I had an intelligence briefcase strapped to my back and didn't realize it - thus began the most embarrassing journey of my life.
Players were chasing me and shooting me, and these were my teammates.
When two heavies finally cornered me, I guiltily realized I had the intelligence.
"You had our medics chase after you and they both died. I hope you're happy," they informed me.
This was sad news, so I nodded and took off with the Intelligence. To where?
I didn't know this map.
"Follow me," said a disembodied voice. I couldn't tell who it was.
I chased after a Pyro, thinking it was The Voice. No such luck. The Pyro led me to a ventilator shaft, and I got trapped in a maze of duct work. Looking. Looking.
A scout appeared and he was the enemy, so I fired. He tried hard to kill me, especially when he saw I had Intelligence. But he blew it and died.
I picked up his ammo and began backing up, yelling for a Medic. No such luck. My health was down to 22% and now my ears were being flooded by questions from my teammates. "Where the f$$$ are you with the intelligence!" I started saying MEDIC! to block out these infernal voices. As a consequence, three came to my rescue.
Since they all had risked their lives by rushing to my aid, no Medic wanted to relinquish the healing properties. Consequently, I looked like a starburst as I felt my way back to base.
"This way, dumbass," came a reassuring voice. Then, I saw him: he was a scout. And since I was a Heavy, I trudged after him, and he kept having to slow down and wait for me, and my poor Medics had to keep up with these maneuvers. Fuck you, Intelligence.
"Just drop it," said the scout. So I tried to remember the key for dropping it and couldn't.
"Default is L!" he screamed.
I punched L.
It dropped.
I ran