This is a fun little short story that I wrote in the aftermath of my dearest big brother telling me about some drunken shenanigans he had gotten up to when I decided to give him a ring and see how he was doing. There were some interesting elements in his rather fascinating story, and thus, this idea was born. Not that this happened to him. Just the idea of a drunken character.

Features my secret OT3. That I will eventually convert you all to one day after I've published more with this in it. It will happen. Mark my words...

A man with black eyes and feathery, disheveled hair sat at a bar, staring down into his – what was it? Sixth drink that night? Damn, was he so drunk that he'd forgotten?

He snorted in utter disgust at himself.

Probably.

They would all be laughing his ass off to see him like this right now- the Great L, reduced to nothing more than a drunk, slouched over a bar and nursing his sixth drink of the night.

He'd no doubt any of them would fail to find it amusing- Aizawa, Mogi, Yagami- and his son, not the one that was off at college, no, the other twin- and especially Halle.

But then, they might be angry, too. He rarely allowed such indiscretions and frivolity while they were working on a case. They might even attempt to persuade him to allow them to accompany him here, and Halle might even, too-

No, wait. Halle wouldn't be. Halle wasn't going to be here at the bars anymore. Halle was at home. He thought. She had mentioned something about that.

Damn it all. This was all her fault-

Wait, no. Was it his own fault, or Halle's? No, it would never be Halle's fault. Perfect, lovely Halle, with her perfect skin, silky blonde hair, confident smile…

Halle would never love him, had been shocked and disbelieving when he had asked her out for drinks that night- a veritable date. And then, she had rejected him with excuses of a boyfriend that L was 94.8 percent sure didn't even exist.

But he had simply nodded and walked away, to this dingy little bar, to try to forget. No doubt Halle had already forgotten about it, was probably home with her nonexistent boyfriend, having a good laugh over the reclusive, disheveled, awkward leader of their team. Fuck this.

He gestured for another shot, and the bartender, being a wise man, set another few drinks in front of the man with the glazed black eyes and desolate expression.

A loud, dismal sigh made its way out of L's mouth, and he rested his head on his arm, feeling inexplicitly tired. Blearily, he stared at his reflection in the crystal of his glass, taking in his thin, drawn face, jaggedly-cut bangs and thick black circles under his eyes. Would Halle have been more inclined to accept his offer if he were more… well, less like himself? No, she wouldn't have.

Fuck his life. Maybe it was time to go crawl into a coffin or something and sleep away his misery…

…Wait. He didn't have a coffin. But he had enough money to buy a coffin. Watari could get it for him in no time. And if he could get a coffin, then didn't that mean he could do just as he wanted to?

Mind made up, he slapped enough money on the bar for his drinks, and downing the last one, stumbled off the stool, through the crowd of other drunken people, and into the warm night air of Tokyo. He was thankful that he had enough sense to not go to one of the bars near the hotel that they had made their headquarters- his need to get drunk would have raised too many questions that he was not willing to answer, should Watari find him passed out on the streets somewhere.

He took a few steps, and then collapsed into a drunken heap on the ground, his knees unable to support him. See? He really was worthless. Halle could hold back much more liquor than he had, and not even stumble. Hell, anyone probably could- especially Halle's new not-boyfriend. Just another way that he was inferior to that man that didn't exist.

It didn't matter that his alcohol tolerance was nil after not drinking anything remotely alcoholic in all of his years- his mind was too muddled to process or remember that fact.

He heard footsteps, and looked up with glazed black eyes. He saw… well, he was so drunk, he could be hallucinating. So, what he thought he saw was a beautiful, warm, caramel brown. He tried to focus on the color, and noticed that the brown was attached to two tall figures…

Didn't he know two people like that? Oh, hell. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. Fucking metabolism, could burn through everything but drunkenness. Wait, wasn't that a good thing? Oh, yes. That's right. It was, because he had wanted to get drunk in the first place. Damn paradox….thingies… at this point, he gave a mental shrug, for he could not even muster up the will to care about such literary definitions at this point.

While broken, blurry thoughts stuttered and reeled drunkenly through L's burned-out brain, the two figures had long since noticed him and knelt down. One reached out to give his shoulder a firm shake, bringing bleary black eyes raising and squinting in a futile attempt to bring the figures into focus.

…Stubborn as his eyesight was being, it refused to clear up anything. Bloody haughty bastard, his vision was being.

However, his ears decided to be kind and could clearly hear when one of the voices spoke. The voice niggled something familiar in the back of L's brain, though it was being a haughty bastard as well and refused give him the name or identity of who was talking. It did, however, inform L that the voice was melodic and soothing, almost a balm to his spinning mind, allowing him to lock onto the words and focus as best as he could in his debilitated state.

