Burning Butterflies

Chapter One

Die-Ary Page

Information: You read a lot of slashes on fanfiction, where the character telling the story is in love with the best friend and so on. Well in this particular category, it's most of the time Stan and Kyle. Well, you don't read a lot where the character telling the story is the one being loved. Let's put another twist, shall we? What happens when this character doesn't return the feelings? In this story, the character is Kyle Brofloski; this is his story. This is his die-ary entry and he'll tell us who he is and what we'll expect as this story goes on.

Die-Ary First Entry

I'm Kyle, the little Jew who coined the insult "You basterd!" for years. I wore that orange coat and green hat when I was a kid, my trademark I guess; the hat I still wear to this day (it hid my red curls when I was a kid and for good reasons). I'm the kid that had the bitch of a mom but got pissed if anyone said she was. I was that kid with the high grades in school but liked to play sports...except baseball. I'm the kid who got that awful negroplastic surgery. I was the kid who was attached to the hip of Stan Marsh. I was the kid who got every Jewish joke thrown at him by his "friend" Eric Cartman. I was that kid and other various things I don't feel like mentioning. Then again, that is the past...I wonder what the fuck happened...

If you took a look at me now, I'm so much different than when I was eight. Then again, I am seventeen so there are obvious changes. My hair straightened out over the years so I'm not a curly headed kid...thank God. I dyed the bottom half of my hair black a random day...the main reason was to piss off my mother. I have my ears gauged and I have an eyebrow and lip piercing. The swelling went down only a week ago...I got so much shyt about having a fat lip it was so annoying...oh well.

I have been playing the guitar for almost five years. My guitar is black with blue lightning painted on the bottom. It's my baby...I'm very obsessed with it. I tried to skate but I can't do it for shit...I can barely walk without tripping. I guess I'm still good at school but my friends say I don't have enough common sense to fill a toy car...I guess that's bad. They don't give me credit; I do have it I just don't feel like using it some days. I think I have an ON and OFF switch and it's usually OFF. I write stories some days, but most of them are about some guy going insane...I mean who in their right mind makes up a character just so they have a mental problem and is never happy? (1)

I draw some stuff, I'm okay but what would I know? Kenny asked me to draw an anime chick from some show on this poster in his room for five bucks. You wonder why, I mean she looks like she has M's! Oh well, he's the pervert of the group. People think of me as the a little fuckin' prodigy because I am not a drooling imbecile. I do get bored with one thing and I went to another, I can't ever keep to one project. I say I do all these things but I won't do it for months. So, really I stick to one thing for maybe a couple weeks and then go to something else. T'yeah, some prodigy...

Mom tried to take me to a doctor to get my head examined. She says I'm too inattentive for my age. The prick said I had ADD, but then again I don't believe South Park's medical staff. I'm supposed to take these pills to keep me focus but I usually forget, defeat the whole purpose, ne? She also took me to a shrink because "I'm going to turn into a satanic dog eater if I don't stop" or some other bullshit reason. The one question the doc asked stuck with me.

"Are you happy with this way of life you chose?" I look at her and stared. "Are you happy with your choice?" I asked her. "Kyle, I ask the ques-" but I cut her off. "No, you think that I'm weird or deranged or disturbed or some other bullshit reason just because I like alternative music, dress weird in your eyes, or other reason. Christ, you thought I was suicidal because my mother told you I wrote morbid stories! I am not an animal to stare at; can I not walk out of my house without being ridiculed? I am a person and you have no right to judge if my lifestyle is worse than yours."

I was asked to leave the office after that...

I was playing with my pocketknife the other day during gym class...I was suspended for a day. Then a rumor started that I was a cutter. That died when I confronted the kid who started it and his head met locker. Despite that rumor I'm pretty well liked around school and I really don't have a problem with anyone. I don't want to exclude myself from the rest of the kids just because I like different things, which are what the Goths are for...they really don't have any other purpose.

Okay, let's talk about the guys. I've been writing so much about me you would think I'm inartistic...maybe I am. Stan is the typical American All-star quarterback, the typical perfect girlfriend, the typical life. He was the first to object to my "change" if I may use that word. He thought I was going to hang out with the Goth kids but to his surprise I stuck with the group. I was at first pissed off that he would care but I got over it...I can understand, he thought he was losing his best friend. Other than that he's a cool guy. He's a bit of a push over and a people pleaser...most would abuse that...and they do. His girlfriend whips the kid and takes advantage of his kindness. Some day I wish he'll stick up for himself...but that's where I come in...

Girls love him and guys wanna be him and blah blah fucking blah. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the kid, he's still my best friend after all. That doesn't mean I can't take him down a peg or two...since his ego is as big as Godzilla. He's a good friend though; he has never put our friendship second when it came to Wendy or basically anything. There are just things we don't have in common, like I don't care about sport statistics and he don't care for which guitarist is the best soloist...but don't get me started on that...

Cartman...no matter how you dress him he's still an asshole. He's still heavy set but not too much like when we were kids. He writes for the high school paper, The Cow's Bull-itan. The only thing that's remotely interesting is Cartman's "factual information" about the people in the school. Last week it was all about how the principal was a hermaphadite. He still harasses me about being Jewish but his new thing is calling me Goth or EmoSkater or some other bullshit. I have my insults...and then I have my head spinners and sarcasm and other ways to fuck with the dumbass's head.

