"Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?"
Not the Queen, that's for sure.
Snow White was still alive, as the mirror informed her. The Queen was one pissed lady. Apparently, the princess had taken refuge with seven dwarfs. So, how could she be sure of this? What was she up against? How protected was Snow White in that environment? The Queen needed more information before she left the safety of her castle and went after the princess. She sent her pet raven to the dwarfs' house to spy on them. Only, the woodland animals noticed the dreadful bird coming and warned Snow White, who quickly hid herself. The raven peered in windows and saw clean, scrubbed, well-kept rooms but no princess. The raven flew back to his mistress with the report. The dwarfs were out and about that day; Snow White saw no reason to tell them about the possible danger she had been in. They always worried about her and she didn't want to start a panic.
"What do you mean she's not there? She must be there, the mirror said so. You didn't look hard enough." The Queen was questioning her nervous raven. Snow White had to be living in the dwarves' home. They were obviously protecting her very well.
The Queen decided to get her hands on the dwarfs themselves. She would force them to give up the princess.
One morning, Snow White was humming happily to herself as she prepared breakfast and coffee. The birds, chipmunks, bunnies, squirrels, and deer were all drawn to her like an irresistible dessert. Her sweet nature and spunk made her enjoyable to spend time with, but she could be somewhat domineering when she wanted to be – always ready with a motherly wag of a finger if a creature (or dwarf) dared to step out of line.
The dwarfs washed up while Snow White was cooking. They made their beds, washed their faces, and brushed their teeth…all without being told! Snow White had been living with them for a week now; she taught them good habits and good manners. Men can't take care of themselves. The dwarfs wondered how they ever got along without the kind princess in their lives. As for Snow White, she had never been happier. What could possibly be more fun than cleaning up after seven old guys and keeping their tummies full while her animal friends pitch in to lighten her work load? It was the best job a princess ever had – being a combination housekeeper, cook, nursemaid, etc. What are women for anyway?
"My dear, be sure to take good care of yourself," Doc said to Snow White, after eating breakfast. He and the other dwarfs were getting ready to leave.
Snow White smiled warmly as she gave him a hug. "Don't worry about me! I'll be just fine. Have fun at work. I'll have dinner ready before you get back."
Doc blushed, grinning stupidly as she wrapped her arms around him. He still trembled with excitement when the beautiful child showed him affection. It made him feel young again.
The dwarfs marched single file out the door; Grumpy stopped to give Snow White another warning.
"Don't do anything stupid while we're gone!" he barked.
Snow White giggled. "Yes, Grumpy."
Truth be told, the grouch was growing quite fond of Snow White but was too set in his ways to let his true feelings show.
"Goodbye, everyone! Bye!" she called, waving to them with a handkerchief.
Meanwhile, the evil Queen was formulating a plan to trap the dwarves. She used magic to create an invisible barricade across the path they had to cross on their way to the diamond mines. She hid nearby in some bushes nearby, wearing a cloak and a veil to cover her face. She sat and waited.
"Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, it's off to work we go…"
The dwarfs sang and whistled as they came strolling down the path, carrying their pickaxes over their shoulders. Dopey was always a few yards behind the others, never able to keep up. Everything was ordinary until they began walking across the log bridge. Doc, who was leading the group, banged into some invisible force. He stumbled backwards and fell onto Grumpy, who fell on Happy, who fell on Sleepy, who fell on Bashful, who fell on Sneezy, who fell on Dopey. They all tumbled backwards and rolled off the log, screaming as they landed in the shallow river below.
Doc stammered, "What the sheck dappened? What the wreck crappened? UGH! I mean, what the heck happened?!"
"You push us, that's what happened! Ya darn fool!" Grumpy shouted, trying to shake the water out of his head.
"I didn't push anybody!" Doc retorted. "You're responsible for this, clumsy!"
"Clumsy?! I don't even know anybody by that name!"
"We never fell off that log before," Happy said.
"I think somethin' went wrong," Sleepy muttered, squeezing the water from his hat.
"This is all Dopey's fault!" Grumpy said, pointing to the confused mute.
"Him? You did this!" Sneezy accused.
"No, you did!" Doc said, splashing in the face.
"I'm telling you, this is Doc's handiwork!" Grumpy insisted.
Doc glared at him. "You button that lip or I'll drag you out of here by that colossal snout of yours!"
"Are you saying I have a big nose?!" Grumpy roared.
"I certainly am!"
"My nose is NOT big!"
"On the contrary, if that nose was between your legs instead of on your face, you'd be the luckiest man in the land!"
Happy was grilling Dopey. "Are you sure this wasn't your fault?"
Dopey backed away nervously, shaking his head vigorously.
While the soaked dwarfs were busy arguing amongst themselves, the Queen poured a magical potion in the water.
