Snape sighed. He felt exhausted but he couldn't sleep. Not that night anyway. The war had ended the night before and the following dawn had brought by all the guilt and remorse he had been repressing during the previous months.
He was a murderer no matter what people said. He had killed a man and even if had been fulfilling Dumbledore's whishes he felt dirty and rotten on the inside.
He closed his eyes and tried to let go of his emotions. He wanted to cry, to collapse on the floor and let his tears flow freely but he soon found out that he couldn't. Tears were no part of his nature anymore.He was strong man. A fucking cold-hearted strong man.
A knock on his front door distracted him from his thoughts. Slightly annoyed he went to check who it was. As he opened the door, shock almost overtook him. Narcissa Malfoy was standing there, wrapped in nothing but a white muggle dress.
"Narcissa what the hell..?"
"Can I come in? please.."
Severus looked at her. She was pale, even paler than usual and thin. He really didn't feel like talking at the moment but he realized he couldn't let her down. They had been friends once and even if things had changed he couldn't bring himself to bid her good night and close the door. So he moved aside and let her step into his living room. He shut the door behind her back and genntly led her to his sofa. She sat down, still looking at him with pleading eyes.
He sighed " Tell me what's wrong Narcissa"
"I- I feel dirty" She whispered " I-I killed them, all of them, I'm a murderer"
Severus opened his mouth. He was about to tell her that she had done the right thing trying to protect her son from Lucius and Bella, that it was thanks to her that her son was still alive, that she had played an important role in defeating the dark lord but all of a sudden he stopped. He realized that words couldn't help her like they couldn't make him feel better.Instead he asked her one small question
"What can I do?"
she looked at him, slightly surprised. She had come to him just to hear a friendly voice, or at least a familiar voice. The war had been devastating and, apart from her son, Severus was the only person she knew who was still alive.She was well aware that she had hurt him once, cutting teir close friendship just because " it wasn't appropriate for a married woman of her social status to have a male best friend". She had therefore expected him to be polite and understanding as he always was with his acquaintances, to reassure her, to explain to her why things had to be the way they were, and nothing more. But his question had caught her off guard.
While she was trying to figure out an answer she remembered a day during her final year at hogwarts. She was running and Snape was chasing her across the school grounds. Her feet hurt but she really felt happy. There was no Lucius yet, no marks, no exams, no Bella. It was only her and her best friend.He made her feel good even if she wasn't perfect, he made her feel free. While the memory slowly disappeared from her mind she realized how much she had missed him all those years and she found her answer.
"Can we be friends again?"
Snape blinked. He felt that a soft spot had been touched in his heart. He didn't know what to do. He missed Narcissa a great deal. Yet he couldn't forget how much he had suffered when he had felt her slipping away from him after her marriage, chasing Lucius and his mad ideals. But then it had been years ago. He had done things far worse than that. Yes he coludn't forget what she had done but looking into his heart he found that he could forgive her. He leaned forward and hugged her.
"Cissy" he whispered into his hears and in calling her friend by her old nickname he felt something moving inside him. A lump rose in his throat and he felt tears started rolling down his cheeks. He was no longer Snape the strong man,he was not an innocent man either. But with his Cissy beside him he felt he could be a better person or at leat a human being.
