A/N: Firstly, for those of you who are reading Volte-face, I'm not abandoning my Turks humor fic; instead, I'm going to try (for the first time ever:D) to work on two fics at once. I'm still working on Chapter 11 of Volte-face, and hopefully it should be posted soon. I give no tentative dates, however, because I still need to think up some funny stuff to put in it.

Anyway, as you see, I'm trying my hand at writing something with the rest of the FF7 gang involved, plus one very "special" puppy. I hope you like this one—my sister and I had a good time dreaming up the general plot line. I'd really love reviews, too, to let me know how this story is. :) That being said, read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII. I do own a copy of the game, but not the actual FFVII world itself, nor any of the characters, places, events, etc. Come to think of it, I doubt I'd even be able to prove that I owned the puppy in this story… Oo

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Chapter One: A Definite(ly Wrong) Decision

Vincent had no idea how he got himself into these situations.

He hadn't even intended to sit down—he'd just stopped by Tifa's bar to get her to show him how to change the ringtone on his mobile, since she was the most likely individual to do so without snickering at his lack of general cell phone knowledge.

And the next thing he knew, he was patiently handing Tifa tissues, listening to her mope about her life in general and her relationship with Cloud in particular.

"I mean, it's not like I even expect him to love me back anymore," Tifa sighed for the thousandth time that day, staring glumly down at the counter as she wrung her Kleenex between her hands. "I just wish he'd show some affection now and then. Like, friendly affection, you know?"

"Mmm-hmm." Vincent sighed and wondered to himself how many consecutive hours the average woman could cry before her eyes shriveled up from excessive moisture loss.

"But nooo, he can't do that," Tifa went on, oblivious to Vincent's lack of interest. "He thinks it's cute to be angsty and depressed constantly. You know what? It's not cute! It's annoying!" She threw her tissue at the floor in disgust.

Vincent handed her a fresh tissue. "Do you think you could show me how to change my ringtone now?" he asked quietly, hoping that she'd agree without thinking so he could force her to change the subject.

Tifa's eyes widened. "Excuse me?" she said pointedly, giving Vincent a glare that could melt steel.

And people think I'm scary, Vincent thought dryly as he fished around in his mind for some kind of retribution. "I said…ah…perhaps you should try finding another object to focus your affections on," he lied.

"Oh, yeah," Tifa answered sarcastically. "I should just go out and date someone else."

Vincent uncertainly agreed. "Yes. You're wasting your time on Cloud."

"I'm wasting my time on all men, Vincent!" Tifa replied in exasperation.

"I wasn't necessarily talking about dating," Vincent explained. "If all you're really looking for is attention and affection, why not get a pet? They're not nearly as difficult as certain individuals we both know."

Tifa looked thoughtful. "A pet…" she repeated slowly. "Like a dog, maybe. Something that would return all the love I gave it, and help me get my mind off Cloud…and kids like pets, so I wouldn't have to worry about Marlene being jealous. In fact, she could play with the puppy while I worked!" Her face lit up in a smile. "Vincent, you're a genius!" Tifa exclaimed, back to her normal sunny self.

"I try," Vincent replied. "Now about my phone—"

Tifa snatched Vincent's mobile from his grasp and quickly pushed a few buttons. "There," she announced, as the cell phone emitted a brief segment of high-pitched, perky music. "It's done."

Vincent frowned. "Was that chirpy song my new ringtone?" he asked with a frown.

"Uh-huh," Tifa agreed. "Cute, isn't it? That's what Yuffie and I both have as our ringtone. It's so cheerful!"

"I hate it," Vincent replied. "It's worse than the first."

"Don't be so grumpy, Vincent," Tifa said with a grin. "At least it's different! It might even grow on you after a while!"

"Yes, grow on me," Vincent answered. "Like some kind of mold," he added under his breath.

Tifa nodded. "That's the spirit! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get to the pet store before Barret brings Marlene back. I can't wait to see what kind of puppies they have!" she added brightly, hurrying out the door.

Vincent looked glumly down at his phone. As if on cue, it rang. The shrill beedle-beedle-deet of his new girly ringtone hurt his ears. He stuffed his phone into a pocket. "I should've just gone to the mobile store."

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"So…you're looking for a dog?" the pet store clerk asked, drumming her electric blue nails on the counter.

"A puppy," Tifa clarified. "Not a fully grown dog. I looked at the ones in the little pen just inside the door, but they're all so cute! I couldn't pick one on my own, so I was hoping you could tell me something about their personalities."

"Okay…" The clerk sighed. "What exactly are you looking for?"