The dwarfs suddenly grew weak and sleepy as the fumes wrapped around them, clogging their noses and throats. The stuff smelled of valerian root, vodka, passionflower, and Rip Van Winkle's dirty old socks. It gushed through the water surrounding the dwarves, seeping through their wet clothes and into their skin like a poisonous substance. This potion was to knock them unconscious.
Sleepy was out faster than you could say 'Jiminy Crickets'. The rest of the dwarfs soon followed suit. They keeled over and landed on their backs with a splash.
The Queen grinned evilly from her hiding place.
xXx
"Help! Let us out of here! You can't keep us in here! We've been framed!" Grumpy shouted, his voice echoing off the walls.
The dwarfs woke up to find themselves in a cold, gloomy dungeon. It didn't take them long to guess that the Queen had captured them. They never liked her very much.
The dwarfs were bolted to the wall by their wrists and ankles. Their little bodies were stretched nearly to the maximum, with their hands high over their heads and their feet above the ground.
"She's going to kill us!" Grumpy yelled.
"And then she'll go after Snow White!" Bashful cried.
"Now just stay calm, men. Stay calm," Doc coaxed.
"There sure is a lot of dust in here," Sneezy said as his nose began to tingle.
"What did you say?"
"I said there's a lot of du…du…DAH-UUUUM-PSSSSSSSH!" Sneezy erupted in a ground-shaking sneeze that sent a dust storm across the dungeon.
"Shut up down there!" shouted an angry, female voice.
The dwarfs gasped in unison as the Queen descended the stairs and stepped into the dungeon, locking the door behind her. She glared coldly at the dwarfs.
"You hideous little beasts…who was making that Godforsaken noise?"
"I can't help it…I have hay fever," Sneezy admitted.
"Let us go this instant!" Doc demanded.
"You have no right to keep us here!"
"We want to go home!"
"Don't touch us or you'll be sorry."
Dopey said nothing, naturally. He just frowned and kept silent while the other dwarfs yelled at the Queen.
"Silence! All of you!" she said, after a moment. "I will release you…on one condition. Bring me Snow White. Bring me the fairest in the land. You are free to go once that wench has been disposed of."
"NO! Never!" said Bashful, who was normally very soft-spoken.
"You'll get Snow White over our dead bodies," Grumpy said, defiantly.
"Well, that can be arranged," grumbled the Queen.
"We're not afraid of you," Doc said, glaring.
The Queen smirked. "You will be, when I am through with you." With that, she turned and went back upstairs to gather some things. "I will be right back."
She usually would have a trained torturer deal with the dwarfs, but the under the circumstances she wanted to do the job herself. She collected thumbscrews, pliers, spiked dildos, fire, knives, and boiling oil. She put all these fun things in her tool kit and brought them down to the dungeon. She also wore an apron so the dwarfs' blood wouldn't splatter on her robes.
"I hope you little fucks are ready to sing," she said, evilly. "You are about to experience true Hell."
The dwarfs trembled in terror when they saw the horrible devices the Queen planned to use on them.
"Do any of you have an itch up your rectum that you can't reach? Well, I have just the thing to fix that." The Queen held up the spiked dildo!
"Or maybe you have teeth or fingernails that you'd like to get rid of?" She held up a pair of iron pliers.
"Stay strong, men," Doc whispered to his companions. "We can't let her take Snow White. We can't."
"Perhaps you would enjoy this?" The Queen showed them some hot coals, still glowing red with fiery heat. "This should work splendidly on your feet. I will not show a shred of mercy. These coals will burn your feet right down to the bone!" She laughed wickedly and removed the dwarfs' footwear.
"Get us out of this," Happy whispered to Doc.
"I'm thinking," he replied.
"Think faster."
"Stop talking!" barked the Queen, as she picked up a scolding coal with tongs. She strolled over to Dopey, who was at the end of the line. She smiled sadistically, lowering the coal toward his feet. Dopey's eyes filled with tears. He trembled and shook uncontrollably in fear.
Doc couldn't bear to see the baby of the group be tortured so brutally. "Wait, don't! Not Dopey! Do me first!" he blurted out.
The Queen smirked, turning to Doc with a gleam in her eye. "Oh, what's this? We have a hero in our mist. Very well then, if you want to go first…that's perfectly fine."
The Queen's boots made click sounds on the stone floor as she made her way over to Doc. Her journey took only a few seconds but it seemed much longer. The leader inwardly quivered as he awaited the horrible agony. Suddenly, Doc felt something crawling up his right leg. He looked down and saw a big, black, hairy spider on him. The sensation was light and tingly and uncomfortable. He started twitching, unable to shake off the offending creature. He gritted his teeth and fought the urge to giggle. The spider crawled along his thigh and headed up to his hip.
When the Queen stepped in front of Doc, her evil smirk disappeared and was replaced by confusion. Her intended victim was red-faced and straining, a retarded grin slowly spreading across his face.
