::covers in fear:: don't kill me! I'm sorry I haven't updated 12m…. or DOS…. or Mad House! I'm working on it! Jackie has the note book and'll type it for me soon! Think of this as a little something as a sorry! Ehm so I love love this song! The style is just totally amazing to me… especially with my music nerdy-ness… god I am so bad when it comes to being a nerd lol you should have seen me in the band hallway during pep band… I'm not even in the pep band but I was sneaking in and out the whole time while I was supposed to be at show choir… urp I'm off track… So the song is Pure Morning by Placebo, excuse my lack of knowing how a high person feels as I have never been such :P only seen people a couple times like when this one kid walked into our honors history final last year so stoned he looked like he was a corpse lol … but guess what? The ending… oh wait… I was gonna spoil it for you but I won't XP... Anyway I know this fic doesn't really go with the actual meaning of the song also it's not my typical songfic style… but oh well :P… enough of my ramblings! Read ON!
WARNING!: Includes drugs, violence, blood, mentions of rape, death and everyone but Allen being a whore! So… a typical story from me….
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend with weed is better,
Taking in a long drag, my brain felt numb, I passed the joint to Lavi and he did the same. The feeling drown out anything we didn't want to feel. Which at the moment was anything and everything. As the last of the weed burnt out and filled our lungs I felt the red headed Usagi climb on top of me and breathe heavily into my ear.
"I'm horny Kanda." He bit my neck just hard enough and then pushed off me and onto his back. "Fuck me hard."
"Tch." I pulled off his jeans, unzipped mine and pushed myself in. He likes it rough and painful. I drown out his loud and obnoxious moaning with the high nothingness feeling in my body thrusting in and out until we were both finished. He lay staring up at the ceiling, a slight smile on his face and bloody and cum leaking from his bare ass. I threw on my jacket and walked outside into the cold late night air.
I laid my head down on the side of the bed in my cold dark apartment. Someone knocked at my door, but I'm not in the mood for people as I come down from my high. The knocking persists and someone shouted in.
"Kanda! I know you're in there! I saw you walk in!" The landlord is pissed, but I don't give a shit. "Your rent's a month late! I'm calling the cops if you don't pay up or get your ass out by Friday!" The words pass through my mind like a dream as I found myself unable to sleep. I haven't slept in god knows how long.
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
A friend who's dressed in leather,
"Kanda~" That high pitched voice sings. Is it morning already? I've yet to sleep and I look out the window to find it still dark. It's two am. "I'm coming in so you better be decent!" Lenalee unlocked the door and walked up to me. "Ah, what do I care if your decent or not?" She smirks. "You won't be in a minute." She pulled a little on the zipper at the top of the chest of her skin tight leather dress. Her large breasts peaked out the top as she lay on top of me. Her hand trailed down to my waistband and slipped in and began to kneed gently.
"Hey, Kanda." Her fingers moved faster and stronger. "You got a few extra bucks?"
"No."
"Damn." She sat up as withdrew her slender fingers. "I guess I won't leave you half done." She sighed and slid her head down as she unzipped my jeans. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes. No one would ever let me get to sleep, would they?
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend who'll tease is better ,
"Bakanda!" The white haired brat shouts at my face. "You haven't come to school all week!"
"Those are new." I said, ignoring his scolding. My eyes trailed along the purple blue bruise on his cheek, some bites on his neck and the bulge of bandages around his wrists. His eyes darkened and he sighed.
"Well it's not a new occurrence. Don't worry about it." He smiled his plastic grin that sickened me. "You and Lavi were smoking again weren't you?" Again he pouted and lectured.
"I thought you said you would text me if you went to deep?" His slivery eyes widened and fell downward.
"I-it wasn't like that." He stuttered and fell silent a moment before he spoke again. "Master caught me." The Moyashi's voice was small and weak. "And he was drunk and so…" He trailed off. Those stormy eyes seemed to darken and dart around a bit.