"Can you understand me?" the figure asked, and if L were in a clearer state of mind, he would have stiffened in outrage at the openly amused tone that the voice held.

At this moment, though, the only thing he could muster up was a small bit of drunken indignation. Because of course he could hear, even when he was as smashed as he was. Not like he was deaf, or anything.

"…Yesh…" he slurred, tongue feeling heavy as lead in his mouth. He tried to make it work and articulate his words, but the blasted thing refused to obey his commands.

…Stubborn muscle. He'd have it for insubordination if it were the last thing he did.

"Never thought you'd be one to get drunk," the other figure next to the first chuckled. "But, then again, there is a first time for everything."

Blinking heavily, L gave a lopsided grin, the alcohol acting more for him than his own brain was. "…Shuppose sho… But not'sh first time bein' rejsh- rehe- Fuck…" L slurred, trailing off as he became overly frustrated at his inability to communicate as he wished.

…Well, he might not be able to pronounce real words, but it would seem he had complete control over his ability to swear. Lovely. That got itself across loud and clear.

"Rejected?"

Head rolling in a sloppy and uncoordinated nod, L was able to force his brain to work and make his arm move. He waved a hand weakly at the figures in an indication that they had gotten the gist of what he was trying to say. "Yeah… 'At'sh word."

An amused chuckle came from one of the figures, and as L attempted to focus, two red eyes came into view. "You were rejected by someone?"

L nodded, his eyes unfocusing once more. "…Yesh… not..." His brows furrowed as he tried to remember the word, then his entire face lit up as he remembered, uncharacteristically happy to be able to remember something. "Acceptable."

An perfectly poised, caramel-colored eyebrow rose. "You're… not acceptable?"

L nodded, his head rolling back lazily back and forth. His black hair fell into his eyes, obscuring his face and vision as he mumbled, "Wouldn' be in shish shish- sitsh- Grr," L finally stopped short, voicing his irritation into the darkness that his hair brought upon him. But he really couldn't muster up the will to brush his hair away, and so he left it alone.

He couldn't pronounce anything! Damn this all…

"Situation?" the figure prompted gently, reaching out to brush L's hair out of his eyes. Warm fingers brushed over L's forehead and unconsciously, he leaned into the touch, finding the warmth welcoming, because the night had cooled his skin and even though he was admittedly quite drunk, he was quite chilled.

But he was still able to focus enough to recognize that the word that he needed had been given to him, prompting him along, and he gave another shaky nod.

Ah, that's right. Apparently, that was how you pronounced that word. He'd quite forgotten. "Woudn' be in shish sit- u- ation-" he made sure to pronounce it very clearly, "if I wudn't."

A pause, and the tentative question, "Who rejected you?"

"Halle… already…taken… dudn't like recoosive… awkward… not good enough…" L tried to explain, but his tongue was mixing up all the words. Why was it so goddamned hard to talk? This sucked. Fuck alcohol; he would take the emotional pain next time over being reduced to this buffoonlike state.

"Halle rejected you because she doesn't deem you to be attractive enough for her?"

Well. Congrats to the one who had summed it up like he was so unable to. Though, wasn't it odd that the figure knew who Halle was? Few people knew that he was Halle's boss, that she worked for him. Whatever, though. At the moment, trying to fathom such a thing was making his head hurt, and he didn't really care for that. He decided to focus on the relatively easier subject of talking to the nice person that had so very conveniently appeared before him.

L nodded, or tried to. His muscles just wouldn't work anymore. With a forlorn sigh, he rolled his head over to look at his thin arms, mustering up the strength to give them a good, burning glare for their utter uselessness. And then, he rolled his eyes up to the two figures who had stood up, towering over him from where he was slumped against the brick wall of the bar he had exited.

His black eyes squinted, trying to focus on the two figures before he gave a small shake of his head, frustrated in the way his eyes refused to focus. Squeezing them shut, he let out a small groan and tilted his head back against the cold wall, finding it hard to string two thoughts together. His mind felt so fuzzy, like someone had stuffed it with cotton, and it was rapidly getting harder and harder to care if he stayed here overnight or not.

Fuzzy as his mind was, he failed to notice when the two figures who had happened across him shared twin smirks that could be likened to the cat's who had just gotten the cream and a whole trawlerful of salmon. Unbeknownst to L, this was the type of opportunity that they had been waiting for in regards to the man slumped against the wall.

Far gone as he was in the haze of alcohol, L didn't protest as one of the figures knelt down, hooking strong arms under his shoulders and back of his knees, lifting him up with a small huff of exertion. Instead, he felt the warm skin against his night-chilled skin and found the new position of his body against a cloth-covered chest to be much more comfortable than the hard, unforgiving cement sidewalk and brick wall.