"What the hell is your problem?" she demanded.
Doc whimpered a bit, looking down at the spider with pleading eyes. He wished it would go away. He could no longer restrain his giggles. "S-spider…tihihickles!"
The Queen raised an eyebrow. She then noticed the spider crawling and poking its way up the dwarf's side.
"Oh, this is interesting…" The Queen's grin became eviler than ever.
"Get it off!" he squeaked.
The Queen took the spider and crushed it in her hand.
Doc breathed a sigh of relief. However, his torment wasn't over…it was just beginning. The Queen had originally planned to torture the dwarfs with pain, but now she had a different idea.
"So, you're ticklish?" she said, with a dark chuckle.
All the dwarfs fell silent. They were doomed now.
The Queen ran her index finger down Doc's inner arm, causing him shiver and squeal with giggles.
"Heehehehehee! Stop it!" he squealed.
The Queen dragged her finger up and down the length of his exposed arm, but stopped before reaching his armpit. She continued teasing him this way for about a minute. Then it was time for something more intense. She dug her fingers into his underarm and tickled him furiously.
"AHHHAHAHAHAHA DON'T DO THAT!" he yelled, shaking with laughter. He tried to sound angry but failed.
The Queen grinned, tickling down his tummy and legs until she reached his bare feet. Then she stopped and glanced up to smirk at him. Her fingers were positioned right beneath his soles.
Doc gave her a death glare. "Don't even think about it!"
"Don't even think about what?" she asked, innocently.
"Tickling my feet!"
The Queen chuckled. "Now why would I do anything like that?" With that, she began tickling the bottoms of his feet without mercy.
"OH DEAR AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HEEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEE! STOP! STOP THAT!"
The Queen tickled him for a good ten minutes before she stopped. "Let me have Snow White! Tell me where she is!"
Doc panted, glaring hatefully at the wicked woman. "You'll never…ever…take the princess away from us!"
The Queen didn't even reply; she just started tickling his soles again. Doc exploded with laughter, fighting madly against his restraints. He didn't know how much more tickling he could take. But there was no way in hell he would ever reveal Snow White's hiding place. She was a keeper. Nothing could make him talk. At least, he hoped not.
"HEEHEEHEHEEHEHHEHEHEHEE! DAMN YOU HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LEAVE MY FEET ALONE!" he howled, turning bright red in the face.
The Queen tickle tortured him for an hour, but finally accepted defeat. She was unable to get any useful information out of him. She glared at him, angry about being defeated but there was still hope left. After all, there were seven little men at her mercy. Surely, one of them would crack.
She strolled over to the next in line, the fattest and jolliest of the bunch. Maybe she would have better luck with this one.
"Start talking or it's your turn," she said, darkly.
"Well," Happy chuckled. "Tickling, eh?"
"It's childish and ridiculous, I realize that," grumbled the Queen. "But if it gets the job done, so be it. I do not enjoy inflicting pain on anyone."
"Ha, you expect him to believe that?" Grumpy cut in.
"Shut up," barked the Queen.
Happy just kept smiling. He loved tickling and laughing. The idea of tickle torture didn't intimidate him at all.
The Queen glared at him. "What's so amusing?"
"Why, nothing at all," he replied, coolly.
The Queen gave him a skeptical look. She then lowered her hands to his pudgy little feet and began scratching his soles.
Happy didn't even try to resist. He erupted with loud laughter. No protests or begging though…he loved to be tickled.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY HAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA THIS REALLY TIHIHIHICKLES!"
"Just tell me where she is!" shouted the Queen.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LIKE BEING TIHIHIICKLED! HEEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHE IT MAKES ME HAHAHAHAHAHA HAPPY!"
The Queen growled in frustration. She was getting nowhere. It was time to get started on the next dwarf.
Then she walked over to Bashful. She folded her arms and gave him a long, hard stare. He looked very worried. That was a good sign.
"You don't like being tickled, do you?" she asked, as the raven flew over and gave her a long, black feather.
Bashful glared at her. He had a massive crush on Snow White; he would rather die than betray her. Sadly, he also had the most ticklish feet of all the dwarfs.
"Don't touch me with that," he said, looking nervously at the feather. He bit down on his lip and tried to prepare himself for the inevitable tickle attack.
The Queen began rubbing the feather on his naked soles, tickling his helpless feet. Bashful couldn't control himself and started laughing hysterically.
"NOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH NOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOOOOP!"
The Queen said nothing and simply continued tickling. She let the feather glide along the undersides of his toes.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M NOT TELLING! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA OH PLEASE STOHOHOHOHOP!" Bashful wailed, as his eyes filled with tears.