"Did he rape you again?"
"K-kanda… he… I couldn't…"Hot tears formed at his eyes as he choked on the words. Suddenly he fell to his knees and starts to cough and heave. Yellow bile splattered onto the floor as he sobbed. Nothing in his stomach. He hadn't been eating again. His small gloved hands gripped the legs of my pants as he lifted his head to look up at me from that suggestive position. "Help me."
"You fucking tease." My words caused him to jump back. I smirked at his horrified face
"No! No no no, Kanda I didn't mean it like that!" I crouched down to his level, but he scuffled back in panic. "Please! P-please don't!"
"Tch, Baka Moyashi." I scooped his gaunt figure into my arms. He was shaking like hell. "I won't." Short and heavy breaths came from the body and he started to hyperventilate. His scrawny figure shuddered and tried to move from my grasp, threatening to make me drop him onto the concrete. "You can stay in my apartment for the night."
Our thoughts compress,
Which makes us blessed,
And makes for stormy weather,
Both of us were running away from our terrible families. His uncle beats and rapes him relentlessly and my step-father saw me as trash. We connected through our similarities, but it was also what makes us fight like cats and dogs.
I laid him gently onto my mattress and threw a blanket over his shivering form. There was a time before all this. All this shit.
A time when we were happy.
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
My Japanese is better,
"A-arigato," He said in my native language. He still wouldn't look at me.
"Hn." I slowly brought my hand over his chest to remove his shirt and check his wounds, but he flinched and hugged himself tightly. "Let me at least bandage you."His eyes closed tightly as if in pain as he opened his grip on himself and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. Pale skin revealed itself, littered with scars, bites, bruises and welts like some morbid canvas. A few patched on bandages, stained through with dark blood wrapped themselves around here and there about his skeleton thin, malnourished frame. Lightly I slid my hand down his chest, feeling for broken ribs or anything that felt out of place. It reminded me how good his small body felt under mine, his weak pleas for more that I had once heard. "Moyashi." The word flowed airily from my lips in a cruel kind of hunger. As I ghosted over a rather nasty looking bruise a soft groan and wince passed over his light pink lips that his teeth tugged and pulled on.
And when [he]'s pressed, [he] will undress,
And then [he]'s boxing clever,
"K-kanda?" Those sparkling eyes blink slightly at me. I felt that carnal desire growing inside me. 'What I sick bastard I am.' I lowered my head to place my lips on a particularly defined scar. I remember exactly what it was from. The white ragged line that ran from his shoulder to halfway down his chest was caused by that drunken asshole Cross who had found an old sword from god knows where. He had one victim in his eyes and it was always the Moyashi. He almost died that night. It was also the night after the first time we had sex. It was four years ago and yet felt like a life time away. We were only kids. He was thirteen, I fourteen. Thinking back I couldn't remember if he had actually wanted it or not. All I know is that afterward he smiled at me. And it was a real smile. But now wasn't the time for this. His eyes were wide and frightened like those of a small animal. I withdrew from his lithe form and sighed.
'I'm a monster.' I looked down at him as he returned to hugging himself. A pained looked glassed over his eyes before he released his arms. Slowly he slide off his shirt and sat up on the bed.
"I-is t-this what you w-want?" His entire being trembled as he put two hands on my leg. Shakily he started to slide his black pants off until they hung loosely around his knees. His one blackened arm snaked up around my neck, but he still avoided my gaze. Gently as I could, I put my fingers on his chin and drew his face up to mine. I planted a gentle kiss on his lips and pulled his hand away from me.
"It's not." He let out a desperate sigh of relief at my words and fell back exhaustedly into the bed. "I'll go out and get you some food. Try and rest."
"Ok." He said weakly. Even if I didn't believe it was true, I couldn't bring myself to be that cruel. I left him on the bed as I slipped on my jacket to go to the store. My mind flickered to the sharp knives in my cabinet and I wondered if I should hide them. Without stopping I closed the door behind me.