It made him less disinclined to protest his new and temporary lodgings. And then, the one carrying him started to walk, and the other followed closely in his footsteps. The swaying made him dizzy, and he clutched onto the welcoming arms tightly, finding comfort in their odd familiarity.

Vaguely, he heard the familiar voice say, "Let's get you home."

And L could find no protest to that.

L awoke the next morning groaning, and clutched his temples. He swore silently to himself that he would never, ever, ever never, drink alcohol again. The after-effects were too much of a bitch to deal with. Slowly, he sat up, wincing as a pain in his backside made itself known, and saw he was in a bed. Looking down, he saw he was nude under the sheets. What the…? He never slept nude!

He always slept in his boxers and a shirt-

"Good morning, L."

His eyes widened as he heard a distinctly male voice, and one that he recognized as well, from his left. He looked over to see a very sleepy, and extremely pleased looking Light Yagami watching him from the bed.

He swallowed, mouth suddenly dry as the desert.

And did so again when a pair of arms that were also very male in nature, but definitely did not belong to Light, as the man had both of his arms propped under his chest, wound tightly around his waist.

"Yes," a near-identical, musical voice came from his right, no doubt the possessor of the overly-affectionate arms holding him, "it is a very good morning."

A chuckle came from Light, an easy grin slipping across the tanned, handsome features. "Kira, I think we put him in shock."

L was, indeed shocked. Just what had happened last night? He remembered collapsing outside of the run- down, seedy bar, two figures coming up to him, and then…

Let's get you home.

He groaned, hands coming up to hide his face, which was blushing furiously. He had been taken home by the Yagami twins, the sons of his co-worker Soichiro Yagami, Light and Kira, and judging by the pain in his backside, had had sex with them. Rough, drunken sex, if the amount of pain in his backside was to go by. Oh, God. What now?

His reverie was interrupted by the cell phone in his discarded baggy jeans ringing, and Kira unwound himself from L to get the phone and hand it to the black-haired man with a grin on his devastatingly handsome features.

L's eyes narrowed. He. Did. Not. Trust. That. Smile. It reeked of deviousness, even though it was attempting to be completely innocent. It failed miserably.

He looked down at the caller I.D., and almost groaned when he saw the number was that of his office's. Dreading the upcoming conversation with whoever was calling, (it could be anyone- his team members made sure to keep in close contact with him) he flipped the phone open, and answered.

"…Hello?" asked tentatively, L's eyes tightening just a bit as he anticipated who had called him.

"L!" came a worried voice, his name bursting forth over the phone's speakers in an exclamation of relief.

Upon hearing the voice, L almost groaned in relief. Thank God it was Matsuda. If it were Aizawa, or God forbid, Watari, he would have to play 20 Questions as to his whereabouts. And right now, in this situation, he would have rather kissed Soichiro than do that.

…Bad example.

"Where are you? We got a call from Halle saying you two had some misunderstanding, and that you weren't answering your phone. She was worried, and so were we," Mastuda said, honest earnesty lacing his somewhat worried voice. "Do you need a ride? I can pick you up, L."

"I'm sorry for causing any of you worry, Matsuda," L said, shifting into a more upright position, an unconscious grimace of pain slashing across his features as weight was put painfully onto his sore rear. He gathered the sheets about him, shielding his lap and what he could of his torso from two pairs of eyes that he could still feel on him. "I had my phone on silence last night, and-"

Suddenly the phone was taken quite abruptly out of his hand, and his eyes widened in shock as Light held the phone up to his ear.

"I apologize, Matsuda," Light said politely into the phone, shocking the man on the other end of the phone thoroughly. "L was… preoccupied with me-"

The phone was now plucked out of Light's hand, and a very smug Kira spoke into the phone, giving a rather shell-shocked L a gratuitous wink as he did so. "And me as well."

There was an audible pause on the other end, and L could almost see the gears in Matsuda's brain grinding in order to catch up. "Light… Kira? Why do you have L? What do you mean, he was preoccupied with you…?" There was another pause, and L closed his eyes as things finally began to click for Matsuda.

"Wait… L… you…?"

There was laughter on the other end, and L groaned, covering his face with his hands, fingers clenching in the tips of his shaggy bangs. This could not be happening.

Kira kept his smirk, eyes trailing over L's form as he spoke into the phone, taking advantage of the fact that L was not paying attention and therefore could not prevent Kira from openly ogling his new lover. "Yes, Matsuda," Kira said smugly, the smirk that was pulling at his full lips threatening to widen as he saw Light raise himself up, tentatively crawling closer to L with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Ah…and he will not be needing a ride," Kira thought to add as an afterthought, making L snap his head up, eyes widening as he caught the insinuations carried within the younger man's words.