Snow White herself found out about his ticklishness just the other day, much to his embarrassment. She was holding him on her lap and started playing 'this little piggy' with his toes. However, she could barely hold onto his foot because of all his laughing and squirming. The playful princess couldn't resist, and began tickling his soles and toes mercilessly. His hysterical laughs and squeals were utterly adorable. His face turned redder than seemed humanly possible. After the incident, Bashful was subject to much teasing from the other dwarfs. Snow White tickled the other dwarfs sometimes too, but it was usually just a playful poke here and there.
"Come on…tell me everything," said the Queen, as she dragged the long feather between his wiggling toes. She grinned evilly, realizing that he was on the verge of exhaustion after only a few minutes.
"PLEEEEEASE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEHEHEHEHEE NOOOO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I…BEG…MERCY!"
The Queen scoffed at the idea of showing mercy. Instead, she decided to take things up a notch. She tossed the feather aside and began tickling his feet with her long, slender fingers. She scribbled her fingers all over his ticklish soles, digging between his toes every now and then.
Bashful screamed with laughter. He barely breathe, let alone talk. He couldn't tell her anything, even if he wanted to. Tears flew from his eyes and he started having convulsions. His entire face turned its trademark shade of crimson.
As the Queen tickled, her face happened to be at Bashful's groin level. This was a big mistake. The ticklish dwarf lost control of his full bladder and his urine flew out like a shooting star, hitting the Queen right in the face.
"OH! Why, you wretched little bastard!" she roared, falling backwards in shock and disgust. Her face was covered in piss! She hurried upstairs to wash up, angry and humiliated. Yet she had no one to blame but herself.
"Magic mirror on the wall, what have I done to deserve this?"
She was beginning to wish she had followed her first plan and used pain to make the dwarfs talk. But it wasn't too late for that. If she didn't get something out of them soon, she was going to get even meaner.
The ghostly green face stared at her, through its eyeless sockets.
"What should I do now?" she inquired.
"Release the dwarfs. They are of no use to you, my Queen."
She sighed, resting her hands on her throbbing temples. She preferred to just execute the dwarfs and be done with it, but she realized that was not a practical solution.
"Make them forget," said the mirror. "Erase their memories of today. If they forget everything, you can release them and no damage will be done. You may start over, my Queen. You can start fresh."
"Very well...I suppose you are correct," sighed the Queen, as she mixed a potion to erase the day's events from the dwarfs' minds. Creating a magical potion usually took a few minutes, but the Queen wasn't in the mood for that. So, she used an instant formula.
The bubbling, blue cocktail was finished in twenty seconds. Since the Queen didn't have enough to fill seven glasses, she poured it all into one vial and carried it down to the dungeon.
"She's coming back."
"What's that she's holding?"
"It's blue like a violet."
"Please don't mention violets; they make me sneeze."
"SHUT UP! All of you!" Queen roared, sweeping through the dark room and toward the helpless little men.
She showed them the potion. They would each take a sip, or there would be much, much more tickle torture.
The dwarfs had no idea what this drink would do to them. It might even kill them. They refused to taste it, which made the Queen angier. So, she poured the potion down their throats forcibly. When she came to Sneezy, she tickled his nose with a feather for good measure. His sneeze caused a duststorm.
Finally, all the dwarfs had their drinks and they fell into a deep sleep. Upon awaking, they would remember nothing that happened after falling off that log bridge.
The Queen had a few of her lowly henchmen unshackle the dwarfs and carry them back to where they found them. They threw the seven unconscious little bodies into the river, where they lay floating peacefully on their backs.
xXx
Snow White was growing extremely worried. The dwarfs' dinner had been ready for hours. She kept reheating it, but that just made it dry. She lit a candle and set it on the windowsill.
"Oh, where could they be?" she wondered, gazing out the window.
Her woodland animal companions surrounded her, determined to comfort the young princess.
"They should have been home hours ago...you don't suppose something happened to them?"
Snow White couldn't stand anymore waiting around. She picked up the candle, put on her shawl, and went outside to search for her seven friends. The forest animals advised her against it, trying to convince the princess to stay within the safety of the cottage. Snow White knew the dwarfs would be upset with her, but she had to do something.
But before she could take more than a few steps, she saw the seven dwarfs coming! They were finally home and safe at last. Snow White squealed with happiness and ran to greet them. The dwarfs were drowsy, tired, and very confused. The princess asked them questions non-stop, but the dwarfs couldn't provide much of an explanation except that they fell into the river on their way to work and stayed unconscious until nightfall. we're
"Never mind what happened," said the princess. "I'm just glad you're all safe."
Snow White heated some water and gave all the dwarfs a hot bath. Even Grumpy didn't resist much, since he was so drained and cold and tired.
After the hot bath, Snow White brought the seven men upstairs and put them to bed. She usually slept in their beds, but she wanted the dwarfs to sleep comfortably tonight. She had a feeling they had been through a lot.
The End