I had an inspiration to write this when I was going through a rough patch of my life and was considering suicide, so some of these thoughts are my own. I wrote this while listening to Pain by Three Days Grace. I recommend you listen to that while reading because it might make a bit more sense. It's not beta'd so please forgive any mistakes I tried my best to catch all of them. AU all of the Weasley's all died to save Ginny.
*~I'm just a wonderful line break~*
It's funny how after everything I've been through that I'm still alone. I never knew that I'd be welcoming the pain of a mental breakdown or the pain my friend provides. I have nothing left; everyone I care about is dead and those that I thought cared left me.
As I watch everyone out my window, I can see nobody wonders where I am. There is nothing left to feel. Everything is numb. The only boy no man, I cared about enough to love died in the heat of battle. He's coming to get me soon.
I see him now. We were secret lovers before he died. To top it all off, he had just proposed to me the night before the final battle. Fate is a bitch isn't she? For the first time, I was actually happy.
I can see everyone that's died for me pretty clear now. I can't see out my window though. Everything seen with these eyes is getting blurry. I can't really see the light anymore. Was there a light to begin with? He said there was but He's dead. He was wrong.
He was the only one I let in enough to know that I liked pain. I've always had a rather big obsession with pain. There were times I demanded that He be rough enough with me to cause me pain. He obliged me but He always took away the pain as soon as He could.
Now that He's not here there is no-one to stop me from giving myself the pain I so desire. I've been slipping into a sense of nothingness more and more lately. The pain I give myself is helping a little but it's not enough anymore.
I have a plan. I only have to let my heart take over. I've been miserable for the last month since the battle. What I wouldn't give to be angry or in agony for just a minute. The lights are fading more now. "I love you, Harry."