Giving L a wink, Kira told Matsuda, "He'll be perfectly fine."

L blinked, fingers still tangled within his black jags of hair as silence reigned in the room for a split second. L held his breath, hoping that Mastuda was too thick-headed to figure out what happened.

But as stupid as he could seem, Matsuda was not an idiot, and he had enough experience to know what had happened- and what was no doubt going to happen as soon as he hung up. The thought alone was enough to send Matsuda into another fit of laughter, both at L's predicament and at the smug, self-satisfied tone to Kira's voice.

They were loud enough to carry over the speaker and reach L's ears, and knowing that Matsuda, of all people knew… it was enough to make him let out a moan of despair and bury his face in his hands, mortification burning on his cheeks.

There were gasps on the other end as Matsuda tried to catch his breath. "Gasp… okay, thanks for… gasp… telling me… snicker."

L opened an eye to level a deathly glare at the phone, wishing simultaneous death and destruction down on his subordinate, but his eyes opened wide once more as he heard another voice on the end of the phone. "Matsuda. What are you laughing about this early in the morning?"

Matsuda erupted into more laughter. "Light and Kira brought L home last night!"

On the other end of the phone, in the break room of the office building that they worked for L in, Gevanni chuckled. "Looks like they finally scored," he muttered to Matsuda as he poured his coffee into his coffee mug. Raising it to his lips to blow on the steaming-hot liquid, he flashed a thumbs-up at Matsuda, and raising his voice a bit, said, "Light, Kira. Congratulations."

Getting impatient, Light snatched the phone away from him grinning brother, raising it to his ear. "Thank you both," he said shortly, amber eyes rising to meet Kira's, an unspoken agreement being come to between the two twins. "Now," he continued impatiently," there are some things that need to be finished here. Goodbye."

Snapping the phone shut with a loud click, tossed it carelessly to the side. There was a moment of silence as the phone clattered to the wooden floor of the twins' room, and then, the silence was broken by the sound of L swallowing as two sets of heated eyes turned to him. Realizing what was about to happen, he decided in a split second that modesty was overrated and attempted to ditch the sheet protecting him and scramble away.

However, Light was faster as he pounced, grabbing L's shoulders and flipping the older man over, pinning his torso to the bed. Before L had a chance to protest, a pair of warm, silky lips that felt vaguely familiar were covering his, moving against his in a dominating kiss. Light's hands slipped from his shoulders to his waist, palming the contour there possessively, his fingers warm and slightly rough against L's skin. The soft skin of his outer thigh rubbed against the inner of L's, the friction sending a hot thrill down L's spine, and he shifted, opening his legs further to let Light settle more firmly between them.

Light chuckled against L's mouth, fingers petting along L's skin. It felt good, so good that L felt very disinclined for Light to stop what he was doing. Very disinclined. So much, in fact, that he raised his hands to twine in Light's hair, holding him in place as L gave in and parted his lips, allowing Light's tongue to slip into his mouth.

He felt the bed shift under him as Kira moved closer, and Light raised himself up just a bit, enough so that Kira could slip a hand under Light and grasp the length of L's erection in his hand, rubbing the hard length gently and teasingly.

L groaned and clutched at Light's shoulders, arching his hips up unto Kira's hand, mind going pleasantly blank and turning into mush at the arousal and pleasure running rampant through him. Everywhere, it seemed like he was enveloped by hot, smooth skin, of arousal and warmth and desire and closeness.

…It was closer than he'd ever gotten to anyone before, the closest he'd ever allowed anyone to come. And something about this felt right, felt natural. He didn't have to work hard for this, didn't have to fear rejection because they were the ones who had chosen him in the first place. And it felt nice to lie back and let them take care of him, care for him. It was so damn nice to be desired and wanted for once, because if the erections pressing against his leg and waist were anything to go by, he was most definitely wanted.

Sighing into Light's mouth, he let one of his hands fall from where it was clenched in Light's hair and onto the bed, next to Kira. It was immediately grasped in a warm hand, and L felt a surge of warmth flow into his chest, because this feeling of being wanted surpassed anything that he could have ever imagined he would have wanted with Halle. Could have had with Halle.

…In retrospect, he was sorta glad that Halle had decided to use the excuse of an existent or non-existent boyfriend, whichever it was.

His last coherent thoughts were that perhaps, Halle got the shitty end of the deal.

She was the one who would have to go home to an empty home at the end of the night, not him. Not anymore.

Oh, yes, he thought, as he arched into Kira's stroking hand, and moaned as Light slid into him, filling him up once more, sending aching pleasure singing through his body and making him gasp and arch, I definitely got the better end of the deal.

This was so much better.

2/18/14- Title change and typos fixed.