DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hey Arnold! or the song Shimmer by Fuel.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was published a long time ago, but i recently decided to rewrite the whole thing and make it longer and um, well, better. The ending's still more or less the same, but this version gives you a bigger glimpse into the character's thoughts and everything else is much more detailed. It's a one shot story, so if you aren't satisfied with the ending, I'll just leave the rest up to your own imagination. :D
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Helga bid goodbye as she and Phoebe parted ways after school. They had grown apart in their senior year, eventually moving on to join different groups with different interests. Helga was now part of the drama club, and it had given her even less time to spend with her "best", albeit distant, friend. Phoebe, in the meantime, had immersed herself in Japan and its culture and soon made plans to move to the country right after graduation. Helga hated the idea, partly because she couldn't handle life without her "sidekick" back in Hillwood, but mostly because she wanted to escape the town and her life there just as badly. While Phoebe was going to Japan's State University, Helga had yet to receive an acceptance letter from any college that she applied to. In truth, she was mildly jealous of Phoebe, but as much as it pained her to do so, tried her best to feign happiness for the girl. Phoebe was still her best friend, after all.
Her feelings for a certain "football-head" (as she liked to call him) had changed as well, or so she thought. They had become friends after the whole "save the neighborhood" incident with FTi and she already managed to convince herself ever since freshman year that her love for him was nothing more than a little crush blown way out of proportion. But even as she told herself all these things over and over again, she still couldn't deny the fact that her heart began to beat faster as she saw him in the distance.
-Shimmer-
she calls me from the cold
just when I was low, feeling short of stable
all that she intends, all she keeps inside
isn't on the label
"Hey" she greeted him quietly, sitting down beside him under the big oak tree in the middle of the park. It was 5:00 in the afternoon but the sun was still relatively high; it's golden light reflecting off the leaves that shaded the couple. Arnold raised his hand slowly, acknowledging Helga's presence, but other than that, he did nothing. He didn't even look up.
The silence was deafening and Helga began to shift uncomfortably on the grass. She wanted to say something to lighten the mood, but she didn't know what.
"So... what's up with you, Arnold? Why are you so down in the dumps lately?" She asked hesitantly. She wasn't expecting a reply, and if he didn't answer her again, she told herself that she would just get up right there and leave him alone. This time, however, the young boy finally lifted his head up and faced her.
She turned to him as well, expecting to see his usual smile and hear one of his cheerful yet indifferent replies that she knew so well (the ones she kind of hated because she wanted him to actually talk to her and not just answer her questions), but what she actually saw and heard surprised her greatly instead.
"Helga," Arnold managed to say after a long pause. He had clenched his hand into a fist and Helga couldn't help but notice that the more he spoke, the tighter his fist became.
"Have you ever been in love?"
Silence hung in the air again like a thick blanket before Helga began to realize that he had actually said what she thought she heard.
"Have I- what, do you think I'm crazy, football-head??" She retorted sharply. One look at Arnold's face however, made her stop talking immediately. She began to bite her lip in frustration. Yeah, he said something that totally caught her off-guard, but what she had said afterward had been more out of habit than out of shock.
"I'm sorry." She apologized quickly. "I really meant to say... yes. Yes, I have been in love." she said softly, her eyes never looking up from the ground. Arnold stared at her, completely surprised. Sure, he had asked her a very important question right out of the blue, but never did he imagine that she would answer him back with such honesty and sincerity. What's more, her answer had been a yes.
she says she's ashamed
can she take me for awhile?
and can I be a friend
we'll forget the past but maybe I'm not able
"Helga," Arnold muttered hesitantly, turning sideways to face her. Helga finally looked up at him, her eyes longing for him to say something more. Arnold sighed.
"This is something that's been bothering me for a really long time already..." he began.
".. and I feel like I'm going to explode if I continue to keep these thoughts
and feelings locked up inside of me!"
Helga didn't move. She could feel her heart beating faster and faster. He had asked her if she had ever been in love, and now she was sure that he was telling her about the exact same feelings he too had kept faithfully inside his heart. It was obviously a confession about love, and even though she knew that it probably wasn't about her, she couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, she had been wrong about that one little detail.
"Okay, I have to say it." Arnold said, choosing his words carefully.
"Helga, I-"
'til I break at the bend
we're here and now, but will we ever be again?
cause I have found, all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade away, again
"I'm in love with her, Helga. I know I must be really stupid to try and entertain feelings for someone who clearly doesn't see me as anything more than a friend, but I don't care. I'm content with just a small shard of hope that someday, she'd allow me to love her like this, and that she'd love me back just the same." Arnold said, his brow furrowing as he talked.
"Lately, I've been thinking about telling her my true feelings, seeing as we're about to graduate from high school and all. But the more I think about it, the more it seems completely ridiculous and pointless. First of all, I wouldn't want to destroy the relationship that we have right now. Second of all, she obviously doesn't feel the same way about me, and if ever she did, we'd be going to different colleges in 2 different states, making it impossible to have a regular relationship." he paused shortly, before continuing. "I guess I'm just in need of advice, Helga. What should I do?" Arnold asked longingly, turning to his blonde companion. Helga looked at him calmly and smiled. It was a sad smile.
"You know Arnold, sometimes you're just too serious for your own good."
"Huh?"
she dreams a champagne dream
strawberry surprise, pink linen on white paper
lavender and cream, fields of butterflies
reality escapes her
"It isn't good to complicate your life with things like that just yet..." Helga said, pausing for a moment before shaking her head.