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend who bleeds is better,
"God dammit Moyashi!" I came back into the apartment to see the pale body sprawled on the floor, a bloodied knife in his hand. Red blood leaked slowly from his small wrists.
"I'm s-sorry…" He whispered feebly. "I needed to… I needed it." His entire body shook and shuddered as he laid the blade down and breathed deeply. "I'm sorry…"
"Tch, good thing I bought more bandages." I began to wrap the white gauze around his scarred and bleeding wrists and then pulled him onto my lap as we sat on the floor.
"Kanda!" The loud landlord banged on my door for the umpteenth time this week. "I'm calling the cops tomorrow! I'm tired of your shit!" Then he was gone.
"Do you need money?" Slivery eyes still dazed from blood loss stared up at me.
"Not from you damn Moyashi." I said as gently as possible.
"I won't go back to Mas- Cross." The words suddenly sounded determined. "I won't have to pay his debts anymore! And, and if I could stay with you, it'd be so much better!" I could only stare into those glittering mercury eyes that sparkled with his last shred of hope. Hope placed in a disgusting druggy like me. What fool. "I'll go to my work! I can collect my pay check early for the week, Miranda won't mind, and then you can pay your rent!" In his excitement he tried to stand only to wobble and fall back to the floor.
"We'll go in a bit."
My friend confessed she passed the test,
And we will never sever,
"The test results came back." Lenalee said quietly into the phone. She was holding back tears. "Oh god Kanda, I'm pregnant." She broke into loud sob through the phone. "Can you pick me up from the center? I can't face Komui right now."
"Was that Lenalee?" The gentle voice next me questioned as we walked from the café he worked at. With the money he had and his pay check we had just enough for rent and a small dinner tonight.
"Yeah."
"How is she?" The innocence in his scarred being confused me. I didn't understand how any bit of light could shine into his words after everything that happened in his life.
"She's pregnant."
"Oh that's… it's!" Hands clad in dingy gloves clapped over his lips in pity.
"It's what she deserves it for being a whore."Day's dawning, skins crawling
The Moyashi scolded me. Like a parent. Like a brother. Like a worried lover.
Day's dawning, skins crawling
Lenalee wept and sobbed. The brat comforted her, but I knew she got what was coming. I was beginning to wonder when my life will catch up with me.
Day's dawning, skins crawling
The sun rises on a new day. This pure morning attempts to redeem us from the sins that stain us. I cannot shake the feeling of my skin crawling with disgust of everything that I am.
Pure morning,
Pure morning,
Pure morning,
[AN: sooo bacsically the rest isn't gonna follow the lyrics… lol sorry.. there just gonna serve as line separators]
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend who'll tease is better,
"See ya later Lenalee!" The white haired kid waved out the door as she left to return home.
"The landlord isn't in right now so I'll pay him later." I grunted and shoved the white envelope of money into my pocket. At the same time my phone buzzed with a text.
{Yu-chan! Can ya cum over? ;P I need sumthin from ya the doors unlocked so cum right in} I read the text from the Usagi. If he needed what I though he did I wasn't about to bring the Moyashi along so I could fuck the rabbit.
{I'll be there in a bit u little whore} I snapped my phone shut and shoved it into my pocket. "I'll be right back, I gotta run a errand for the Baka Usgai."
"Don't come back high." He said flatly. The determination in those slivery eyes hit me like a bullet.
"What the fuck do you care?" I growled, but regretted it as he flinched at my harsh words. "Tch." I fled out the door and out of the complex. In all honesty, I wanted to tell him I was sorry and pull him into my arms, but I could never just do that.
Our thoughts compress,
Which makes us blessed,
And makes for stormy weather,
"Baka Usagi?" I opened the door to his book filled apartment. "Where the fuck are you? I was busy, let's hurry up."
"Over heeeereeeee~" His annoying voice sang. I walked behind one of his shelf where I had seen his flash of red hair. There was no one there.