"Something sweet and very affectionate," Tifa answered promptly. "A puppy that loves its owner unconditionally and completely, more than anything else. And…if it could have blonde fur, that'd be a plus," she added as an after thought. Of course, Cloud would probably be really annoyed if I did name the puppy after him…like I care, she thought with a smirk.

The store clerk had a strange expression on her face. "Actually, I think I know just the dog for you," she told Tifa. "Let me check with the owner for a second."

"Take your time," Tifa replied, shrugging. Maybe if it's a big, grumpy black puppy, I can name it Barret, she mused to herself. Or if it's a mopey black puppy, I could call it Vincent…or I could get a hairless dog and call it Rude. She smiled at that thought.

The owner and clerk reappeared through a doorway, both wearing slightly too cheerful expressions, as if they were trying to hide something. "So, you want a very devoted, very affectionate puppy," the owner addressed Tifa, smiling brightly.

"Yes," she agreed. "Do you have any dogs like that?"

"Let me ask you a few questions first," the pet store owner replied, keeping his very-cheerful smile pasted on his face. "Do you have a spouse or significant other?"

Tifa frowned. "Well, no…" What does that have to do with buying a puppy? she wondered to herself.

"What about any children?" he persisted. "Are you a mother?"

"Well…no, not technically," Tifa answered, feeling more bewildered than before.

"Any brothers or sisters? Nieces or nephews? Are your parents still alive?" he pressed.

"No, okay?!" Tifa snapped. "I'm alone! I'm very much alone, and that's why I wanted the stupid dog! Are you going to sell me one, or not?"

"Calm down," the clerk soothed Tifa. "We just wanted to see if you were…um…suited for a very special puppy we have in mind."

"And you are! Congratulations! We'll go fetch her," the owner said, his smile seeming genuine for the first time.

The owner and clerk disappeared into the back of the store, then reappeared a moment later. Between them, they carried what looked like a heavy metal cage, with thick bars. Two heavy padlocks held the door securely fastened to the front of the cage. "Here we are!" the clerk announced cheerily, thumping the cage down onto the counter. "Our very special puppy!"

Tifa's brows went up. "Kind of heavy security for a puppy, isn't it?" she asked.

"We, ah…wanted to make sure it didn't escape by accident and get lost," the owner replied unconvincingly as he undid the locks on the cage. "Here you go!" he announced, gingerly opening the door.

Tifa peered inside the cage. Inside was a small white puppy, curled in a ball in one corner as if asleep. As if sensing her gaze, it lifted its head and stared back at her. Its eyes gleamed red in the shadowy dimness of the cage interior.

"Hi, puppy," Tifa said in a gentle voice, smiling. "Would you like to go home with me?"

The dog wagged its tail and got to its feet, then wandered over toward Tifa. The owner and clerk drew back as it neared the door. "Ooh, an albino puppy!" she cooed, carefully picking up the tiny dog and cradling it in her arms. "You are special, aren't you?" She glanced up at the store owner. "It looks like a Shih Tzu," Tifa commented. "Is it?"

"A female Shih Tzu, yes," the owner answered with a somewhat nervous smile. "And I have good news for you! Since you're our 100th customer this year, you get your puppy for free!"

"Really?" Tifa said with a grin. "That's great!" She lifted the puppy to eye level and smiled at it. "I think I'll name you Angel," she informed the little white dog. "Is that okay with you?" The dog yipped in agreement, wagging its tail furiously.

"We're so glad we could help you! Have a nice day!" the clerk said brightly, walking to the door and holding it open for Tifa.

Tifa smiled at the clerk and owner as she walked out. "Thank you," she called over her shoulder. "What weird people," she added in an undertone to Angel. "I bet you're glad to get out of there, huh?"

After Tifa had left, the clerk turned to the owner with a frown. "She seemed like a nice girl," the clerk commented. "Don't you feel a little guilty, pushing that…that…that thing off on her like that?"

"What? No, no," the owner said dismissively, shutting the cage door and re-locking it. "After all, she said she was alone, right? And it never bothers its owner."

"True…" the clerk agreed, somewhat uncertainly.

"If she doesn't have any one around for the dog to…ah…to 'target', we'll say, then she and her puppy should be very happy together," the owner finished. "So, since she's alone, she'll do just fine."

The clerk sighed. "I guess you're right. What's the worst that could happen?"

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Chapter Two Preview (The Bra Incident—Angel Meets Rude):
Angel gets left alone at home when Tifa has to make a trip to the grocery store…and decides to make her own entertainment. To say more would be to ruin the plot. ;)

Please review :)