"...not like what I did." she stated, turning her gaze up at the sky. The pale blue color relaxed her eyes and helped stop the tears from welling up within them. Even though Arnold's confession was something that she had expected, it still hurt like hell when she actually heard it. She wanted so desperately to laugh at her own stupidity for thinking, even for a millisecond, that it could be her. But at the same time she wanted to cry her heart out because it clearly wasn't. Helga sighed, making sure that her voice was stable enough before continuing. "You see Arnold, if you keep obsessing about it too much, you'll just end up hurting yourself even more in the long run."
Arnold didn't say anything. They both sat in silence for a few minutes, before Helga promptly reached into her bag and brought out a small packet of peanuts.
"All this thinking has made me hungry." She said, popping a few of them into her mouth. She stopped soon after with her hand extended towards him, the packet of nuts still firmly held in it.
"Want one?"
she says that love, is for fools that fall behind
and I'm somewhere between
I never really know, a killer from a savior
"No thanks." Arnold said, politely declining her offer. But he instantly regretted it once he saw a small frown appear on Helga's face. It only lasted for a brief moment and had disappeared right after he blinked, but he still felt bad all the same.
"Suit yourself." the blonde girl shrugged, pulling her hand away. She finished the food quickly and crumpled the packet before tossing it onto the ground. Arnold opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again soon after. He didn't think it was the right time to start arguing about the importance of keeping the planet clean and green just yet. Helga however, had already seen his reaction out of the corner of her eye and immediately picked up the piece of plastic which she then placed inside her bag once again.
"Alright. I won't litter." she said simply. She turned to him soon afterward and Arnold could see just by looking at her deep blue eyes that something was troubling her.
"Arnold..."
"What is it, Helga?" Arnold asked. "Please tell me. You already took time to listen to me and my problems. The least I could do is hear you out on yours." He continued, giving her a small smile. Helga looked at him seriously for a few seconds before she burst out in laughter.
"W-what's wrong?" Arnold asked, clearly surprised by her reaction. Helga continued laughing some more, wiping some tears out of her eyes in the process.
"I-i'm sorry Arnold." She began, finally calming herself down. "It's just that you were being really serious again, and I--no. My problem isn't something you'd wanna hear... and I don't think I can--sorry, I don't think I should tell you anyway."
"Oh..." said Arnold, turning away from her in disappointment. Helga saw this and sighed, placing her hand lightly on his shoulder.
"If it really bothers you that much though, I think you should tell her." Helga said, her gaze never leaving Arnold's face. "Even if she doesn't feel the same way about you, you wouldn't have to hide your true feelings for her anymore…"
"…and I know that what I'm about to say next is totally cliche, but regardless of that, I think you really need to hear it. Here goes-" she paused, making a face before continuing.
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." She stated, sighing deeply. "Don't be a coward, Arnold... don't be like me."
Arnold placed his hand on top of hers, finding comfort in her warmth. Helga could feel herself blush at the unexpected contact and quickly pulled away, leaving Arnold's hand on his own shoulder. Something about what she said and the way she said it made him want to hug her out of immense gratitude, but he resisted. Regardless of what just happened, she was still Helga G. Pataki and she would kill him if ever he even tried to do so. He smiled to himself before setting his hand back onto his lap. The sun had already disappeared behind a small building, and it had begun to get dark.
and I break at the bend
"Look Arnold, I gotta go now before Big Bob kills me." Helga said, slowly rising to her feet. She picked up her bag as well, and quickly slung it over her shoulder before patting the dust off her light pink skirt. She looked at Arnold for the last time that day, and soon found herself on the verge of tears again.
"If Lila's as smart as everyone says she is, then I'd see no reason for her not to love you back." Helga blurted out. She turned away immediately after the words escaped her lips, just in time to stop him from seeing the tears that had already fallen onto her face.
"Why? Why am I still crying?" she thought bitterly, gritting her teeth in the process. She should've already been over him years ago, but she wasn't. And she only had herself to blame.
"Helga?"
Arnold looked at the blonde pensively, still a bit confused as to why she out of all people had been the one to reach out to him and give him the right amount of push that he needed in order to actually do something about his problem. He had never considered them as "close", with their newly established friendship right after the "FTi incident" being more of a "civil" one rather than a "real" one. But even though the whole thing was new to him, he wasn't complaining. He had enjoyed her company very much that afternoon, and he soon found a strange sense of melancholy wash over him once he realized that in a few more months, they would probably never see each other again.
we're here and now but will we ever be again?
cause I have found all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
away, again
"W-what is it?" Helga replied, trying to make her voice sound as calm as possible. She hadn't turned back to face him, but Arnold had already stood up and was now looking straight at her from behind. He didn't know what had happened. All he knew was that he suddenly found himself overcome by a very strong desire to call her back and stop her from leaving. He found himself wanting more and more to tell her that maybe she was the one who could make him forget about Lila. That way, he could fall for her instead. Her words had given him hope about love, and if she was willing enough to let him into her life, he could probably do the same for her as well. But even as he opened his mouth to tell her all these things, he hesitated, and before he knew it, the feeling had left him just as quickly and unexpectedly as it had found him. He sighed, closing his eyes.
"No, its nothing." Arnold said finally, sitting back down on the grass. At first, Helga just stood there without moving. But after a few more minutes of silence, she finally nodded her head slowly and began to walk once more. He watched her quietly, knowing full well that he had just willingly let her walk out of his life again, maybe even for good this time.
"Thank you, Helga." He whispered as he leaned back against the tree. The sky was dark now, and the first star of the night had already appeared high above the moon. He smiled sadly as he began to replay what had just happened over and over again in his mind.
too far away for me to hold, too far away
"Guess I'll let it go."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked the story. Please review if you have the time. :D