Kenny is...still Kenny except he doesn't die to put lame in terms. We've become better friends in high school when he got himself a bass and started to listen to a lot of metal. We usually go to my house and play random songs. It's a popular belief that Kenny is bi-sexual, but that's because we joke around. He "acts gay" with Cartman to get him pissed. Kenny is cool; he's just gets a lot of sex in and likes certain things people would frown upon. My mom hates him; she says he's a bad influence and he's the reason I've changed. Bullshit, I "changed" before Kenny got into metal so how did that happen? She just wants a reason to hate him, and I can't stand her for that.

Now... the subject of girls...

I've been dating off an on with different girls for about a year now. I don't like to be tied down so having a steady girlfriend isn't my top priority. I don't just dump girls because I get bored or I can't have sex with them, I know it's rare but I'm not an asshole. I'm the one that's usually the problem...they just can't stand my...quirks. Some girls don't like the fact I don't want sex until I'm ready...but go figure. My last girlfriend was this guitarist from a band up in North Park. We were together for about five months, my longest relationship. I found out that she was lesbian and she was cheating on me with her drummer. Well, isn't that a shot in the heel? Here's a piece of our conversation:

"Kyle, we need to talk about something..."

"Okay, what's up, babe?"

"Kyle, I'm gay...I've decided to be with Cherie..."

"What!"

"I hope you can understand...are you okay with this?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, I just found out my girlfriend rather hump a dyke than be with me because I'm obviously not giving her satisfaction but noOo I'm okay!"

"You're such a fuckin' asshole! You're blowing it out of proportion!"

"My dear, you're the asshole here..."

She got pissed with me, but fuck her. Kenny got a laugh out of it, that's for sure. His answer to that was "Well that's what you get for not fucking her stupid...she turns dyke on you!" Stan tried to reassure me that he knew that she looked butch to him so I shouldn't feel too bad...was that supposed to make me feel better I'll never know. Despite that incident I don't have problems on getting girls. It's just the ones I get are usually not what I expected. I guess I'll never get a grip on dating or girls in general.

Despite popular belief I am not gay...

That was a rumor in eighth grade because I didn't kiss girls. First of all, all the girls were bitches and second of all I don't just hook up for hooking up sakes. When high school rolled around, that's when I started meeting girls. At first, I didn't mind if a gay kid would come up for my number because I admit that I would joke around with the guys about that. Then, it just got to the point on where I was being harassed by the every flamer in Colorado! Maybe it's the fact I want to date girls but I attract more guys...someone help me!

God, I wrote a lot in this journal thing. I guess I just never get out my feelings in any other way but writing something. My parents are too busy with their perfect son and their lives. I tried to talk to my dad about my band I'm starting but he just shooed me out of his study because he said it was nonsense. I want to beat them in the fucking skull! Ike is perfect with the perfect grades and the perfect manners and the perfect charm...he even has the perfect girlfriend! He doesn't even think of me as an older brother...just wasted skin...I can't stand it...

I ran away and stayed over Stan's house for the weekend before his parents called mine. While I was there we stayed up till five AM just talking. He would talk about Wendy and I would play my guitar. Honestly, I can't stand the girl. She's the number one in our class and she thinks her shyt don't stink. (I could've put this paragraph up where I wrote about Stan but I'm bad at staying on topic) She doesn't like the fact Stan is still my friend. She tried so many times for him to ditch me...even go to the extreme on making up stories that I cheated with her. It's quite amusing... in a bitchy sort of way...

It's Sunday so pretty soon I gotta start playing some chords before bed. Kenny may come over with his bass or maybe I'll stay over his house for the night. His parents got a divorce...finally...and now him and his brother live with his mom. She moved into a nicer house a couple streets down and his dad now lives in some cruddy apartment out in Denver. He doesn't ever see him, only to get booze or porn tapes. Kenny says that just one day his dad hit him so hard he had to go to the hospital while his mom was out and that did it. Kevin always asks why they don't see him and Kenny hit him upside his head...stupid, stupid Kevin...heh.

I may or may not write in this again, it will depend on if I remember. Maybe I should start taking those pills...nah. Well, I guess I say goodbye or whatever. I'll leave you with my half finished song...I'm thinking of playing it when all the bands of Colorado do Battle of the Bands. That way, she can hear it...It's called DLD (Dirty Lil' Dyke)...aren't I the vengeful type?

I thought I loved you

You meant the whole world to me

I would've given you anything desired

But then you broke my heart

By turning into a little queer...

Refrain

Imagine my surprise

When you come to realise

You've turn the girl you loved

Into a dirty little dyke

Just because there's no sex

Refrain

You're a dirty lil dyke

Who ripped out my tender heart

You rather hump a butch

Than be with me

You dirty lil' dyke

(Not the most... articulate of songs I've composed...)

End of Chapter I

HDM: Note I do NOT have a problem with any lesbian or gays (since I do throw so many innuendos that would be hypocrisy in itself) so I don't want to see any hate mail. Okay...yeah this isn't a typical romance because he (as you've read) is straight...so let's see how this kid will deal...

(1) That last sentence was a shot at me...hehehe...because I have a tendency to do that...