"Where the fuck-" I felt something connect with my head, then nothing.
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend who bleeds is better,
I awoke on the cold. I slowly opened my eyes to see the darkness of a street alley. The sky was dark and I could tell it was late at night. A sharp pain pierced my skull as I started to lean forward. There was a large bump on the back of my head and there was a small amount of dried blood. I patted my pockets finding that envelope of money to be gone. "FUCK!" I yelled out. My cell phone was still in my pocket and it flashed with two new messages. I read the one from the bastard Usagi first.
{Dude, I'm sorry I had to do that! My dealer was on my ass and was going to send sum thugs on me! Ur lucky u had that money cuz if ya didn't i'd just given you to them! Ill pay ya back! ~3}
"ARGH!" I screamed out again. I had trusted that druggy shit when I knew I shouldn't have. And now I was left in the dirt. 'WE were left in the dirt', I remembered as I thought of the white haired little teen back at my apartment. " Shit!" I clicked the other message as I realized it was from the moyashi.
My friend confessed she passed the test,
And we will never sever,
My heart stopped.
Day's dawning, skins crawling
{to deep} was all the message read. It was from three hours ago.
Day's dawning, skins crawling
So I ran. I ran like my life had mean, purpose. Like there was a reason I was still alive. And that reason was him.
The Moyashi.
My Moyashi.
My Allen.
Day's dawning, skins crawling
"Kanda?" It was the goddamn landlord again. He followed me as I ran down the hall. " Hold the fuck up." I ignored him and ran. Not bothering with my key I kicked the door down.
"Moyashi!"
Pure morning,
A crimson puddle lay on the ground.
Pure morning,
A white body lay motionless in the pool of blood.
Pure morning,
"ALLEN!"
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
My Japanese is better,
I ran over to the pile of white and red shaking it anxiously. "Allen?" My voice sounded foreign and distant. I flipped the body onto its back. No, this wasn't the Moyashi, the body was to cold and still. The eyes were too dull and lifeless. I almost laughed. And I thought he was dead. "Baka." I whispered
And when she's pressed, she will undress,
And then she's boxing clever,
"Holy shit." The landlord's voice invaded my mind. "Is he dead?"
"Tch, he can't die." I tried to sound vicious as usual, but I found my voice to be weak. " No, the Moyashi can never die."
"Kanda," The man was now kneeing next to me. "I think he's dead." His hand moved to toward the body.
"DON'T TOUCH HIM!" I screamed. "No, no he isn't… he can't be…" I found myself muttering like I was trying to convince myself of the fact. I pulled the cold body into my arms and held it closer, waiting to feel his steady heart beat.
He was cold and still.
"I'm sorry Kanda," the landlord said softly. What did he want now? "He's dead." I ignored him and pulled the Moyashi closer so that his head rested comfortably on my shoulder as his arms hung limply at his sides. Something prickled at the edges of my eyes.
"Wake up Moyashi. We need to go see the Usagi, he took your money." My voice murmured. I began to rock back and forth a little, hugging his small form closer to mine. "Come on, baka, let's go." My breathing started to hitch and my chest burned. Hot tears slide down my face like a unfamiliar entity until I could suppress my sobs. "Moyashi," His body was so cold. "Moyashi!" His heart wasn't beating. "ALLEN!"
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend with weed is better,
I screamed in agony at this world that I had come to hate. Trust betrayed and lost. Dead and gone. All people are scum, including myself. I felt everything that existed crumbling around me like a decaying world. Only me and him.
No, not even him. Just his empty shell of a body.
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
A friend who's dressed in leather
I wanted to blame everyone and everything for everyone and everything.
Her fault. His fault.
His death.
All on this pure morning
Oh god I made Lavi such a dick! I LOVE Lavi! He's practically the same person as me! I just don't have an eidetic memory…. I do have photographic memory tho! Hehe this was sad… :)