I can't believe she left. She was my everything but I obviously meant nothing to her. I was, correction am, broken. I have been for a long time. It started when I was ten. I remember every detail like it was yesterday. The day where i would no longer call Warren Michell my "daddy."
There was screaming downstairs. Dishes were being shattered.
"You son of a bitch," my mom was screaming, "You cheating no good dirty bastard."
There was the slam of the door and my "father" was gone.
I remember I started to hurt myself after that. It started with a quick snap of a rubber band on my wrist but soon evolved into more. It became so bad that I was cutting every night. One night, my broken mom found me with blood staining my sheets. She made me go to therapy and I still do to this day.
"And how are you doing today, Miss. Mitchell?" my therapists begins.
"I don't have to indulge you with personal facts," I quickly respond.
"Of course not. Let's try a different approach because this one is obviously isn't working. Why don't we try writing or even drawing what you are feeling. You don't have to share these with me but you need an outlet."
"That sounds like something I could do."
I used write and even draw occasionally. My normal pictures were of bumble bees because even though they are small and seem insignificant, they work hard and make something out of their work.
I remember the day I met her. It was July 27, 2013 It was a Saturday.
I was walking out the book store then BAM. The door swung open and smacked me on the face. I was about to flip of the culprit but then i met her eyes. They were bright blue and beautiful.
"Shit! I'm so sorry," She said after she recovered from shock, "I'm Chloe, and you are?"
"Beca," I replied, "I know this sounds weird, but are you free tonight?"
"Just so happens I am."
"How does 6 at Bernies sound?"
"Its a date."
A month later, Chloe was looking to become a permanent fixture in my life. She was the reason I started to believe in love again. After my parents divorce, I put walls up. She broke through them, but it was as scary as hell. I started to become distant and wanted to break things off but she quickly changed my mind.
I started to ignore her. All texts were not answer and the calls were ignored. She eventually cornered me in the same bookstore we met. Ironic right. I had already told her of my parents messy divorce and my problems trusting people. She didn't run. She made me a promise that fateful day in August.
"Beca Mitchell, you have been ignoring me, but I think I know why. You have problems trusting people, yet here I am. I promise you Becs, I will never leave you. You are mine as I am yours. I know you have problems trusting people but I'm different. I would never do that to you.
The sad thing is, I believed you. I haven't written in days and decided that i would try to lessen the pain of missing you.
Promise
You made me a promise,
But that was in August.
You promised to never let me go.
That was so long ago.
I yearn for the days where we would sit and talk.
But its still a shock
Because you don't pay attention to me anymore.
"I'll never do that," you swore.
Empty promises are all you leave behind
Or maybe they were never there and I was just blind.
You left memories too,
Some good and some bad, but all of them remind me of you.
Reminders you ignore me now.
Take a bow.
You tricked me into thinking you actually cared about me.
You act as if I'm a pest, just a simple buzzing be.
Funny thing, I used to love bees.
Now, they make me weak in the knees.
I mark an enveloped with her name, Choe. Then I drag the blade across the lines I haven't made in years. The only difference, the cuts are so much deeper like the emotional wounds I had.
