "Does it still hurt?"
"What?"
"Being so close to my mother," Shukun pressed. "Be honest."
"Of course it does," Inuyasha replied. "But it feels good too."
"So you've succumbed to suffering for her attention," Shukun concluded. "You're a hopeless fool, Lord Inuyasha."
"He is, isn't he?" came a solemn voice from behind them. Neither Shukun nor Inuyasha looked back. They could easily determine it was Sesshomaru who had spoken.
"Sorry we woke you," Inuyasha mumbled in a low voice.
"Don't be ridiculous, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru said quickly, taking a seat beside him. "I've come with a proposal." Inuyasha glanced up at his brother quizzically.
"What are you talking about?"
"Of course, it is more a formal demand than a proposal," Sesshomaru continued. "I expect you to accompany me in search of Rin's future husband."
"You expect me?" Inuyasha snarled.
"The way I expect all other things of you," Sesshomaru retorted. "You're not battling my authority, are you?"
"Never."
"Good," Sesshomaru said, drawing in a whiff of air. "I also expect you to accompany Sango to visit those friends of yours."
"Me? Why not you?"
I have no desire whatsoever to see those lowly humans again."
"Neither do I," Inuyasha protested.
"But I expect it of you." Sesshomaru said firmly. Inuyasha scowled.
"Sesshomaru has grown fond of you, Inuyasha," Sango told the devoted half-demon. "I knew you two would find a way to unify yourselves."
"We're a way's away from all that," Inuyasha admitted, smiling. Sango smiled at him too.
"I know that," she said. "However, you're progressing. It can only get better." Inuyasha wasn't so sure of that yet, but he enjoyed this time alone with Sango.
"This is the first time we've really been alone since...you know," Inuyasha said after a while. The bright sun beamed down on them, and as they shuffled dirt along the pathway, a cool breeze whipped their hair. It was a perfect reminiscent scene of the times they had spent with Kagome, Miroku, and Shippo. Sango looked down at her feet.
"It has been a while," she agreed. She gripped Hiraikotsu's leather strap over her shoulder. "It's been a while since I've really had any reason to carry this."
"You don't really need it," Inuyasha said defensively.
"But I wanted to," Sango said quickly. "Sesshomaru is very protective, and I never have reason to use it otherwise. I love Hiraikotsu."
"You don't mean controlling?"
"Absolutely not, Inuyasha," Sango snapped. Inuyasha drew back apprehensively.
"I didn't mean to offend you," he said timidly. "I was only making sure."
"Your brother takes very good care of me," Sango continued. "Of all of us. Of you."
"I know."
"Good. Let's make this pleasant then, okay?" Inuyasha nodded, heaving a heavy sigh.
"I don't know if I'm ready to see them again," he told Sango.
"I just want to say goodbye," Sango explained. "For real. The way I left, the way you left, it wasn't right. We all need closure."
"Okay...you're right," Inuyasha mumbled. He looked up towards the sky and thought, You really do trust me now, huh, big brother? He then caught a whiff of Sesshomaru's scent nearby and chuckled. Well...at least more than before. 'Progress', she says...