It was the night before my wedding for Godric Gryffindor's sake! How could I possibly be having thoughts and worries of this bloody nature?
Everything was ready. Everything was prepared. The feast, the flowers, the seating chart, the priest- everything was accounted for. I even made James walk through the bloody ceremony at least three times. And I mean the entire ceremony. Although, I hardly doubt he minded practicing the kissing part…
There was, however, one minor detail that simply could not be overlooked; one that could in no way of Merlin's baggy pants be practiced either. This was one thing I hadn't ever studied or even thought to research, although every girl in their right mind would be curious about: sex.
Sure James and I have gotten intimate, I mean how could you not- having a Messer of a boyfriend like him? But we have never, under any circumstances, resorted to the taking off of clothes and romping about in bed- or anywhere at that. We were both virgins as far as I could be sure and even if he didn't always want to be.
I now found myself dazed and deep in thought as to how it would all exactly happen. Maybe he wouldn't even want to sleep with me… Oh rubbish. I think James has made it quite plain through innuendos and implications that he is ready to shed the almost prude lifestyle that has been forced upon him with me.
So sex was going to happen. It was inevitable. Unavoidable. But what would it be like? Immediately my head was flooded with a bounty of quite frankly, ridiculous but valid questions in regards to the occasion. 'Will he strip me or will I have to strip him?' He would have to strip me, I decided. He was the man, and he's the one who has been implying he would like to see me naked for the past countless months. 'Top or Bottom?' He would be on top, I concluded. There was no way that I would have the nerve to put his "you know what" in my "you know where" the first time. 'Will it hurt?' Ah, this was the biggest question that I did not have an answer for. Surely it would. OH MERLIN IT'S GOING TO HURT LIKE A F—
"Ohhhh Lily Flower!" a voice that unmistakably belonged to Sirius sang as the door to the guest bedroom of the Potter Mansion in which I was currently residing flew open.
"What is it Black?" I rang back at him in the old, bitter tone I used to use on him back at Hogwarts.
"What's got your wand in a knot Easter Blossom?" He demanded, plopping down on the foot of the bed I was sitting in. I sighed.
"Sorry." I muttered. I grabbed a pillow from behind me and hugged it to my chest, before looking up at him hesitantly.
"You aren't getting cold feet are you Evans?" Sirius asked suspiciously. I flung myself up a little straighter and my sleepy eyes opened up to their full circumference.
"NO! Of course I'm not! Even you should know better than that Padfoot!"
Sirius chuckled and sighed himself. "He's rubbing off on you, you know."
I grimaced at the words "rubbing off" immediately correlating them with my current sex-related situation. "Sod off." Was all I could say, throwing the pillow at him.
"See? I swear, Evans, you get a little more like him every day." I couldn't help but smile a little. If someone had told me just a few years ago that I was like James Potter I would have hexed them into the Victorian Era; but now I didn't mind so much. There wasn't much that I wouldn't give to have the same care-free euphoria that James Potter had. I bet he wasn't going delirious over having sex with his bride to be…
"What's bothering you Lily?" Sirius asked me. Sure, Sirius was a mess maker and sure, he often over mined his personal pleasure above safety and the feelings of others; but I had to admit- Sirius Black had a caring side that I of very few people have gotten the privilege to see. If I ever had a doubt as to why James was best friends with Sirius before, it vanished in the instance Sirius asked about my well being- obvious concern shimmering in his usually mischievous eyes.
All I could focus on in that moment was a particularly interesting piece of fuzz on the cotton comforter of the bed that I started to pick at with my thumb and index finger. I shrugged my shoulders at him and he raised a dark eyebrow at me.
"You know, for someone who always has something to say about everything, you are seemingly quiet when it comes to your feelings." Sirius suggested. That prat. He was quite insightful when he applied himself, I myself couldn't even deny that. We just sat in silence for a minute, the only sound being the picking and plucking of my hands on the comforter. "Are you sick?" He asked me suddenly. I shook my head. No, I wasn't sick. "Nervous?" He wondered aloud. I nodded slowly. "Blimey Lily, what's there to be nervous about? We've gone through the blasted ceremony like a hundred times! Not to mention you made Remus take inventory of all the supplies twice as many times!"
I didn't know what to say. Was I really going to resort to talking to Sirius Bloody Black about this of all people? He'd make fun of me for sure. Wouldn't he?
"Well… It's just that… I'm not nervous about the wedding… I'm nervous about the wedding night…" I closed my eyes then and crossed my fingers; waiting for him to start harassing me.
"I don't under—" He started, and then his eyes grew wide and he threw his head back before barking in laughter like the god awful dog he is. "You're nervous about having sex with James?"
"Apparently." I muttered. "If you would do me the kindness of sparing me any additional humiliation by not telling him or anyone that, it would be greatly appreciated; thank you." I told him, sticking my chin up and looking away from him. Suddenly Sirius actually looked serious.
I was especially surprised when he took my hand. "Lily, I would never tell anyone that. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of people get nervous before their first time." He assured me, that former sincerity flashing over his eyes once again.
"Well you laughed." I argued, though not pulling away from him.
"I just think that James is the one who should be nervous that he won't live up to expectations." Sirius said as-a-matter-of-factly with a chuckle in his voice. Now, I quickly retrieved my hand from him and folded my arms across my chest.
"What expectations exactly?" I demanded. I could feel the expression on my face, the one that James found terrifying. At least I know he was afraid of it, even if he laughed at me when I did it. My left eyebrow was raised, my eyes were narrowed, and my lips pursed into a sort of pucker. It didn't seem to affect Sirius at all.
"You know, the expectations that every girl at Hogwarts had for him. He has a reputation you know. Every bleeding lass at school said he's good in bed… or the broom closet." He added with a wink.
"SO JAMES ISN'T A VIRGIN?" I nearly shouted, my face becoming very hot. Sirius slapped his palm against his forehead and sighed.
"Of course James is a virgin, Evans! My God, could you please keep up? James wouldn't even look at another girl besides you, let alone have sex with one. Girls at Hogwarts just have their stories about him. They all wanted a romp with him. Plenty of girls would lie that they slept with him to make me jealous." I raised my eyebrows and laughed out loud at that last part. He put his hands up as if surrendering. "Alright, alright. I appreciate your confidence in me, really Evans I do. But honestly girls would like to have at it with me, and I swear James is a virgin." That last part was all that I needed to be truthful, and all that I needed to hear.
"Are you a virgin?" I asked before I could stop the words from escaping my wicked mouth. Sirius bit on his lower lip but didn't take his eyes off of mine.
"No."
"When did you lose it? Your virginity." I wondered. He looked away from me now, to one of the corners in the very tall ceiling.
"February of Sixth Year." He didn't say anything else following that. I thought he wasn't going to tell me anymore until he suddenly continued. He still wouldn't look at me but nevertheless he went on, "And don't you go thinking it was one of those cheesy Valentine's Day love making sessions, because it wasn't. It was a brooding blizzard outside and she was complaining about how she didn't want to go out into the cold and the wet… so we stayed inside." He reasoned almost to himself.
"Was she the only—"
"And I had sex with probably three more girls after that. I'm not a man whore; it's just that after I lost my virginity I didn't see the point in containing myself." Was he finished? I didn't even know at this point. "I lost virginities. I took virginities. It's just been a mess of virginities, Evans."
"You only get one virginity, Black." I said trying not to laugh.
"Exactly." He replied. Then we were silent again.
"I guess I don't really unders—"
"I like having sex you know. I really do. It's just that ever since you and James started being all disgusting and lovey and snuggly with each other, I sometimes wonder if I'm doing this right. Oh hell with it, I know I'm doing it wrong. And you know what? That's just who I am. I do things wrong, and that's okay with me. The point is, your first time with James is going to be so much better than my first time because you two actually love each other and it will be a thing that you share because you haven't done it with anyone else." He started biting on his lip again. Blimey, what I would give to know and understand what goes through that tosser's mind.
"So your sex isn't good?" And at that he slowly turned to look at me, that smug side grin that so suited Sirius Black fastened to his face.
"My sex is brilliant. I'm just trying to make you feel better." I shook my head at him, absolutely bewildered by it all.
"Sirius?"
"What is it Evans?" He responded in a very feminine voice, with, no doubt, the ultimate goal of imitating me. I was too shy and embarrassed by what I was about to say next to contort him in any way for mocking me.
"Does it hurt?" Then suddenly a full blown smile- white teeth and all- spread evenly across his face.
"Well the girls I've been with have made lots of noises, but I hear that's more pleasure than pain…" I snarled and hit him as hard as I could in the arm.
"OUCH." He whined rubbing his bicep. "Okay, fine. Let's put it this way Lils: If sex hurt so badly, or wasn't fun, or wasn't good, why would everyone be so obsessed with having it?" He had answered my question with a question. God dammit Sirius Black had some cleverness about him. It was in that moment that I had never been so proud to call him my friend. "And you know that James would never hurt you." He finished. I nodded. I actually nodded and I actually understood.
"You really are the best man you know." I told him. He grinned sheepishly at me. "But don't you dare let that go to your fat head." I said quickly. He nodded and barked in laughter again.
"You mean my gorgeous head." He corrected me. I shoved his knee and couldn't help but laugh at his ridiculousness.
"What's going on in here?" a low, but loud voice asked from the bedroom door frame. It was none other than my messy haired, spectacled husband to be, himself.
"I was just telling your mate, Black, here not to make too much love to himself." I replied with that spunk I always tried to have when James was around. James smiled widely at me, and then at Sirius.
"She's right you know, Padfoot. Too much wanking isn't good for anyone." James informed him.
"We all know that there's no such thing as too much wanking, and you can bugger off Prongs!" Sirius snapped back while trying to dodge James messing up his curtain of dark hair. "NOT THE HAIR PRONGS! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE HAIR?" He exclaimed. James merely chuckled and turned to kiss me on the cheek.
"Mum's got some supper downstairs." He informed me. I nodded at him and couldn't help but grin at Sirius.
And as I walked out of the room with James, I swear that I saw our dog of a friend give me the slightest wink of an eye…
